Bad Rep (48 page)

I felt his body shudder and his chest was covered in a fine sheen of sweat.  The room was dark but I could see the satisfied smile on his face.  Fuck, he was fantastic.  He leaned down and kissed my mouth tenderly before pulling out.  I lay there, unable to move as he got up to go to the bathroom.  He came back with a wet cloth and tenderly wiped between my legs, cleaning me with a gentleness that made my heart ache.

“What a way to wake up,” I said smiling, my chest still rising and falling rapidly.  Jordan dropped the cloth on the table and climbed over top of me, settling against my back.  He placed a kiss on my naked shoulder and then pulled a blanket over both of us as he snuggled into me. 

“Why didn't you answer my calls and texts?” he asked after a few minutes.  I tensed beside him.  The euphoria of really awesome sex was starting to subside and the evenings events started crashing back into me.  And with it came my anger. 

I couldn't help it, I pulled away from him.  Jordan realized what I was doing and wrapped his arm around my middle, holding me still.  “What is it?” he asked, his voice low.  I tried to move against his iron grip.  His arm tightened and I started to get pissed off. 

“Let me go, Jordan,” I said, pushing at his arm. 

Jordan yanked me back and pushed me down onto the couch.  He came up over me and looked down into my face, his eyes boring intensely into mine.  “What the hell is going on, Maysie?  I had my dick inside you ten minutes ago and now you're acting like you want me to get the fuck out!” he growled, leaning into me. 

I wiggled underneath him.  “Just move, okay.  You're crowding me,” I pleaded, not liking the way this was going.  My mind was still muddled from the sex and the crazy emotions I had been feeling all evening.  And being with Jordan made it impossible to think straight.

I remembered what Riley said about not pushing him away but right then, I needed space.  Jordan sat up and lifted his hands.  I slid out from underneath him and grabbed my clothes, quickly yanking them on.  I pushed my hair off of my face with shaky hands. 

Jordan grabbed my hand.  “Maysie, please.  Tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if you won't tell me,” he said softly, his earlier irritation gone.  Now he just looked confused and really worried.  I let out a deep sigh. 

“You can't help me, Jordan.  It's gone way passed that,” I said cryptically.  Jordan frowned. 

“What happened?” he asked me again. 

“I've had a shitty day.  There was some stuff that happened earlier, some posters that someone had put up about me...” I started but Jordan cut me off. 

“Posters?  What kind of posters?” he asked in a dangerously quiet voice.  I looked at him and saw that his jaw had tensed.  He looked scary and sexy and damned if I didn't want to jump his bones again. 

“Posters of me during pledge week in a bikini.  And there were these ratings for different parts of my body.  And then it had my number at the bottom for guys to call if they...you know...” I couldn't even finish.  I was too embarrassed.  Jordan's fist slammed into the coffee table making me jump. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” he roared and I flinched at his anger. 

“Do you know who did this?” he demanded.  I took a tiny step backwards.  His vibe was seriously angry and more than a little scary.  I swallowed thickly and felt myself wobbling.

“Doesn't matter,” I mumbled.  Jordan got to his feet.  He was still naked but his muscles were taught as though he were ready to do battle. 

“The hell it doesn't matter!  Who did this?” he demanded again.  His anger made me angry and I glared at him. 

“IT DOESN”T MATTER!” I screamed and Jordan went silent.  But I went on.  “Because then tonight I was voted out of Chi Delta.  They kicked me out!”  Jordan's rage melted away and he reached for me. 

“Mays, I'm so sorry,” he said, trying to grab a hold of me.  I evaded his grasp.

“Yeah, well that came after I almost beat the shit out of your ex-girlfriend,” I said darkly.  Jordan's eyes widened in shock. 

“You almost beat the shit out of Liv?” he asked, as though he hadn't heard me correctly.  I smiled without humor. 

“Yeah, she's sporting a wicked bald spot, I'm sure,” I said a little too gleefully.

Jordan frowned again.  “Mays, what the hell?  Why would you do something like that?” he asked as though speaking to a child.  Then I snapped.  All of my anger, hurt, betrayal.  Every horrible feeling I had had in the last few weeks came bubbling to the surface.  And it all focused on one target.  Jordan. 

“Why did I do that?  Because of you!  It's always about you!” I hollered, fisting my hands at my side.  Jordan leaned down to the floor and grabbed his jeans, putting them back on.

“So the fact that you tried to take out Olivia is my fault?  Am I hearing that right?” he asked.  I recognized a dangerous edge to his voice but I was way passed caring. 

“Well, every single crappy thing that has happened in the past four months has somehow circled around good ol' Jordan Levitt.  So you do the fucking math!” I threw at him.  Jordan's lips thinned and his face started to flush.  His eyes glinted angrily. 

“Is that how you really feel?” he asked quietly. 

Right then, it was exactly how I felt.  None of this would have happened to me if he hadn't decided to chase after me.  I was so angry.  And damned if in my overly emotional state, it was all his fault.  “Sometimes, Jordan, I wish you had never bothered with me at all,” I whispered.  I realized what I had said as the words hit him.  He sucked in a breath and the anger faded from his face.  Replaced with something so much worse.

“Maysie.  You can't mean that,” he choked out.  He looked stricken and part of me hated what I was saying.  No, I didn't mean it.  Well, not entirely.  But there was a part of me that was seriously angry and bitter and I was taking all of it...every single bad thing, out on him.  It was wrong.  It was hateful and cruel.  But I was feeling hateful and cruel.  I just wanted to stop feeling so shitty all the time.  At whatever the cost.

I looked away, my shoulders sagging.  Jordan's fingers curled around my chin as he pulled my face back towards his.  His other hand came up to roughly clasp the back of my neck.  His fingers were hot against my skin and his breathing was ragged.  He wore only his jeans and his fantastic chest gleamed in the darkness.  He was so damn beautiful. 

“Look at me!” he pleaded and I raised my eyes to meet his.  The deep blue of his irises were wet and I realized he was holding back tears.  “I'm so sorry you feel that you've had to deal with the fall out alone.  I made some shitty choices.  I should have handled things better.  I hate that you've borne the brunt of that.  It kills me.”  His hand tightened at the back of my neck and I was helpless in his grasp.

“I've gotten my fair share of grief too, you know.  The guys at the house won't lay off and that's why I rarely go there anymore,” he admitted and I blinked in surprise. 

Though that's nothing like what I've had to deal with. 
The hateful, bitter voice in my head taunted.  God I wished it would just shut up.  I tried to pull out of his hold but he moved his hands to capture my face. 

“Maysie, please.  Don't let all of that other crap get in the way of you and me,” he begged, his thumbs caressing my cheeks.  I closed my eyes against the warring emotions doing battle inside me. 

“But it already has, Jordan,” I said softly.  Jordan yanked me forward and pressed his forehead to mine.  His breath came quick and harsh against my lips and I couldn't look at him, so I kept my eyes closed. 

“I love you, Maysie,” he said in a strangled whisper.  I squeezed my eyes tight.  No!  He could not be choosing this moment to tell me something so important!  What the hell?

“Maysie!  Look at me!  I love you!” His voice was gutted and I refused to open my eyes.  Then his mouth was on mine.  His lips were persistent and demanding, his tongue running along the seam of my mouth begging for entry.  But I wouldn't give it to him.

“Maysie!  You promised me you wouldn't run!” he pleaded again, his mouth crushing against me, trying desperately to illicit a response.  But I felt dead inside.  I was tired and sick of it all.  I loved Jordan.  I wished I could tell him that.  But right then, it just didn't matter.  I felt like I had to get control of my life back.  And I didn't think I could do that with him near me. 

“I need you to leave,” I said against his mouth.  Jordan stilled, his fingers digging into the sides of my face almost painfully. 

“No, I'm not going anywhere,” he said stubbornly.  I reached up and pulled his hands away from me.  I finally opened my eyes and coldly regarded him. 

“I told you to leave.  I can't do this right now.  I'm a mess.  I need some space,” I bit out. 

Jordan tried to grab a hold of me again but I was able to move away before he did so.  “I
can't
leave.  Why the fuck are you doing this?” he asked in a tortured voice.  I shook my head.  My mind was made up. Sure, I'd probably wake up in the morning, regretting this decision.  But right now, it seemed to make perfect sense.

“Because, my life is in shambles and somehow it all seems to come back to you!  I just need a breather!” my voice rose and I saw Jordan flinch.  Then his eyes shuttered and his teeth clenched.  The desperate tenderness was replaced by something colder.  Harder. 

He picked his shirt off the floor and yanked it over his head.  My heart caught in my throat as I watched him shove his feet into his shoes.  He grabbed his bike key off of the coffee table and walked to the door with angry steps.  Before opening it, he turned to face me one last time. 

“I meant what I said, Mays.  I love you.  So damn much.  And you'll wake up in the morning and realize you threw away something fucking perfect for NOTHING!” he yelled.  I winced as though his words were a physical blow.  He took a deep breath and calmed down. 

“I thought you were worth everything.  That
we
were worth all the drama and bullshit.  I am willing to fight to the death for what we have.  But I can only do that if you're willing to fight with me.”  His eyes drilled into mine, lost and disappointed.  My stomach dropped to the floor.  He turned his back to me and opened the door.  “But obviously you can't do that.  Or won't.  And I'm a damn fool,” he said with a sad resignation that hurt worse than his anger. 

I opened my mouth to say something.  Anything.  I had no idea what I could do to make this better.  Whether I wanted to make this better.  But I knew with absolute certainty that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. What the hell?  My decision had seemed so crystal clear five minutes ago.  What was wrong with me?  Riley was right, I was sabotaging everything.

But before I could do anything, Jordan walked out and slammed the door behind him.  And I was left standing there in the carnage I had created.  With my heart in pieces, I dropped to the floor and cried.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

To say I was depressed was a massive understatement.  The week after Jordan and I broke up found me barely getting out of bed, blowing off classes, only eating when Riley forced me to.  I hadn't seen a shower in three days but I was way passed caring.

I had fucked up.  Why had I fucked up?  Because I was angry.  And scared.  And I had allowed other people to influence how I felt about the one person who mattered most to me.  I was a complete and total idiot. 

Jordan hadn't called.  I checked my phone obsessively.  Even going so far as to sleep with it in my hand.  Every morning I checked to see if he had called or sent me a text.  Every day began with the same gripping disappointment because he never did. 

But why would he?  I had thrown him out of my apartment after he had given me some of the most amazing sex of my life.  I was an ass.  And now I was a lonely ass. 

I started skipping my classes and my grades were taking a nose dive.  I avoided all calls from my parents.  I purposefully ignored Gracie and Vivian's efforts to reach me.  I locked myself in my room and wallowed.  One thing was for certain.  I was a world class moper.