Back to the Heart (16 page)

Even when he came back, though, she wouldn’t have that. He’d be stuck out in the barn, and she’d be inside the house, waiting longingly for him every single day. It wasn’t fair. And yet, after leaving New York, Ana had been certain it would take forever to get her life back together. Then Ryan had popped into the picture unexpectedly and fixed everything.

He had taught her it was all right to love, that men could be trusted, and he had made sure Rick Fasken hadn’t gotten away with how he had treated her. He was even talking about being the father of her unborn child. Every knot left frayed by her past life he had tied up just by being there. How could she not be in love with him?

It was strange to think about how fast things had progressed between them, and even stranger still, what things would be like when he returned. Their whirlwind romance would finally come out of hyperdrive. They would be able to take things slow and not move in such desperation. Desperation caused by the fear that Ryan would get on that plane tomorrow and disappear forever.

Ana didn’t want to think about that. Ana wasn’t about to allow her fears to corrupt these last few precious hours. She snuggled down against Ryan’s chest, splaying her fingers across the firm muscles of his stomach. Even though they had just had sex, she was still getting heated up.

“What will things be like when you get back?” she asked in a small shy voice.

He stroked her back, pulling her against him to kiss the top of her head. “Things will be different,” he confessed, his voice all seriousness.

“Different?”

“When I get back, I want you to know me completely. And I want to know you completely. I want to know what your favorite color is, your favorite food. I want to know everything.”

“Purple and cheeseburgers.” She grinned and nuzzled down further.

“I just want . . .” He hesitated. “I want you to trust me.”

“I do trust you. More than I trust most people.” Ana drew circles on Ryan’s chest with her fingertip while she thought for a moment. “I think I want things to slow down a little.” He tensed at the word, but she eased his mind. “I want to go on dates, to take our time, to do things more traditionally. To be honest, it still weirds me out how we fell in love so quickly. I mean, I believe in love at first sight, and it was obvious when I saw you that there was attraction there, and I know you’re not just a rebound for me. It just . . . I worry, as anyone would. Maybe we rushed in. Maybe you’re not as sincere as you think. Maybe you’re going to go back to Pittsburgh and meet some girl and feel the same things for her that you feel for me now.”

“Impossible.” He pulled away from her. “I have never felt this way about anyone before. You need to believe me. I don’t lie when it comes to love.”

The conviction in his voice was strong, but Ana still held on to her uncertainties. Ryan was like a Prince Charming who had ridden into town and saved her from everything that was ruining her life. But real Prince Charmings didn’t exist.

“Surely there have been other women you thought you loved.”

“Never. I’ve always known that when I met the woman I was going to be with for the rest of my life, it would hit me like a ton of bricks.” He took her hand and lifted it to his lips. “And when I saw you for the first time, it was like I had been run over by a semi.”

Ana laughed.

“All right. I believe you then.” She relented, cuddling against him again.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and they lay there in the heat, their bodies pressed together, their hearts beating as one.

Her fears came back full force with the dawn. She woke from dreams of having Ryan in her arms and rolled over to an empty spot in bed beside her. Of course it was empty. He was still in the barn, probably getting ready to come in and have breakfast and say his final good-byes.

Tears came to her eyes unbidden. What if Ryan didn’t return from his business trip? What if she had just been used again? What if her heart shattered beyond repair? It was more than Ana could bear, and so she lay in bed and cried until she was dry for tears.

He had never given her a reason to worry, so all she could blame was her hormones from the pregnancy, and the fact that she had so recently been betrayed by a man she trusted. Ryan wasn’t Rick Fasken, though. While Rick had wooed her with compliments and kind words, not once had he mentioned love. No, they weren’t the same man. Ryan would never purposely hurt her. She had to believe that. She just had to.

It took Ana a few moments of preparing herself before she was able to head downstairs for breakfast. When her eyes landed on Ryan, her heart filled with despair again. She wished she could beg him to stay, or if he had to go, to take her with him. But that was too desperate.

Today was the first time she saw the flaw in his attraction. He was too gorgeous, sitting at the table wearing black slacks, a white dress shirt, a black vest, and a striped tie. What woman wouldn’t want to fall into bed with him, as she had so easily done? How many women would think about sleeping with him when he walked out of the airport looking like that? And what if one of them talked to him and he succumbed to desire? She might lose him forever.

“Someone looks like she woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Molly commented.

“I’m fine,” Ana groaned, sliding into the chair next to Ryan. “It was just a rough night.”

Ryan’s hand found her thigh under the table, and when she glanced down, he took her hand, a smile playing across his face that made her want to lean over and kiss him. “I think you look beautiful.”

“You have a rough idea of beautiful, Sunshine,” Molly joked.

“Ana always looks beautiful to me.”

“Well, aren’t you the romantic.” Molly dug into her eggs.

“I’ll miss you both very much. I’ll keep in contact, though,” Ryan assured them.

“Promise?” Ana gave him a hopeful look.

“Promise.”

And with that, all she could do was trust him. Soon, she would know if he was honest, or if he was just another good-looking man full of slick words.

Ana spent the rest of the day in misery. Watching Ryan pull out of the driveway in his pickup truck was one of the hardest things she had ever done, standing there like it didn’t bother her at all, when on the inside she was screaming for him to come back. Even though he would be returning a few days later, he’d packed up all of his belongings and left the barn as he had found it. Barren. That more than anything made Ana feel like she had been abandoned.

There was no time to dwell on it. Molly wouldn’t allow that. It was a new day, and there was work to be done.

Even so, she kept her cell phone in her pocket, awaiting his call. He didn’t call that day when he arrived in Pittsburgh, nor that night.
So much for keeping in contact,
she thought with a sneer as her heart broke a little inside.

The next day, she tried to renew her hope. Ryan had probably been too tired from the flight to bother calling her the day before, or perhaps too busy with his business meetings. She wasn’t exactly sure what he had done once he arrived in Pittsburgh. There must have been a good reason why he hadn’t called her.

Again, she carried her phone around like it was a lifeline. Morning turned to noon. Noon turned to dusk. All of Ana’s chores were done, and there was still no call from Ryan. Depression set in like a boulder on her heart, crushing all of her happiness. She had almost lost hope when her phone rang in the middle of dinner. Never before had Ana moved so quickly to pull her phone from her pocket, but when she gazed down at her caller ID, the smile she was wearing sank into a frown.

“Sunshine?” Molly asked.

“Celia,” Ana replied before pressing the button to accept the call.

“Hey, Ana. How’s it going?”

“Good,” she lied. It was taking everything in Ana to not shatter into a million pieces.

“Great. I’m good too. David and I got back from our honeymoon at the dude ranch a few days ago. Sorry I haven’t called. We’ve just been so busy lately.”

“It’s fine.” Ana shook her head, trying to muster up some happiness for her sister.

“I know that you don’t have many friends in town anymore, so I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me and the girls tomorrow night. We’re just going to have a few beers, do a girls’ night out. I know you can’t have beer, but my friend Michelle says that a glass of red wine won’t hurt the baby. Just one.”

“Sounds great. Where at and what time?” Maybe if Ana was lucky, she could make a few friends. As it was, there wasn’t much here for her, and being with Ryan had created the illusion that she’d always have someone around to keep her from getting bored. Now he was gone.

“Eleventh Street Cowboy Bar at eight.”

“I’ll be there,” Ana said with a sigh. At least it would be better than sitting at home and waiting for Ryan.

Ana sat up in her bedroom, knitting a baby sweater while she stared out the window. It was already dark outside, but in her mind’s eye, she could see Ryan down at the fence post, his back glistening with sweat as he worked shirtless in the midday sun. How she yearned for him. But more than that, how she missed him.

It was difficult not to wonder if all of her fears were coming true. Had she given her heart to another man who had just wanted to use her and abandon her? No. She couldn’t allow herself to believe that. After all, he was the one who had wanted to wait to have sex until he returned from his trip. Ana had practically jumped his bones in the barn. But in giving in to desire, maybe she had made a mistake. Perhaps he had wanted to wait because he knew he wasn’t coming back and didn’t want to hurt her. Maybe she had just set herself up to fall.

Whatever the case, thinking about it wasn’t making her phone ring. She had finally abandoned it in lieu of her knitting needles. Keeping herself distracted was the only way she’d save herself from spiraling into depression.

The hours pushed on until it was time for bed, and Ana sighed as she set the partially knitted sweater down on her chair and walked over to her phone a final time to check it before she went to bed. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed a missed text message, and relief flooded through her when she realized it was from Ryan.
I miss you. Get on Skype when you get a chance. My Skype name is ryan1234533.

Ana was in front of her computer in less than a heartbeat. She was practically wiggling as she waited for it to boot up, an ear-to-ear grin on her face. Ryan hadn’t lied. Just like with everything else, he had kept his promise. Maybe he really was coming back.

It took a short eternity for her computer to come to life and for her to open the chat software. As soon as she added Ryan’s name, he sent her a message.
Want to video?

Ana’s smile dipped momentarily. She looked like hell, tired from a long day’s work, her hair unkempt, her eyes with dark circles beneath them. Still, she wanted to see him more than anything, and so she replied,
Sure.

When he initiated the cam session, and she clicked the button to accept, she was surprised to find that he looked like a complete stranger. His blond hair had been dyed brown. The blue colored contacts he always wore were gone. In their place were eyes the shade of his new hair color. He was clean shaven and deliciously shirtless. If it wasn’t for the distinctive small freckle below the right corner of his lip, she might have thought she was talking to a completely different man.