Back to Life (17 page)

I’m not hallucinating. He sees the resemblance, too—the man looks nearly identical to my dead husband. A car pulls up alongside the curb and parks and I hear a door slam. It’s followed by flashing lights, and I look back to see a patrol car slide in behind Bette and Jane. There’s a rash of slamming doors.

“Mitch!” we hear from behind us. “Ronnie. Lindsay. Come back
here!” It’s Jane’s voice, but my eyes are fastened to the door and the mirage I’m seeing.

I jump as a cat creeps along my calf.

The feline blinks at me. His eyes are blank and without life behind them, and my shoulders drop. Ronnie stands alongside me, and holds me firmly. “Mitch.” Jane scurries beside us, out of breath and wild-eyed. She tries to catch her breath. “Stop this—we need to talk. Ronnie,” she barks back at the two of us. “Go inside with Lindsay.”

“What’s going on, Mom?”

“Go inside! Do as I tell you!”

“Mom?” The man says, focusing on Ronnie. “This is my son?”

“This is
Ron’s
son,” Jane says definitively, and she looks away from me as I express disappointment in her.

“Janey, please. It’s time,” he says.

We’re all standing around in a half-circle. Bette, Jane, Ronnie, myself, and this policeman, waiting for answers from a mysterious stranger bearing a striking resemblance to Ron. I imagine even Cherry thought she’d gone to the next world when she laid eyes upon his portly shape.

“Is this a domestic dispute?” the officer asks.

“This is
my
son, Officer. I’m here to meet my son.”

The officer looks to Jane, whose eyes are as wide as lagoons. She shakes her head. “A minute, please. Can we have a minute?” Jane pulls the man she called Mitch aside and even in the dim light, I can see her trembling.

I step back, certain now that this man isn’t my long-lost husband, but uncertain of everything else. He looks remarkably like Ron, but where Ron had smiling eyes, creased in the corners with delight, this man has lowered eyebrows and that straight line above his nose that has become rutted with anger.

Ronnie looks to his mother, back at the stranger, and then steps forward, ignoring his mother’s request. “Mom, do you know this man?”

Her shoulders slump. “This is Mitch. Ron’s brother.” She crosses her arms across her chest. “Can you just give us a moment, son?”

Jane and Mitch walk away again, but their emotions are high and their words float across the yard like Jesus giving a sermon on the lake.

“Mitch, this isn’t right. You need to give me a chance.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do, Janey,” Mitch says. “Trying to call you and tell you about my release, but you kept hanging up on me. I’ve done my time. I’m begging you, don’t make me do anymore.”

“Everything all right here?” The officer calls, his hand ominously on his revolver. “We’ve had a call about a strange man lurking about the property.”

“That would be me, Officer. Mitch Brindle, I’m a free man.” He walks toward the policeman, his eyes perusing Ronnie as he walks by. “Just came to claim my kin is all.”

“Is that so?” Jane says. “Stay here for a minute, Officer. I have some questions for him, and I’d appreciate protection.”

“Protection? Janey, you know I’d never lay a finger on you. What is this? Haven’t you done enough to make Ronnie think ill of me?”

“You wanted Ron’s money!” Jane accuses. “That’s why you were calling, so please don’t act like the long-lost family now! Don’t think I don’t understand what you’re up to. I’ll send you back to jail for extortion if you try anything with me.”

“Extortion?” Mitch asks. “You’re going to talk to me about extortion? If anyone ran off with what belonged to someone else, it was you. Exhibit A,” he says, motioning to Ronnie.

She takes the familiar stranger and walks toward the street, her
expression pleading. Ronnie looks as though he’s been sucker-punched. “Let out? My father? I’m in another dimension.” He takes two fingers and pinches me.

“Ouch!”

“I’m still here. That’s good.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Ronnie.” But of course, my own mind is rabid with conclusions. If Ron did indeed have a brother in jail, why on earth wouldn’t he have told me? In Ronnie’s eyes, I see betrayal flicker across his brow at he stares at his mom.

“She wouldn’t lie to me about my father.” He looks to me for support. “She wouldn’t.”

“If she did, it would have been for your protection, Ronnie. Your mother loves you more than life itself. She’d never do anything to harm you.”

His questioning look of deception now focuses on me. “You knew about this.”

“I didn’t. I swear. I didn’t know Ron had a brother.”

“Is Ron my father? Answer me, Lindsay.”

I swallow. “I don’t know.” And I don’t. I only know what Jane has said, which isn’t much of anything. But seeing Ronnie now, I want to protect him. If Jane did lie, seeing his face now, I know exactly why she did it.

He shakes his head back and forth. “I trusted you.”

“I didn’t have anything concrete to tell you! I didn’t want to gossip and make it worse.”

“Look at my mother’s face. There’s desperation in her eyes. She’s despondent talking to that man, whoever he is, and I’ve never seen him before in my life. If my father isn’t who she said he is, how could she have kept that from me?”

“I’m saying we don’t know the whole story. We’ll find out the whole story eventually, so there’s no sense in filling in the
blanks. Ronnie, please.” I clutch at his hand, and he thrashes it away from me.

He stares at his mother, the pain in his eyes worse than anything I’ve endured with my own mother.

“If Ron is not my father, there’s no inheritance. There’s no money for the schools in Campeche. It’s stolen. It’s not mine to give away.”

“Trust your mother to finish this, Ronnie. Think about the kids. Ron left the money to
you
. Not to Ron Jr., his son, but Ron Jr., the man. It’s yours, free and clear. He had to know.”

His eyes darken. “You did know about this!” His gaze is accusing and angry, and I feel my throat swell. I’m afraid for Ronnie to find out the truth, whatever it might be. Not here. Not like this. And the way he looks at me with disgust in his eyes, it’s worse than I could have imagined. The problem with such a quick connection is that it’s just as easily detached. The beach, only a half an hour before, feels light-years from my present.

“Ron considered himself your father, Ronnie. He wouldn’t have left you the money if he hadn’t. I know that much about my husband.”

“You didn’t even know he had a brother,” he scowls. “You didn’t even know I existed until Ron mentioned me in the will. You only knew what Ron told you, and clearly, it wasn’t much.”

My stomach roils at the painful truth. “I guess that’s right.” Is it any wonder I was such an enabler to Ron’s drinking? Out of the shadows breaks another strapping figure into the orange glow of the porch light. My eyes narrow as I see Jake’s smiling face come into view.
Not now!

“What’s going on out here?”

“Nothing’s going on.” I look at my feet. “Just some family business. Can I call you tomorrow Jake? This isn’t the best time.”

“Cool. Hey, Linds.” Jake grabs my arms. “I did it.”

“You did what?”

“I broke off my engagement. There’s no wedding on Saturday. I’m free. I’m a free man!” He rakes his hand through his hair, oblivious to Ron’s presence or his current crisis. “I feel invincible!”

“Jake, that’s great. Would it be all right if I called you later?”

“Jake?” Ronnie comes and stands in front of him. “This is the fiancé? The one you dumped for Ron, the man who may or may not be my father?”

“Jake.” I shake my head briskly. “Please just go.”

He claps his hands and shouts to the air, “Ah! I’m a new man. A new man I tell you. No more doing what I’m supposed to. I’m going with the flow from here on out.” He picks me up at the waist and twists me around. Truly, he’s oblivious. “I owe it all to you, Angel!”

As he places me on the ground, I see Ronnie’s expression turn. “You’ll excuse me.” He marches toward his mother and Mitch.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jake asks with false innocence.

“Jake, can I call you later? Please.”

“Aren’t you happy for me, Linds? If anyone would know how I hate to be boxed in, it’s you sweetheart. Look, you married that pruned-up old man to get a commitment.”

“I am happy for you if this is what you want. Of course. But that pruned-up old man was my husband and I loved him, so I’d appreciate it if you would show him some respect.” I can barely think of the words to answer him.
Clueless
, I want to shout at him.
Go tell someone who cares!

“I made the right choice. For me. For us.” He motions between the two of us.

I blink a few times. “What did you say?”

“We’re free and clear, Lindsay.” He stands over me with his hands on the back of my neck. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

Free and clear. Free and clear.
I search for meaning in his words when my brain finally dislodges from where it’s stuck. “I have to go.” I clamber for my keys.

I want to be good, God. I want to be good. Why can’t I be good?

I enter my condo, collapsing against the wall. “What have I done?” I search my memory for if and how I led Jake on—and if I did, how is it I ended up in a cozy snuggle with Ronnie all night? My cell buzzes, and I scramble hopeful it’s Ronnie, but there’s another text message from Tim at the singles’ group.

ONLY DNR CALL ME!

If Ron were here, he would clear this all up for me. Perhaps not, but if he were here, I wouldn’t be in this mess. I’d be married and planning parties for his clients! Even Ron might not understand my situation this time. Mexico is sounding better by the minute.
Ay carumba.

Jane

I
can’t believe I’m standing here, mere feet from my worst nightmare coming to life. Bette is leaning against her car, the officer stands with his hand on his gun, and the neighbors’ prying eyes are everywhere. But the worst of it all is Ronnie. He knows that I’ve lied to him, and nothing I ever do can make it up to him. The look of disgust in his eyes is palpable.

“You can’t tell him right now, Mitch. Please. If I meant anything to you.” I plead with him and clutch his forearm. The years have taken their toll, but certainly so have his choices. Gone is that innocent puppy look that I remember, the one that helped me believe anything he tried to sell me. The other girls would watch him as though I were the lucky one who got to be the victim of his charms. “It’s been thirty-six years. What good can it do now to tell him? You’ll only hurt him. Look at him, Mitch. He’s turned out so well. He’s happy. Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?”

He looks back toward the stoop. “He’s my son, Jane. You’re the one who hurt him in this, and you can’t admit your lies led to this. A man has a right to know his father. Think of what this might mean to him—to learn his father isn’t dead.”

“You think it’s going to be a great solace that you’ve been in jail for his entire life?”

“Don’t you think I’ve paid enough for what I’ve done? Yet, you don’t want to pay for what you’ve done. There are consequences to actions. No one knows that better than me. I’ve been paying them practically my whole life, and now that the law says it’s over, you want to continue the sentence.”

“You took another man’s life.”

Mitch doesn’t defend himself, which surprises me. “And you took mine and handed it to my brother. Janey, wake up. Ron always wanted you, and he saw a way to make it happen. Do you think I’d give the woman I loved to another man? Even if he was my brother?”

“Why did you go that night, Mitch? You didn’t have to go!”

“I did, Janey. I had to go. It was what I was taught to do my whole life. Take care of my little brother, and I did.”

His words bring tears to my eyes. “What about me? What about taking care of me? I was pregnant, Mitch. You knew it, and you went anyway!”

He still won’t apologize for the choice, and I want to throttle him. In the thirty-odd years since, he hasn’t taken responsibility for his stupidity, and his family honor still blinds him.

“It could have been anyone to raise my son, but you had to pick him. I wanted Ronnie to have a good life, so I said nothing. Not until you came back here for the will, to reclaim my brother as my
son’s father. That was the last straw! Ron is dead now, but you want to act like I’m the one who’s dead, like I never existed. Tell my son and give him the option of whether to kill me off in his mind.”

I wonder how he knew about the will, how he knew I was back, but I don’t ask. Mitch always did have a web of contacts and informants I will never understand. “Don’t you want your son to have an inheritance? I thought I did the right thing by giving him your last name. Ron left him a great deal. Can’t you just leave it be?”

Mitch turns his head to the side and spits on the grass. “I can’t. Did you like being managed by my brother, Janey? Did you like him telling you how to act in all situations? The proper respectability for each occasion? But that’s exactly what you want from me right now. To shut up and let you keep right on lying.”

“Your brother tried to do what he thought was right. He gave your son a home and a name to be proud of.”

“How can you say that to me? He gave him my name. The name he should have had. Don’t act like Ron did us any favors by marrying you.”

Looking at Mitch’s worn eyes, I see the humanity in him and all the lost years. The part of him I’ve tried to erase from my mind. Making him a monster made what I did bearable, understandable, but he’s not much different than me, and I hate acknowledging that. He fought for what he believed in. He paid the price. I didn’t and I don’t want to. I want to go on running and leave the past behind me. “Please, Mitch.”

“What are you afraid to tell him? He knows, anyway, Janey; you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise. Besides, you know I didn’t pull that trigger. His father isn’t a murderer. If I was in any other state, I wouldn’t have served a day. Tell him the truth and be done with it. Will it be so bad? Right now, he thinks he was abandoned by his father. Trust me, alive and a crook is something, anyway.”

“So he should believe he was abandoned by two fathers? That’s your suggestion? And what about the armed robbery that put you back there? Don’t think I didn’t hear you went back.”

He smirks. “It’s hard for a felon to get a job, Janey.”

“Excuses. Always excuses. Do you need money? Is that what this is about? What do you want? I’ll get you the money; just leave Ronnie out of it.”

“My brother owed me. He stole you and my son, and he couldn’t even do that right. How long did you stay with him? Two years? Three?” He shakes his head back and forth. “No, you’re not going to do this to me again. We’re not talking about me. I know what I did. We’re talking about you. If you can’t give me one good reason why I shouldn’t tell that boy who I am right now, and why I didn’t marry you, there’s nothing to stop me. I gave you the chance to tell him. I’m not giving you anymore.”

My eyes clasp shut. I have no idea who or what I might be praying to, but I am definitely desperate enough to look for help anyplace I can get it. “Mitch,” I say calmly. “Will you give me a week to tell him? Let me tell him the whole story. Let him Google it, and see the truth before he meets you.”

Mitch rubs his chin, eyeing me with curiosity. He has no reason to trust me, this much I know, but I can’t lose my son. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve thought about how I’d get through this if Mitch ever did reappear in our lives. I’d lie and say it was his brother’s baby. Why Ron pulled me back into this forsaken state to make amends with his brother, I’ll never understand. I suppose it was a trap to punish me in some way. To give Ronnie the money and point to me as the villain in all this.

Ronnie strides toward us, his long legs resolute in his conviction to spare his mother from some unknown person. I don’t deserve his allegiance, but I’d wither without it.

“Mom, is there something you want to tell me?”

I nod.

Bette comes and stands beside me. I feel stronger with her at my side, but the truth doesn’t come tumbling out of me like I hope it will. I babble for a minute, trying to form words.

“Jane has had a stressful night,” Bette says. “She fainted earlier from a sugar low, and I do think she might be having trouble again.”

I look at Mitch and Ronnie. Father and son. I wonder why on earth I ever started this facade. It made sense all those years ago, when I worried my son would think he inherited the genes of a criminal. It’s true that Mitch wouldn’t have gone to jail in another state. California had a felony murder rule. It essentially meant if you were present at the time of a murder, and you didn’t run or try to help, you were guilty.

Mitch believed his little brother Tommy wouldn’t pull the trigger. He was wrong. Ron, on the other hand, must have questioned Tommy’s sanity. He ran.

One night. One mistake and so much pain. I had made my own prison that I had to deal with, so I never thought about Mitch. I thought about our child and my inability to raise a baby with no diploma, no way to work and watch him grow…and it was so easy to turn to Ron. He made it easy, and I was searching for a hero. I suddenly feel weak, and Bette grips me. With the help of the policeman, she brings me into the condominium. Kuku is there to greet me, and he meows at my feet.

“What am I going to do?” I ask the floor.

“The truth will set you free,” Bette says, and I look at her.

“Not this time.” I shake my head. “Not this time.”

The thing is, even though I just left my son outside with his real father, I know Mitch won’t tell his son the truth. His loyalty is that
which keeps the mafia in play. It’s what put him in jail for most of his life.

“It’s time to tell him,” I say.

Bette and Lindsay nod.

“Go get him Lindsay, will you?”

“Then we’ll be upstairs if you need us,” Bette says.

Undeserved loyalty. I received far too much of it in this lifetime, and the debt has come due. I wish Davis were by my side for this.