Backstage (The Barter System Book 4) (35 page)

Every morning, she cooked for him after he woke her with the most mind-blowing sex she thought could exist.  She would spend time with her mother while he made calls to his family and checked on his business. 

He unpacked his camera equipment and took photos of her and of them together.  Most of the time, she was aware but she suspected he took many others that she didn’t notice. 

In the evenings, they went to the theater. 

Sometimes he watched the play but usually he stayed in the back to help her with anything she needed.  Afterward, they often went to late dinners with their families. 

The Johannsons, Zelders, and Groves felt as if they’d known one another for years and every night saw the bonds between them grow stronger. 

There was no doubt that the most painful moment of her life was coming.  They talked incessantly about anything and everything but never about a possible future together. 

Theodora understood that she could either accept him as he was, take the gifts he gave without conditions, or she could cut it off and miss a few more days of bone-deep happiness. 

She chose to close her mind to
after
and live in the
now
. 

The extended Johannson family had been in New York for three weeks when Theodora decided to hold a dinner at her home.  She wanted everyone to meet her mother and that meant keeping her in a safe and fully controlled environment. 

Bridgette was carried up to join them by Isaiah and Ezra.  Her nurse stayed close but Alice was happy to see her charge enjoying herself.

On the second floor above street level, she laid out a feast and watched as the other males in Kiefer’s family inspected crown moldings, dumbwaiters, and original hinges. 

At one point, Bristol disappeared up the front stairs with Vince but they eventually returned wearing innocent expressions that made Theodora laugh quietly to herself. 

Carly and Reynold used the back stairs an hour later. 

When they reappeared, she made a point of discreetly pointing to a lipstick smudge along the oldest Johannson son’s neck.  Carly winked and mouthed, “
Thank you
.” 

On a new regimen of pain medication, Bridgette was more animated than her family had seen her in years.  She told the Oklahoma family about stories from their childhood until all of them were laughing and asking questions. 

Midway through the evening, her female cousins asked to talk to her privately.  She led them down to her apartment.

Carly cleared her throat.  “We’re thinking about moving to Oklahoma.”  Unable to hide the sadness she felt at not having them close, the cousin that most closely resembled the Zelder side of the family rushed to say, “You won’t ever lose us, Theodora.”

“I know.  I’m so unbelievably happy for both of you.  Why don’t you store your things in your rooms here?  I can ship whatever you need.” 

Hugging her tightly, Bristol whispered, “Maybe we’ll see you out in Oklahoma soon.” 

Shaking her head, she put on a bright smile.  “No.  My relationship with Kiefer isn’t like that.  You two deserve happiness and that entire family is filled with joy and goodness.  Those men are going to treat you the way you need to be treated.”  After a pause, she asked, “Will you go back when they do?” 

“Not for a while yet.  I have to finish out the term and Bristol has that big presentation for Winters.  You know she wants to change the world.” 

Inhaling carefully, she nodded.  “So you’ll be here through the holidays.  That’s good.  It will give me time to get used to the idea.  Can you avoid mentioning this in front of Kiefer?”

Bristol frowned.  “Why?” 

“He’s skittish.  I don’t want him to feel pressured or guilty.  I just want to enjoy this time for what it is without awkwardness.” 

Her cousins agreed but she could tell they weren’t happy about it.  They returned to the party and she kept herself as busy as possible to avoid thinking about what was coming. 

* * * * *

Another week passed and the three families spent the day before the Johannsons were due to return to Oklahoma together as a group.  Isaiah and Ezra took them all over the city. 

Theodora slathered on sunblock and used the darkest shades she had but she carried an umbrella just in case. 

Kiefer told her they could stay inside and spend their last day together but she insisted that they soak up one full day with their combined families to keep things light and relaxed. 

They ate, laughed, and toured the historical district, Central Park, and every landmark that native New Yorkers took for granted.  She knew it would be one of the best days of her life.  It was also bittersweet. 

When they made it back to her place, he made love to her hard all night.  She knew she’d be sore the next day but she didn’t care. 

As she fell into an exhausted sleep after losing count of the orgasms he gave her, Kiefer murmured, “I’m sorry I’m not a better man.” 

She was sorry he didn’t realize how good a man he was.

The moment he left her bed a few hours later, she was aware.  She pretended to sleep as she listened to him shower, dress, and pack his belongings that had slowly become integrated with hers. 

Lying on her stomach, she knew he stood beside the bed for a long time watching her.  Finally, he exhaled painfully hard and sat beside her.  A large, warm palm traced its way over her bare back. 

“Teddy…wake up, pretty girl.  It’s time for me to go.” 

She’d made it clear to her cousins that she’d be unable to bear seeing him off at the airport but she needn’t have worried. 

Kiefer didn’t ask her. 

“Open your eyes, beautiful girl.”  Taking a deep, fortifying breath, she did.  “Hi.” 

“Kiefer…say you’ll see me later.”

His hand stroked over her hair and she could see the tension in his face.  “I could stay a few more days…”

She sat up and put her fingers over his lips.  “No.  You can’t.” 

“I don’t know what to do.” 

“Yes, you do.  You know, Kiefer.”  She cupped his face and gave him a smile that was not easy to give him.  “Kiss me one more time.” 

He gathered her in his arms and kissed her until she lost her breath, her ability to think, and the strength of her heart.  When he broke it, he rested his forehead against hers. 

“Thank you, Teddy.” 

“No, thank you for so many beautiful memories.” 

One more kiss and he whispered raggedly, “See you later.” 

“See you later, Kiefer.” 

Then he bounded from the bed, walked quickly to the door, gathered up his bags, and left without another word. 

Counting to a hundred, she accepted that he wasn’t going to change his mind.  She laid back down, pulled his pillow to her chest, and cried until her eyes swelled and she could hardly swallow. 

* * * * *

There were no texts, no calls, no emails. 

It took Theodora two weeks of hard grieving to return to her old life.  It settled around her shoulders like an old friend but it felt heavier than it once did. 

At the strangest times, a memory would drift across the surface of her mind and she would go still until she felt strong enough to move again.

Kiefer Johannson walked into her life with flair, charm, and laughter.  He walked out of it in utter silence. 

Chapter Ten

December 2012

The world fell out from underneath Theodora after Kiefer got on a plane and never gave her another thought.  The enormity of her personal situation hit her hard and mowed her down. 

She’d fallen in love with him in the first week.  It wasn’t difficult to understand why.  He’d filled her life with sounds, colors, and sensations she’d never experienced. 

He’d also filled her womb with a baby.  A baby she’d known about before he walked out of her life so easily.

She took a leave of absence from the theater and planned a trip to the Zelder compound in Upstate New York after asking Isaiah’s permission. 

“You never have to ask, Theodora.  Anything I have is yours.  Would you like me to drive you up?” 

“I…no.  I need time alone to think.” 

“I’ll arrange a car to take you.”  She started to object.  “I won’t have you on a train with too many people and bright lights.  It’s no hardship. 
You are not a hardship
, Theodora.  Time away will do you good.  Please let me arrange things for you so I know you’re safe.” 

“Thank you, Isaiah.” 

There was a long silence on the line.  “Is there any way I can help?” 

“You’re doing it.” 

“I love you.  I miss your smiles.” 

With a shaky laugh, she replied, “They’ll return.  I just…I need to be still.  I need to think and decide what to do next.” 

“You’ll call if you need anything?” 

“I promise.” 

They disconnected and she packed.  Two hours later, Ezra’s personal driver greeted her with a warm smile.  He’d been with their family since they were children. 

Though the man was in his late fifties, she knew he was armed and could easily best an attacker hand-to-hand. 

She quirked her brow.  “They worry too much.” 

Xavier winked.  “Not enough when it comes to you.  I’ll see you up to the estate and safely home again when you’re ready.” 

The weather was cold, the skies overcast, and there was all the quiet she could take in for hundreds of acres.  The household staff lived on site and insisted on pampering her.  She was happy to see many familiar faces.  They hadn’t seen her since she was a teenager. 

Theodora should have known her peace would be short-lived.  Bristol and Carly arrived looking furious at the end of the first week. 

She hustled them into the downstairs parlor and closed the door.  “Why are you here?” 

“Why are
you
here?  When Ezra told us where you were, we were blown away.  You hated this place when we were kids.” 

Settling on a loveseat, she shook her head.  “No, I’ve always loved it here.  I hated watching everyone ride, hike, and enjoy the grounds while I was stuck inside.”  She shrugged.  “I didn’t like to be here with all of you because you felt obligated to stay with me.” 

Bristol sat beside her slowly and Carly knelt at her feet.  She watched as they replayed every moment spent here, every conversation when she said she didn’t want to go. 

Then they were crying and she joined them for so many reasons that made her feel weak and afraid. 

After a long time, they quieted. 

“What’s wrong?  Something is off…not right.  I can feel it.”  Bristol reached out to cup her cheek.  “What happened?” 

Theodora shook her head.

Carly frowned.  “You’re right.  Something is strange.”  Rising on her knees, she leaned over Theodora and stared deeply into her eyes.  Her older cousin whispered, “
Oh my god…
” 

“I’m pregnant.  I found out before they all went back to Oklahoma.” 

Their mouths hung open in shock.  She sat up and took tissue from the box on the side table. 

“If you breathe
one word
to anyone else, I will never speak to either of you again.”  She wiped her face.  “I have never been more serious about anything in my life.”

“Never.  We’d never betray your confidence,” Bristol said firmly.

“Are you going to tell Kiefer?” 

She shook her head.  I haven’t heard from him in almost a month.  He was honest with me from day one.  I wasn’t honest when he had a slip and I told him I was on birth control to keep him from freaking out.”  Sighing, she added, “At first, it was more that there was nothing that could be done about it.  But…when he didn’t go back to using condoms, I didn’t object.  I liked it and I knew the risks.” 

“Did you want to get pregnant?”  Carly’s voice was gentle.

“I think he’ll believe that was what I wanted.  I’ve always been regular and when my date came and went, I took a test.  After that, it seemed stupid to use them.  Kind of like shutting the barn door when all the horses were already loose.” 

She blinked back tears and stared between her cousins.  “I won’t be a burden and this child will never be a
mistake
to me.  Financially, I’m stable.  I can get help so I can continue to run the catering business.  I know Isaiah and Ezra will help me figure out transportation and logistics in my apartment.” 

Carly had always been the quickest of them to anger.  “Why won’t you just
tell
him?  He’s the father!  He helped get you in this situation and he should participate in the consequences.” 

“You know his family.  They will insist that he marries me or some damn thing.  They’re good people and they’re going to want everything neat and organized.”  She rubbed her temple.  “I refused to be pitied.  I refuse to be the person he gets stuck with for something that was as much my responsibility as his.” 

“Theodora!  That entire family
loves
you.”  Bristol ground her teeth in frustration.  “I won’t say a damn thing but…how can you continue to hide it?  You know I’m moving out there to be with Vince in a few months.  Carly and Reynold are already talking about marriage.  How can you possibly keep a secret like this?” 

“Keeping the baby a secret is probably the simplest part of all for the time being.  Where do I go?  Who do I see? 
No one
.  His life is halfway across the country, filled with other alpha males and supermodel wannabes.  He can party with people who don’t get headaches from
light
and can stand in sunshine without being
hospitalized
.” 

She stood to pace.  “I need a little time to get things in place, to show that I can care for a child on my own.”  Both her cousins broadcasted their confusion.  “He doesn’t want me but Kiefer is a good man.  He’s also a man who knows I’m slowly going blind and might think I shouldn’t be allowed to keep it.”

Both women stood up at the same time.  “I might not know Kiefer well, Theodora…but I know he wouldn’t take your child from you.” 

“He wouldn’t do that and no one in their family would allow it.” 

Thinking back on so many missed opportunities, experiences she’d had to forgo due to her condition, she saw her life far differently than her cousins did.  When a flash of bright light could render you blind or incoherent for several minutes, you were a risk in the care of a child.