B00CQUPUKW EBOK (36 page)

“Kaya,” he said softly.  I’m sorry.  You don’t deserve this.  It’s just that—”

He stopped when she raised her face and stared at him.  Icy fear twisted around Bryce’s heart when he saw the pain and dread in her beautiful brown eyes.  The only other time he’d seen that look in her was the moment she’d found out that he had custody of the children.  That moment, Bryce had sworn that he’d never cause her that kind of pain and distress again.

But he had, and it horrified him.  It made him feel as small as a bug to have hurt her.

“It’s what, Bryce?” she asked in a choked whisper.  “It’s just that you still love Pilar, and it’s the reason you’ve never told me that you love me?”

“Kaya, I…”  He let his voice trail off.  She was right.  He’d never told her that he loved her because he was afraid to.  He’d told Pilar every single day that he loved her.  It was the last thing he said at nights, and the first thing in the mornings.  After she died, Bryce had wondered if he’d loved her too much.  Was fate jealous and had decided to punish him for loving another so deeply?

He’d known for certain that he loved Kaya when he’d walked into the nursery the day they met and found her holding a screaming Anastasia.  She looked awkward and scared and had no idea what she was doing, but yet Bryce had looked far into the future and seen a more experienced, confident Kaya, comforting their own baby in that very room.  When she’d squirmed uncomfortably while he explained the varying textures and sizes of nipples, he was ready to plant his seed inside her and watch her belly grow with it. 

And now here he was, about to blow that dream to hell.

He took a step forward, his fingers itching to soothe her damp curls away from her face, the way he always did after they made love.  “Kaya, you know how I feel about you.”

“Then why can’t you tell me, Bryce?  Why can’t you tell me you love me?”  She glanced at his hand.

He held it up and pointed to his ring finger.  “I took it off.”

She uncurled from the desk, unmoved, and tucked her hair behind her ears.  She straightened her shoulders, an air of sophistication and confidence in her countenance.  Her brown eyes were full of life, pain, and unquenchable warmth as she held his captive.  “Bryce, I know a part of your heart will always belong to Pilar, and I don’t begrudge her that.  But I will not have you longing for her, wishing she were still alive, and lamenting over what could have been.  I will not share you with her, not in that way.”  She swallowed.  “I told you that I loved you the first time we made love.  I don’t know if you heard me or not.”

Bryce decided that now would not be a good time to admit or deny that he’d heard her.

She sighed deeply, and a gentle softness deepened her voice.  “I love you, Bryce Fontaine.  I love you with every beat of my heart, every inch of my skin, every thought of my mind, and every light of my soul.  I love you.”

Bryce closed his eyes as her words washed over him, bathing him in divine wonder, bliss, happiness.  “Kaya—” 

“But as I said, I will not share you in that way with Pilar.  You have to choose, Bryce.  You have to choose whose wedding ring you want to wear.  You can’t switch back and forth between us.”

“Kaya, I don’t—”

She put her hands up to stop him.  “Anything you say right now will seem contrived.  I don’t know why you took off my ring and put on Pilar’s.  Only you know the reason.  So whatever it is, you need to fix it, deal with it.  Do whatever you need to do, but don’t come home until it’s done, until you’re ready to tell me that you love me, give yourself to me completely.  You promised to love me, forsaking all others—that includes Pilar.  You have to prove that you meant it.”  She picked up her purse from his desk and stumbled toward the door, her stifled sob twirling about the air in her wake.

Bryce watched helplessly as his wife walked out of his office.  He stumbled backwards onto the sofa, holding his chest as a tightening gripped his heart.  At least she didn’t tell him not to come home, just not to come home until he could be completely and openly honest with her.

He couldn’t lose her.  She was his world.  All she had to do was smile at him, slip her small hands into his, and the universe melted away.  Love wasn’t an invitation to heartbreak.  It was the doorway to happiness.

Bryce pushed to his feet and walked over to the table where he’d tossed Pilar’s ring.  He picked it up and folding his fist around it, he walked out of his office.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The morning sun was bright and the breeze coming off Lake Michigan was pleasantly cool for a Chicago spring.  Adjusting his sunglasses, Bryce climbed out of his rental car and skimmed the perimeter of the cemetery, happy there was no one in sight.  People didn’t usually visit cemeteries in the middle of the week and this early in the morning, especially after an unexpected early-spring snowstorm like the one they had last night.

He went to the passenger side, picked up a bouquet of roses and a screwdriver from the front seat then taking a deep breath, he began walking down Celestial Path, paying little attention to the snow-dusted monuments and statues along the way.  He would have buried her in Granite Falls, but her parents wanted her in Chicago.  He’d obliged, since in all fairness, he hadn’t known her that long. 

His heart beat faster and his pace grew slower at each step he took toward her grave.  Part of him wanted to turn back, to keep holding on, never let go of what they had, of what they could have been.  Another part propelled him forward, the part that wanted to live, to move on, to be happy once again.

Finally, he reached the grave under a poplar tree where Celestial Path and Happy Avenue intersected.  
What genius named these roads
? Bryce wondered, pushing the screwdriver into the side pocket of his wool coat.  And what had enticed him to bury Pilar here, in this very spot? 

He’d spent the past three days in his hotel room, mustering up the courage to visit the resting place of his wife and child.   He’d been here several times over the past six years to reassure them that he still loved them, that he carried them in his heart every day.  Today, he’d come to say goodbye.

He bent down and brushed a fresh layer of snow off the tombstone, then placed the roses below the inscription on the headstone:
Pilar Sanchez-Fontaine and Unborn Child.  Beloved Wife. Beautiful Daughter and Sister
.

Bryce swallowed a moan as tears burned his eyes.  She would have been a great mother if she’d only been given the chance.  She’d been so excited when she’d called him that night.

“Hurry home, darling.  I have something to tell you.  Something that would make you very happy.”

“Did you finally decide on the right color tile for our bathroom?” he teased.  She’d been so indecisive about what to do with the master suite
.

“This is even better.”

“So tell me.”

“It’s a surprise and I’d rather tell you in person.”

“Pilar, you know I hate surprises.”

“You’ll love this one.  I promise.”
 

Bryce shook his head, and pulled off his sunglasses, shaking his tears off the frame.  He’d been living in the past for too long.  He had to move forward.  Standing upright, he pushed his hand in the pocket of his slacks and pulled out the wedding band.  He held it in the palm of his hand, and the white gold coruscated against the sunlight, almost blinding him.

He closed his fist around it.

“I told you I would love you forever.  And I will.  Just not in the same way I did when you were here with me.  You see, darling, there’s someone else.  I— I— um, I married someone not too long ago.  She’s sweet— like you were.  She loves me, and she makes me happy.  I love her, too.  Problem is, I can’t tell her how I feel until I let you go.”

He chuckled on a sniffle.  “You know me.  I’m a one-woman man.  When I’m with a woman, I’m with her, and no one else.  I kept my promise for as long as I could, Pilar.  I don’t want to lose Kaya.  Yes, that’s her name.  Kaya.  Kaya Brehna-Fontaine.  She’s Lauren’s sister.  Half-sister.  You would have liked her.”

What was he saying
?  His late wife would have liked his current wife, the woman he loves?

 He pulled the screwdriver from his pocket and began to dig a hole where the tombstone and the hard ground met.  When he was satisfied that it was deep enough to protect against vandalism, he dropped in the wedding band and covered it up.  He would be back when the snow melted and the ground softened to give it a permanent burial.

He needed to do this for now.  Kaya had meant it when she told him he couldn’t come home until his heart was completely free to love her.

“We did have some happy times,” he said, rising to stand at the foot of the grave.  “I’m sorry it was so short, and that I didn’t protect you.  Please, forgive me for that.  I will always remember you and the baby our love created.  I often wonder which one of us he or she would have most resembled.  Either way, our baby would have been beautiful because our love was beautiful.”

Bryce cast his eyes heavenward to a deep-blue, cloudless sky then back to the grave one last time.  One day, her soul, up there, would return to her body down here, and they would be reunited.  But for now...

“Goodbye, Pilar, my love.  Goodbye, my sweet babychild.”

Blinded by his tears, Bryce turned his back on his past, and walked up Celestial Path, toward the future that awaited him in Granite Falls.

* * *

Naked, his body warm from his shower, Bryce stood at the top step and gazed down at his sleeping wife.  She looked so small so childlike lying in the humongous bed.  He eased down on the edge of the mattress, trying not to disturb her—or perhaps he should disturb her, he thought, reaching out to brush her soft curls away from her face bathed in moonlight.

He could live a thousand years, Bryce realized, and he would never tire of gazing at Kaya.  She had the longest, curliest lashes, the daintiest nose, the sexiest lips, and the hottest mouth.  He’d taught her how to pleasure him with her mouth, and a fiery ache settled in Bryce’s loins as he recalled the abundance of indescribable pleasure the strong suction of those lips and mouth brought him. 

It had been four days since he’d last seen her, yet it felt like a year to Bryce.  He never wanted to go a day without seeing her again, even if it was by satellite.  He wanted to gaze into her fiery brown eyes every single day for the rest of his life, and tell her that he loved her.

Bryce drew back the covers and scooted down next to Kaya.  She was naked.  Wearing clothes to bed was something they’d both realized was a waste of time.  Lying on his left side, he eased his left arm under her, his right arm across her, and pulled her close, the warmth exuding from her soft skin seeping into his pores, making his heart tremble, his limbs weak.

He tightened his hold and breathed in her sweetness.

“Bryce?” she whispered, stirring against him, her warm breath tickling the hairs on his arms.

“Yes, baby, it’s me.  I’m back.  I’m home.”  
He was home
.

She turned completely around and buried her face in the hollow of his neck.  “I’m glad.”

No explanations were necessary.   

“Kaya.”  Bryce turned on his back, bringing her on top of him then reached up to turn on the bedside lamp.  He wanted to look deep into her eyes.  “Wake up, baby.  Look at me.”

She raised her head from his chest and her eyelids fluttered a few times as she tried to adjust her pupils to the soft light.  “Hi.”  She gave him a sleepy smile that made his toes curl.

He cupped her face in his hands.  “I love you, Kaya Brehna-Fontaine,” he said, his voice trembling with the emotions that swelled inside him.  “I love you with every cell in my being, with every breath in my lungs.  I love you, and I will tell you that every day, several times a day until you beg me to stop.”

“I never will,” she said with a tremor in her voice.  Tears pooled in her eyes as they darkened with love and passion.  “Say it again.” 

“I love you, Kaya.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you…”

“I’m pregnant.”  Her eyes were wide as she stared at him, waiting for a reaction.

Bryce went stiff as his heart stopped beating for a few seconds.  He closed his eyes to let the information sink in.  He swallowed the lump that lodged in his throat before he asked in a trembling voice, “Are you sure?”  He didn’t want to get his hopes up, seem too happy, tempt fate again.

“Yes.  I’m sure.  I’ve been having morning sickness for three days now, so I bought a test.  It was positive.  I went to see Erik this afternoon.  I’m four and a half weeks along.  You’re going to be a daddy, Bryce.  You’re going to have your own baby.”

Tears spilled down Bryce’s face as Kaya’s sweet words wrapped him in a silken cocoon of euphoria and sent a warm glow flowing through him.  Kaya was going to have his baby.  “I love you.”  The pads of his thumbs brushed her cheeks, her lips, her forehead.

“I know.  I’ve known for a long time.  I just needed to hear you say it.  You needed to hear you say it.”

“I was afraid I’d lost your trust, not your love, that you wouldn’t forgive my infidelity, because that’s what it was.  I was cheating on you with Pilar.”

“I thought about making you grovel, but then I spoke with Michelle today and she told me how people thought she forgave Erik too quickly for hurting her.  She loved Erik and she knew he loved her, and she wasn’t going to waste time just to make a point.  She said it’s punishment enough when people realize they mess up, and may lose everything they love.  She said love isn’t about groveling or revenge, or hurting you because you hurt me, but that love is just what it is:
love
.  It’s pure and kind and forgiving.  She said life is too short to toy with the emotions of those we love, and that I should just open my arms to you when you came back.”

“Michelle is a very smart woman, and I’m so happy you two are getting along.  You need friends like her and Libby.”  
True friends Pilar didn’t have
.  But his life wasn’t about mourning Pilar anymore; it was about loving Kaya and celebrating the creation of his baby growing inside her.