Back To Me (7 page)

              She nodded. “I understand.” I followed her, staying close in case she needed me.

              Her friend ran up to her, enveloping Heather in her arms. “Oh, thank God!” she exclaimed, with relief.

              “When Johnny told me you weren’t coming back, I was so worried. Are you okay? Who is this guy? Has he hurt you?”

              She was rattling off questions faster than Heather could answer.
Me? Hurt Heather? Never!
The thought that I’d harm her was ludicrous and caused laughter to bubble up my throat. But I guess I had, hadn’t I? She wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for me. Tracy held Heather at arms-length, spinning and examining every part of her to make sure she was in one piece.

              “I’m fine, Trace. I promise,” Heather assured her. “This is my friend. I’m going to his place for a while. For a vacation, you know. I just need to get away from Tommy and that place. It’s starting to give me the creeps.”

              I don’t know if
Trace
bought it or not, but I was proud that Heather never let her voice crack. She looked her straight in the eye, keeping her emotions in check like a seasoned pro.

              “Never heard you mention him before,” pretty boy spoke up from behind me. “What’d you say your name was?”

              “I didn’t,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

              Heather gave me the eye, the one that said
behave
. Where’s the fun in that? This guy was quickly becoming a pain in my ass, and again wasting valuable time.

              “Fine. I’m Trey,” I said with contempt. I extended my hand out to him, only to receive a questioning look from Heather. I couldn’t very well give the guy my real name, now could I? Heather picked up on it eventually and never corrected me.

              “Hmm,” he guffawed in return.

              “Johnny, look. I never mentioned him to either of you because I like to keep work and my personal life separate. The truth is, I’ve known Trey for years. We haven’t seen each other for a while and it will be good to catch up. Plus, remember what I told you earlier? I just need a break.” Heather let out a sigh when she was done and then walked to where I was standing. She put her arm around me and leaned her head over on my chest, making a grand show for their benefit. It must have worked because they both conceded.

              “Fine, just call me and let me know you’re okay? Promise?”

              “I promise, Johnny. Promise me you’ll watch out for Trace and the others?” Heather asked.

              He took his pointer finger and made an imaginary ‘x’ over his heart. “Promise.”

              “I’m going to miss you so much!” Tracy wailed. “Who else is going to laugh with me and make fun of the tarts?”

              Heather let out a small chuckle. “I’m sure you’ll make do. I did meet one girl tonight…Hope. Maybe you could friend her? I think she needs some help, if you know what I mean.”

              Tracy shook her head. “Yeah, I got ‘cha.”

              They hugged briefly and then it was pretty boys turn. He held on too long and a little too tight for my taste, but whatever. I had no claim on her.

              “You’d better keep an eye on her,” he threatened.

              “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll keep my eyes on her, and my hands, and my…..” Heather hauled off and slapped me across my chest, which was the perfect reaction to her cover, even if it did smart a little.

              He smirked before turning to leave. Tracy was already at the door waiting for him when he turned back around. “Remember, sweet cakes. Call me.”

              Heather offered him a friendly smile and once again attached herself to me. A few more uncomfortable glances and they were gone.

              “How was that? Convincing enough for you?” Heather’s tone was a one-eighty from just moments ago in her bedroom. I didn’t think I had acted
that
badly, but it was apparent that I’d pissed her off.

              “What’s got into you?”

              She stared at me as if I’d lost my mind. “Are you serious right now? You could have been
killed
! What if that had been Raul? What if he’d shot you again!”

             
Oh
. She wasn’t mad at me, she was
worried
about me. “Angel, as you can see I’m fine. I would have never opened the door if I’d thought it was Raul. Give me a little credit.”

              When I looked back at her, she was crying. Her face was in her hands and there was no sound, but it was still undeniable. Her body shook with grief. I’d hurt her. Again.

              I moved closer, taking her in my arms. “I’m sorry, angel. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m trying to protect you and it seems the more I try, the more I say things I don’t mean. The more I screw up.”

              She finally quit crying long enough to push me away. “It’s fine, Billy. I know you’re only here out of obligation, or maybe your conscience finally got to you. I don’t know. Whichever it is, you don’t have to feel guilty and you don’t owe me anything. I was leaving tonight anyway.” She walked around me and headed back towards her room.

             
Wait! What?
I was on her heels, rounding the corner almost before she did.

              “Angel, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t feel
obligated
to be here. But if you’re asking if I feel guilty? Hell yes I do, and I should. You wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for me!” My voice was rising a few octaves and getting louder. I took a deep breath to calm myself.

              “Look, Billy. Don’t worry about me. I appreciate you coming all this way, wherever you came from, but you can go now. I’m just going to finish packing a few things and I’ll find a motel to stay at. I’m sure if I lay low for a few weeks, Raul will give up. He’ll lose interest and move on to the next girl that turns his head.” Heather continued shoving her makeup into a smaller bag before grabbing a slew of hair products, and a bunch of other female shit that I didn’t dare ask about.

              “Heather, stop.”

              She continued as if I hadn’t uttered a word. I grabbed the bag forcefully from her hands and slammed it on the bathroom counter. “Just stop, okay! First off, you’re coming with me. I can’t protect you otherwise. Second, Raul doesn’t just
give up
. He will hunt you down like a prey stalking its next meal. He doesn’t take no for an answer.
Ever
. It’s not safe for you to be here, or anywhere in the vicinity.”

              She huffed in exasperation. “Fine. I’ll come with you. But let’s remember what this really is. I won’t let my feelings get in the way of your
job
, and you can leave me in peace wherever we get to where we’re going. Deal?”

              “Deal,” I grit through clenched teeth.

             
Damn!
Her words cut me, but I couldn’t say I didn’t deserve them. I was usually pretty good at reading people, but I must have had it all wrong earlier. She wasn’t worried about me and she certainly wasn’t
in-love
with me. Looks like it would be strictly business for both of us.

              “Here,” she said, handing me two more bags. “Can we just get out of here now? I don’t want to be around when Mr. Creepy comes.”

              I led her to the front door. We’d been here several times tonight already. Maybe this time we’d actually make it past the steps without interruption.

              “Stay close,” I ordered. I grabbed her bags once again, as well as her hand and made a bee-line across her postage stamp lawn. Her grip tightened on mine, almost to the point of being painful. Once I had her loaded in, I shook my hand and wiggled my fingers, attempting to get the feeling back. I sighed, dreading the eight hour ride home. If she refused to speak the entire time, it would be one boring road trip. Oh well. I always had AC/DC to keep me company.

9

Heather

              After Johnny and Tracy said their goodbyes, the harsh reality set in. Billy was here and he was expecting me to leave with him. I couldn’t help the pitter-patter in my chest. I thought he
wanted
me to come with him. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized this was just his way of trying to make amends for all the times he’d left me alone. Back then I’d planned on marrying him; on having lots of babies and watching our grandchildren grow. That was all just a pipe dream now, and it frustrated me that he expected me to just drop everything and flee with him.

              My anger surfaced and I stomped down the hall, retreating to my bathroom to pack personal items. I didn’t need him.
I didn’t need anyone
. I’d survived just fine by myself and I’ll be damned if I couldn’t do it again. Raul aside, I had Tommy to worry about, too. Regardless of how hurt I was that Billy felt
obligated,
there was no way I was going to bring all of this down on him. As he so eloquently pointed out, if I hadn’t worked for Tommy none of this would’ve ever happened. It was my damn fault and I knew it. Even Billy knew it or he never would’ve brought it up. I felt like such a fool.

              I was throwing my makeup and some other items in a bag when he rounded the corner.

              “Heather, stop!” He grabbed the bag from me, halting my childish behavior.

              I was being ridiculous, but my pride was hurt and I just wanted him to go. At this point I was embarrassed, and it was inevitable this would end badly for both of us. We couldn’t make it work all those years ago and I doubted we could now. That’s when my plan went into action. If I didn’t care then he couldn’t hurt me.

              “Fine! I’ll come with you, but let’s remember what this really is. I won’t let my feelings get in the way of your
job
, and you can leave me in peace whenever we get to where we’re going. Deal?”

              I saw hurt flash across Billy’s face, but I let it go. I couldn’t coddle him and keep myself in-tact. My heart was barely hanging on.

              “Deal.”

              I handed him by bags and we didn’t waste time getting out of there.

              “Stay close,” he ordered. He didn’t have to tell me twice. I was scared as hell. Overwhelming fear consumed me, making the simple task of walking outside feel more like walking into a black hole. I grabbed Billy’s hand tightly and we ran across the dew-soaked ground, seeking refuge far away from this place. My hand tingled, the sensation traveling all the way up my arm. I pushed it down, reminding myself that I couldn’t go there. It was just a job to him and strictly a way to stay alive for me.

              “This way,” he whispered over his shoulder. “Stay low.”

              I did as he asked, keeping our bodies so close we were almost touching. I had my head down, not paying any attention to where we were going. When he abruptly stopped, my body crashed into the back of his strong, muscular frame.

              “Sorry!”

              He didn’t respond as he hit the button to unlock the truck. I struggled to get in and after wasting a few precious seconds, Billy huffed and picked me up, practically shoving me across the seat. My bags went in the back of the extended cab before he jumped in and put the key in the ignition. He looked across to me and sighed lightly.

              “Just so you know, angel, I’m here for other reasons than obligation. Yes, it’s my fault you’re in this situation. And yes, I know you’re tough, but you don’t know the things Raul is capable of. Blake couldn’t tell me everything because of the ongoing case, but things have gotten way worse since I got out. Raul isn’t someone you toy with. He killed his own father for shit’s sake! Do you think he’d spare you? The man has no heart, angel, and I’ll be damned if I sit back and let him come for you, especially when I can keep you safe. Now I understand you want nothing to do with me, and I can’t say I blame you. But let me do this and I swear when it’s all over, you’ll never have to lay eyes on me again.”

              I stared in shock at his words. Raul killed his own father? Never have to lay eyes on him again? Is that what I really wanted? If I was honest with myself I’d say no, but I wasn’t about to tell Billy that. So instead, I just nodded my head and turned away from him.

              I heard the rumble of the engine as he started the truck. “Get some rest, angel. We’ve got a long drive.” I watched his reflection in the window and I saw him rub his hands up and down his face before letting out a disgruntled sigh.

              I was exhausted so I did as he suggested. I grabbed my duffle bag from the back seat and shoved it against the window, forming a makeshift pillow. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but I’d slept worse in worse places. I adjusted my body so I was half-sitting, half-laying over and closed my eyes. I was just about to drift off when I felt his hand rub my leg and his voice softly whisper, “Night, angel.”

             
I had just found out I was pregnant right before he was shot. He was coming home in two days. Two damn days! When I got the call, my world spun out of control and I lost it. I was barely able to drive myself to the hospital, but I managed. Once I was there, just even getting clearance to see him was difficult. His room was guarded by several FBI agents and plain-clothed officers. I still didn’t know the particulars of how this even happened, but it didn’t matter. My worst fear was now a reality. All I wanted was to get to him before it was too late.

              “
Ma’am, you can’t go in there. Only authorized personnel are allowed. Sorry.”

              I was sobbing uncontrollably, unable to even speak. I tried pushing my way through, but the brute of a man was not budging. He pushed me roughly and my back hit something solid.

              “Tom, this is Heather. Billy’s girlfriend.” I recognized the voice as Blake’s and then allowed myself to relax. It was just seconds before my legs gave out and I started going down. He caught me just in time, lifting me and carrying me over to a chair in the waiting area.

              “It’s okay, Heather,” he assured me. “He’s stable for now. They have the bleeding under control.”

              “Is he going to be okay?” I cried.

              He breathed a deep breath and turned away. “I don’t know. He’s tough and too stubborn to die. You know that!” Blake let out a weak chuckle and I knew he didn’t believe it any more than I did.

              “How did this happen?” I asked.

              “You know I can’t tell you that.”

              I did know and I hated it! I hated that Billy’s life may be over, and I’d never know why. The agency would cover up and cover up until even they believed their own lies. It was mandated and it wasn’t for the faint of heart. They looked at the overall case, not at the person who lay dying, or their family who was left to carry on.

              “Can I see him?”             

              “Sure thing. C’mon.” Blake stood and held his hand out for me. I took it, shaking with every step I took towards that cold, metal door. Just on the other side was the love of my life; the man I was having a child with. The man that I couldn’t picture my life without.

              “Are you okay? You sure you’re ready? You don’t have to do this now.” Blake rubbed his thumb back and forth over the top of my hand and waited for me to respond. My voice was apparently on hiatus so I simply nodded. I wasn’t ready, but I had no choice. It might be my last chance.

              The big, burly men stepped aside when they saw Blake and me approaching. It was amazing; as if he was some kind of rock star that commanded respect. I was just the mousy little girlfriend who couldn’t stop blubbering like a baby, and at that moment I was so thankful that Blake was there. I took one last deep breath before he pushed the door open and waited for me to step inside.

              I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. I thought I would be, but I don’t think you can ever truly be ready for something like that. Billy was covered in blood, and tubes and wires seemed to protrude from every orifice of his body. A bag of urine hung to the side, no doubt from a catheter, and several bags of fluid hung overhead, pumping whatever it was through his IV. He was pale and ashen, unusual for his normally tan complexion. His eyes were closed and there were dark circles underneath. It had been two months since I’d seen him and this was nothing like the reunion I’d pictured. I walked slowly to his bedside and laid my hand gently over his.

              “It’s okay, sweetie,” the nurse across the bed spoke, scaring me. I hadn’t even noticed her there. “You must be Heather?”

              I looked at her questioningly. How would she know who I was?

              “He mumbled your name several times when he came in. He was looking for you.” I looked closely at her nametag. ‘Celeste’. She offered me a small smile. “Sit down, sweetie. It’s okay. Just talk to him and let him know you’re here. Sometimes that’s better than any medicine we can give them.”

              I retuned her smile and heard the wheels of a rolling stool move across the floor. Blake had wheeled one closer to the bed so I could sit next to Billy. “Thank you,” I whispered.

              “I’ll be right outside if you need me.” I never even looked up. I couldn’t take my eyes off the lifeless man in front of me.

              I leaned over and rested my head across his chest. I let out only one cry and then held the rest in. I needed to be strong for him. I would fall apart later in the privacy of our home, far away so that he wouldn’t feel worse than he already did. “Please come back to me,” I whispered. “I can’t do this without you. I need you.”

              He didn’t respond and I didn’t expect him to. But if Celeste thought it would help then I dang sure was going to do everything I could. I’d talk until my voice box no longer worked. I’d stay here day and night, soothing him and stroking his beautiful face. I’d do whatever I could to bring him back.

              “Do you need to talk to someone?” Celeste asked with concern. “I know this is hard and it might help if you have someone to talk to.”

              “I’m okay, but thank you. It’s just a shock to walk in and see him like this, you know? He doesn’t look like my Billy right now.”

              “I bet, but he’ll get back to normal soon. So long as he knows you’re here, sweetie, he’ll continue to fight.” She took his vitals and recorded them on his chart before pulling back the sheet to check his bandage. I gasped in shock.

              “It looks worse than it is,” she assured me. “A lot of this is just drainage from the surgery. That’s why it’s important to keep the bandages changed.”

              I wanted to look away from the horrific wound, but my eyes wouldn’t cooperate.

              “Would you like to help me?” she offered. “You’ll need to know how to do this for when he gets to come home.”

              Her eyes were sad while still trying to maintain a look of professionalism. I knew she was trying to push me towards reality, and to realize sometimes things aren’t so bad once you just jump in and take care of them. But….this was different. This was Billy, lying unconscious in a hospital, with a huge hole is his leg. My stomach lurched and my body bucked forward. I stood quickly and the stool shot to the other side of the room, crashing into a metal cart. It fell to the floor along with the utensils that were sitting on top of it. I barely made it to the trashcan before everything in my stomach came out. I threw up violently, until I was dry heaving and breaking out in a sweat.

              “It’s alright, sweetie.” Celeste was behind me, rubbing circles on my back. “It’s all going to be okay.”

              I nodded as I wiped my chin in a most unladylike fashion. After I turned to face her, Celeste’s eyes went wide.

              “You’re pregnant, aren’t you, sweetie? Oh, bless your heart!” she put her arm around my shoulder and led me back to Billy’s bedside.

              “You should tell him,” she encouraged me. “That’s definitely some exciting news that just might wake mister hunky-hunk up!” she giggled and I smiled. Hunky hunk?

              “Don’t worry, dear. We give all our patients on this floor names. Makes our day go a little easier.” Winking at me, she turned and proceeded to pick up the mess I’d made.

              I focused my attention back on Billy, who remained unaware of anything going on in the room. The machines kept up a steady rhythm with his heartbeat, signaling he was still in there….somewhere. I resumed my position next to him and grabbed his hand in mine, taking notice of the way they fit perfectly together. Mine were small; my fingers slender while his were much bigger. Vessels and veins stood out prominently in his, and mine were smooth. Such a difference, each seeming to contradict the other. I suppose on their own, our hands were as ordinary as anyone else’s, but together they were a masterpiece. I squeezed a little harder, trying to stir something in him….anything that would bring him back to me. When there was no response, I leaned over and kissed him lightly.

              “I’m here, baby. I’m right here. You can wake up now. Everything will be alright.” A small sob escaped my throat as I was unable to hold it together. I knew I needed to be strong for him, but I couldn’t. All I could see was my life crashing down around me. I wasn’t strong enough to raise our child alone. I just couldn’t. I needed him too much.