Away (24 page)

I told her how Jason showed his protective side, and took care of Jeff before I even had the chance to use her move.

“Holy shit. I miss all the good stuff,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, I was just shaken up. After that, we got the hell out of that place. Although, Jason, he…” I said, my voice trailing off as I thought about what happened next. “Mel he knows. He knows that I’m pregnant. He told me in the parking lot.”

I heard a gasp on her end of the phone as I told her how I found out he knew and then about our talk back at their farm.

“And he didn’t run away, did he? I know I’m right, but go ahead and tell me anyway.”

She was too good. “No, he didn’t. He told me how he would be there for me and that he wanted so badly to kiss me.”

“And then you kissed?”

“No,” I replied, telling her how it happened as I closed my eyes, remembering the feel of his soft lips pressed onto mine.

“Was it a movie moment?”

“You have no idea Mel. It was like my first real kiss from a guy who actually wanted me. The sparks, the fire, the butterflies, it was all there. I can’t even describe how amazing it felt.”

“I told you he wouldn’t run when he found out. He’s too good of a guy, Cass. I understand why you think it’s bad timing, but he’s right you know. You can’t wait until your life is ready for someone, you don’t get to choose when the right person gets to walk into your life.”

“I woke up in his arms this morning and never felt more relaxed or happy in my life.”

“Did you, uh… ya know?”

“No.” I shook my head as if she could see it through the phone. I reflected on that moment for a second before telling her why we didn’t take it further. I also couldn’t help but try and blame the frisky behavior on my hormones even though deep down I knew it was more than that.

“You can blame the hormones all you want, but my guess is it’s just that you really like this guy.”

“Well you’re filled in now. I don’t know what’s going to happen next though. I’ll keep you posted,” I said.

“As if you have a choice. You okay otherwise?” she asked.

“Yeah for the most part,” I replied, feeling an overwhelming sadness, I missed her so much. I was closer to her than before, but still so far away.

“Alright, I better get back to class, call me soon. Love you.”

“Love you too,” I replied and ended the call.

I spent the afternoon thinking, only making myself more confused. I thought about what I wanted to do, what Trish told me, and then about my conversation with Mel. My brain was exhausted. I decided it was time for a break. I took out a book that I had stashed in my purse and began to read it. It was a contemporary romance novel by one of my favorite authors. I had read it at least twenty times and it still never got old. It always brought me comfort when I read it. I was lost in a story where I wasn’t the main character, where I didn’t have near as much to lose as this couple in love did. I only made it about half way until I fell asleep only to wake up with the book still open, lying flat on my chest. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and I would fall asleep reading on my bed at night, of course only to get yelled at by my parents for staying up too late reading what they liked to call garbage. If it wasn’t a textbook, it wasn’t worth my time in their minds. I shook my head and stretched before getting up and straightening out my hair.

“How was the farm?” I asked Trish as I made my way to the kitchen.

“It was good, hot though. Those boys worked up a sweat today. How was your afternoon? Did you rest any?”

“I did. It was definitely needed.”

“Jason should be home in about an hour, I’m just getting ready to start making dinner.”

“Can I help with anything?”

“Oh no, why don’t you go relax outside, get some fresh air,” she said.

“Okay, if you insist.”

The warm air felt nice on my skin as a slight breeze kept it from being overly hot. I took a seat on the swing that was on the porch and rocked myself back and forth, enjoying the moment. Jason was wearing off on me more and more each day. It had been a long time since I was able to sit anywhere, let alone on a porch swing doing absolutely nothing. It felt wonderful.

I
DIDN
’
T
KNOW
WHAT
it was but when I saw his truck pull onto the gravel drive, my stomach suddenly did more flips than a gymnastics routine. I was overly excited to see him tonight and the butterflies were in full force. He didn’t get out of the truck right away; he sat in it for a few moments before finally stepping out. His normal little kid in a candy store smile was replaced by one I hadn’t seen on him before, it was indifferent, expressionless. I tilted my head to look at him, trying to study what was different about him tonight. He slowly walked up to the swing and took the open seat next to me, only it felt like a mile away as he sat as close to the other end as possible.

“Hey Jase,” I said to him.

“Hey,” he muttered, shifting in his seat. Something was off, something wasn’t right. I could feel the flips in my stomach being replaced with knots. I knew it was only a matter of time before he sat long enough in his own thoughts that he would finally realize I was a girl who had more problems than he wanted.

“How was work?” I asked, trying to get something out of him.

He ran his hand through his tousled hair. “It was fine,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes in front of him.

The minute his mouth let out the word “fine” my heart sank. He and I both knew how much that word meant the opposite of what it was. He was definitely not fine. I could feel my pulse start to race the longer we sat in silence. I scared him; he had time to think today and I knew it was me that he was having a hard time with. I guess I was the one percent that had the pre-planned conversation in her head actually end the way I thought it would.

“How was your day?” he asked, finally looking over in my direction but giving me the worst excuse for a smile that he could.

“It was fine,” I replied. It seemed as if we weren’t even friends, let alone two people who had kissed. We felt like strangers.

He let out a long breath as he grabbed the back of his neck and began rubbing it. “Cassandra,” he began to say until Trish interrupted.

“Guys, time to eat,” she said in her normal cheery voice.

I felt relief that she came out when she did. I wasn’t sure if I could have handled what Jason was about to say. I got up from the swing with Jason behind me and walked inside to the kitchen. I was beginning to love the smell of home cooked meals all too much.

“Smells wonderful you guys.” I tried to put on a happy face in front of Trish and Bart. They were doing me such a big favor by letting me stay here. They didn’t need to get involved in the problem that was clearly between Jason and me, one that after last night I honestly didn’t see coming.

“Thank you, it’s one of our favorites,” Trish said.

From the looks of what was cooked and from the scent traveling under my nose, tonight we were having lasagna. We all grabbed platters of food and sat them down on the table that was set with forks and plates. Jason sat next to me but not once did he even call me Sweetheart, let alone act as though we just spent the night together. Dinner felt awkward between us. I only hoped it didn’t feel that way for Bart or Trish. My heart was hurting, badly. I was feeling embarrassed and my mind was laced with confusion. He interacted with his parents the same as usual but he was completely different toward me tonight. I tried my best to eat the meal that was cooked, it was delicious but the nausea hit and this time it wasn’t because I was pregnant.

The conversation throughout dinner was plentiful and seemed normal for them. I tried to participate, but my thoughts were elsewhere. I was going to have to talk to Jason. I didn’t want to but it needed to be done. I would just have to wait until after dinner, until we were alone.

When everyone was finished eating and the dishes were cleaned, courtesy of Bart and Jason, I knew my opportunity to talk to him was approaching. The knots in my stomach grew.

Bart and Trish excused themselves to go swing on the porch, something they said they loved to do. Jason and I were finally alone. I could feel the tension building as he stood in the kitchen, his arms holding him up on the counter top as he kept his head lowered.

I stood on the other side of the countertop waiting for him to say something… anything. It never happened though. I had to be the one to break this frigid ice that was going on between us for whatever reason.

“Jason?” I asked quietly, placing my hand on top of his. He didn’t move. “You seem, off tonight. What’s going on?” It was the hardest thing to have to ask him, partially because I didn’t know if I was prepared for his response.

He slowly raised his head, his eyes found mine. Nothing. There was nothing in them. “Cassie,” he sighed. “I’m… Well, I mean we… Damn it.” He took his hand and rubbed it over his face. “Just forget it. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” He looked at me with another fake smile.

I could take a hint. I slid my hand off of his and across the counter top until it was next to me again. I took in a deep breath and felt the pain in my stomach. I didn’t have to pre-plan any of this conversation in my head to know what was really going on; it was called woman’s intuition.

“Listen,” he muttered, breaking the silence between us. “I’m just really tired. I need to get some sleep okay?”

I pressed my lips together. Sleep was a good idea, except I knew I wouldn’t get any, thinking about what just happened.

“Good idea,” I replied and gave him the fake, horrendous smile he showed me, before letting out a sigh and walking to my room.

I sat on the bed watching the doorknob, waiting for it to turn for at least an hour before finally realizing that wasn’t going to happen. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish he had come walking through that door. Wanting to tell me what was wrong, or even better, that he was sorry for being distant, but that didn’t happen. I finally got up from the bed and got ready to go to sleep. I didn’t know why, but I put on Jason’s shirt he had me wear this morning. I was either a glutton for punishment or just sad and wishing it was his body that was wrapping itself around me and not his shirt. I got under the covers and hugged myself tightly until I fell asleep.

“You don’t deserve this baby. I’m keeping it. Get out of here and don’t come back.”

I
SHOT
STRAIGHT
UP
AND
LOOKED
around confused, until I finally realized it was just a dream. I put my hand to my chest and tried to calm my erratic breathing.

“It was just a dream, Cassandra, just a dream.” I tried to tell myself, but I couldn’t help but feel the realness of it.

It was vivid. It started off with me waking up, just like I did this morning, except Jason was in my room taking my clothes out of the closet and literally shoving them into my suitcase. He didn’t say a word as he finished, but then he saw me wearing his shirt. He told me to take it off and give it back. So that’s what I did as I cried, soaking the shirt before handing it over to him. He didn’t even let me put anything else on as he took me outside where everyone I had met in this town was standing out front waiting. It didn’t take long to see what he was waiting for as it headed toward us. Moose was driving my wrecked car that was still in shambles, down the street. He parked it up front, as Jason told me to get in it, yelling at me to leave, and get out of his life. I got in the car that was missing the windshield and looked the same way it did in the garage the other day and started driving off. I looked out the window one last time only to see him holding a baby, my baby, and he took it and kept it. I stopped and asked him what he was doing with my baby, telling him it wasn’t his, that I needed to give it to a family that would adopt it. He told me I didn’t deserve it, so he was keeping it. Then I woke up. Talk about heartache. I still wasn’t sure what to think of it as I replayed the dream in my head. It was troubling and left me distraught. I needed to get out of this house; I needed some fresh air, badly. I reluctantly looked over at the nightstand where my phone was. Nothing. Not a damn message or anything.