Backstreet Mom: A Mother's Tale of Backstreet Boy AJ McLean's Rise to Fame, Struggle With Addiction, and Ultimate Triumph (35 page)

THE BACKSTREET BOYS HAD SPECTACULAR YEARS in 1997 and
1998, achieving a mind-numbing level of success both internationally
and at home. They appeared to be unstoppable. When we traveled to the
MTV Europe Music Awards in November 1997, 1 realized just how far
they had come. The respect they had gained within the industry became
obvious when they were asked to perform two songs and close the show.

The boys started off with a ballad and then came backstage for a quick
change. They then turned right around and did a full-out version of
"Backstreet's Back" with dancers. It was an amazing performance!

As I watched with Nina from the greenroom backstage, I was filled
with pride. All of the boys' vocals were perfect and the choreography
was tight. And the reaction from the audience was as enthusiastic as the
performances.

Nearly a year had passed since Alex moved out of my house. It had
been an eventful year in a number of ways, both good and had. Many of
the lawsuits that had been filed against management were negotiated.
We all had to go through the enormous amount of accounting that finally came to us once the attorneys got involved.

It took many meetings with the attorneys and accountants before we
discovered just how badly the boys had been mistreated. Lou had always
taken the stand that he had put up millions of dollars to get the boys
where they were. We came to find out that was not entirely true. He had
used investors' money to pay the bills; he just happened to be one of the
major shareholders. Big Poppa always needed to look like the big shot to
the boys and everyone around him. As time went on, we realized that
many people other than Lou were involved in the boys' career.

One by one, Lou's investors went out on the road with us. Each one
called himself a manager and talked like he had been in the record business for years. They all had a piece of the Backstreet pie and made everyone aware of it once the boys were successful. Of course none of
these shareholders ever had any background in the music business. It
was just another venture that their buddy Lou needed money for, and
they bit.

The web of lies kept growing larger and larger.

Another disheartening fact was that Johnny never really tried to warn
the boys or explain to them what was happening. In some ways I imagine he must have had regrets about knowing what the boys had really
gotten into with his recommendation. Yet he was indifferent to how
much he had hurt the boys. If he cared, I saw no signs of it.

When asked about why he never told the boys the truth, he said that
he had a bad experience of being ripped off by groups before. It became
his practice after that not to get too close. That really did not make
sense, since he had gotten extremely close to both Brian and Alex, probably the two boys most hurt by his actions.

I had several conversations with Johnny over the years. He always
seemed to just be on the edge of telling me what was going on, but he
never crossed the line. Knowing that he is a good and kind-hearted
person, I can only surmise that maybe he was too wrapped up in the
almighty dollar.

Eventually, the boys too turned against him, especially since he was
the one who helped Lou start up *NSYNC. It looked to us as if he was
preparing to move on and manage another band. It was one more disappointment for my son.

Brian made the first move when he filed a lawsuit on behalf of the
boys. It really came as a shock to everyone. No one had been aware that
Brian and his family had taken steps to hire their own attorney. His
mom and dad had had enough of the runaround and decided to take
matters into their own hands. Even though it came as a big surprise to
the rest of the boys, they got behind it.

One good thing that came out of the attorneys' negotiations was that
we were able to settle up with Lou on Alex's debt. That meant that any
more money that came in would be Alex's to keep. Lou made sure everyone received a statement of the accounting. Once that was done we
were also given a day to go in and discuss it with him.

Alex and Nick had incurred the highest bills due to the fact that they
had been tutored for so long. Alex also had some of my debt included in
his. However, I had been diligently chipping away at that once I started
getting an actual salary from Lou. I had the accounting department take
a portion from each paycheck and apply it to that debt. I felt guilty that
I had played a small part in the amount of money that Alex owed, but
truly it could not have been helped. There was simply no way I could
have been out on the road with him as a guardian and held down a fulltime job at the same time.

At the time, I thought that what I did was right and to this day I still
feel that way. The most important thing at the time was that I was there
to look after my son. If nothing else, at least my presence was felt. Everyone knew that for a while they had to deal with me. Alex trusted me and
knew that I would never do anything to hurt him.

Even though Alex moved out of the apartment, I tried to be as openminded as possible and let him do his thing. I always tried to be there
for him if he needed me. At one point, we had a talk about his relationship with Marisa and how Donna had affected them both. It turned out
that Alex had some real issues with Donna that he had never been able
to talk about before.

As he opened up to me, I felt a sense of relief. It was good to be allies
again. He told me that he had tried pot for the first time with Marisa. He
also said that Donna had tried to influence him with regards to me controlling his life. That was why she had encouraged him to move out. He
admitted that for a while he had thought she was right.

Once, after a particularly heated argument with her mother, Marisa
decided, once and for all, to go back up North to live with her father.
Alex was devastated, but he understood that his family would be there
for him no matter what. After that I felt much better about things. Alex
and I also came to an understanding about our current relationship.
There was no denying that he was growing up. I needed to come to
terms with that as much as he did.

It was during that year that my mom reconciled with the fact that
Alex was reaching his manhood. She was there for him when he needed
to talk and continued to be there for me. For everyone's sake, I kept the
lines of communication open as best I could.

When I look back on those years now, I see the beginning of a pattern
that Alex would continue to follow for years to come. Unknown to everyone around Alex, there was an insecurity that raged inside of him. I
never understood where that came from. The odd part about it was that
it never appeared on stage. AJ always took control of the audience and
the stage. AJ never had a doubt when it came to his movements or his
voice. But when Alex stepped out of the lights that insecurity was right
there. It was usually expressed in the form of self-criticism or hidden
emotions. My hope was that once he began to reap the rewards of the
group's efforts, he would realize that his talents and his life were really
coming together. I hoped that there would be no room in his life at that
point for the insecurities that sometimes paralyzed him.

I tried to make him attend all of the meetings with the attorneys,
since it was his future that was at stake. He humored me, but it was
obvious that he wasn't listening. He never asked any questions and never really voiced an opinion that was contrary to the group. I just hoped
that some of it would sink in. It was important that he understood how
the music business worked. Alex needed to know that there were times
when he had to be confrontational and stand up for his rights.

My son had always hated confrontation, even as a child. To discipline
him all I ever had to do was not speak to him. He always folded under
that pressure. We never had many arguments when he was small. In
fact, 1 felt he had more confidence in himself as a child than as a man.
That was very odd considering that he had always known what he wanted
to do and he was in fact fulfilling his dreams. Why would that not instill
confidence as an adult? How many adults ever see their dreams come
true in a lifetime, never mind by the time they are twenty?

At the request of our accountant, I convinced Alex to form a company. It would help him escape some tax consequences and put him in a
position to eventually go somewhere with his future as a solo artist. The
thought of pursuing a solo career had not entered my son's mind at that
point, but I knew that someday the ride would end and he would need
something to fall back on. Some day he would have to come to terms
with the fact that Backstreet Boys would not last forever. It was nice to
think that those five boys might end up like the icons that had come
before them. The chance that they would still be playing to packed houses
when they were well into their fifties was a slim one. In the music business, you just never knew.

Alex decided to call his company AJ Shadz Inc. It would be classified
as a production company in case he ever wanted to do shows on his
own. I also registered the company as a publishing company. That way, if Alex kept up with his songwriting, there would he a time when he
would no longer have to split the profits with anyone. He liked those
ideas and I made them happen.

After I persuaded Alex to put some money away for his future, I was
able to breathe a bit easier. He was trying very hard to develop his own
sense of self. After having been a part of the group for such a long period of time, I could see that he needed his own identity back. Since there
was more money coming in, we both decided it might be a good idea to
invest in some real estate. Alex said he wanted to buy his own home. I
hoped that would help him settle down and enable him to sort some
things through.

One day, during a short stay at home, Alex was out running around
when he called me. He said he had been looking at houses and found
one he really liked. He wanted me to see it. I drove to the house and we
walked around with the real estate agent.

"So how do you like your son's new home?" the real estate agent
asked.

I was floored. As I stood there in shock with my mouth hanging
open, Alex just smiled and gave me a big hug. While he thought it was
a great surprise, I did not know what to think. The practical side of me
was crunching numbers in my head to see if he could afford it. The
mom side of me was happy for him. It was, after all, his very first home
and a good investment for his future.

When the real estate agent saw the look on my face, she knew it was
time to take her leave and let us talk. We did. But even if I had been
dead-set against the idea, it was too late. The papers were signed and he
had the key in his hand,

Later that day, I went home and tried to explain all of it to my parents. They reacted in much the same way as I had. What none of us
could understand was why he had been in such a rush to buy a house
when he was about to leave on a major tour that would keep him on the
road for the next several months.

A pattern was taking shape right before my eyes, but I failed to see it.
It was that instant gratification, the compulsive pattern of "I want it
now," that would continue to dominate his life for years to come.

Over the next few months, whenever Alex was home for a day or
two, we went shopping for furniture and other necessities. Those times
when I was not out on the road, I would buy things at the store so that
he would have them when he got home. I must admit, it was fun not
having to care so much about the cost of things, even though I still
checked price tags and looked over every receipt.

For a while, I fell into the same trap as Alex when it came to spending
money. I was having so much fun helping him decorate his new house
that I went a little wild. The truth was, I wanted him to be happy and
that seemed to be doing the trick. He had somewhere to call his own. As
a mother, I was proud that at his age he could afford to have those kinds
of things. My child had worked all of his life for what he had. I did not
want to be the one who deprived him of what was rightfully his.

For a while, things rolled along without incident. We went back on
tour with another album ready to hit the shelves. It seemed as if things
were falling back into place for Alex and me, that is, until the ants started emerging from the floorboards again under the guise of being his
long-lost friends.

While on the road in Europe, Alex informed me that he had hired a
friend to be his housesitter. She was a woman in her late twenties who
had a son who did not live with her. She and Alex had somehow become
friends over the past couple of years. He told me that he really enjoyed
her son, who was around six years old.

Alex assured me that there was nothing romantic between them. He
said she just needed some extra money to supplement her income from
her job at Universal Studios. I was not at all happy to hear that my son
had opened his home to a virtual stranger. Just to be on the safe side, I
had a friend, who happened to be a cop, patrol the house a few nights a
week. That was when the true story came out.

On more than one occasion, my friend told me that there were several cars parked at the house during the evenings and on the weekends.
The woman appeared to be having guests over at my son's home. I took
the information to Alex and told him to call her and confront her about
it. He did. They had a falling out and she left shortly after that. I was just
relieved to have her off the premises.