Bad Boy Dom (14 page)

Allegheny State wasn’t what I’d expected, but it felt so good to be out of the house and away from Dom that I found myself really enjoying it. The campus was beautiful, and I could tell that everyone really cared about stuff like what they ate and where their food came from. My tour guide wore Birkenstocks and had patchouli oil on for perfume, and she was fond of smiling at me and telling me that ‘everyone was on a journey.’

“Are you in med school?” I asked her, narrowing my eyes.

“No,” she replied breezily, spreading her arms in the air and sighing. Her visibly empty demeanor reminded me of Sandy. “I’m just here to be me.”

“Whatever,” I said. “Do you know where the med buildings are?”

After my tour, I stayed for lunch in one of the cafeterias. There was a whole group of people there for a med school tour, and even though I’m typically pretty antisocial, it felt good to talk to strangers. It was nice to be around people who had, literally no idea about my past with Dom, and people who wouldn’t judge me for it either way. And honestly, I could tell that it was a group full of people who were former nerds. Once you’ve been through that yourself, it’s like something you can smell on everyone else.

I sat down at a table with two girls and a handful of guys, all arguing about the sustainability of Allegheny. But it was the kind of conversation that I could jump right in, and I did without worrying about whether or not they found me stupid. It wasn’t like being around Dom’s art world friends, who looked down on me if I didn’t know what ‘gesso’ meant.
Stop comparing everyone to Dom,
I told myself, trying to steel my nerve. But two minutes later, I caught myself checking out a blonde guy and thinking that Dom had better skin.

“He’s sexy,” I heard from my right. I turned around to see a slight guy with dark hair and olive skin, smiling at me in a non-predatory way. He was wearing a green sweater with corduroys, and for once I didn’t feel like I completely flabbergasted, the way I normally felt when a cute guy talked to me.

“Yeah,” I admitted, blushing. “He reminds me of someone, though.”

“Oh sweetie,” the guy said, in a singsong voice. “Can you introduce me?”

I laughed out loud and held out my hand. “I’m Michelle Tennen,” I offered. “Are you thinking about med school here?”

He laughed and grabbed my hand, shaking it crisply. “I’m Eric,” he said, batting his eyelashes at me. “And surprisingly, yes. But you can probably already tell that I want to be a plastic surgeon.”

I frowned, searching his face. Eric’s features were perfectly symmetrical and beautiful; he had the elfin look of a doll. “Your face is great,” I protested. “You don’t need any work done.”

“Sweetie,” Eric said again, sounding slightly condescending. “That’s why my business is going to make me so rich.”

“Ohhhh,” I said, nodding and blushing. “I get it.”

“So,” he leaned in and held my gaze. “Tell me something interesting about you.”

“My ex-boyfriend started to paint me,” I blurted, feeling stupid.
Dom wasn’t your boyfriend
, I reminded myself. But Eric looked amazed and gaped.

“That’s so romantic and tragic!” He gawked, clapping a hand over his chest dramatically. “Did he finish it?”

“No,” I replied, smiling at his display.

“Then that’s even better.” Eric sounded smug as he uncapped a bottle of orange juice and took a long drink.

He introduced me to the other people he was sitting with; Karen, a redhead; Melanie, a mousy looking blonde; and Steven, who had thick glasses and thicker hair. “We survived orientation together,” Karen said in a dry voice. “So now we have to be friends for life.”

Eric threw his arms around Karen, making her squirm. “That’s the point!” He sang in a falsetto. I laughed out loud, surprised at how good it felt.

After lunch, the five of us took a walk around campus. The breeze was blowing lightly and it was warm enough to walk with my jacket unzipped. There were birds in the trees and I was feeling much better about everything. I had a feeling that once I got away from Domenic, everything would be okay. But then I’d catch myself staring at someone and start to worry that I’d never be able to free myself from his clutches.

“Are you looking anywhere else?” Karen asked me, catching up. She was about a head shorter than I was, with delicate features and wavy hair. I caught myself thinking about how she’s exactly the kind of beautiful to never know how pretty she actually was, and I hated myself for envying her. It was ridiculous, but I couldn’t get past the idea that if I were actually gorgeous, Dom wouldn’t ever want to leave me.
Damnit Michelle, stop thinking about him!

“Are you okay?” Karen asked, furrowing her brow. “You kinda drifted off there.”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Had a bad breakup last week and I’m still getting over it.”

“Me too,” she said, suddenly looking upset. “My fiancé broke up with me because he didn’t actually want to wait until I was done with school to get married.”

“Men are jerks,” I grumbled. “They’re selfish.”

“They are,” she agreed. “So are you planning to look at any other schools?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “But I like the look of this place a lot. And I haven’t ever been anywhere where the prospectives were so eager to make friends.”

“It’s nice,” Karen said, stretching her willowy arms above her petite frame.

We walked in silence, rounding the bend. I could see a lake in the distance, and inevitably a flash of my unpleasant dream popped into my head. I couldn’t get past Dom sneering at me, and telling me that the only thing I was good for was chasing him. I refused to believe it. Damnit, I was going to go to medical school and prove him and the whole fucking world wrong.

Eric insisted on trading numbers before we left, and told me that he’d call me to hang out next week. I told him that I hoped I probably wouldn’t be around for much longer, but he seemed to think that I wasn’t serious. The drive home was long, and I kept staring at the moon. It was full that night, and stood in the sky, icy and alone. It made me feel incredibly lonely, but after a torturous week around my new stepbrother, I welcomed the feeling.
 

The house was dark and silent, and I was relieved not to hear Sandy’s cooing or Dom’s footsteps when I quietly let myself in. Maybe my dad was right, and all I had to do was get out more. Vacillating between being miserable and buoyant had been the most tiring, conflicting feeling of my life. I’d never had anything this big to worry about before, not even when Dom stopped talking to me after the incident in high school. And no matter what I thought, it just seemed impossible to get past. I was never going to be able to shake free of Dom now; he was my stepbrother. The only way that I’d be able to any closure was if I told Dad and Sandy.

And there was no way in hell I was going to do that.

“Morning,” my dad called out as I walked into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes. I warily looked around for Sandy and Dom, relieved when I saw neither.

“Hi,” I said quietly, slipping into a chair. My dad was humming and waltzing around making coffee; it reminded me of the occasional morning in high school where I’d be getting ready to go just as he was getting home from work. The memory made me smile, at the time I’d felt lonely, but now the thought was comforting. It was especially comforting since I knew that we’d likely never be in that kind of situation ever again.

“I know this is hard,” my dad said, sitting across the table from me and making an effort to look in my face. “I know it’s a big change.”

“It’s fine,” I replied, shrugging and blowing on my coffee. It was still much too hot to drink, and I watched the steam rise from the oily surface. It was easier than looking at my dad.

“Michelle, you can’t lie to me like that.”

I sighed in exasperation, taking a mouthful of coffee so I wouldn’t have to say anything back. It burned my mouth and I yelped, spitting it back into the cup and flushing. My dad chuckled, rolling his eyes. “You never slow down,” he commented. “You need to learn how to relax and slow down.”

“I don’t think that would help me get into medical school,” I grumbled, causing my dad to laugh even harder. Despite my annoyance, I felt myself start to relax. I’d forgotten how much I liked being around my dad, just the two of us.

“I know Sandy is different from what you’re used to,” he continued, once we’d calmed down. “But she makes me very happy.”

“She’s fine,” I said. “She’s just so… manic. Was Mom like that?”

My dad frowned. I so rarely asked him about my mother that I knew almost nothing about her. I’d always wanted to know more but I hated hurting him, and every time I brought it up, the pain on his face was visible. “No,” he admitted. “She was very different. A lot more like you. She was quiet, serious.”

Did everyone think I was a fucking wet blanket? “Thanks, Dad,” I muttered.

He frowned again. “No, that’s not what I meant. She was serene and peaceful, but she wasn’t boring. She had a quiet appreciation of things.”

“I don’t really feel like I’m at that point yet,” I said, swallowing some coffee. It was finally the right temperature and it warmed my throat in a soothing way.

“I know,” Dad said. “Listen, Michelle, did something happen when you were in high school that you were too afraid to tell me? You know I won’t be angry now. I just want to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” I said flatly. “I think I’m going to look at another school today.”

My dad didn’t press me; thankfully he always knew when to back off. He just looked at me, furrowing his brow. “Okay,” he said. “How was Allegheny State?”

“I liked it,” I said. “I met some people, friends maybe.”

“Friends maybe are good,” Dad teased, mimicking my spacy tone. I blushed. “No, I mean that,” Dad said. “It’s good that you’re making friends.”

“I don’t want to be antisocial my whole life,” I countered. “I had enough of that in high school.”

“That’s because you worked hard,” my dad said approvingly. “You didn’t fuck off and waste your time.”

I snorted. “Like Domenic?” I asked.

My dad hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I know his mom is real proud of him now, but I know what a delinquent he used to be.”

I frowned, reaching up to scratch my forehead. “I wouldn’t really say that,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “He was just fast.”

“Fast is probably a better word for it,” my dad agreed. “I hope he isn’t being too hard on you.”

An image flashed into my head of Dom, pinning me down and fucking me senseless. “He’s not,” I said, blushing.

“I know it’s an adjustment,” my dad said in a warning tone. “You can be honest with me, honey. I know it’s a big change.”

“I don’t live here anymore,” I snapped. “It’s fine.”

“You’re going to have to drop this attitude!” My dad snapped back, staring at me. “You’ve been pissy from the moment you flew in, and if you’re going to keep staying here for a few days, you’re going to have to be a little nicer. I know that Sandy and Domenic are not what you’re used to, but this is your family now. I figured a little adjustment would be called for, but don’t take this to extremes, Michelle.”

“Fine,” I said flatly, getting up from the table and stalking upstairs to my room.  My dad called after me.

I wanted to cry. I hated feeling like no one understood me. The only person who did wouldn’t even acknowledge me, and somehow that made it even worse. It was almost better before Dom and I reconciled; at least, that way I wasn’t tortured by knowing how much he wanted me. It hurt too much that he felt like that but was strong enough to overcome it. I wasn’t able to put my feelings for him aside so easily; why was he able to do that with me?

Pacing around my room, I heard voices outside and saw Dom and Sandy unloading her car and carrying a bunch of stretched canvasses into the house. With a sigh, I pulled out my phone.

“Eric, this is Michelle. Did you want to hang out and get that coffee?”

--

Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in a Starbucks and waiting for Eric. It was crowded, and I’d had to wait for some people to leave before I could sit down. Everyone was glaring at me since I was holding Eric’s chair with my bags, and I was desperate for him to arrive so they’d leave me alone.

“It’s rude to do that when others are standing,” someone sniffed, holding their coffee perilously close to my face. “Someone might like to sit down.”

Finally, almost an hour after we said we’d meet, Eric strolled in wearing wraparound sunglasses and a fleece.

“You look so 90s!” I said when he sat down.

“I’m sooooo sorry that I’m late!” Eric pouted at me and took a sip of his latte. “Traffic was murder.”

“It’s fine,” I relented, leaning back. “I just had to get out of the house.”

“Too much bad juju?”

“Sort of,” I said, looking into his face. He was showing just the right blend of concern and attention. “Listen,” I said, keeping my voice low. “You can keep a secret, right?”

“Of course!” Eric leaned forward, cupping a hand around his ear. The exaggerated gesture made me laugh out loud, and I started to feel a little better. The only thing worse than feeling alone at home was feeling these mood swings, but at least, I was currently on an “up” swing.

So I told him the whole saga, from the beginning when we were kids to what happened the night before Dad and Sandy got home. I told him how surreal it was to find a manic blonde woman in my house, cooing over my dad and Dom like they were made of gold. Eric was a good listener; he broke in at the right moments and exclaimed the appropriate amount of times to make me think he really felt bad for me. I had always thought the situation a peculiar one, but saying it out loud made it even stranger, especially in the middle of a crowded Starbucks.

“Do you think I’m a freak?” I asked miserably, draining the last of my coffee. Eric shook his head vehemently.

“No,” he said. “Definitely not. Trust me, I know how crazy players can get.” He rolled his eyes. “Just ask my last six ex-boyfriends.”

I giggled, feeling like I’d made the right choice by confiding in him. “I bet,” I agreed. “Men are so weird.”

“We are,” he said, nodding. “But that one of yours sounds like a real piece of work.”

“He’s not mine,” I said, pretending to be offended.

“Oh honey,” Eric drawled. “He sounds head over heels for you.”

“We can’t be together,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “Our parents are married.”

“So?” Eric shrugged. “Weirder things have happened.”

“Not to me,” I said darkly. “I was the normal one.”

“No one’s normal,” Eric said, rolling his eyes. “That’s the charm of being alive.”

I leaned back in my chair, feeling drained. “I honestly just can’t wait to go to school,” I admitted. “Being in school and learning are some of the only things that don’t make me feel alone.”

“I know what you mean,” Eric said. “I was like you, really shy and quiet in high school. I didn’t have any friends until college, and then I felt like I had eight years of growing to do in only four because I’d missed out on so much. But I caught on pretty fast,” he said, winking. “There were too many cute boys around for me to stay boring for very long.”

I laughed. “The guys at my college were… not great,” I admitted. “None of them compared to Dom.”

“None of them compared to a total asshole who took your virginity and then ran away with it?” Eric smirked. “You must have gone to a really shitty school.”

I laughed. If anyone else had just said that to me, I probably would have slapped them. But Eric already seemed like a good friend, and someone I could trust. “I know,” I said. “I’m totally pathetic. You should see him, though.” I pulled out my smartphone and showed Eric a picture from the wedding where Dom was in the background. I’d tried to avoid taking any photos of him, but he’d wound up there anyway.

“He’s dishy,” Eric agreed. “Although a bit hunky for my taste.”

“He’s strong,” I said. “Even though he’s an artist now, he still works out all the time.”

“Well, he has to keep you interested, duh! Do you think men do shit like that for themselves?”

I laughed. “You’re right,” I said. “He’s a total peacock.”

By the end of the afternoon, I was feeling a lot better. I was so glad that I’d texted Eric and that we’d hung out. Even though I had a few more schools to look at, I was strongly tempted to pick Allegheny because I’d already have a friend there. Even if we didn’t stay close, I was already loving the idea of hanging out on late nights with Eric, studying and goofing off.

We hugged and said goodbye and then I got in my car. I sat there thinking for a few minutes and furrowed my brow.

“Call Dad,” I said out loud. The car’s Bluetooth dialed my dad and soon I heard ringing on the speaker.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s me,” I said. “I’m sorry about earlier. Listen, I’m going to spend the night around here in a hotel and then hit another school tomorrow morning. I’ll be fine, and I’ll be home sometime tomorrow.”

“Okay,” my dad said, sounding a little putout. “We’ll see you tomorrow.” He hung up with a click. It wasn’t really the reaction I’d hoped for, but I knew he was still really annoyed with me for moping around. Not that I could blame him; I felt pretty bad about my behavior. I knew that being mad at Dom wasn’t right, but I childishly couldn’t let go of it, at least not when I was around him.