Bachelor Father (16 page)

She nodded.

He sighed. “I wish I could be that kind of man—strong enough to see you once a year, make love to you and let you go away again. Strong enough to believe that in a year, you’ll be back.”

“Maybe...maybe a year’s too long. Maybe every six months we could—”

“No.” He shook his head. “Don’t kid yourself. Six months would become three. Three would become one, and pretty soon we’d be flying across the country every weekend. You can’t function that way and neither can I.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. He was right. Her body still hummed from his caresses, and she wanted him again. “We shouldn’t have made love. We should have kept things platonic, so that we wouldn’t make this any worse.”

His smile was sad. “God knows I tried. I don’t know about you, but I ran out of resistance early in the game.” He slid his hands down over the tops of her breasts and then cupped them lovingly. “I still don’t have any.”

“Neither do I,” she said in a choked voice. “But this... this is it, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” His gaze searched hers. “This is it.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes and dredged up a watery smile. “Then if this is all we’re ever going to have, what are we doing with a tray of dirty dishes between us?”

“Beats the hell out of me.” He released her, scooped up the tray and plopped it down on the floor on his side of the bed. Then he gathered her into his arms.

“I suppose we should change the sheets,” she murmured. “I did get things messed up with my wet hair and muddy feet.”

“Why bother?” He slipped his hand between her thighs and boldly caressed her as he nibbled on her lower lip. “Now that I know running around naked in the rain like some wood sprite gets you hot, I’ll probably try to get you to do it again.”

* * *

Z
EKE
COULDN
’
T
REMEMBER
the last time he’d spent so many daylight hours in bed, or when he’d enjoyed it as much. And he’d have at least one more night with Katherine before he had to pay the piper and give her up for good. The rain had stopped at dusk, but the phone was still out and he was sure the creek was still impassable. Funny that he’d never been marooned here before, and he might never be marooned again. Yesterday he would have called it damned bad luck. Today he called it a miracle.

He would have preferred to be marooned without a bum ankle, but he was managing to get around a little bit with his walking stick. The pain always increased when he was vertical, though. And with Katherine sharing his bed, he was perfectly happy to stay prone most of the time. In fact, with Katherine “in charge,” as she called it, making love hardly seemed to bother his ankle at all.

As darkness gathered outside the windows of the cabin, he lay in bed watching Katherine change Amanda after nursing her. He was really going to miss that tender, arousing scene of Amanda at Katherine’s breast. Hell, he was really going to miss everything about this weekend, but he might as well not dwell on that now. Right now he still lived in paradise.

Katherine leaned over the table as she talked to Amanda. She used the same happy singsong voice, but Zeke no longer felt left out of the charmed circle, especially when she would turn and include him in the conversation.

“Are we going to give her another bath?” he asked.

Katherine glanced over at him. “I’d love to. I’d love to give myself a bath, now that you mention it, before we put clean sheets on the bed.”

“I wouldn’t mind one myself. Of course, I could always take a shower.”

“Come on, Zeke. That cold shower you took couldn’t have been much fun.”

“Okay, it wasn’t much fun.”

“How about if I heat up enough water to fill the bathtub? You can go in with Amanda.”

“Or we could all go in together. I think we’d fit.” He knew there had been a reason he’d bought that old antique tub that had come out of some silver tycoon’s mansion in Casper. It was so huge that his buddies had expected him to start entering bathtub races.

“I don’t want to take a chance on reinjuring your ankle.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“I don’t know, Zeke. It seems a little risky.”

“No risk. I’ll get in the tub first and you can hand the baby in. Then you can climb in.” He had a compelling urge to have them all cradled together in the big tub, and he couldn’t say exactly why. He just wanted it to happen.

“If you say so. Sounds like teenagers cramming into a phone booth to me.”

“It won’t be.”

“Then I won’t bother putting her sleeper on her yet.”

“No. Just bring her over to me while you take care of heating the water.” He was amazed at how eager he was to hold Amanda again. She’d slept most of the afternoon away, and when she’d woken up, she’d needed Katherine to feed her. Now at last he could get an armful of that precious little bundle.

Katherine walked over and deposited Amanda in his arms. With only her diaper on, she seemed more active, waving her arms and legs happily in the air.

He gathered her against his bare chest, enjoying the feel of her soft skin against him. “Hi there, sunshine,” he said, smiling at her because he couldn’t help himself. On schedule, she smiled back. Zeke glanced up at Katherine. “You can’t tell me that’s gas.”

“No. It’s not gas.” Her voice sounded funny, and her eyes were moist.

“Are you okay?”

She sniffed and nodded her head. “Yeah,” she said with a smile. “I’m okay.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Z
EKE
FELT
GUILTY
that Katherine had to carry the kettle of hot water back and forth to the bathroom, especially when she could only use one hand to do it, but she insisted the thought of a warm bath was worth the effort. The cabin grew dark enough to light the kerosene lanterns, and she placed one in the bathroom, making the room glow invitingly.

Finally she took the last kettle of hot water in and returned, looking eager. She held out her arms for Amanda. “The water temperature is perfect. Let me put her into her bassinet while I help you in there.”

He handed the baby over before leaning down to unwrap the bandage from his ankle. “I can manage with the walking stick.”

“Sure you can.” She deposited Amanda in the bassinet. “But I’m here, so why not make use of me?”

He glanced up at her. “Because you’ve already had to lug all the water in. It’s embarrassing to be such an invalid.”

“Or is it embarrassing to be dependent on someone else?”

He looked away. She was too close to the truth for comfort. Depending on someone else wasn’t only embarrassing, it was dangerous. In fact, in his experience the ones you needed the most were the ones who ended up leaving you. “I guess fending for myself is a habit after all this time.”

“I can understand that,” she said softly.

The tone of her voice prompted him to glance back at her. When he saw the compassion in her eyes, the solid door to his heart opened a crack. Maybe she did understand, at least a little bit. Being understood was something new to him. The ranch had been a bustling, happy place, a haven that had saved his life. But with so many boys, no one got lots of individual attention. He’d always felt he had to wrestle with his private problems alone. Looking into Katherine’s eyes, he didn’t feel quite so alone anymore.

But her understanding wasn’t a luxury he’d have much longer. He reached for the walking stick leaning by the bed. “I’ll use your help getting into the tub. God knows I don’t want to fall climbing in. But let me make my own way into the bathroom.”

“Zeke, for heaven’s sake. I—”

“You’ll be leaving soon.” He gazed into her hazel eyes and thought how much he would miss being able to do that.

She studied him quietly for several seconds. “I get the point.” She stepped back.

“Thank you.” Standing was an effort, and without crutches he couldn’t manage it without putting at least some weight on his bad ankle. He grimaced at the pain as he began the slow hobble into the bathroom. It was a symbolic gesture, and maybe an empty one, he thought. Katherine had already breached his defenses in a hundred places, and when she left he’d have to spend years repairing the damage. Considering that he’d be reminded of her whenever Amanda paid him a visit, he might never recover completely.

He stepped inside the bathroom, which looked a hundred times better in lantern light than in the light from the ordinary bulbs he’d installed over the sink. In fact, the whole cabin looked better this way. Maybe he’d forget about electric light and just go with kerosene from now on. Except the cozy glow might remind him too much of Katherine.

“
Now
will you let me help?” she said, coming in right behind him.

“Yeah.” He unclenched his jaw and ran a hand over his sweaty forehead. This was one nasty sprain. He’d probably be riding a desk at work for a while until he healed. “This ankle is a damned nuisance,” he muttered.

“But you saved the mother raccoon and her babies.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” He surveyed the situation with the old-fashioned claw-foot tub. “This seemed like a great idea at the time, but I don’t know how in hell I’m going to get in there without putting all my weight on my bad ankle at some point.”

She pointed to the closed toilet seat. “You could sit there, put your good foot in and ease over into the water while you held on to the edge of the tub and me. You can get out the same way.”

He sent her a dark look. “Sounds pretty undignified, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, but it’ll work.”

He sat down and leaned his walking stick against the wall. “Here goes nothing.” When he put his foot in the warm water, he sighed with pleasure.

“See? It’ll be worth it. Now start sliding over, and I’ll hold on under your arms.” She moved in close. As she slipped her hands under his arms, her breasts swayed against his chest.

“I’m beginning to like this plan better.” As he slid sideways, she moved sideways with him, and the friction of her body was very arousing. “Lots better,” he added.

“Now is not the time to get frisky. Grab the side of the tub. Lift your other leg in. That’s good. Oof. You’re heavier than I thought. I—oops!”

He landed with a splash as Katherine lost her balance and tumbled against him. He caught her around the waist so she wouldn’t fall headfirst into the tub, but she ended up with one breast pressed against his cheek. That sweet circumstance made up for the way the sudden movement had jolted his recent injury. Ignoring the pain in his ankle, he turned his head and nuzzled her. “Great plan,” he murmured.

She braced herself by putting one hand on his shoulder. “If I weren’t hanging on the edge of this tub in an incredibly awkward position, I might enjoy what you’re doing.”

“But you don’t?” He drew her nipple into his mouth. Nectar of the gods.

She sighed. “Okay, maybe I enjoy it a little bit. But I hear Amanda fussing in there. This started out as her bath, remember?”

“Mmm.” He loved having the baby around, mostly. But the idea of fondling Katherine in a tub of warm water had definite appeal. With one more tug on her nipple he drew back and placed a quick kiss on the puckered tip. “Okay. Go get the baby.”

As she pushed herself upright, he saw with some satisfaction that her cheeks were pink and her breathing unsteady. She was as agitated by the encounter as he was. After she left the bathroom, he wondered for the first time how she’d take their separation. From what he’d heard, New York had plenty of distractions. Maybe she’d throw herself into the fast pace of the city and barely give him another thought.

But he didn’t think so. And while she’d filled this cabin with reminders that would never go away, he’d left her with a baby, a baby with many of his features. She wouldn’t easily put him out of her mind and her heart. Selfish though it might be, he didn’t want her to.

* * *

K
ATHERINE
TOOK
OFF
her elastic bandage. Then she unfastened Amanda’s diaper and carried her into the bathroom. “Here we are, our own little nudist colony,” she said. She handed the baby to Zeke.

“Hey there, sunshine! Swim time!” He cradled her against his damp chest.

Amanda responded with a loud crow and waved her hands at his face.

Laughing, he leaned down and brushed his nose against hers while she patted his cheeks and gurgled.

Katherine stood transfixed by his expression as he played with Amanda. The face that often looked as if it were carved in stone was now animated with love. And so very, very vulnerable.

Katherine wondered what she’d done.

He glanced up at her with a smile. “Coming in?”

“Are you sure there’s room?”

“You bet.” He moved to the far side of the tub. “You can put your feet up by my hips. Climb in. It feels great.”

“Okay.” She stepped, wincing slightly as the warm water made her blisters sting.

“What was that for?” he asked.

Two could play the macho game, she decided. “Nothing.”

“Hmm.”

“Really. It’s nothing.” Holding on to the edge of the tub with her left hand, she eased into the narrow spot Zeke had provided, making sure she didn’t bump his sprained ankle in the process. Once she was settled, she leaned back against the enameled surface and sighed with pleasure. “Where did this monster tub come from?”

Zeke swished Amanda through the water. “Some guy who made a fortune back in the days of the silver mines. They decided not to keep the tub when they turned the mansion into an office building, so I bought it.” He swirled the baby around in the water until she wriggled with ecstasy.

“Good move.” Katherine relaxed as she enjoyed the effects of the warm water, the feel of Zeke’s leg aligned alongside hers and the shared joy in their baby girl. “Look at her kick. She loves that.”

“She’s going to be a regular little tadpole, aren’t you, sunshine?”

Amanda slapped her hands against the surface of the water, and Zeke laughed. After playing with her some more, he looked over at Katherine. “Ready to take the kid for a while, or will that be too much pressure on your wrist?”

“I can manage.” She leaned forward and took the slippery baby, using mostly her left arm and hand to grip her. “Enough playtime, Mandy. Mommy’s going to wash you now.”

“Got her?”

“Yep.” Katherine tucked Amanda in the crook of her right arm and reached for the washcloth she’d draped on the edge of the tub.

“Okay. Now I can take a look at your feet.”

He’d obviously had that in mind ever since he saw her expression when she stepped in, she thought. So much for putting one over on him. He seemed to miss nothing.

He gently lifted her right foot out of the water. “Holy Toledo, Katherine. Why didn’t you say something?”

“It’s just a couple of blisters.” Katherine washed Amanda’s face while the little girl blinked and sputtered.

He lowered Katherine’s foot into the water and picked up the other one. “This happened when we hiked down to the creek, didn’t it?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Damn it to hell.” Then he glanced at Amanda. “Sorry, sunshine. But your mommy is an idiot.”

“Nice talk.”

He leaned over to examine her foot more carefully. “This must have really bothered you.”

“Some.”

“Yeah, right.” He kissed her toes. “More than some. You should have said something the minute your feet started to hurt.”

“And then what?” She methodically worked the washcloth over Amanda’s pudgy little body. “You would have made me stay in the cabin, right?”

“Which is where you should have stayed, instead of walking all that way in those shoes.”

“It was worth it. Believe it or not, I loved being out there, and besides, I thought Amanda and I should be with you.”

He grew very still.

In the deafening silence, she glanced up to find him gazing at her, his dark eyes intense. When he spoke, his voice was husky. “Better be careful, Katherine. The next time that urge takes you, you might hurt more than your feet.”

Her mouth grew dry. “Sounds like you’re warning me away.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing. Don’t even think of giving up everything so we can be a family. I don’t want that responsibility.”

Pain sliced through her. He’d been so loving and relaxed with Amanda that she’d imagined she was the one preventing them from forming a family unit. She’d been wrong. Her throat was tight, but she forced the words out, anyway. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I have no intention of saddling you with responsibility.” The water had begun to chill. “If you’ll hold her until I get out, then I’ll take her and dry her off.”

“I have some first-aid cream we can put on those blisters.”

Katherine climbed out of the tub. She didn’t want to cry, so she settled on anger. “Never mind. I’ve had blisters before. They’ll heal.” But she might never heal from the wound he’d just given her. He didn’t want her. Although she doubted she could ever sabotage Naomi by choosing a life with Zeke over her career at the magazine, it was pointless to even think about it now. He didn’t want the full-time responsibility of a wife and child.

* * *

Z
EKE
ACHED
WITH
the pain Katherine was feeling, but he’d had to say what he did. Better that she feel the pain now rather than ruin her life. Of course she wanted them all to be together. He wanted that, too, and he’d known that the emotion between them was growing stronger with every minute they spent in each other’s company, in each other’s arms.

But when he’d seen the blisters she’d endured without complaint, he had a horrible picture of her giving up the career opportunity of a lifetime and alienating her godmother just to hold them all together. And that was what he didn’t want responsibility for.

If she interpreted his comment to mean that he didn’t want the responsibility of having her around all the time, that was okay. That would keep her on track better than the other, more complicated truth that he didn’t want to be the reason she abandoned her dreams. He wasn’t worth it.

She took Amanda and wrapped her in a towel. “Don’t try to get out of the tub without my help. I’ll be back as quickly as I can after I’ve put a diaper on her.” She hurried out of the bathroom.

He damn well would get out of the tub without her help. A nursemaid wasn’t his style. He took some time to survey the situation. Finally he decided he could get his good foot under him, push on the rim of the tub with both hands and lever himself out. In theory he shouldn’t have to put any weight on his bad ankle.

In theory.

In fact, his anchor foot started to slip, and the only way he could keep from falling and possibly cracking his head against the edge of the tub was to put weight on his sprained ankle. He muffled his groan of pain behind tightly compressed lips and heaved himself onto the toilet seat.

“And you have the nerve to call me an idiot.” She stood in the doorway wearing his blue flannel shirt. Her legs were bare, probably because she hadn’t had time to pull on a clean pair of his sweats. She’d obviously been in the process of covering up when she heard him get out of the tub.

Panting, he pulled a towel from the rack and started drying himself. “I never said I wasn’t one, too. Did you get Amanda settled in?”

“She was out like a light almost before I got her diaper and sleeper on.”

He glanced at the shirt she was wearing. “Are we dressing for dinner?”

She shrugged. “It’s your house. Do what you like.”

He’d thought he could handle her hurt and anger, that it wouldn’t tear him to bits. Maybe he was wrong. “Look, I know I didn’t say what you wanted to hear, but—”