Awakened Desires (43 page)

I sat up. “Fuck…,” I moaned. “I’m coming,” I grumbled, feeling angry that I was going to have to deal with Mitch on my own. I licked my lips and wiped my face with my sleeve, trying to get rid of any evidence of what I had just done.

As the dust cloud began to settle, I saw Mitch’s outline ahead of me. The high was kicking in fast and furious. For a moment, the earth felt like it shifted. Then I realized I had tripped over a large chunk of road in my path. Without thinking, I inhaled deeply. Instantly, my throat and lungs burned with dirt and dust, causing me to face-plant into the pile of debris. My high disappeared in a snap.

“Gunther!” Mitch called out again. I began crawling over all of the bits and pieces of bodies. My coughing was fierce and it tore at my throat, which now felt as if it were on fire and full of grit. Mitch found me and pulled me out of the settling dust cloud. “Where’s Reid?” He looked around.

“Gone,” I choked out. Then I began coughing so much that I gagged. “Shit, I need water.”

“Let’s get you to the truck.” Mitch grabbed me by my arm and practically dragged me back. He swung open the driver’s door and I hoisted myself in.

My lungs felt like they were tearing into tiny pieces every time I labored to suck in a breath, and my eyes were tearing up from all of the coughing. When Mitch put a bottle of water in my hand, I opened it and poured half of it over my face, trying to get rid of some of the dust and debris. I was finally able to open my eyes, only to see cracks in the windshield.

“Fuck me,” I mumbled between jagged breaths.

Mitch jumped in the passenger side. “What the fuck is going on?” It was a rhetorical question, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“I don’t know, genius, but we need to get the fuck out of here.”

“Are we leaving his body?”

“He was missing a leg and he had a huge hole in his abdomen.” A violent cough burst from my lungs. “He was alive when I got to him, but he begged me to end it… I snapped his neck.”

“What?!” Mitch was stunned. “Maybe we could have brought him back for Levi to look at him!”

“Did you even hear me, arseface?” I continued to cough between words. “Huge…fucking…hole.” The coughing was pissing me off so, like any man would do, I punched the dash. “Damn it!” I growled. “He was missing a leg. There was no saving him. He begged me. I couldn’t let him suffer.”

“Damn. Shannon’s going to freak.”

“Yeah.” I kept taking small sips of water. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Hoping the truck would start, I jammed the key in the ignition and turned it. The truck roared to life. “Thank you,” I whispered to no one.

“Do you think they’re okay?” he asked in a strained tone.

“I hope so.” I didn’t waste another second. I threw the truck into reverse and spun it around, then jammed it into drive and floored it. Mitch looked at me like he was rather impressed by my finesse even while my breathing was compromised.

“This is fucking crazy, man.” Mitch shook his head in disbelief.

“Welcome to my world.” Mitch looked at me as if he was rather intrigued, but completely confused.

Quinn lay in the bed, trying to rest like Gunther instructed her. She couldn’t keep her mind off of him, though, and needed to keep busy or her mind would wander to places it shouldn’t. Josie came back into the bedroom after spending a few unwanted minutes with Eve. She was lying next to Quinn, reading a book. “I can’t lie here any longer,” Quinn said, sitting up.

“Why? Are you uncomfortable?” Josie set her book down, ready to help Quinn if she needed it.

“No. I need to keep busy.”

“But…”

“I’m fine,” Quinn snipped. “There has to be some sort of busy work.”

Josie sighed. She knew if something happened to her, Gunther would flip out. As if she could control Quinn. She left the room, leaving Josie behind.

“Quinn. Shouldn’t you be…?” Levi began as she walked through the common area.

“No, I’m fine. I need to find something to do.” She began looking around the tiny shack. The walls were closing in on her. “I need to go outside or something.”

Quinn headed straight for the door, but Eve stepped in front of her. “I don’t think so.”

“Get out of my way.” Quinn was angry that Eve would even try to stop her.

“Gunther wants you to rest, so you should rest,” Eve said. “I don’t want to endure his wrath if something happens to you.”

“I have to do
something
! I can’t just sit here and worry!” Quinn grabbed Eve’s arm and pulled her away from the door.

Eve threw her arms up. “She’s all yours, Josie.”

Quinn stormed outside. “Great,” Josie said unenthusiastically. She dreaded the moment Gunther would roll up out front and see Quinn doing whatever she felt like in order not to think about the possible impending doom lingering in the air.

When Josie went out the door, she saw Quinn picking up twigs and fallen branches. They already had plenty of wood for the fireplace but, like she said, she needed something to do. Before Josie could say a word, Quinn barked, “Don’t even try it, Josie!”

“I wasn’t,” Josie muttered, an air of annoyance in her voice. “I was coming out here to get some fresh air, as well.” Josie sat down at the base of the tree near where Quinn was wandering around.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take my worry out on you.” Quinn decided to sit down next to her. She was exhausted and had a pretty significant headache, but she didn’t want Josie to know that.

“It’s okay. I understand that you’re worried.” Josie was pulling up long strands of grass, mindlessly weaving them in and out of her tiny fingers.

“I can’t help but worry, Josie. There is so much I need to worry about. Between keeping Gunther healthy and keeping him mentally in check, I almost wonder if I have bitten off more than I can chew.” She slapped her hand over her mouth, shocked at her own words.

They lingered in her mind, dancing in dizzying circles, making her pull in a hard breath. It was a confession she did not expect to make, then Quinn put her face in her hands.

“Momma Quinn, please don’t do this to yourself.” Josie wrapped her arm around her shoulders.

“Have you ever truly been in love, Josie?”

“I can’t say that I have. I have had one relationship, but he moved away after only a few months.” Josie was worried she would regret what she was about to ask, but Quinn’s confession made her feel it was necessary. “Do you regret getting involved with Gunther?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“The entire time we’ve been together, this is the most emotional I have seen you. You are always so strong and resilient. Now you seem like you can barely hold it together.”

Quinn was silent for several minutes. “You are wise beyond your years.” There was another long pause, then Quinn decided to confess everything. She was young, but she seemed to be able to discuss issues in a mature manner. She inhaled. “James and I lived separate lives. He worked all the time and was hardly home during waking hours. The last couple of years, I resented him for it. When we first were dating, the way Gunther is with me now was how it was with James. He doted on me, all his attention was on me. He treated me like I was the only thing that mattered in his life. Then we married. I desperately wanted a child right away, but it took a few years.

“While we were trying to get pregnant, he started a new job. He quickly moved up through the ranks, and by the time Carrie was two, he was the CEO. I learned to live as Carrie and me—not James, Carrie, and me.” She paused again. Quinn needed to take a breath or two to push down her emotions.

Seeing how upset the confession was making her, Josie reached out and held her hand. “We don’t have to talk about this because it’s making you upset. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“No. I need to get it out. It has been eating at me for years.” She cleared her throat. “Carrie and I did everything alone. James never attended Carrie’s recitals or soccer games or even her performances at school. I will readily admit, the paycheck he brought home was nice and he was never stingy with it. We had everything we needed and then some. To the outside world, it was a grand life—nice home, nice cars. We looked successful but, deep down, I was so lonely. I would try to get James to take a vacation, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t. He was married to that job more than he was married to me.

“I missed the days when he made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world. Gunther makes me feel that way
.
He has been trying to make me his far longer than you originally noticed. At first, I was completely against it. He was just a guy who saved me. James had to be coming back. I always thought he would come back to us…to me,” she whispered. “I noticed Gunther was looking at me more and talking to me more. He wanted to talk about things and life, not just the issues with this virus. He laughed with me and he was so gentle when he touched me. His touch makes me feel alive again, like I am deserving and worthy of being touched. And it’s not just because I’m there next to him in bed. It’s because he wants to, not because he has to.”

“Are you in love with the
idea
of having someone who would do those things and make you feel good again, or are you in love with
him
?”

Quinn didn’t even need to think about it. “With him.” Her voice hitched. “I’m so in love with him, Josie. I love the man he is becoming, not the scared little boy that is trapped in a man’s body. He isn’t who he’s programmed to be. He is vulnerable, delicate, loving, protective… Sometimes a little over-protective.” Quinn smiled shyly and rubbed her head where it had hit the stone fireplace.

“How can you say he’s delicate?” Josie sounded a little angry with Quinn’s statement. “Have you forgotten all that he has done to you and everyone else?”

“That wasn’t him. You have to understand. All the things he has done wasn’t him. He doesn’t show you what he shows me. You remember the day he tore out of the shack? That’s the real him. Remorseful, full of dread and sorrow for what he did. It’s the program that was beaten into him with fists and fear. If you strip all of that away, he is so loving, docile, and gentle. And incredibly hot.”

Josie chose to ignore her last admission. “Do you think he will ever be deprogrammed?”

“I don’t know. His entire life has been about the program. He was, literally, bred for it. It’s so sad. He never had a proper upbringing. He never had proper parents. He has never had or felt proper love until now, and it scares the hell out of him. Imagine being in your forties and the only emotions you’ve ever felt were fear and sadness. Then you discover yourself and realize that you can feel and give a variety of emotions. It’s obviously overwhelming for him. The only ‘love’ he ever experienced was all of his one-night stands and that was just plain old fucking.” Josie turned beet red. “Sorry, but it’s true. He has never had a woman, until now, who wants nothing more than to spend time with him. They only ever wanted the money in his pocket, or what was in his pants.” Quinn blushed at her own statement. “Every person that ever placed themselves in his life all had purpose, but only for themselves. No one was ever interested in the man. They were only interested in what he could do for them or give them. He has been used and abused his entire life. It’s so sad. He is
so
broken, Josie. So very broken.”

“I know,” she whispered sadly. “You have said a lot, but you haven’t said whether or not you regret this relationship. I’m just going to ask straight out. Are you with him because you want to take care of him and try to fix him?”

“I want to take care of him and I want to fix him, but I understand he will always be broken no matter what. I want what he has offered me so far. He has so much potential and so much to give. It’s not going to be easy seeing as he’s sick and in this world right now… Who knows what’s going to happen.”

As if on cue, a plane flew over their heads, the earth shaking from the first explosion. Quinn and Josie jumped up and ran to the door just as Levi was opening it to investigate. “Was that a plane and…and a bomb?” he asked in a drawn out voice.

“Yes!” Quinn yelled.

Another plane went over and another explosion shook them to the core. The shack felt like it shifted on its already unstable foundation. They could smell something burning, and could see the plumes of smoke rolling up into the atmosphere. The planes and explosions continued for the next several minutes.

All any of them could think about was were the men okay?

Quinn had taken vigil at the grimy window draped with moth-eaten curtains. Time seemed to have stopped. Every bomb pushed Quinn closer and closer to the edge of insanity. She chewed on her thumbnail mindlessly. Her knees where trembling and her breath was catching at every pull in her throat. She felt gentle hands on both her arms.

“I’m thinking we should pack up and leave,” Eve said.

Quinn turned around. “Are you out of your goddamned mind?”

“We seem to be in the impact zone, Quinn!”

“What are we supposed to do? Walk out there and hope for the best? I am
not
going anywhere until Gunther walks back in through that door!” She aggressively pointed at the sorry excuse for a front door.

“My
husband
, not some little egotistical fuck toy, is out there, too!”

Quinn’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “You have some fucking nerve,” she growled as she stepped up to Eve, nose-to-nose. “He’s much more to me than you would or could
ever
understand seeing as your husband is a gutless pig!”

“Don’t you think I know who he is? I’m not pleased with his behavior, but I love him dearly. I’m not just getting boned by him on a daily basis for a little tension release in this fucked up life we now live!”

Just a day ago, Eve was wondering why she was even married to such swine, but now that she realized he may be in danger or dead, her heart ached for his presence by her side.

“You have no idea what our relationship is about! He is much more to me than an amazing lay. So shut your goddamned mouth before I shut it for you. If you want to leave, no one is stopping you. I would rather die here waiting for Gunther than go out there and walk into a herd!”

“We are in danger here!”

“As we are everywhere else! Open your goddamned eyes, you idiot!” Quinn had a point and she knew it was a point well-taken because Eve shut her mouth and walked away.

Shannon, Janny, and Levi were huddled in the corner. The fear was radiating off of them. They feared the explosions happening outside
and
the explosions happening inside.

“I don’t understand this.” Josie’s voice was shaking. “How are there so many planes? We only heard the one before. There must be government or military in place somewhere. Why wouldn’t they be looking for survivors?”

“Wake up, Josie! They don’t fucking care!” Eve yelled. “They’re just going to bomb everything until there is nothing left but ashes. We are on our own.”

“Don’t you dare yell at her!” Quinn came to her defense. She was wound up tightly and wasn’t going to allow Eve to take anything out on Josie. “If you have yelling to do, you direct it at me.”

“It’s okay.” Josie grabbed Quinn’s hand. “I can handle it.”

“She has no right yelling at you.”

“I’m sorry,” Eve surrendered, taking a deep breath. “I’m just worried.”

Quinn was on the verge of responding when she heard the truck pull up and skid to a stop. “Gunther…” She ran to the window. She saw him laying back in the driver’s seat. “Gunther!” She threw open the door and ran out to the truck, Shannon and Eve following.

Mitch jumped out and ran to Eve. Quinn grabbed the handle of the driver’s door and yanked it open. Gunther looked completely spent. Shannon ran around the truck, looking for Reid.