Awakenings - SF1 (24 page)

"Yes, I knew how sick she was. This was my 7th birthday," she said wistfully. "I didn't understand what death was but I knew that she was going to leave soon, and I knew she wasn't coming back. She died about a month after this picture was taken," she said with a flat voice.

"Oh, Ryan, I'm so sorry you had to feel all of that pain," Jamie said as she turned and was enveloped by Ryan's strong arms.

"Everybody feels pain like that if they really love someone," Ryan whispered. "No one gets out of here alive, you know," she said into Jamie's ear.

"I know, but you were such a baby, Ryan. Look at that precious little face," she lamented as she looked at the photo again.

"I'm not saying that I didn't have a difficult time, Jamie; I know I did. It was incredibly tough for a little girl not to have her mother. There were times that I felt so lost that I didn't think I could survive. The pain was just so great. But I got through it and it made me stronger and it enhanced the connection that I have with my brothers and my father. That's what I am the most grateful for. Death tears many families apart but it made ours much stronger."

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, Ryan," Jamie said as she pulled away from their embrace, "but why did you change your name?"

"As I'm sure you guessed, it was because of my mother. She loved the name Siobhan and Da said she was ready with the name for each of the 3 boys. I liked it too, mainly because it was different. I got through first grade okay because everybody was just getting used to each other, and having an odd name was hardly noticed. But right after I came back to school after my mother died a little boy started making fun of my name. We were just learning to spell using phonics and as you found out today, that's one name where phonics doesn't apply. The other kids kind of picked up on his teasing and I just flipped out. It was probably too soon for me to be back at school, but there I was, and I had kind of a little episode. In retrospect it must have been a panic attack. But from that day forward every time a person outside of my family called me Siobhan I flipped out and got hysterical. Nobody knew what to do with me. It was only a couple of weeks after my mother died and everybody in the family had their own issues they were trying to deal with. Luckily, Sister Kevin sat me down and asked me what I would rather be called. Most of my ideas were unacceptable. I was particularly fond of Tigger as I recall," she said with a gentle laugh.

Jamie let out a little laugh of her own as she continued to look at the picture.

"Finally, and with a lot of prompting from Sister Kevin, we settled on Ryan. It was my middle name and my mother's maiden name and Sister Kevin pointed out how that would keep her with me every time someone spoke my name. That was just about the only time that Da just wasn't able to support me," she admitted sadly. "He was really invested in the name since my mother had loved it so. But he didn't put up too much of a fuss after Sister Kevin explained it all to him. The side benefit, of course, is that I don't have to spell Siobhan several times a day," she said with a little smile.

"Wow, Sister Kevin sounds like a neat lady," Jamie said.

"Yeah, she really was. I lost touch with her when her order left our parish, but I still think of her often," Ryan said.

"I do have one more question," Jamie finally said. "That balletic performance of cleaning the kitchen was something to behold. How did that come about?"

"That's another effect of my mother's illness. When she was too ill to cook or do housework we were all assigned jobs. I was so little that I had to do the jobs closest to the floor. Brendan helped me with the moping for years, but I think it was important that they made me feel a part of it," she smiled at the memory. "After my mother died, we just kept to the same tasks. Da transferred from active fire fighting and became a cook. He did it mostly because he just wasn't willing to risk his life anymore. We couldn't afford to lose him, too. He became a good cook and we just drifted into him doing all the cooking and us doing all the cleaning. It's a little militaristic, but that's how a firehouse is run."

Jamie spent a few more minutes looking at the photos placed all over the room. She found one of Ryan's mother when she was about Ryan's age. "Wow, she was a great looking woman," Jamie said.

Ryan grasped the picture in her hand and looked at it for a few moments. "Yeah, she was," she said softly. "I used to wish I looked more like her. She was small and delicate, fair skinned, with auburn hair and vivid green eyes. She had a lovely soprano singing voice and just the gentlest touch you could imagine. When I was going through puberty I felt so big and awkward that I wished I had inherited her bone structure. But it all worked out in the end," she admitted.

"Yeah," Jamie agreed with a chuckle. "I don't think you'd get much sympathy complaining about your looks, Ms. O'Flaherty."

Ryan blushed deeply as she changed the subject quickly. "Let's go see what the boys are doing," she suggested. As they returned to the second floor Conor came out of the bedroom and asked with a hopeful grin, "Jamie, Ryan said you have a Boxster. Could I take a look at it?"

"Sure, Conor, you can drive it if you want."

"Can I really?" he asked with delight. "I've never driven a Porsche. Cars are kind of my passion but I have to drive a truck for work," he said sadly.

"Here's the keys," she replied as she tossed him the set.

"Aren't you gonna go with me?" he asked as his baby blues lit up.

"I will if you want me to, but it's okay if you want to go alone," she replied.

"I don't want to hurt anything. You can show me where all the buttons are," he grinned.

As they began to make their way to the stairs Ryan grabbed Jamie's arm and whispered, "Be careful. He thinks he's God's gift to women."

Jamie wrinkled up her nose and whispered back, "And you don't?"

Conor wore a look of childlike exuberance as they walked down the street to the waiting Porsche. "Thanks a lot for letting me do this, Jamie," he said with a dazzling grin.

"It's my pleasure," Jamie replied. "If your love of cars is anything like your sisters, it would be a crime to deprive you of this experience," she teased.

"I think I've got the car bug more than Ryan does," he said reflectively. "But she's got the motorcycle bug a lot worse than I do. We used to drive Da crazy. We were always in the garage working on some engine. I got my license when she was only 12, and from that time on you couldn't keep the grease off of her."

"So she gets it from you?"

"I guess she does. Neither Brendan nor Rory cares much about cars. Da just sees them as transportation. I think I got my license at a time when Ryan idolized me a little, and she took it up to be able to spend more time with me."

"That's so cute," Jamie laughed. "But didn't it bother you to have your little sister hanging around all the time?"

He looked at her quizzically as he opened the driver door. "Why would it bother me? You know Ryan. She was always pretty much like she is now. She never was a pest. She picked things up really quickly and was always eager to do the grunt work. She had a lot of patience for a little kid, and her small hands fit into a lot of spots that mine wouldn't."

Jamie was charmed by this open expression of affection. "You all seem so close, Conor. It's really nice."

"Yeah, we are. I guess we're lucky that way, huh?"

He was now firmly ensconced in the driver's seat, carefully noting all of the gauges and switches. He adjusted the side view mirrors and brought the engine to life. "Oh, this is sweet", he said as he closed his eyes and let a satisfied smile cross his lips.

"Conor, that is exactly what Ryan looked like when she turned the car on!" Jamie said in amazement.

He looked at her with a leer. "I bet she didn't punch it like this!" he said as he hit the accelerator hard and they lurched away from the curb.

Conor drove much faster than Jamie thought prudent. But the streets of the Noe Valley were deserted on this early Sunday evening, so she allowed him to conduct his test drive as he chose. She noted that he seemed much more aggressive than Ryan, and that he seemed to get some satisfaction from making her squeal as they crested a rise in a hill.
I bet that's not the only way he likes to make women squeal,
she thought
. He could certainly be a bad boy fantasy for a lot of women.

"Do you think I could drop the top?" he asked after they reached a more congested neighborhood.

"Sure, as long as you keep it under 40 or so. I'll freeze if you go as fast as you have been," she warned.

"Scout's honor," he promised as he raised 3 fingers in pledge.

They glided down Market for a while, Conor keeping his promise about the speed. They had crossed nearly the entire city when Conor noticed that Jamie looked a little cold. "How about a hot drink? There's a Starbucks right up ahead."

"I'd love a latte', " she admitted.

"Your wish is my command," he said gallantly, as he found an on street parking spot. "Come on in with me. You can warm up a bit."

"Okay, but I think I'll call your house to tell them we'll be gone awhile," she said as she pulled her Startac from the glove box. "What's the number?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a $20. "You go on in and order me a latte' too. I'll call and then put the top back up. Go get warm," he said firmly.

As Jamie hopped out he dialed the little phone. Ryan answered on the first ring. "Hi
,
Sis, it's me."

"Where are you?" she said crossly. "You've been gone over an hour."

"You sound a bit possessive, Ryan. I thought this one was on my team," he laughed.

"She is on your team, but she's somebody else's starting pitcher--so keep your mitts off her," she warned.

"I have no intention of touching her...unless she asks me to of course. We're going to stop for coffee to warm up a bit. We'll be home soon. Don't wait up if you get tired. I'll make sure she's well taken care of."

"Conor, if you harm one hair on her head I'll kick your butt all the way down Market Street," she threatened.

"How can I hurt her getting a cup of coffee?" he asked innocently.

"Just bring her back in one piece...and still engaged!" she said as she hung up.

"Gotcha!" he crowed as he shut the phone off.

Jamie was sitting at a little table with two steaming cups of latte' in front of her. Conor slid into a chair and accepted the mug with his thanks. "So Jamie," he said as he gazed at her with those intent blue eyes, "Tell me about yourself."

"What would you like to know?" she inquired, as she tried to avoid his penetrating gaze.
Boy this guy could be trouble. He's a real operator.

"Well, you know all about my family, tell me about yours."

"I'm an only child. We live down in Hillsborough. My dad is an attorney and my mom stays at home. We don't have a dog. There--now we're even," she teased.

"Gee, could you be a little more succinct? You were rambling so much I think I missed a lot."

"I'm just teasing you. What do you really want to know?"

"What do you do for fun?"

"Do you mean when I'm alone or with my
fiancée
?" she asked innocently.

He gave her a charming smile as he drawled, "Oh yeah, Ryan mentioned something about a boyfriend. Isn't he getting out of San Quentin soon?" he asked as he pursed his lips in thought.

"Something like that. He's graduating from Stanford law school this year."

"Right. I knew it had something to do with law...or prison," he added as he looked a little confused.

"His name's Jack and we're getting married a year from June."

"How old are you, if I can be indelicate?" he asked.

"I'm 20 now. I'll be 22 when we get married," she said.

"Isn't that kind of young to be making permanent life choices?" he asked with a note of concern. Gosh, I'm 27 and I can hardly decide what to have for lunch. There are so many choices on the menu and they all look so good," he drawled.

"Yeah, but when you find that perfect, one of a kind sandwich, you better order it before someone else does," she replied, keeping up the analogy.

"With my luck, there would be some hidden ingredient that I was allergic to," he laughed.

"Well, I'm really happy with what I've ordered," she stated firmly.

"Well
,
Lassie, if you ever get hungry for a little Irish fare," he said with a heavy brogue, "don't forget me."

"Between you and your sister, no woman in San Francisco is safe," she said as she laughed heartily.

"You're telling me," he agreed. "I'm just glad she's a lesbian. If she were a guy, there wouldn't be any straight women left unsullied."

"Does her, um, sexual orientation bother you, Conor?"

"No, it really doesn't. It was obvious from very early on that she was never going to be swooning over guys. She never did any of that teenaged girl stuff. She never had crushes on guys or anything. And it's not like she wasn't good looking or anything," he added. "When she was 14 I had 18 year old friends who wanted to go out with her, and Rory had to stop bringing guys over because they all wanted to hang around until Ryan came home. She finally told us when she was 17 and we were all like, 'What took you so long?" he laughed at the memory. "I'm sure it helps that we live around a lot of gay people and we had a gay cousin that we all loved, so it doesn't seem like such a big deal."

"I'm sure my family would not be so accepting as yours," she said disparagingly.

"Well, lucky for you, you'll never have to find out, will you?" he said as his blue eyes bore into hers.