Awakening (9 page)

“Well shit.  That’s some heavy stuff.  I just knew you were going to say you forgot her birthday or some kind of anniversary.  I know how to fix that kind of crap.  I have no idea what to tell you.”  Melissa refills the shot glasses and we repeat; salt, tequila, lime.

“I don’t know what to do, Mel.  If she thinks she loves Skylar, what can I do?”

“Think about it this way.  If she is in love with someone else, would you
want
to marry her?  Would you
want
to always think you’re coming in second, even though you technically won?”

“That’s what Mira said.  She says I deserve to be the only person in her heart.  It wouldn’t be fair to me.”

Melissa lines up another round.  “Sounds like a smart girl.  Maybe you should listen.”

It would be nice to just give her the time she needs and think she’s going to come back to me.  But I can’t.  Call it fear or insecurity, but I know if she loves Skylar and he loves her, I’m going to be the one mending a broken heart.

“Easier said than done,” I mumble, taking another shot.  “Maybe I should just let them be together.  Give them my blessing, or whatever.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?  Do you still love her?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever
not
love her.  She’s supposed to be my wife.  Our mothers already started planning our wedding.  Skylar and I are very much alike, but completely different.  If that’s who she’s in love with, she can’t be in love with me.”

“Wow, where did
this
pussy come from?  When I met you in the hospital, you were so strong.  Holding onto the love you shared with Mira and praying for her to come back to you.  Now that things aren’t all unicorns and birthday cake, you’re ready to bow out.  I should man check you right now because I bet where your dick is supposed to be, you have a pussy now.”

I spit my last shot straight across the room and double over in laughter.  I’ve never had a woman talk to me like Melissa just did.  She’s calling me on my whiney bullshit and threatened to punch me in the junk.  This is the perfect kind of friend to have.

“Christ, Mel.  You’re gonna give me a heart attack.  What the fuck was that?”

“I know, right?  I was going to say something much tamer and lady like, but then this came to me and I thought ‘fuck it’ and I spit it out.  Did it work?”  I don’t know who’s laughing harder, me or Melissa, and I don’t care.  I haven’t smiled or laughed since Mira left.  Even though Melissa can’t fix my problems, she made the worry and sorrow stop.  Even if it’s just for a few minutes, it feels great.

“Don’t worry about it if you don’t have to.  If you guys are meant to be, you’ll end up together.  Nobody ever said that life is easy or the path to your happily ever after won’t be filled with pain and sorrow.  My mama told me that everything happens for a reason.  I tend to believe her.”  I kind of liked her trash talk a little better.  Now she just sounds like a drunken Hallmark card.  Adorable, but cliché, nonetheless.

After another round of shots and some bullshit ways to make Mira come back, I can’t feel my face.  That’s how you know you have an excellent buzz going on.  When you suddenly can’t feel your nose or your lips, you’ve hit the jackpot.  Knowing I’m much larger than Mel, I’m pretty positive she has to be really drunk by now.

“Okay, shit.  I’m drunk.  Can I crash on the couch?”  It’s confirmed, Melissa is more than drunk; she’s trashed.  I barely made out her sentence with all of her words slurring together.

“Yeah, that’s cool.  We have a third bedroom.  Mira has some clothes in there, if you wanna borrow something to sleep in, or I can get you something of mine.”

“Ehhhh, I don’t know about wearing your fiancé’s clothes,” Melissa laughs, stumbling down the hall toward the bathroom, “Something of yours is fine.”

“Alright, I’ll put something on the bed for you.  Do you need any help?”  Melissa comes over to help me through my problems and the girl can’t even stand up straight. 

She makes her way to the bathroom and I grab a tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants from my room.  As I’m walking to the extra bedroom, Melissa is stumbling out of the bathroom.  I take her by the arm, giving her support, and walk her into the bedroom.  She accepts the clothes I brought for her and I go back to my room.

Not more than a few minutes have passed when I hear something at the front door.  Thinking Melissa is trying to leave drunk, I look out my bedroom door to find a different brunette staring into my eyes.

“Mira?”

CHAPTER TEN

Skylar

I’ve got to be one dumb fuck to let her walk away from me, but it’s the right thing to do.  Danny has seen better days.  Watching him being miserable reminds me of when Mira was in the hospital.  I know Danny was preparing for her to never wake up, but the look in his eyes when he walked in that room and saw her awake will never leave my memory.

Those precious few moments I had with Mira were something out of this world.  If this would have been three years ago, I would have taken her up on it.  Now?  I can’t hurt Danny like that.  She’s his world; his little piece of Heaven.

The ride to the apartment is difficult.  I can feel Mira pulling inside herself just by the way she’s holding onto me.  Instead of having her arms wrapped around my body like earlier, she’s got her hands resting on the gas tank, trying not to make contact.  There used to be a time when we were so close.  I know this is going to ruin everything, but I can’t let that impact my decision.

No matter how much I love this girl and want her to be mine, I can’t do that to Danny.  He’s my best friend and he deserves better; he deserves Mira. 

The parking lot for the apartment complex is dark and quiet.  Before I can kill the engine on the bike, Mira’s walking toward the front door.  I really wish she’d wait for me; I don’t like her by herself in the dark.  By the time I catch up, I find Mira crouched on the front stoop searching her purse for something.

“Did you forget something?”

“Yeah, my fucking keys.  What the shit?”   Mira dumps the contents of her purse on the cement, rifling through lipstick, money and receipts only to come up empty handed.  She harshly sits on the step and looks like she’s ready to cry.

“Come on Sweets.   Let’s go back to the house. Danny has a set and your car keys are there, too.  We’ll grab them and I’ll bring you back.” 

“Yeah, okay.  You promise you’ll bring me right back, right?  I don’t mind talking to Danny but I really don’t want to stay there.  I just want to sleep in my own bed.”

“Yeah, I can do that.  He probably wants to talk to you anyway.  Come on,” I say, putting my hand out to help her up.  She accepts but pulls back as soon as she’s standing.  I wonder if she can feel this crazy pull between us. 

When we pull up to the house, Mira wastes no time getting off the bike and walking to the door.  Since she doesn’t have her keys, she has to wait for me to unlock the door.  As soon as the latch opens, she brushes past me to get into the house in search of Danny.  When she doesn’t find him in the living room, she starts walking down the hallway toward his bedroom.

 “Mira?”  Danny says, appearing from behind his bedroom door.

I think about leaving to give them the house but I know I’m going to need a –drink—or eight—and since I have to drive Mira back, that’s not a good idea.  I walk to my room knowing that Mira will come get me when she’s ready.   I fling the door shut behind me but it’s caught by Danny’s foot.

“Can you please explain why Mira just walked in with you and why she’s dressed up?  Is there something I should know, Sky?”  The veins on Danny’s neck are throbbing, threatening to break through his skin and he smells like he’s been drinking.

“No, man.  I went to The Fillmore to watch a band and she was there with Kylee.  Ky was heading backstage to meet the band and I didn’t think you would want Mira in that kind of situation so I offered to bring her home.  We had a quick chat and then headed back here.”

“You left on your bike.  How did she get here?”

“It’s all pretty simple, Danny.  She put on a helmet, climbed on the back, and I drove her home.”

“YOU PUT HER ON THE BACK OF A FUCKING BIKE!?”  Danny is seething with anger.  If he were a cartoon character, the smoke would be billowing from his ears. 

“It’s no big deal, bro.  She’s here, in your arms and in one piece.  You could say you’re welcome, you know.”

“You’re such a dick.  How could you put her on the bike after what happened?  How could you do that to her?”  Danny’s anger is slowly turning into fear.  He’s pacing the hallway, pulling at his hair.  Danny’s about two minutes from losing his shit and beating the life out of me.

From behind Danny, I see a precious angel appear.  Mira walks up to Danny, placing her hand on his chest like she’s holding him back from me.

“Danny, it’s fine.  I got on the bike willingly.  It was nice to get back on.  I missed it.  Skylar was very careful.  I’m fine.”  The comforting words she’s saying to Danny reaffirms why I have to stay away from her.  She’s not worried about him kicking my ass; she’s worried about him being upset. 

“Mira, he should know better,” Danny says to Mira then turns to face me. “That was a dick move, bro.  Don’t put her on the back of your bike ever again.  Understood?”

“Yeah, man.  If you guys don’t mind, I’m going to go close my door now.”  I highly doubt I’ll be taking Mira home tonight.  I should’ve grabbed that bottle of whiskey from the kitchen.  Drinking myself stupid sounds good right about now.

“Sky.  Thanks for the ride.  It really was nice getting back out there,” the angel says, walking away from my door, toward Danny’s room.

Well fuck.  You’ve pushed her away. 

I keep a pair of ear buds close to my bed because these walls are paper thin and you can hear everything.  I mean everything.  I don’t know why I’m torturing myself by not blocking out the sounds of Danny and Mira talking.  I can’t hear the entire conversation taking place, but I hear bits and pieces.

“Danny, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.  I know you needed your time.  Did you figure anything out?

“I missed you, Danny.  Are we all going to be okay?”

“Pea, as long as you love me, we can get through anything.”

“I do love you.  I just want to figure this mess out.”

Enough is enough.  I can’t listen anymore.  I put the ear buds in and drift off into a world filled with Rob Zombie and Papa Roach.  I like to call it my ‘I hate life’ station.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Mira

I literally push Danny through the threshold of his bedroom door.  I can’t let these two fight; especially when I’m the center of the argument.  That’s not fair to either of them.  As much as I want to yell at Danny to calm down, I need to play to his softer side until he allows himself to calm enough to talk to Skylar.

“Danny, I’m sorry.”  I really hope this works and I can break through the anger.  In all the time I’ve known Danny, I’ve never seen him so upset and ready to snap.

Still flushed, with veins popping out of his neck, he responds without making eye contact, “You don’t need to apologize.”  I think Danny realizes it’s just us in his room and his face softens a little.  When we finally make eye contact, I see the pain in his soul as he speaks, “I know you needed your time.  Did you figure anything out yet?”

How exactly do you tell the person who’s supposed to be your forever that you
did
figure it out and he’s about to be a second choice because the person you’re madly in love with doesn’t want you?

I shake my head, letting him know that nothing’s figured out but I can’t set him off.  He’s still reeling from his confrontation with Skylar and I need Danny calm for when I ask for my house keys.  “I missed you, Danny.  Are we all going to be okay?”

Relief rushed Danny’s face as he rushes to my side.  He picks me up, twirling me around in small circles before feathering light kisses on my shoulder and neck. 

“Pea, as long as you love me, we can get through anything.”

“I do love you.  I just want to figure this mess out,” I say honestly
.  Just not the way one should love the person they’re going to spend the rest of their life with.

Danny lets me go, leaving me cold and numb; not because he’s not holding me anymore, but because I have just given him hope that he shouldn’t have.  He is such a great man and he deserves to be with someone who can’t stand the thought of not being his.  I want to belong to someone else; his best friend.

I will fall back in love with Danny.  I will rid Skylar from my –mind—my heart—if it kills me.

“I’m going to grab a pair of pajamas from the guest room.  I’ll be right back.”  There’s no way I can leave these two alone together tonight.  It’s probably best I stay here.  Maybe Danny and I can talk some things out.

If I’m going to give this a true shot like Skylar says, I need to spend more time with Danny.  I need to remember how it feels to wake up with him.  There was a time when I would have a hard time falling asleep without him.  I need to get back to that point.

Looking panicked, Danny moves to stand in front of the door, not letting me leave.  “Why don’t you just throw on a pair of my sweatpants and a tee shirt?”

What’s his problem?
  “I’d rather grab something that’s not going to strangle me in the night.”  I love wearing Danny’s shirts to bed.  One of my favorites is his worn and tattered University of Michigan football tee shirt.  The cotton is so soft, after having been washed hundreds of times over the years.  But on the other hand, I swim in his clothes and they always end up getting tangled around my body when I sleep, leaving me uncomfortable. 

“Pea, can we talk for a second?”  Danny grabs my hand, pulling me back to sit on the bed.  The pain in his eyes has turned to panic; unmistakable panic.

“What’s going on, Danny?  Cut the dramatics and just tell me.”

“Tonight I really wanted to call you but I didn’t.  I wanted to give you the time you needed without any added pressure.  I wanted you to come back to me because I’m who you love and not out of obligation.” 
Talk about a swift kick to the chest.
  “Instead of calling you, I called Melissa.  She came over to try to help me figure out how to fix this mess we’re in.  We ended up drinking too much and she’s asleep in your room.”