Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (50 page)

“Don’t you see, Sugar,” I say, my voice cracking. “You have to come back to me, because I’ll be nothing without you. You hold my heart in your hands. Please don’t crush it. Please don’t leave me.”

I drop my head back to the bed and let the pain wash over me. I jerk my head up when the steady beeping on the monitor turns to one long beep. I look at Chris and then to the monitor beside me and see the straight line across the screen.

“No, no, no! Jesus, no!” I yell. “Chris!”

I shoot up from the chair and hit the nurse call button. I lean over her and shout, “Help! Someone help!”

Unashamed tears pour down my face. Clutching her hand, I bend down until my forehead meets hers.

“Please, Chris,” I cry. “Please, baby. You can’t leave. I can’t do this without you. Please, God. You have to fight, Chris. You have to come back to me.” I beg and plead with her, trying everything to convince her that this is where she belongs. “Don’t you fucking dare do this!” I shout the last.

A couple of nurses and a doctor come rushing in. A nurse shoves me out of the way. I barely stop the snarl and the fight to get back to her. I watch helplessly as the doctor barks orders to the nurses. They move quickly.

I bring my hands to the top of my head and lace my fingers together. My chest pumps heavily as the doctor starts compressions on Chris’s chest. He does this several times, before one of the nurses places a bag valve mask over her mouth and pushes air into her lungs. They do this over and over again.

My knees become weak at the constant long beep that says her heart still isn’t working. I fall back against the wall and sink down to my ass with my knees drawn to my chest. My elbows are on my knees, and I grab handfuls of hair and yank at the strands. The long beep pierces my ears, driving me out of my goddamn head. I want to block the noise, but I don’t want to miss it if it starts a rhythm.

I barely register Mia, Jase, and Andrew rushing into the room. Mia comes to my side and gets down on her knees beside me. She tries to bring my head to her chest, but I don’t let her, worried it’ll block out the noise. She settles for wrapping her arms around my shoulders. She’s crying, but I can’t comfort her. All of my concentration is on the fucking constant beep that’s not changing.

Chris

I’m lying back in a beautiful field filled with yellow flowers. The sun shines on my face, but it doesn’t blind me. I look down at the silky green strapless dress I’m wearing. It feels good against my skin. Closing my eyes, I let the warmth of the sun wash over me and breathe in the sweet floral smell. Birds chirp in the distance, and I smile at the relaxing sound. I grab one of the flowers and feel the soft petals between my fingers.

A noise off to my left brings me out of my blissful state. I look over and see the silhouette of someone walking toward me. The sun is behind the person so I can’t tell who it is. I sit up and slowly get to my feet as the person gets closer. I can tell it’s a woman from the way she gracefully walks and the dress that floats behind her in soft waves.

For some reason I’m not surprised when I realize the woman is Anna. I’ve only seen her in pictures, but they don’t do her justice. She’s stunning. Her thick blonde hair falls over her shoulders and lies right above her chest. Her tanned skin is flawless. She has high cheekbones. Her gorgeous blue eyes watch me as she stops a few feet away. She smiles prettily, and I can’t help but smile back at her.

“Hello, Chris. I’m so glad to meet you.” Her voice is soft and innocent.

“Hello, Anna.”

She shows no reaction to me knowing who she is.

“It’s beautiful here. What is this place?” I ask and look around again at the gorgeous field.

“This is where you’ll stay if you decide to not go back,” she says.

I look back at her in confusion. “What do you mean? Go back where?”

I don’t want to leave this place. It’s perfect here. It’s warm and safe.

“You know where, Chris.”

I shake my head. “I don’t—” I start, but then stop when I hear murmurs.

I look around trying to find the voice. It’s familiar and it sounds sad. I don’t like that it sounds sad. It causes my chest to hurt. Anna follows me as I look for the voice. I have this uncontrollable need to find it. The murmurs get louder so I know I’m getting closer. All of a sudden, my surroundings change. My field of flowers doesn’t disappear, just dims some, almost like it fades a little. I’m still in the field, but I’m also in what looks like a hospital room.

The voice is stronger, and I whirl around.

“…you mean everything to me. I don’t care for you a little bit, because I love you with everything I have in me. And you don’t have just some of my love, you have every single ounce I have to give.”

My brows pull down into a frown when I see Nick sitting in a chair, hunched over a figure in a bed. I step closer to see who it is, and suck in a shocked breath when I see me lying there.

Memories slam into me, and I stagger back a step. Anna lays her hand on my arm to steady me. I turn to look at her and see she’s watching the scene in front of us unfold with tears in her eyes. I look back as Nick professes his love for me.

“You once told me that love was endless, that we all had enough to give it to anyone we choose. You were right, Sugar. But you were also wrong. I’ll always love Anna. The love we had was special. But my love for you is different than the love I have for her. My love for you is so much more. And it will only ever be yours. It runs all the way to my soul and fills every fiber of my being. It fills every gap and crevice until I’m completely consumed by it.”

I’m shocked at his words. The pain of our last moments together rob me of breath. He walked out after telling me he didn’t care for me.

Why is he saying he loves me when he told me he didn’t? And why is he crying over my still form?

“Because he does love you, Chris. And he’s scared,” Anna says. I don’t know if I spoke out loud or if she’s able to read my mind in this place.

“The question was written all over your face,” she says, confirming she can read my mind.

She laughs softly before her face sobers.

“Do you see it, Chris?”

“See what?” I ask, still confused by everything that’s going on.

I look back as people rush into the hospital room. Nick is shoved back. He stumbles back into a wall and slides down, clutching his hair as the people work on me. The utter devastation on his face has my hands going to my chest to try to relieve the searing pain stabbing at my heart. Tears drip freely from his eyes as he watches the doctor pump on my chest.

“Do you see how much he needs you?” Anna whispers at my side. “Do you see how you’re meant to be back there with him and not in this place?”

I shake my head morosely and turn away from Nick, unable to watch anymore, not daring to believe the words he’s saying or what I’m witnessing. “He’ll never get over losing you. He’ll never love me like he loves you. It hurts too much, knowing I’ll never be good enough for him.”

She takes my hand into hers. It’s soft and warm.

“You’re right. He’ll never love you like he loved me. He’ll love you more fiercely.” I shake my head again, ready to protest. I desperately wish that could be true, but I know it can’t be.

“He already does. It’s you, Chris. It’s you who’s meant to be with him, not me. He wasn’t broken when I left, merely damaged. You healed him because you’re the only one who could. He needs you to breathe. He needs you to keep his heart beating. And he needs you to live. If you leave, he’ll break and never recover. It’s only you who can bring him back and make him whole again.”

Her words send such a fierce hope through me. I want to believe Anna so much. I look back at Nick and see Mia with her arms around his shoulders rocking him gently. His pain-filled eyes are still locked on the bed where my body is. Could it be true? Can I take the chance of getting hurt again? I’ve been hurt by him so many times. I wouldn’t survive it again.

“Trust me. Go back to him. Give him the life and love he deserves. You both deserve,” Anna says gently.

“I’m scared,” I whisper.

“It’s okay to be scared,” she responds tenderly. “But don’t let fear take something away that could be spectacular and wondrous. If given the chance, Nick will love you beyond anything you’ve ever imagined.”

I turn back to Anna, stunned again at her beauty. Her eyes plead with me to take a chance. I look back at Nick again. He looks broken, like his life is coming to an end. His eyes stay trained on me, desperate, like he’s begging anyone and everyone who’ll listen to bring me back. As scared as I am at the thought of being hurt again, there’s no way I can’t take that risk. I need Nick as much as he needs me. Hearing his words and watching him cry violently over the thought of losing me, the ruined look in his eyes, proves he does love me.

The realization of that gives me an intense feeling of euphoria. I give Anna a smile so big my cheeks hurt.

“I want to go back!” I tell her impatiently. Now that I understand where I need to be, with Nick, by his side, I’m anxious. I want to tell him I love him and hear him say it back to me. I want to feel his arms wrapped around me as he holds me. I want to breathe in his scent and taste his skin. I want to hear his laughter and see his eyes light up with mirth.

Anna’s own smile is big, her eyes watery with tears. I know they’re happy tears.

I hug her and whisper in her ear, “I’m so sorry for what happened to you, but thank you for giving him to me.”

She pulls back. A tear trickles down her face as she cups my cheek.

“Thank you as well. For taking care of him. Love him hard for me.”

“I will. Always.”

Nick

I jerk upright when the constant beep on the monitor changes. It stops, then seconds later it beeps again, and then again, and again. I furiously wipe my eyes and quickly climb to my feet, but have to put my hands on my knees when a wave of dizziness hits me. My eyes stayed glued on Chris though.

“We have a heartbeat!” The doctor says loudly.

Relief like I’ve never felt before hits me. My legs become weak, and I have to lean back against the wall so I don’t fall back on my ass.

“Thank God,” I hear Mia whisper beside me.

I look over at her and grab her in my arms. Over her shoulder I see Andrew has his arms wrapped around Jase from behind. He has tears falling from his eyes, but there’s a look of hope on his face as well. I look back at Chris while the doctors check her over. They stay huddled around her for several minutes, making sure her heart stays pumping.

I watch in amazement as Chris’s hand starts to move. My heart fucking soars with that small movement.

“Chris,” the doctor calls, leaning over her. “Can you hear me?”

I get as close to the bed as I can. I don’t know when so many people came in here, but it’s now crowded.

The doctor turns his head and puts his ear close to Chris’s mouth, like she’s whispering something. I can’t see her that well because people keep getting in my way. I want to knock the shit out of them, but that probably would end with me out in the hallway. There’s no way that’s happening. I still haven’t seen her eyes and it’s killing me. The only thing keeping me sane is the rhythmic sound coming from the monitor.

The doctor’s eyes meet mine and he gives me a small smile.

“He’s right here,” he says and brings his eyes back to her. “Let me check a couple things first and then you can see him, okay?” He pulls his head back and for the first time since I left her four nights ago, I see her beautiful green eyes. I release a painful breath of air when they meet mine. Another tear falls down my face.

Her gaze holds mine as the doctor asks her a few questions. Her voice is a scratchy whisper as she answers. I wait impatiently at the end of the bed for him to finish, only just suppressing the urge to push him out of my way.

Fucking finally, he turns to me. “Don’t keep her up. She needs to rest,” he says sternly and then turns back to Chris. “I’ll be back in a little bit to explain a few things.”

He pats her hand and then turns and walks away, taking a few of the nurses with him. One stays behind and continues writing notes on Chris’s chart.