Bad as in Good (26 page)

Loraine twirled her dreads and shrugged her shoulders. “You talked to Louis about Teona.”

“You know I did.”

“What did he say?”

“He confirmed it. He said it didn't mean anything. I wasn't goin' for it.”

“What exactly did he say? Was he in love wit' Teona?”

“I dunno. And I dunno if I care anymore. I'm tired of him and Teona. I mean, Teona and I are two completely different people.
What would make him come after a woman like me if he was interested in marrying a girl like Teona?”

“If he says it meant nothin', I believe him. Teona has a way of makin' men think she's someone else. If she could get a degree in lying, she'd have graduated by now.”

Before I could continue our conversation, my phone vibrated. When I read the screen, I sighed deeply. The text read,
“Miss'n you, wish you'd call me…shit.”

“Who's texting you?”

“Louis. He calls or texts me every day, all day. He has been tryna reconcile. What irked me, though, is I told him that Teona pawned her ring, and you should've seen his face. He looked angry. When I asked him if he loved her, that fool wouldn't even answer the dang questions. He says it's hard talking about Teona. I'm so done.”

“You're makin' somethin' out of nothin'. You're talkin' like you plannin' to go back to Tariq or somethin'.”

“Would that be a problem?” I tried not to get wet as I remembered the night before. I regretted not finishing what I started.

“Hell yea! He's married. Louis made a few mistakes in his past, but he seems committed to you. Stay away from Tariq. Talk to Louis.”

I kept my Tariq episode to myself. I wanted to dish, but I didn't want to be judged. When my phone vibrated again, I grew agitated. I was tired of Louis' apologetic texts. However, I was surprised to see a text from Tariq.
“Can't stop thinkin bout you. Wishin' you would
do another dropby.”
I smirked.

“What did he text you now?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Same ol' same. Girl, I dunno what I'ma do about Louis.” When I noticed Lorenz's things scattered around her living room, I asked, “Lorenz living here now?”

“Girl, no. He leaves a few things here from time to time. Sometimes it's easier if he has to sleep over.”

“You better watch out. He might be trying to creep back in without you knowing.”

Loraine chortled. “I doubt it. We like our arrangement. Makes things a whole lot easier. Plus, the sex is good, and I dunno if I would even mind.”

“You want to get back together?”

“No, but I don't want to mess up a good thing. Lorenz doesn't either. What man wants to screw up sex with no strings attached? He doesn't have to stay and cuddle; he doesn't have to call. We're going with the flow, and I love it.”

“I wish things were that easy with Louis.”

“Look, if the sex is good and he makes you happy, there's no need to let him go. Don't let Teona scare you from making a love connection.”

“Why can't I find a man who's not sill hung up on the woman he was with before me? Can't I make a love connection with a normal suitor?”

“Louis is normal. Teona is the one who's not normal. She's like a virus when it comes to relationships.”

“And why would I wanna catch that?”

Loraine huffed. “Erin, don't be silly. Give Louis a chance. I like him for you. He seems sweet.”

The only person I could think about when she spoke was Tariq. I understood where Loraine was coming from, but Tariq's toxins permeated my senses even when I had another man trying to do the same. Louis was good at times, but my body was conflicted, as was my mind. I may not have been sure about Louis, but I
was
sure that I yearned for Tariq like heroin. He was a drug that I
would gladly inject into my system. Unfortunately, Loraine, as well as my mother, would frown upon my desires for a man who didn't deserve them. “You say Tariq is bad for me, but is it wrong to want something if it feels that good?”

Loraine pursed her lips and dropped her head. “Yes, Erin. Call Louis.”

I could've easily addressed Loraine's double standard. Lorenz was no saint, but he pleased Loraine's body in ways that Tariq could please me. I recognized Loraine's glow from my nights with Tariq. Why couldn't I enjoy the same guiltless sex? I wanted to question Loraine's hypocrisy; instead, I accepted the seemingly safe suitor that Loraine reminded me of and pretended to be okay with it. I smiled and nodded while I pictured the man Tariq could be to me. Even though Tariq wasn't really my man, I would delight in the possibilities.

“I have an assignment for you.”

I sat at my desk and winced. Today was not the day, and Eric's voice got on my last nerves. Between clenched teeth, I said, “What?”

“Meet me in my office in five minutes.”

He walked away. He didn't ask, dropped a task on my lap, and expected me to drop what I was doin' and deal wit' his mess. For all I knew, he prolly had an assignment that he didn't want to do. At the end of the day, he was my superior, and I had no choice. I locked my computer and did as I was told.

When I walked into Eric's office, he sat behind his desk with his shoulders up and his head high. He kept his eyes down and away from the woman who sat on the other side of his desk. She was a tall, statuesque woman with broad shoulders and a buzz cut. When she turned to face me, I was almost blown away by her impeccable bone structure. She had high and taut cheekbones, moon-shaped green eyes, and a pointed chin. The sunlight sneaked into Eric's office and illuminated her chestnut complexion. When she smiled a set of perfectly white teeth, her congeniality was infectious. I smiled back.

She stood up and kept eye contact as she grabbed my hand to greet me. “Hi, you must be Erin. I'm Vivian Stein. How are you?”

Her handshake was firm and to the point. Feelin' like I should
do the same, I squeezed her hand firmly and shook back. “I'm fine. Thank you.”

“I don't know if Eric told you, but I'm lookin' to rebrand my company.” I wanted to ask which company it was, but I didn't want to sound misinformed. Eric remained quiet. He had thrown me to the wolves, and I had to figure my way out. “I've experienced a change in my life, and I'm ready to translate that change in my business. I heard Iaris Advertising was the company to do that. Can you do that for me, Erin?”

I nodded. “Yes, I can. Tell me what your vision is and we'll make it happen.”

Vivian smiled brightly and cut her eyes sharply at Eric. “Can you give us the room, please?”

Eric eyed Vivian like he wanted to tell her
hell no.
But Vivian stared him back down as if to say,
Nigga, please.
Eric tapped his desk and stood up. “Sure.” He gave me a crooked glare and walked out.

With the door closed, Vivian sat back down and pulled out the chair beside her for me to sit with her. “Erin, how are you doing?”

“I'm fine.”

“No, I mean…” She twirled her wedding band. She stared at her ring, a platinum, solitaire diamond ring with a rock the size of a grapefruit. She pulled it off her finger and placed it on Eric's desk. She sighed and laughed. “Are you married?” She surveyed my bare wedding ring finger and handed me her ring. “You can have it.”

I put her ring back down and sat confused. I wasn't sure what had been goin' on, and I was curious to know. “Excuse me? I can't take your ring. It looks really expensive.”

“Erin, I don't want it. Not anymore.” She picked it back up and examined it. With her eyes shimmering from the glint of her diamond, she said, “It
was
expensive, though.”

“How are you?” I was genuinely concerned about her well-being.
She had a candidness about her that made me want to know her pain and hope I could offer suggestions to make things better.

“My husband was having an affair.” She threw the ring on Eric's carpeted floor. “Y'know, an affair I could've forgiven. My husband and I were married for twenty-five years. We could've gone to counseling, and I would've gotten past it. Sure, he would be sleepin' on the couch for a couple months, but I loved my husband. I still love my husband, which is why it hurts this much.” She looked into my eyes. She wanted me to see the pain resting in her gaze, living and breathing in her eye sockets. Her pain begged for attention. “What made me file for divorce was the pack of lies that surfaced after finding about Roxy. Roxy seemed like a stripper name. I hadn't planned to leave my man over some young stripper with a tongue ring and clear heels. What I soon discovered, though, was that Roxy was a code name.” She blinked. The pain was resurfacing, and she couldn't hold her gaze for long. She cleared her throat and continued. “Roxy was my husband's nickname for my older sister. My
sister
, Erin. Who the fuck fucks his wife's
older
sister? And I'm talkin' seven years older.”

“Wow.” I didn't mean to comment on her love life, but the news was shocking. I couldn't empathize, but I did sympathize.

She looked me up and down and grunted. “You look like my sister. Almond-shaped eyes, fair-skinned, dimples, long, thick relaxed hair…beautiful, full lips. You're a younger version of her. You're very pretty.”

I blushed. She frowned. She hadn't meant her last comment as a compliment. She stared at me, accusing my looks of betrayal. I shifted in my seat and tried not to show my discomfort. “That's not all, though.” She stopped looking at me. She stared at Eric's empty chair. She hadn't gotten over her pain, and staring into my eyes, eyes that reminded her of the woman who betrayed her,
would only make her crack. “It turns out that my nephew is also my stepson. He got her pregnant, and he has let the seed of his infidelity sleep over at our house and have sleepovers with our own children. My sister told me she got pregnant by a sperm donor. Little did I know, her sperm donor was my damn husband.” She cackled, loudly doubling over in hilarity. I didn't get the joke. She wiped her dry eyes to warn her tears to stay where they were. After catchin' her breath, she looked at me again. “But…enough about my failed love life. We need to get down to business.” She opened the purple folder sitting on top of Eric's desk and handed me the specifics of her business.

When I realized the business she owned, I realized the woman I had been speaking to. I didn't want my hands to start shakin' in the presence of one of my sheroes. I was embarrassed that I didn't know the face of one of the women I admired. Then again, in all her pics, she wore tons of makeup and rocked a wavy weave that reached her knees. She was the founder and CEO of Surreptitious Cosmetics. She began her company in the backseat of her car, watered it, and watched it grow into a multimillion-dollar venture. When I dreamed about meetin' her, I expected to see a Grecian goddess lined with a gold glow that shined so bright I'd need shades. Instead, she scratched her shaved head and wore a natural makeup-less glow that didn't require shades. I set her folder back on Eric's desk and grinned nonstop. “I know who you are. I don't need your specs.”

She smirked and licked her lips, looking at my stilettos and up to my glossed lips. “You didn't know who I was until now.” I sat quiet. I wasn't going to admit to that. “It's okay, though. I'm glad we're on the same page now.”

“How did you want to rebrand your business? Why would you want to? You're extremely successful.”

She picked her ring from off the carpet and sighed. “I've been safe. For the past fifteen years, I've kept my brand safe. I've even kept my life safe. Before now, I wore the same middle part in my hair; I wore colorful sundresses and bright, yet subtle makeup. Now, I'm into pantsuits. I cut off all my hair and shaved the back. I'm wearing more dramatic makeup, except for when I do business meetings. I'm tired of being safe and doing what people expect of me. It's time to do what I want. I want to be dangerous, scandalous. As crazy as my life is, it kept you on the edge of your seat wanting more details. That's how I want my customers to feel about my products. I want drama.”

“But your brand is centered around subtlety, even in the name. You'll be going completely left.”

“That's why I'm here, Erin. You're going to be my GPS as I go left. Change the name, change the colors, and change the brand. Obviously, what I've been doing has gotten me to where I am—hurt, abandoned, and confused. I don't want to be here.” Vivian held my hand and stared back into my eyes again. “Let's go left, Erin.”

Vivian was a woman scorned and she hated it. She didn't want to revel in the pain. Vivian hit a wrong turn and sought to get back on a new track, and she chose me to steer her the right way. I couldn't let her down. I wouldn't. I nodded and stood up. “Let's go.”

Vivian stood up and held my hand in hers. “Thank you, Erin.” Eric knocked on the door. Vivian let my hand go and walked to his door.

When I saw that she left her ring on Eric's desk, I grabbed it and put it in her hand. “I don't want your ring, but I know a pawn shop who will.”

Vivian laughed and put the ring in her pocket. “Look at you, steering me right already.”

“I'm glad you came by.”

I gave Louis another chance. After what happened at work, I couldn't go back to Tariq. I didn't want his wife to be the next woman at my job asking me to rebrand her life. I felt sorry for Vivian even though she didn't want me to. I couldn't be the woman she saw me as
and
be the same type of woman who thought it was okay to sleep with a married man.

I showed up at Louis's apartment and chose not to discuss our previous incident. I wanted us to start fresh. Louis gave me a wet kiss as he led me into his apartment. “I missed you so much.”