Bad as in Good (25 page)

“I was caught up in the moment. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn't. It wasn't anything serious.”

“Asking someone to marry you…asking someone to spend the rest of her life wit' you is pretty dang serious.”

“It wasn't to me.”

“Do you go around proposing to every female you date?”

“Of course not.”

“Then it's pretty damn serious. You weren't askin' for the time. You asked her to marry you, an' apparently she said
yes.”

“Erin, it was more spur-of-the-moment than anything else.”

“How long were you two dating, Louis?”

Louis shrugged his shoulders and stared at his tile floor. “Like a couple months.”

“So, after two months, you proposed to her? Damn, Louis, was the pussy that good?”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Erin. Teona was and still means nothing to me.”

“Oh really? She pawned your ring today.”

He jerked his head back and froze. His face turned from apologetic to irritated. I didn't like that. “What do you mean?”

“Are you upset?”

“N-no. No, Erin. I don't care what she does with it. I'm worried about you.”

“Don't worry about me.” I threw up my hands. When I asked Louis about Teona before, she meant nothin', and now, she was his ex-fiancée. “I'm gonna ask you this again. Did you love her?”

“Erin…”

“Answer the dang question! And don't bullshit this time, yes or no.”

“I love you, Erin.”

I chuckled. “Why can't you ever answer yes or no?”

“ 'Cause my past feelings for that girl don't mean anything.”

“The look on your face says a different story.”

He took a deep breath and dropped his shoulders. He held my forearm in an effort to pull me close. He was still avoiding my question. I stepped back and surveyed his apartment. It felt like I was in a place I wasn't supposed to be. He probably shared this same space with Teona. What else wasn't he tellin' me? Did they move in together? Did
she
break things off? I saw a different person. I couldn't recognize my surroundings, and I didn't like it. There wasn't a point in talkin' anymore. When I walked to his front door, he chased after me and tried to hold me back. I yanked away. “Erin,
I'm not mad about anything. I'm frustrated that you're…” He sighed. “I'm irritated with the fact that she's puttin' you through any of this. I told you. I wanna be with you—only you.”

“You have unresolved feelings for this
girl
, Louis. You keep trying to deny it, but I can see it when I look at you. When you talk about her…the way you say her name…” I ran my tongue over my teeth. Dropping my shoulders, I turned my head from the sight of him. “I don't like feeling this way. I shouldn't be feeling this way, Louis.”

“Erin, it's not like that with her and me. You have to stop letting her get in your head. I'm here, trying to make this work with you. Give me that chance.”

I opened his front door and stopped listening. I couldn't believe anything else he was saying. He kept things from me about a relationship that refused to go away. “I have to go, Louis.”

“Erin, please stop walkin' out on me. Let's sit down and talk things through.”

“Every time I talk to you, I get more frustrated than I was before. You can't answer simple questions, and that bothers me.”

“Let's talk now. It's hard talking about Teona sometimes, but…let's talk. Right now.”

“That's the point. It shouldn't be hard to talk about someone who meant nothing. At this point, Louis, I need to think about things and get away from you.”

“You're really making this into something that it's not.”

I held my hands up to prevent him from putting his hands on me. The same hands that held Teona. While I stared at him, I wondered how he proposed to her. If Louis could propose to a girl like Teona, what did that say about his standards? “She didn't pawn your ring.” I disappeared. I didn't wait to see how his irritation
shifted to relief. I needed air, and I needed to be away from the one man I thought I could trust.

•  •  •

When I knocked on the door, I paused for a second before turning to walk away. After he opened the door, I stood there not knowing what I could say next. We stared at each other for a while, and then he stepped to the side. I stared down the hall at the elevator. If I turned away now, I'd easily be forgiven. At that point, I wasn't even sure how I made it there. One minute, I was heading to the liquor store to buy a bottle of Hennessy, and the next minute, I was standing in the elevator of a familiar-looking condominium I had no business being in. My heartbeat sped up, and I had to make a decision. I did. I walked past him and let him close the door behind us. “I usually wouldn't pop up at your place, Tariq.”

“It's cool. I'm glad to see you.” He stood at the door shirtless with his pajama pants barely hanging off his waist. I tried not to look at him. I needed to keep my mind off his smooth skin, tight muscles, and deep crevices that made room for a six-pack I only saw in movies. When he moved closer to me, I stepped back. His presence was like a magnet, and I couldn't allow myself to be within a certain distance from him without being sucked in. “Whatchu doing here?”

“I dunno. I meant to go home, but I ended up in your parking lot. Your doorman recognized me and let me into your building. I can go.” I tried to brush past him, but he held my arm and pulled me closer.

“You don't have to. I'm surprised to see you here. Where's yo' man?”

I pulled away from him and sighed. “I should go.”

“Wait. What made you come by?”

“I told you. I don't know. But I know that I need to leave.”

Tariq moved up close to me and put his hands around my waist. I could feel my heart beating through my chest. “Why?”

“You know why, Tariq.” Even though I was on the outs wit' Louis, I still had no right being wit' Tariq, even if I simply needed someone to hold me.

When he pulled me close enough to feel his chest, it felt as if I suffered from temporary memory loss. I rested my palm on his chest while wrapping my arm around his neck. As we kissed, that same rush of heat surged through my body like a hot flash, causing my muscles to tighten. He held me tighter as I let his lips do to me what I had been dreaming of for the past three weeks. Like horny teenagers, we sucked each other's lips and tongues until we struggled to catch our breaths.

When I felt a tingle down my back, I jumped. I pulled away when I realized that it was my phone vibrating. When I saw Louis's name on my screen, I threw my head back in dismay. “I have to go.”

“Why? You just got here.”

“You know why.” I didn't want Tariq to know that Louis and I were havin' problems; I'd only be his prey. Then again, I was there, and I was sure he knew somethin' was up. I headed toward the door and trembled as I wiped my lip. Tariq held my waist and stood in front of the door. I stepped back and shook my head. I wanted to stay, but playin' Tariq's game would only lead to disaster.

“I know you got a man, but I want you to stay.”

“I can't. You're still married. And I'm still…”

Tariq yanked me closer to him. I was always turned on by his passion, but what enticed me more was how inviting he was of me.
I wanted the jerk that I first met when I dated Tariq. I wanted him to throw me out of his building for showing up unannounced. Instead, he willingly let me in and did to my body what I was hoping he wouldn't. He protested my departure as he forced me into his magnetic field, and I gravitated toward him, almost helpless to his control. He whispered, “You know my situation. You're the one I wanna be with, though.”

“If I let this happen, I'll be breaking up two homes, yours and mine.”

“Ain't nothin' here for you to break.” I couldn't say anything else when his lips devoured mine. He pulled my purse strap off my shoulder and let it fall to the floor. He then grabbed my thighs and wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me toward his bedroom. When he sucked the skin around my neck, I squeezed his skin and moaned in pleasure. “I've been craving you like an addict.”

While he unzipped my jeans, I let him. I lay back and let him disrobe me even though I was not his to undress. My phone vibrated again. He heard it, but Tariq ignored Louis's intrusion and continued kissing my neck. I couldn't keep ignoring it. Louis was my constant reminder of what I stood to gain from a relationship with Tariq. I reluctantly pushed him away and stood up. When I caught a glimpse of Tariq's fire escape, I remembered the other woman that callously forced me out of his bedroom before. Tariq pulled me forward and grabbed the back of my thigh. As he kissed my neck, I noticed a pink thong hiding underneath his bed. I shot up and leaned back to get a better look.

There it was, a bright pink thong and a pair of high-heeled pumps. I smacked my lips toward Tariq. Either Tariq was cross-dressing or these belonged to his wife, or worse, another woman. Whoever they belonged to, they simply served as a big, bright-pink reminder
that he didn't belong to me, and I couldn't be mad. This was wrong. “I have to go, Tariq.”

Tariq noticed what I was staring at. He smacked his forehead and tried to pull me back. I moved away and frowned. “Erin, that ain't whatchu think.” He stood up and grabbed me close.

“You don't have to explain anything to me, Tariq. I'm not yo' girl.” Tariq had a hold on me that was hard to break. Still, I pushed him away and headed for his front door. Before he had the chance to stop me, I threw on my jeans, grabbed my purse from off the floor, and walked out his condo, slamming the door shut behind me. When he didn't chase after me, I caught my breath and rested my back on the wall. After catching my breath, I damn near ran back to my car and didn't look back. Taking the stairs, I ran down every step, cursing myself for letting Tariq get the best of me once again.

I wanted him so bad my fingers itched to touch his skin. By the time I reached my car, I was gasping for air. I sat in the driver's seat with my head on the headrest and my hand on my chest. Since I didn't know where Louis and I were in our relationship, I decided it would be best that Louis didn't know about this. As bad as I wanted to spread my legs and let a married man lie inside me 'til the sun came up, Louis was better believing that it was him I'd rather spread my legs for.

•  •  •

I had to talk to Loraine. I used my vibrator three times after the Tariq incident, and I was jonesing bad. When I walked up Loraine's doorstep, I could hear faint moans clambering through her front door. The moans were muffled at first, and then they gradually escalated as rough panting followed. Not long after, I could hear
Loraine's voice. “Shit, that feels too good. Yes, baby. Right there.” Right after, I could hear Lorenz's voice. “Right there?” Once I realized what I was listening to, I stepped back and smirked like a schoolgirl. Though I knew Loraine had sex, I never imagined it. Now, I was standing outside her door hearing her love-making noises.
“Yes! Oh, God. Please, yes!”
her voice screamed. I jumped when I heard the sound of glass breaking. I giggled. Loraine told me the sex was good, but dang. I didn't expect all that. I decided to walk to my car. It would be rude of me to knock and interrupt Loraine in the middle of her orgasm.

I sat in my car and listened to the radio for twenty minutes before I saw Lorenz creeping out the front door. Before he could leave, though, Loraine pulled him into her embrace as they kissed long, lingering kisses on her doorstep. He gripped her ass underneath her robe as he held her waist close to him. She grabbed his neck and sucked in his face as if she were tryna suck out venom. He pushed her against the door and had begun to lead her back inside, I presumed for round two. When he started sucking her neck, she opened her eyes and jumped when she saw my car in her driveway. She quickly pushed him off and pointed in my direction. Lorenz turned and looked my way. He looked confused at first, and then annoyed. He waved a half-hearted wave and turned back to Loraine. After a quick kiss on the cheek, he walked toward his car.

I turned my car off and walked toward Loraine. I could see her catching her breath as she twirled her hair and sucked on her bottom lip. She fixated her eyes on Lorenz as he walked off, not even noticing me standing right beside her. When he drove off, she snapped out of her trance. “Girl, what are you doing here?”

“I came by to talk, but I see you were preoccupied.”

“He was leaving anyway. Come inside.” She turned on her heel
and sat on the arm of her armchair. After I closed the door behind me, she asked, “What did you wanna talk about?” If she looked any more relaxed, I would've expected her to pull out a cigarette.

“I didn't know Lorenz was coming over today.”

“I didn't either. He came by because he was in the area. At first, we were talkin' on the couch, drinkin' wine. Next thing I know, he was remindin' me of his magic fingers. Before I realized it, we were everywhere. He was about to leave, but when he kissed me goodbye, I dared him to make love to me standin' up. I didn't think he could, y'know, 'cause of his bad knees. He won that bet.” Loraine smiled brightly as she ran her fingers through her hair.

“It looks like you were about to go another round.”

“Girl, we prolly would've. I dunno what it was today. We couldn't get enough of each other.”

“I'm glad he's putting it down like that.”

“Erin, you don't even know.” She exhaled and stared into space. I could tell she was reliving the past few minutes. After a minute, she trembled and grabbed the bottle of wine. “But really, what did you wanna talk about?”

I took a deep breath. I didn't want to bring down her high, but I had to talk to someone. “Louis.”