Badass Zombie Road Trip (29 page)

Jonah parked beside one of many gas pumps to the tune of Candy’s heavy breathing. For the sake of that strange stranger, he hoped she never did cross paths with the poor man again.

“Go on ahead,” Jonah said. “We’ll catch up in a minute.”

Candy returned to her charming smile. “Shall I fill you up while I’m at it?” Before he could ask what she meant, she wiggled his thermos free from between them.

“Yeah. Black. Please.”

“I reckon I can fill that order.” Candy held his thermos to her breast and slipped out of the car, leaving the guys to watch her voluptuous rump sashay into the store.

“She’s got one hell of an ass,” Dale whispered.

“Yeah,” Jonah agreed.

“You’re a lucky guy.”

Anger boiled up in Jonah. “Lucky? How so? Because you can’t keep your mouth shut?”

“For fuck’s sake! What did I do now?”

Jonah twisted in his seat to face his nemesis. “Why did you have to tell her about, you know … me?”

“I thought you wanted me to root for you.” Dale lifted his arms, his V for victory folding into an M in the cramped quarters of the car.

“I do,” Jonah whined, “but as usual, you went too far. She didn’t need to know about the whole being in love thing.”

“This again?” Dale dismissed Jonah’s worry with a wave and a grunt. “Are you kidding me? Chicks dig that shit.”

Jonah knew it was foolish to trust Dale, but the man had so much more experience with women. Maybe, just maybe, he knew what he was talking about. Despite his longstanding history of being wrong about pretty much everything. “You … you think so?”

“Hell yeah! She’ll be all over ya now she knows you’re practically a virgin.”

“I don’t know. I feel like she was laughing at me.”

Dale’s attention drifted beyond Jonah, just over his shoulder. “Laughing or not, we have bigger fish to fry.” He nodded to the parking lot behind Jonah.

Jonah turned in his seat to find a black SUV parked on the opposite end of the lot. Before he could ask what the big deal was, the doors opened, and out trooped three men in black suits, complete with matching sunglasses and similar scowls. The men were all enormous, well built, and dangerous looking.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Dale asked.

“Cops?” Jonah asked.

“They look like FBI.”

“Crap.”

 
“Or CIA.”

“No!”

“Or BMF.”

Jonah wondered what line on the law Dale had of which the rest of the sane world was unaware. “Federal Bureau of Investigations, Central Intelligence Agency, and … remind me again what BMF is?”

“Bad Mother Fuckers.”

“Yes, but are they looking for us?”

As if confirming their worries, two of the well-dressed men headed around the back of the store, while the third spoke surreptitiously into the cuff of his jacket while surveying the parking lot. When he turned his attention toward the Focus, Jonah and Dale ducked together.

“I can’t believe they caught up with us,” Jonah whispered.

“I can’t believe they’re still after us,” Dale said. “I thought they would’ve forgotten about it by now.”

“We left a woman in a coma; they aren’t just gonna forget about it.”

“I would.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Jonah peeked over the edge of the window. One of the men was headed for the Focus, but before he could cross the lot, a van pulled into a space between the approaching officer and their car. “You stay here, I’m going to go fetch Candy.”

“No way, man!” Dale argued. “You’re the one they’ll recognize. Stay here and keep the car running. I’ll go get her.”

The last thing they needed was Dale explaining to Candy that they had to leave because the guys were wanted for attempted murder and robbery. “No. I’ll go.” Jonah wiggled his wallet from his pants and handed his debit card to Dale. “You fill up the car, if you can.”

“Whatever,” Dale said, snatching the card from Jonah. “You better hurry up or I’ll leave both of you here.”

Jonah ignored the threat as he slipped out of the Focus and made a beeline for the store. He only hoped Candy was done in the bathroom, because he didn’t think he had the nerve to disturb her during such a thing. Jonah threw a glance over his shoulder as he pushed the door open. The officer had made his way around the van and was now walking toward the store, passing the Focus without even looking at it. Maybe they were overreacting? Maybe the Feds weren’t after him and Dale. Through the glass storefront, Jonah continued to watch the man in black approach the store. And since his eyes were on the window, and not watching where he was going, he almost tripped over someone crouching between the ice cream freezer and the chip display.

Candy looked up at him from a half-crouch, a weak smile tracing her lips.

“What are you doing down there?” he asked.

“I … um … I dropped a quarter.” She patted the floor once, then shrugged as if giving up on the coin, but didn’t get to her feet.

Part of Jonah—the disquieted, curious, nervous part—found this odd, but as much as he wanted to ask, he couldn’t worry about it. He, as Dale said, had bigger fish to fry. And the black-suited fish in question was swimming his way. Jonah fell to a crouch beside Candy just as the man entered the store.

“What are you doing?” Candy asked.

“I’ll help you find it.”

“Find what?”

“The quarter.”

“It’s okay. I don’t need it after all.”

“Nonsense. You might need it later.” Jonah patted the floor and swallowed hard as, through the spaces between bags of potato chips and cans of dips, he spied a well-shined pair of black shoes strolling down the next lane. He dropped his voice to a whisper and said, “I hope you got to use the toilet, because we—”

“We need to go,” she whispered over him.

“Yeah. Let me grab some coffee—”

“No. I mean we have to go now. As in right now.” She shoved the empty thermos into his arms and duck-walked toward the door.

Confused, Jonah could do nothing but follow.

As they reached the end of the aisle, Candy stood and slipped out of the door in one fluid, sensual movement. Jonah tried to mimic her, but the best he could do was clamber to his feet and stumble through the door. Candy was halfway to the Focus before he caught up with her.

“Why are you in such a rush?” he asked, his curiosity piqued by her sudden need to flee. Not that he minded. This was a lot easier than having to make up excuses. Stranger, but better.

“Am I?” she asked.

“Well, yeah. A little.”

“I hadn’t noticed.” With a quick glance at the SUV, she picked up her pace, all but running to the car.

The men in black seemed to make her as nervous as they did Jonah.

Which made Jonah even more nervous.

“Wait,” he said, as he touched her arm. She stopped and let him turn her about, her face a mask of worry. “Are you in some sort of trouble?”

“No,” she said, almost before he was done asking the question.

Jonah stared hard at her, trying to see past her thin smile, the moment of danger forgotten in his sudden worry for this new friend. “Are you sure—”

“Dude!” Dale shouted from the pump behind them. “What’s the holdup? Let’s roll!”

“Sounds like good advice,” Candy said, and pulled her arm free as she returned to her march toward the car.

Jonah looked once more to the store, satisfied to see the guy inside entangled in conversation with the clerk. Where the other two had gotten off to, he wasn’t sure. Instead of worrying about them, he slid into the driver’s seat and got the Focus back on the road without a word. In fact, it was several minutes before anyone spoke.

“It’s my dad,” Candy finally said. “I called home, and he’s not doing so well. I need to get back as soon as I can.”

“Oh,” Jonah said. “So I guess that’s what the quarter was for?”

“The what?”

“The quarter you dropped?”

Candy seemed confused at first, but the cloud lifted as she realized what he was talking about. “Yeah. That. Yeah, I needed another fifty cents to keep on the line with Mom, but I dropped the darned thing.”

“I see,” Jonah said, though he didn’t see. Not at all.

Dale asked the question on both of their minds. “Modern girl like you don’t have a cell?”

“It needs charging,” Candy explained. “But I think I left the cord in Nevada.”

Digging around in his pocket, Dale said, “I’ve got a cell. Maybe the chargers match.”

“Thanks, but I’m good for now.”

“Let me know next time, and you can just use mine. Save your money. Payphones can kill you these days.”

Candy nodded and mumbled, just under her breath, “They aren’t the only things.”

Jonah paid little attention as Dale and Candy’s conversation returned to more mundane topics: the weather, music, childhood stories. In his mind, under the droning voices of the zombie and the girl, he mulled over two distinct thoughts. Two truths that struck him as troublesome, weighing on his mind and taxing his very soul. The first was the fact that his thermos was now empty. There would be no more coffee until he was sure they could stop safely again.

But perhaps worse than that?

Try as he might, Jonah couldn’t remember seeing a payphone in the store from which they’d just fled.

****

Hwy 70, CO

126 hours: 16 minutes: 11 seconds remaining

“Jonah,” Candy cooed. “Honey. It’s time to wake up.”

“Five more minutes,” Jonah said, then sighed as he hugged her close again.

Candy snuggled with him under the mink blanket, cradling her naked, perfect body against his. The fire crackled and warmed them through the thick layer of fur, keeping away the driving cold of the ongoing blizzard. The cabin was buried almost ten feet under a layer of the white stuff, but the pair of them had found ways to keep warm.

Deliciously naughty ways.

Candy touched his chin, lifting his face to meet hers. “You really need to wake up, hun.”

He stared into her jeweled irises flickering in the low light of the fire, marveling at the interlaced threads of brown and gold. “I never want to wake up. I want to stay here forever. With you. Like this.” He rolled his hips against her, emphasizing his desire with gentle prods.

“Sweetie, I’d like that too. But you know you have to wake up.”

“No.”

All at once, she lowered her mouth to his ear and shouted, very loudly, “Wake the fuck up!”

“I’m awake!” Jonah shouted, snapping to consciousness from his snowbound dream world as he wrestled with the steering wheel. He tried his best to point the nose of the car in a reasonable direction while maintaining the illusion that he had been awake the whole while. Which he hadn’t. This was the third time he had driven off the road. The third time he had fallen asleep at the wheel.

Candy crossed her arms and said, “That’s it. You either pull over and let me out or pull over and let me drive.”

“I’m awake.”

“You weren’t five seconds ago.”

“I am now.”

“You weren’t five minutes ago either.”

“Well, I am now. Okay?”

“’Okay’? Are you kidding? You’re gonna get us all killed.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m fine.”

“You’re as full of shit as a Christmas turkey.”

“She’s right,” Dale said. “You are full of shit.”

“I’m fine,” Jonah repeated.

“We’ve gone off the road at least five times in the last half hour.”

“Three times,” Jonah corrected Dale.

“Five times,” Candy corrected Jonah. “You can’t even remember two of them. How’s that for ‘fine’?”

Jonah glanced up to the rearview mirror, where Dale held up his good hand, wiggling all five fingers at Jonah’s reflection. “Okay, maybe I’m a little more tired than I would like to be. But if Dale hadn’t kept me up all night—”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Candy said. “I’m tired of excuses. Just pull over and let me out. I’d rather walk the rest of the way.”

“You can’t walk on a busy highway. It’s dangerous out there.”

“It’s dangerous in here!”

Jonah gripped the wheel and contemplated his choices.

He could just ignore her.

Yeah right, as if that were a realistic option. She had a remarkable way of getting and keeping your attention when she wanted it. Namely, she had a strong voice.

He could let her walk.

And then hate himself for the rest of his days for letting her slip off his lusty hook. He certainly wasn’t going to just put her out on the side of the road, wasn’t going to let her get away so easy. Not when he was just getting to know her.

The only other thing to do was let her drive.

Would Satan hold it against Jonah? Why would he? The Lord of Darkness suggested that the zombie should drive, why not other passengers? It made sense to let her drive. It was a sound idea. And grabbing forty winks while she did the work for a bit sounded like a good idea. Make that eighty winks. Or more.