Back to Life (31 page)

“Come
in,” I called, and I sat up straighter on my bed. The door opened, and Brody
walked in with Marissa and there he was…my dad, James Shaw. He looked so tired,
like he hadn’t slept in days. He probably hadn’t. Other than the weary and
careworn look on his face, he still looked just like my dad.

The
minute his eyes met mine, he began to tear up. “Hello, Rory,” he said, and I
immediately started bawling. I could chalk the tears up to pregnancy hormones,
but I knew that wasn’t true. Never, and I mean
never,
in my life had my
father
ever
called me Rory. That simple act alone, him finally
acknowledging the real me, made all my walls crumble and I held my hands out to
him, motioning for him to come to me.

“Oh,
Daddy,” I cried, and he walked over to me and pulled me into his arms for the
first time in four years.

“My
little girl,” he cried, “I can’t believe I let all this time go by without
being a part of your life. I’m so, so sorry, sweetheart. Can you ever forgive
me?” he said, stroking my hair.

“I
already have,” I cried, and I heard Marissa crying as well. “I love you, Daddy.
I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve
missed you, Rory,” he said. We stayed like that for a few moments before we
broke apart.

It
was now time address the elephant in the room. “So, I heard you left Mom.”

He
sighed and nodded his head. “I did. I’m sorry you had to find out about it this
way. It actually happened only two months ago, but things between us had been
strained since Mason’s funeral. When the incident happened outside the church,
I was stunned. I was horrified that after what you were going through Mona
would have the nerve to speak to you like that. When you hit her, part of me
cheered internally,” he said, and I smiled. “But then, when I saw you collapse
on the ground, I was terrified. Once we got to the hospital and heard that you
had a miscarriage, I was so heartbroken for you. Mona was still screaming about
pressing charges, but I yelled at her and demanded that she back off and let us
get you some help. She was furious with me, but she relented. I didn’t know
until I spoke to Brody a few months ago about what she’d said to you when you
were slipping in and out of consciousness. At that point, I wanted to contact
you for several months because I missed you so much, and updates from Brody
were only getting me so far. Your mother was trying to forbid me from seeing
you, and I always gave in because it was exhausting arguing with her. But when
I found out the way she’d spoken to you during that devastating time, I lost
it. Every bit of love I ever felt for that woman was washed away in that
instant. I confronted her, she admitted everything, and told me that it was
time for me to choose. Either I stay with my wife of thirty years or I choose
‘the daughter that had pushed herself away and disappointed her at every turn’.
It was no contest…I chose my little girl, and I’d do it again.”

His
confession floored me. I reached for him and we embraced again. “Oh, Daddy, I’m
so sorry it had to end that way.”

“But
it needed to end, Rory. No one should ever make a father choose someone over
their children, even if that person is the one that’s supposed to love you unconditionally.”
He kissed my cheek and then released me, smiling. “Okay, that’s enough of all
of that. So, I hear my little girl is going to be a mother,” he said, smiling
and wiping his cheeks.

“Yep,
can you believe it?” I smiled, placing my hand on my stomach.

His
eyes flickered down to my belly. “Can I?”

“Sure,”
I said, he placed his hand on my belly. He smiled at me.

“I
can’t believe I’m going to be a grandpa,” he said. “Thank you for letting me be
one, Rory.”

“Thanks
for wanting to be one, Daddy,” I said.

“So,
what’s this surprise Brody said you and your fiancé had for me?” he said.

I
smiled at him. “Well, I wanted you to hear from us first that we are actually
having twins,” I said, and he smiled even brighter.

“Twins?
Are you serious? Sweetheart, congratulations,” he said, hugging me again. I took
a deep, happy breath and leaned back in the bed. I reached out and grabbed my
cheeseburger, taking another big bite.

“Thanks,
Daddy,” I said, between bites. “Sorry to eat like this in front of you, but
this cheeseburger is fucking
amazing
,” I said, and everyone laughed. We
stayed in the hospital room for the next few hours talking and laughing and
just being a family, which is all I ever wanted from my dad. Despite the big
knife gash in my back, my life was dangerously close to perfect.

November

“So,
tomorrow’s the big day! Are you nervous yet?” Marissa asked me.

“Not
at all, I can’t wait until we are finally married,” I said, taking a drink of
my blueberry smoothie. I grabbed a handful of grapes from the bowl setting next
to me and popped them into my mouth. “I also can’t wait until these little
sluggers come out of me so I can have an alcoholic drink again and not want to
eat everything in sight,” I said, and she giggled.

“Well,
if it helps, you don’t look like you’ve gained a single freaking pound,”
Samantha said. “You look absolutely beautiful, Rory. Your little belly is so
cute.”

“Make
that big belly,” I laughed. “Thanks, Samantha.” In the past few weeks, my belly
went from “a little pooch” to a full blown baby belly because of the twins. I
was double the size of a normal pregnant woman at this point in the pregnancy
since I was carrying two, and even though I felt huge already, I had to admit I
loved looking down and seeing my belly getting bigger every day. I never
thought I’d get to have this, and I was making sure to enjoy every minute of
it.

We
were spending the morning at Eclipse getting manicures, pedicures, massaged,
waxed, and everything in between. It felt amazing to be on the other side of
the chair and be pampered for a change. I leaned back in the vibrating spa
chair as Brian massaged my feet. “Oh, God, Brian, that feels so good. I swear
if I wasn’t marrying my dream man tomorrow I’d totally be your beard and marry
you instead,” I said, and everyone laughed.

“Honey,
you could only be my beard if I was in the closet, but I’m not. I’m out and
proud, sister,” he said, and I giggled, and I felt the babies kicking.

“Ooh,
they just kicked,” I said, and everyone “awed”. “See? My boys are laughing at
you already.” That’s right…
boys
. Liam and I had found out last week that
we were having two boys, and to say he was thrilled was a huge understatement.
I really don’t think he cared if we’d had one of each or two girls, but I
really think he was excited to have two future Yankees players coming into the
world.

“So,
is Liam okay spending the night without you tonight?” Fiona asked.

I
took another drink of my smoothie and smiled. “Not at all, but there isn’t a
thing he can do about it. We’ve already faced the worst luck ever, so I don’t
want to try and break tradition on this. No more bad luck for us,” I said. We
sat in our chairs and chatted the afternoon away, and soon it was time to head
out to dinner with our families. However, there was something I needed to do
first. “Hey, Marissa,” I said to her as we walked out onto the chilly Manhattan
streets, “is there any way you can ride to the restaurant with Samantha and I
borrow your car for a bit?”

“Sure,
Rory. Is everything okay?”

“Yes,
of course. There is just someone I need to visit today, and it really can’t
wait,” I said, smiling at her.

She
had a knowing look on her face, and she smiled at me. Handing me her keys, and
said, “Take your time. We’ll let them know you might be late.”

“It
shouldn’t take long. Thanks Marissa,” I said, and I walked to her car and slid
into the driver’s seat. I started the ignition and made my way across town to a
cemetery that I had never visited. Once I got there, I went into the little
office and got the directions I needed, and then I walked the short distance to
a beautiful gravestone underneath a weeping willow tree. I ran my hand along my
belly and stopped at the grave. I sighed and reached my hand out to trace over
the beautifully etched words,

Mason Adam Callahan

Loving Son, Brother, and Friend

Fly To The Angels

January 20, 1983 – April 18, 2009

“Hey
there handsome,” I said, a lump in my throat. I got down on my knees and placed
my other hand that had been cradling my stomach on the ground above where Mason
was lying in an eternal sleep. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. I
just couldn’t come before because it was too hard. I know that’s not an excuse.
I can practically hear you saying ‘Excuses are like assholes, everyone’s got
‘em’. You never could tell a joke to save your life, man,” I laughed, and tears
started pouring from my eyes, making my face even colder. “I’m sure you know by
now everything that’s happened. You were always so damn determined to see
everything through to the end, and if I know you like I’m pretty sure I do, you
are still floating around keeping an eye on me and making me act right. I hope
you are happy and at peace wherever you are, because it’s taken me four years
to finally be happy again myself. Believe me, I never
ever
thought I
would be again after losing you, but life has a funny way of creeping up on
you, huh?” I ran my fingers along his name and took a deep breath.

“His
name is Liam, you know. He’s a cop, and he’s tattooed all over and the only way
you’ll catch him in a suit is at a wedding, which reminds me,” I said, tears
still falling, “you will probably see him in one tomorrow because we’re getting
married,” I said, crying a little bit harder. “But, you probably already knew
that too. He’s so different than you in so many ways, but in what matters you
two are exactly the same. You are both warm, both loving, and both very protective
of what’s important. Plus, you both love me, but how could you not? I’m pretty
fucking awesome,” I said, laughing. I felt the chilly wind flow through my
hair. “I’m just kidding. He’s a wonderful man, Mason, but you don’t need to
worry about him taking your place in my heart, because believe me, you took up
a permanent residence there a long time ago.” At that moment, I felt the babies
kicking me, and I giggled. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you know about these little
guys in here too, don’t you?” I smiled, wiping my nose. “I’m having twins, can
you believe it? They are growing so fast every day, and they are turning me
into a hormonal mess. I hope I can be a good mother to them, because I love
them already and would do anything for them.” The wind picked up and I started
to shiver. My knees were getting numb from the cold ground, so I wobbled around
and stood back up. “I have to go now, sweetie. I’m meeting our families for
dinner and honestly, these little guys are telling me they’re hungry,” I softly
laughed. I stopped and ran my hands along his name one last time, and I cried
harder. “I love you, Mason Callahan, and I always will. I will carry you with
me through everything because I know you will always be there. You have been
with from the beginning. I can never begin to tell you how lucky I feel for the
time that we shared and that I have one of the brightest angels on my side to
watch over me. I will love you always, and I will see you soon, okay? I promise
not to stay away so long next time,” I said, and leaning in to kiss his
headstone, I whispered, “Goodbye.”

I
walked back to Marissa’s car with a heavy heart. I reached her car and opened
the driver’s side door but before I got in, I saw someone in the distance.
There was a man facing me and holding his hand up in a wave. I squinted to see
who it was, but he was too far away. I raised my hand to wave back, and what
happened next knocked the breath out of me. The man placed his hand over his
heart and then raised it to point up to the sky. Then, just like that, he
disappeared behind a tree and was gone. I collapsed into Marissa’s car, completely
shaken. Mason’s sign of affection for me…I sat there in her car for a few
minutes, trying to regain my composure, and finally I slipped the keys into the
ignition and started the engine. He’d seen me…and he let me know it was okay to
move on. I knew it. With the weight of the world finally off my shoulders, I
put the car in gear and drove to the restaurant, happier than I had ever been.

“Rise
and shine, beautiful bride,” Marissa said, pulling the covers off me and
yanking at my arm. “It’s time to get you ready for your wedding!”

I
groaned and sat up, running a hand over my protruding belly. “All right, we’re
up, we’re coming.”

“Good,
because the girls are here and breakfast is ready and waiting for you,” she
said, and she walked back out of the room. I stood up and pulled on a pair of
yoga pants and my favorite tee shirt of Liam’s. I walked out of my room and
yawned, and saw Marissa, Vivian, Samantha, Emily, Fiona, and Brian all sitting
around the table eating and chatting.