Backwoods (13 page)

“Can’t you find someone else to fuck you?”

She stared at him in shock. “What?”

“Maybe try getting yourself off every once in a while. Or can’t you figure out how to come that way, either?”

To his dismay, tears filled her eyes.

“Shit,” he said, raking a hand through his wet hair.

She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, making herself as small as possible.

He sat down next to her again, his gut clenched in regret. It wasn’t her fault that he was sexually frustrated. And there was nothing wrong with
her
that a generous boyfriend couldn’t cure. “I’m sorry.”

“I can come on my own,” she said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “But doesn’t it feel better with a partner?”

Leo didn’t answer right away. Being with a girl was more pleasurable, and infinitely more exciting, than using his hand. It also had the potential for failure and disappointment. Jerking off was like going to McDonald’s. He always got exactly what he ordered. There were no surprises, no fireworks. “It feels good either way. When you’re with another person, the closeness is what makes it special.”

“Can’t we have that? The closeness, if not the...other?”

He wanted both, the closeness and the coming. She was asking for sexual intimacy without sex, which was impossible, like touching her without getting aroused. But he had such a hard time saying no to Brooke.

Smothering a sigh, he put his arm around her.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

N
ATHAN
CONTINUED
DOWN
the trail, his palms sweaty and his throat dry.

He was nervous about being alone with Abby. In warm water, mostly naked. It was a recipe for temptation.

The path from the campsite to the hot springs was short. There were three small pools at the river’s edge. Abby was in the closest one, which was round and encircled by a rock wall. In the middle there was a rectangular tub, clearly manmade. On the other side lay a second oval-shaped pool. All three looked inviting, with crystal-clear water.

“The middle tub is the hottest,” Abby said.

Nathan could use a good soak. His leg muscles ached, especially his quadriceps. He placed his towel on a nearby rock and joined her in the closest pool. It was warm, but not too warm. Perfect.

Abby moved over a few inches to make room for him. Then she settled back against a flat rock, one arm draped over the side of the pool. He could see the shape of her body beneath the rippled water. Her hair was piled into a knot atop her head, and her skin was dewy with moisture. He could have studied her face for hours.

She stared back at him, her gaze trailing down his chest.

“I don’t measure up to Jakov, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

She choked out a laugh. “I wasn’t.”

“No? I thought women were obsessed with size.”

“Who told you that?”

“Late-night infomercials.”

“You’re funny,” she said, smiling. “Leo gets it from you.”

He sobered at this observation, which had never occurred to him. “We haven’t laughed together in years.”

“That was a nice compliment you gave him.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded, biting her lower lip.

Nathan had to admit that she’d been right. Praise was exactly what Leo needed, and his response to it had been heart-wrenching. Nathan supposed that boys didn’t believe they were good or brave or manly unless their fathers told them they were.

Nathan hadn’t given Leo enough credit, and he wasn’t proud of that. The picture Leo painted of Nathan’s competitive spirit had been pretty ugly—and accurate. Nathan had always had a monster inside him, a cold mixture of drive and aggression. His inability to accept average or second-best in himself had transferred to Leo, with unfortunate results.

Leo had said he didn’t belong on the team. Nathan related this to Abby’s comment about not belonging in her own family. Nathan couldn’t fault either of them for feeling this way. Maybe he’d mistaken Leo’s lack of passion for poor sportsmanship. This disconnect had colored so many interactions between them. Nathan hadn’t realized that Leo had misunderstood their conversation about sexuality.

Jesus. Was there anything Nathan hadn’t fucked up?

Although it wasn’t easy to face his mistakes, discovering how and where he’d gone wrong felt like a revelation. Being able to communicate with his son was priceless. Leo didn’t want to forgive Nathan, but they were making progress, and he owed it all to Abby.

“Thank you,” Nathan said simply. “Your advice was excellent.”

She flushed with pleasure. “I’m glad to help.”

He responded to her on many levels. He appreciated the kindness she’d shown Leo. He liked her smile, her elegance, her sense of humor. Yesterday at the lake, he’d admired her daring while also recognizing her vulnerability. She inspired his protective instincts. Plus, she looked hot in a bikini. “Are you seeing anyone?”

Her lips parted in surprise. “No.”

“Why not?”

She glanced across the river, as if searching for an answer.

“I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“You’re a beautiful woman,” he said, digging himself in deeper.

She seemed embarrassed by the attention. Instead of answering, she fingered the damp tendrils of hair at her nape. Damn. He’d struck out already. Maybe she didn’t like superficial compliments. Maybe she thought he was a moron.

“I’m sorry,” she said, meeting his gaze. “It’s been a long time since I...did this.”

“Fended off a come-on?”

“Accepted a compliment.”

That was a shame. She was either avoiding men, or talking to the wrong ones. “None of your strip poker friends get fresh?”

“They have bad eyesight.”

“I don’t.”

“I’m not dating anyone,” she said finally.

“I assumed you weren’t, based on Brooke’s attempts to throw you at me.”

She laughed, covering her forehead. “You noticed?”

“She’s not subtle.”

“I was involved with someone at work until recently.”

“A resident?” he joked.

“No,” she said in a chiding tone. “A physical therapist.”

“What happened?”

“I decided to break it off. It wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Why not?”

“It was just that kind of arrangement. Neither of us wanted a committed relationship. He was newly divorced and spent weekends with his kids. We weren’t exclusive.”

“What do you mean?”

“He saw other women.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No.”

“You didn’t mind?”

“I preferred it. His honesty was refreshing.”

“You don’t think men are capable of being faithful,” he said.

“Some are. I just don’t trust myself to pick one who is.”

His chest tightened at those words, spoken sincerely. He’d been betrayed, like her. The difference was that he felt responsible for his failed marriage. Abby’s only mistake was in giving her heart to the wrong man. “Did you care about this guy?”

“I liked him as a friend. That’s one of the reasons I ended it. I thought he’d meet someone else if I wasn’t in the picture.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Don’t you want to meet a man you can fall in love with?” When she didn’t answer, he pressed on. “How old are you...thirty-five? There are plenty of women your age who are just now getting married and starting families.”

“I’m thirty-six. And thank you for letting me know I still have value due to my youth and childbearing capabilities.”

“Anytime,” he said, aware that he’d annoyed her. “You’re hot, too. Don’t forget the most important part.”

She gripped his arm to steady it and punched him in the shoulder. It was his bad shoulder, but he didn’t mind. He liked the contact, the hard slap of flesh against his and the way her breasts jiggled enticingly. “Why aren’t you dating anyone?” she asked, turning the tables on him. “You’re young and hot and capable of fathering children, I imagine. Plenty of men your age are starting their
second
families.”

Ouch.

“I dated a lot of different women after the divorce,” he said.

“You mean you slept with them.”

He inclined his head. “In rehab, I took a vow of abstinence.”

“For how long?”

“A year.”

“Did you make it?”

“No. Six months after I got out, my father died. I drove to a bar. I wanted to drink. Instead, I nursed a club soda and went home with a woman.” She’d been tipsy and distant, participating with the feigned enthusiasm of a prostitute. Nathan had rushed to the finish and left. “It wasn’t good.”

She smiled at the understatement. “But you stayed clean.”

“Yes.”

“Was the next time better?”

“There hasn’t been a next time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t sleep with strangers anymore. The bar scene is a trigger for me. I don’t want to hang out at clubs or meet women for cocktails.”

“You could date a nondrinker.”

“I could.”

“Why haven’t you?”

He shrugged, unsure of the reason. He’d been focused on managing the Toros and repairing the rift with Leo. Casual sex was out. Real relationships required work. He hadn’t met anyone who tempted him to take on another challenge. Until now.

But just because he wanted to, didn’t mean he should. Their kids were stepsiblings. He might screw up and hurt her. She should find a nice guy to have babies with. She deserved that. The perfect little family she’d always dreamed of.

As much as he’d like to have her, Nathan couldn’t give her what she needed. Starting over and having more kids wasn’t in the cards for him.

Movement in the woods caught his attention. He put his hand on Abby’s arm, his heart racing. Then he saw a flash of blond hair and realized it was Brooke, ducking behind a tree. “I think your daughter is spying on us.”

Abby groaned, glancing in that direction. “She’s relentless.”

“We should just make out. Then she can tell Ray and Lydia we hooked up.”

She chuckled at the suggestion. “Okay.”

Okay?
He’d been kidding.

“But we have to really go for it, with lots of groping and tongues.”

Nathan couldn’t bring himself to say no. If she wanted to get groped, he’d grope her. “You’re on.”

She turned toward him, resting her hand on his shoulder. They were only pretending, so he didn’t have to worry about making it special or impressing her with his seduction technique. Even so, he didn’t feel right about moving too fast. Despite his promise to “really go for it,” he eased in, brushing his lips over hers.

She laughed at his chaste kiss. Making a scolding sound, she threaded her fingers through his hair and opened her mouth for him.

Nathan had no choice but to pick up the gauntlet. He braced one hand on the edge of the pool and slid the other around her waist, bringing her body closer to his. Her breasts settled against his chest, plump and warm. Already aroused, he dipped his tongue into her mouth and got down to business.

She was sweet, hot, acquiescent. Her lips were soft. Water lapped between them, urging him to delve deeper. He switched angles and explored the recesses of her mouth. She moaned in encouragement, tangling her tongue with his.

Twenty seconds ago, he’d worried about being too aggressive. Now he was ready to peel off her swimsuit and bury his face in her breasts. Her response to him didn’t seem feigned. He hoped Brooke would go away and give them some privacy.

Abby made a breathy little sound that went straight to his cock, swelling him to full mast. He couldn’t get on top of her in the shallow pool. With a low groan, he pulled her over his lap. She gasped at the contact, digging her fingernails into his shoulders. When he raised a hand to her breast, squeezing her soft flesh, she squeaked a protest.

Tearing his mouth from hers, he glanced into the woods. He didn’t see Brooke or Leo lurking in the trees, to his relief. He returned his attention to Abby. Her cheeks were flushed with arousal, her eyes smoky and half-lidded. Did she want him to stop or keep going? She wasn’t shying away, so he didn’t move an inch. His hand was still glued to her breast, his erection nudging the cleft of her thighs.

She covered his hand with hers. “They’re not real.”

He stared at her stupidly for a moment, his brain sluggish. Her breasts weren’t real? Huh. “I can’t tell.”

“You can’t?”

He shook his head, testing their pliancy again. She felt natural to him, not that he cared either way. She wasn’t lumpy or oversize. Heart racing, he brushed his thumb over her hardened nipple.

A pulse fluttered at the base of her throat. She removed his hand and eased off his lap, returning to the other side of the pool. “Ray didn’t do them. I went to a female plastic surgeon after the divorce.”

He smiled at this confession, shared with an impish grin. It didn’t matter to him, but it clearly mattered to her. He was glad she didn’t have to carry around a physical reminder of Ray. He liked her style. The chemistry between them was off the charts. She might not be the one-night-stand type, but damn.

He wanted her.

Before he could decide what to do next, Leo and Brooke appeared at the edge of the trail. Nathan didn’t know if they’d seen anything, but Abby looked embarrassed. The encounter hadn’t gone as planned. They hadn’t been pretending.

“Sorry for cock-blocking,” Brooke said with a wink.

Nathan smothered a laugh at her graphic language. There was something funny about an angel-faced girl with a mouth like a sailor. Leo climbed into the middle tub and leaned back, resting his arms on the rim. He didn’t appear sorry in the least. Brooke perched on the side of the pool with Abby, swishing her long legs in the water.

“You have mud in your hair,” Abby said to Brooke.

She inspected the damp tangles. “Still?”

“We had a mud fight,” Leo said.

“Who won?” Nathan asked.

Brooke and Leo exchanged a weighted glance.

“Nobody did,” Leo said flatly.

After an awkward silence, Abby launched into a conversation with Leo about foreign languages. She seemed genuinely impressed with his knowledge. Nathan admired her communication skills. She had a way of making Leo feel comfortable and smoothing things over. It would have been easy for her to snub him or make catty remarks about Lydia. Instead, she’d placed blame where it was due, on Ray. She’d pointed out Nathan’s mistakes, but she hadn’t judged him for making them. He would never forget that.

They stayed in the hot springs for about thirty more minutes, until the sun went down. Then they returned to camp. No longer concerned about the thieves, he collected wood for a roaring fire. They shared a hearty meal of chicken and rice with vegetables. Brooke made instant pudding for dessert. When Nathan complimented her on the dish, she thanked him and sat down. She was quiet for a long time. He didn’t realize she’d been crying until she got up, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

Abby followed her away from the fire.

“What did I say?” Nathan asked Leo.

“Nothing,” Leo replied. “You were nice. Her dad isn’t.”

“He’s mean to her?”

“No, he just never has time for her. He checks his messages during dinner and skips dessert.”

It dawned on Nathan that Leo was Brooke’s only male family member, besides Ray. Leo had the power to give her the love and attention she craved. Going beyond that would probably reinforce any negative feelings she had about men. Leo’s responsibility toward her was more serious than Nathan realized.

Brooke and Abby returned a few minutes later. Leo teased Brooke into serenading him by the campfire, as promised. She agreed to sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.” Her voice was terrible, scratchy and off-key.