Awakening (5 page)

“Do you think we can put this whole marriage thing on the back burner for a little while?  I guess this whole near death experience thing has made me want to enjoy things as they come.  I just don’t want to rush.  I want to get to know myself again because I feel like my entire world is slipping out from under me.  Does that make sense?”  I pray he can understand and not be upset with me. 

Looking at me like I just kicked his puppy, I feel even worse that I did an hour ago, if that’s even possible.  Surprisingly, he responds with something I wasn’t anticipating and it knocked the wind out of me.

“Did Skylar tell you about Melissa?”

Head. Is. Spinning.

“No, who is Melissa?”  I have no room to be upset with him but I can’t help the instant pang of jealousy. 
Did he cheat on me?  When I was near death?  Did I mean so little to him?
  My mind is running in so many different directions, I have to sit on the bed to keep from falling over. 

“A girl I met while you were in a coma.  She was visiting her grandfather and we ran into each other a few times,” Danny says, looking at the ground, the walls, the ceiling.  Basically anywhere but my eyes.

“What the hell is going on?  What the fuck am I missing?”  This is so out of character for Danny.  In the last four years, I have never questioned his fidelity and he’s never given me a reason to do so.  Even with my feelings for Skylar, I haven’t done anything to make him question me.  This is so out of left field, I don’t even know where to begin my train of thought.

I move from the closet to the foot of the bed, begging him with my eyes to tell me what’s going on.  I’m at a point where I know I’m going to combust soon.  There are too many questions running through my mind and so much doubt in regards to his love for me, where there was none before.  I should be happy.  I should be praying for the worst case scenario. 
Am I getting a way out?
 

“You’re not missing anything, Mira.  I didn’t do anything.  I met her about three weeks after the accident.  She was very kind and sweet.  We talked and she was helping me understand what I would be dealing with if you woke up. 
When you woke up
.  I was losing hope.  The doctors weren’t giving me anything positive to go on,” Danny begs me to understand.   He runs his hands through his hair and looks panicked, like he’s getting ready to drop a bomb.  “I just developed a bond with her.  Skylar thought it was inappropriate and I asked him not to say anything to you, until I could talk to you, that’s it.  I just thought he told you, since you’re all about putting our life on hold.”

I’m shocked more than anything.  I know that I should be feeling relieved because of this new information about this Melissa person.  I really don’t know if I’m more hurt by Danny’s actions or that Skylar kept this from me, even after everything I told him. 
Fuck this! We’re going to find out.

Standing up and storming past Danny, who is pleading with me not to say anything about our discussion, I head straight for Skylar’s bedroom door, seething, and déjà vu sets it.  How did I handle a situation like this in my dream?  Oh yeah, that’s right, big girl panties and sassy pants on, ready for a rumble.

“Why did you keep this whole Melissa shit from me?”  I say as I enter his room without knocking. 

Looking at me, passively, he responds, “It wasn’t my story to tell, Mira.  Sorry if I hurt you, but it wasn’t my place.  I hope you understand.”

“No, I don’t understand.  I thought we were friends, but you kept something this important from me.  Didn’t you just say that we were close friends?  Well,
Sky
, friends don’t keep this kind of shit from each other!”

“Things aren’t always what they seem, huh Mira?”  Skylar stops, looks at me and goes back to whatever book he’s reading.  A part of me wants to snatch that book right out of his hands and hurl it across the room, but I know if I get close to him, my hands won’t end up on his reading material; they will be around his neck.

“Fuck you both!” I scream, pushing past Danny, who is still standing behind me, trying to calm me down. I walk back into my room, my brain willing my feet to move faster.

God this feels exactly the same way if felt in my dream.  One huge difference this time; I’m not running.  I’m going to stay and I’m going to fight.  Skylar’s going to love me; the way he did in my dream.  The kind of love that brings you to your knees and makes you crave the other person.
The way I crave him.

I lie down on my bed and open the shoebox that Kylee sent with Danny.  I immediately see pictures from college; all the good times that I captured on film.  These memories would always be in my heart, but I wanted to be able to visually see them whenever I wanted. 

The first one is a picture of Danny and me at our first formal.  I smile at the memory but the smile quickly fades when the next picture is from the same night, but it’s a picture of Skylar and me.  I remember we were being silly and posing like movie stars in a preview poster.  I’m wrapped up in Skylar’s arms and we’re looking deeply into each other’s eyes.  I remember Danny laughing so hard at our terrible acting skills while taking the picture.  Now, looking at this image, I don’t think we were acting.  I think we were really in love. 

Deciding it might be time for a nap, since I don’t want to deal with real life yet, I put both pictures under my pillow and fade away quickly. 

CHAPTER FOUR

Danny

Something’s wrong.  I can feel it in my heart.  I’ve known everything about this girl; every movement, every emotion and every thought for so long, I really did think it was Melissa she was upset about. I didn’t want to bring it up just yet, I knew she needed time but I thought that’s why she was pissed.

Man, was I wrong about that one, “Nice move, man,” I say out loud to myself.

I let her cool down for about an hour.  Since she hasn’t come out of her room, I figure I’ll go and check on her.  Knocking softly on the door, I get no response.  I crack the door and look inside, “Mira?” I whisper.

Getting no answer, I open the door wider and see her sleeping peacefully on top of the blankets.  I grab one of the quilts my mom made that I keep stacked in the corner and carefully cover her legs and chest and lean lean down to kiss her forehead.

“Sleep good, Pea,” I whisper into her hair.

“Sky, don’t go,” she mumbles in her sleep.

Sky?  What the fuck?

Walking out of the room and quietly shutting the door behind me, I’m baffled.  I knew something was wrong, but maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s Skylar. 
But why Skylar?
  Mira did seem really upset about him knowing about Melissa and not saying anything. 

Knocking on Skylar’s bedroom door, he answers, “Come in.”

“Hey man, I’m a little confused.  I just went to check on Mi.  She was sleeping on top of the blankets so I covered her with one of my mom’s quilts.  When I kissed her and said to sleep good, she said something and I’m not sure how to take it.”

“Well, what did she say?”

“She said ‘Sky, don’t go’ and I don’t know how to take it.”

“I don’t even know what to say, man.  Maybe she’s dreaming.”

I nod my head and exit his room.  I need to wake her up and ask her what’s going on.  If she thinks I’m Skylar, why wouldn’t she want me to leave?  Does she have feelings for Skylar?  I really don’t have any room to judge or get angry.  God knows that I’ve been thinking about Melissa a lot lately.  We really did get close over the last couple of weeks.

Melissa is such a sweet girl.  A few weeks after the accident, Skylar relieved me to get coffee and I went to the first floor where the hospital coffee shop is located.  Waiting in line, I saw a beautiful brunette standing in line a few people behind me. 

I started up a quick conversation that didn’t last long.  We ended up meeting a few more times that week and then almost daily until Mira woke up.  It was really nice having someone outside my circle to talk to and Melissa felt the same about her situation.  She understands me.  Not that Mira doesn’t, but Melissa gets me on a different level.  I have wondered in the past if Mira and I were only together because of comfort.  The last six months or so were very different than the way it used to be.

We stopped spending time together as much as we used to.  I thought it was because of finals and the stress of our impending graduation, but now thinking back, I think we were detaching from each other.  I know that I asked her to marry me and she said yes.  But was it out of obligation?  Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with Mira? 

I walk into her room and slightly shake her shoulder, “Mira, wake up.  You’ve been sleeping for a while and I don’t want you to be up all night.”

“I’m awake.  I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” she sits up in bed, holding onto two pictures.

“What’s that, Pea?”  I reach for the photos she has in her hand that was under the pillow.

“Oh, these are just pictures that I found in the box you brought here from my apartment.  I was looking through them when I feel asleep.”

I take the pictures from her hands, with every intention of putting them back in the box, until I notice what pictures she’s holding; the picture of us from a formal and a picture of her and Skylar.  Even though I remember taking the picture and seeing it many times hung up on Mira’s mirror on the back of her bedroom door, I never really paid attention to the look of love between these two.

“Mira, is anything going on with you and Skylar?”

Her eyes widen, like I just caught her in a lie.  I know in the pit of my stomach that something is going on or something’s happened before.

“Mira, answer the question, please.”  My patience is starting to wear thin.  After the confrontation we had earlier about Melissa, I’m starting to question the relationship between Skylar and Mira.

“No, Danny, nothing is going on.”  Mira hangs her head, letting her hair fall over her face.  My instinct is to brush the hair behind her ears, but I need to keep my composure.  Plus, I’m pretty sure she will pull away, like she has been for the last few days.

“Why don’t I believe you, Mira?  When I came in a few minutes ago, I covered you up,” I point to the quilt lying crumpled up at the foot of the bed, “And I kissed your forehead.  You called me Sky, Mira.  Not only did you call me Sky, you asked me not to leave.  So would you like to rethink your answer about nothing going on with you two?”

The look on Mira’s face, behind the wall of chestnut hair, is priceless.  She looks like a child who has her hand stuck in a cookie jar.  I can see her chest rise and fall quickly, as if she’s trying to catch her breath.

“So what’s really going on, Mira?”

“Nothing,” she whispers.  Mira lifts her head, her hair falling around her face like a frame and she’s looking in every direction except for the one she needs to look; in my eyes. 

“I’m going to give you the time you need.  I’ve never been the guy to push you.  I have always gone at your pace, Mira, and I don’t plan on stopping that now.  If you want to take time to figure out what’s going on in your head, please do it quickly.  While you’re at it, you might want to take a look at what’s in your heart.  I have a suspicion I already know the answer, but I’ll let you spell it out for me.”

Mira’s jaw drops.  I have never been so frank with her.  I can’t believe what I just did; it’s so out of character for me but it needed to be said.   I want to hold her and ease whatever demons she’s dealing with, but I know she needs time.  I can’t rush her. 

She’s been through a lot over the last few weeks, even if she doesn’t remember.  Her body took one hell of a beating.  I need to give her the time she needs, even if it’s killing me inside.

I pat her on the leg as I stand to leave the room.  Mira’s eyes start to pool with unshed tears.  The pained look in her eyes hurts me to the core, but I can’t stay in here with her.  I need some time to myself, too.  I need to leave her to herself before the tears roll down her face.  Once that happens, I’m putty in her hands and nobody could drag me out of this room.

CHAPTER FIVE

Mira

What have I done?

How does one start to figure out who they are?  I really thought I had my life planned out.  I was going to graduate, marry Danny and start living my life with my husband.  I love Danny so much it hurts but I can’t ignore my feelings for Skylar. 

I sit on the bed for a few more minutes before I know what I have to do.  I’m supposed to be getting better and regaining strength but I can’t do that here.  Between Danny, Skylar, the new information about Melissa and my confusion, staying here will do more harm than good
.  So much for me not running, huh?

ME – Ky, can u come get me?

I pray my best friend can help me.  I have never spent so much time away from her and I can really use Kylee’s guidance.  She’s always been there for me and maybe she can help me figure some of this out. 

KYLEE – r u ok?

ME – No.  I gotta get outta here.  Plz?

KYLEE – yeah babe, give me 20 and I’ll be there

ME – thx.  Love u

KYLEE – love u 2

Knowing that Kylee is on her way, I start to pack up my bag.  The guys did such a great job bringing my stuff here and I appreciate it, but I
really
need to leave, just for a night or two.  I don’t plan on being gone forever; I just need a few days with Kylee. 

When I have my bag packed, I manage to walk from my bedroom to the living room without needing to lean on the wall for support.  Even though I’m upset, I can’t help but give a mental high five to myself for this accomplishment.  Danny’s sitting on the couch watching the TV that isn’t even turned on.  My heart hurts knowing that I’ve done this to him. 

“Hey,” I whisper.

“Hey.”  Danny doesn’t even turn around to look at me.  His pain is my fault and all he wants to do is help me.

“I’m going to go spend some time with Kylee for a few days.  Thank you for everything you’ve done, but I really need to be alone for a while.”