Backstreet Mom: A Mother's Tale of Backstreet Boy AJ McLean's Rise to Fame, Struggle With Addiction, and Ultimate Triumph (39 page)

As we neared the end of the show, more people gathered outside the
entrance, where the party patrons were supposed to gather. Poor Nicole
and Kelly had the time of their lives trying to make people understand that
if they were not on the guest list they would not get in. It was a nightmare.

Fortunately most of the family and friends that we had invited were
in the audience watching the show. That made it easy to corral them
after the show and get them backstage for the party. Everyone at the
door had a reason to get in, or so they said. Finally, after an hour or
more of fighting with so-called guests, Nicole and Kelly had had enough.
They closed the doors and joined the party.

All the while, I had Doug as my constant shadow. He wanted to be
sure that I had not forgotten about the big surprise he had planned for
that night. Doug has long
since become one of my
favorite people. I have
told him on more than
one occasion that he was
lucky, given my state of
mind, to have lived
through that night.

Alex with Nicole at her
wedding

To Doug's delight, I
rounded up the boys,
they sang, he proposed,
Nicole accepted and everyone was happy. The
best part was that Nicole
had absolutely no clue
about what was going to
happen. She and I had
been so caught up in our
work that she did not
have time to watch Doug
act weird. It finished off
the year nicely and I was
done with my role as
pseudo-manager. I had
survived.

Alex told me during the party that he was relieved that they had made
the decision on management. He was worried about my health. The last
few months had been some of the most stressful of my life. I had anxiety
attacks along with a lot of stomach problems. That night, I lost my cool
with one of the girlfriends about backstage pass issues. I just walked
away because I simply didn't have time for her nonsense.

1 hoped at the time that Alex's concern about my health was a sign
that our relationship was on the mend. That was not the case.

Journal Entry, January 3, 2000: The last few months have been some of the
most stressful of my life and definitely of the boys' career If it had not been
for a few saviors in my life like Andre, David, Nicole and Kelly, I don't think
I could have survived it mentally. The anxiety attaclzs I have not had for
years have started up again. Anyway, the trouble hopefully is now going to
subside a bit because of the new management team the boys hired on New
Year's Eve. It was a very emotional night for its all. The stress of once again
doing a hometown show coupled with the final management decision coming down from the boys. The evening actually started out pretty calm but
soon got out of hand with the boys going into endless meetings and some
fights with girlfriends. At least the show went well!

The Backstreet Boys' new album, Millennium, was released in May
1999. It broke all sales records and entered the charts at number one.
That made all the lunacy and my near-nervous breakdown in those five
months in 1998 almost worthwhile.

We soon discovered that one of the prices of success that Alex had to
pay was the loss of his privacy, even in his own home. One night we
were awakened and startled by flashes from a camera in the backyard. I
went out onto the porch and yelled that I was calling the police and the
culprits quickly scattered.

After that, Alex and I decided that I would buy his home, which was
in a non-gated community, and he would move into a new home in a
gated community. He found a beautiful new home but for some reason
was hesitant to move out.

That seemed really odd to me considering his recent bout of independence. His relationship with Amanda was rapidly approaching the traditional doom-point of three years. He had gone three years with Marisa on
and off. Now Amanda seemed set to become the next casualty.

I was not really upset by that since I had never developed a real
fondness for her or her family. Finally, after a couple of months of
prodding, I convinced Alex that he needed to be on his own. The new house was only a few minutes away and he could come to visit anytime he wanted.

I truly hoped that my son would now find some peace of mind and
happiness. At least with the gated community there would no longer be
the threat of fans knocking at his door. However, even with the protection of the gates, the two-legged predators still managed to get to him.

Glommers of a more threatening caliber latched onto him and led him
down a dangerous path. By that time, his keen sixth sense had completely taken leave of him. The people close to him tried to get through but to
no avail. Even his beloved grandmother, who made excuses for him time
and time again, was disgusted by his behavior. He retreated daily into his
cave-like bedroom, not emerging until well after dark.

The stress level became so high when Alex was at home that I actually felt relieved when he left to go out on tour. When the Millennium
tour began, Alex returned to his normal hard-working routine. I traveled to Los Angeles a few times to meet with the new management team.
I tried to give them some insight into the dynamics of the group, both
from a personal and professional perspective.

At first they seemed to really want my input. However, as time passed
and they felt more comfortable with the boys, the mood changed. They
fired most of the people who had been with the boys for years-crew
members, accountants and
band members. I realized that
what I initially mistook for
hunger during their early interviews with the boys was
really nothing more than
pure greed.

At the Grammys in 2000

All the boys ever heard
from them was how they
were going to make them
more money than they ever
had made before. Of course,
that meant more for management as well. The same destructive spiral was
beginning all over again. Unfortunately, the boys saw through none of it. They just continued to agree with whatever
those guys said. Ironically, nothing
was really better. It was amazing
how ruthless they were. I don't
know why I was surprised. I had
seen this scenario before. Same
game, different players.

Alex looking glamorous at the Grammys

They replaced me with a very
pricey publicity firm named the
Mitch Schneider Organization,
MSO for short. I was never really
told much when it happened. All
of a sudden, people who I had never met showed up and announced
that they were the new public relations team for the boys, which
did not really surprise me. That left
me running the fan club and meetand-greets. I was not angry since
it meant more time for myself. What disturbed me was the way that
those guys carried out their plans. They were totally heartless and without class.

I reorganized the meet-and-greets for the boys for the new tour and
renamed them "fan conferences." How that differed from the normal
meet-and-greets was kind of neat. Instead of having the fans sit in a
room where the media controlled the show, I reversed it so that the fans
were in charge. That meant that the media took a back seat and literally
sat in the back of the room. After answering questions from the fans,
the boys posed for pictures and signed autographs and then left.

That worked out great. It enabled us to fit more fans into every conference than had been the case before. As soon as the new management
realized what a good idea it was, they took all of the credit for it. That
was the final straw for me. I was so tired of being pushed around by
those arrogant people. 1 told Alex on several occasions how I was being
treated and, to my disappointment, he never spoke up in my defense.
Nor did any of the other boys. It was like all of the work I had done for
them was just washed away. No one remembered or cared.

I felt discarded and used. I had given it my all, but no one, including
my son, ever really seemed to appreciate it. It occurred to me that he
had never really come to my defense with Donna either. He told me things in confidence, but when it came to being out in the open about
his real opinion, he could not face the confrontation. That behavior was
beginning to scare me. I needed to just move on.