B0038M1ADS EBOK (24 page)

This type of meditation can actually be practiced in normal day-to-day
situations to control anxiety, along with "take a deep breath low in your
abdomen." For example, if you're in a tense meeting where opinions are
being argued back and forth, you can shift into a more observing mode
without judgment and with awareness of your breath. This doesn't preclude jumping in and saying whatever you need to say or taking sides. You
don't have to be detached from what's happening. But neither are you
attached to any specific outcome. You can be there, state your position,
but not get caught up or angry if things don't go the way you suggest.
Ultimately you may have very little control over what happens. It is what
it is. This exercise, which is really just a quality of observing, allows you
to recognize that most things in life that we take very seriously are, in the
end, not very important, and situations that evoke conflict are often much
ado about nothing. You can step back and not become so attached to any
one position or outcome.

One attention skill that can be practiced as a meditation and also has
applicability for combat or other stressful situations is to sit comfortably
and look at a point or object a short distance away (say ten to twenty feet in
front of you), but instead of focusing directly on the object, focus your eyes
on an imaginary point just in front of or just beyond the object, so that the
object itself is slightly out of focus. Then, without moving your eyes, notice
how much you can see on either side of the object in your peripheral field
of vision. The idea is to keep your eyes oriented toward the object but your
awareness much wider. Become aware of everything in your full field of vision on either side of the object, as well as above and below it. Expand
your awareness to the whole room, or as far as your peripheral vision will
allow-again, with no goal and no judgment.

If you practice this wide relaxed focus, you'll notice how useful it can
be during times of crisis or danger. During high-stress situations (and even
combat), being able to pay attention to an immediate threat in front of
you, while at the same time being aware of what's going on peripherally,
can be very useful. This type of focus prevents you from getting pulled into
tunnel vision or into a highly distracted state where your mind is jumping or scanning rapidly from one thing to another (monkey mind). This
practice allows you to stay relaxed, aware of the immediate threat in front
of you, and also to maintain awareness of what's happening around you.

Another great example of an open awareness meditation is to sit and
listen to all the sounds that are around you with minimal thought. Simply
pay attention and listen, taking in all the sounds exactly as they are. There
may be birds outside, the hum of electrical appliances, a phone ringing,
voices, wind, a plane overhead, the sound of a car door, a motorcycle,
a lawn mower, children playing, an ambulance siren, etc. Sounds are all
around you, and this meditation is simply to listen quietly and appreciate
them as they are.

You can also add visualization to your meditation to deepen the level
of relaxation. Sit (or lie) comfortably and close your eyes. Take a deep slow
breath, take another deep slow breath, take a third deep slow breath, and
as you let the air out on the third breath, allow yourself to "float" or feel
lighter. Breathe naturally and imagine that you're sitting or lying next to
a stream, near the ocean, or any place you'd enjoy. Use all your senses to
visualize being in that location; imagine how it looks, feels, sounds, smells,
and tastes. Set the temperature, time of day, and weather just the way you
like it. If the sun is out, feel its warmth. If you prefer cool weather, feel the
coolness. Engage all of your senses in this exercise. Literally picture yourself at the location of your choice. After doing this for as long as you would
like to, then tell yourself to gradually come back to the present location.
Take a couple more deep breaths, then open your eyes and return to the
present time and place.

Watching a sunset, walking in the woods, looking out over the ocean,
fishing in a lake or stream, hiking a beautiful trail, taking a drive in the
country, listening to music, gardening, hunting, camping, playing with your
dog or cat, dancing, or doing anything that brings you joy, are all opportunities for meditative moments when you can let go of the chatter of your
mind, take a break from worries, and experience a sense of peace. Choosing to hang out and do nothing in particular (with no requirement that
you "should" be engaging in some other activity) is another great way to
enjoy the moment. The idea is to do things sometimes that aren't filled with
distractions, a sense of urgency, or demands for your attention. Sometimes,
simply being is the most constructive and beneficial thing to do for yourself.

Meditation isn't a mystery. It can be easily incorporated into your daily
life. The goal of meditation is to become comfortable just being in the
moment, which includes not having any goal. The goal of meditation is
not to improve yourself, grow, become a better person, reach spiritual
enlightenment, gain greater confidence, reduce anxiety, or anything else.
The goal is to have no goal, and any results or changes that occur from
meditation are gifts to be grateful for. Meditation can improve focus and
concentration, and create a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the
little things in life, as well as a sense of compassion or a desire to help others. It can lead to a state in which you're less self-conscious and more comfortable and accepting of yourself. But not having any goal is what opens
the door to these possibilities.

SUMMARY

In conclusion, this chapter covers several training exercises to help you
utilize your warrior skills in a healthy way after coming back from a war
zone. The skills include learning to pay attention to your physical reactions, anxiety level and feelings and emotions, creating space between
your internal reactions and actions, monitoring the use of "should" statements, noticing your breath, and practicing meditation training. These
exercises are all tools you can use depending on your situation and what
works best for you. You can tailor them to whatever suits your needs. You can pick the skills that seem to work, or notice how what you're doing
already fits in with the skills presented here.

Additional advice from First Sergeant Schindler:

My routine for almost thirty years was that whenever I walked into a
building, doctor's office, house, restaurant, etc., I mentally completed my
combat-ready checklist: threat assessment, weapons check, and escape. If
a store clerk didn't give me what I thought was good service, I treated the
clerk like the enemy.

For nearly thirty years while in the Army and Army Reserves, anger
was a constant. I had a major case of the ass, and authority was, by definition, the enemy. Attending to my physical reactions, learning why I reacted
to things differently than civilians who had never gone into combat,
was a challenge. Checking out the AO [Area of Operations], patrols,
ambushes, firefights, night-guard duty, life, and death are the experiences
of combat. In combat you become close to your buddies, closer than anyone
in your life. If you lose a buddy, the grief and rage are off the charts. Add
those experiences and feelings together with your combat skills of threat
assessment, marksmanship, strength, stamina, mental toughness, detachment, and bloodlust, and you have the potential for a wide range of emotions and reactions to come spilling out of you all at once.

In combat, in a split second you could go from telling a story and
laughing with your buddies to a hellacious life-and-death firefight that possibly caused the death of your best friend in a horrible way. To top that off,
you have grief, which you won't feel right away. Grief is an unpredictable
emotion. If you lose any buddies in combat, there is no way to know when
you will feel grief. You could be at home talking with friends, seeing a movie,
or taking a shower when some small "thing" will snap your memory back
into combat mode and you suddenly begin to cry, get angry, feel scared,
detached, or want to crawl into a hole and shut the world out. These types
of reactions and feelings are the direct result of your combat experiences.
Such reactions and feelings can be so overwhelming that you feel your heart
jump, you break out into a cold sweat, or you `freak out "from anxiety.

Learning how to fit back into the "real world" can be a daunting,
sometimes scary, and difficult task. Learning how your reactions connect
to your combat experiences is possibly the most difficult challenge. One
can't just go from combat warrior to civilian overnight. After thirty years
of living this way, my healing began with the "tool" that I described previously, of saying the words `frequency, intensity, and duration" over and
over in my mind. This mental exercise allowed me to pay attention to and
handle situations directly and with more-positive outcomes.

For years my inner demons and I had epic "battles, " trying to feel
normal and not feel like I was on the outside looking in. Therapy and
self-determination are the tools that helped me through some evil times. I
learned to apply the skills from combat to my blueprint for living a positive
lifestyle. What has worked for me is to think and say to myself `frequency,
intensity, duration" in respect to keeping the reactions of anger, stress,
depression, guilt, and fight-or flight tendencies to manageable, acceptable,
low, mild, and short levels.

Soon after learning how to use this tool, life for me lightened up. I
began to notice my willingness to be more engaged with family and friends,
and to do more healthy outdoor activities and to meet new friends. This
exercise is a daily habit now. Constant vigilance and determination is my
path to sanity in an insane world. My personal mental exercise to think
"I will keep the frequency, intensity, and duration-low, mild, and short"
allows me to not strangle the store clerk, run for the hills, withdraw from
life, be emotionless, or act or speak in a self-destructive manner. It allows
me to be free from the burdens of anger, guilt, depression, and hyperalertness, and to allow myself to do more things that make me feel happy.

This chapter contains a very simple message having to do with the importance of telling your story in a way that's comfortable for you.