Barbarian's Mate (2 page)

Yes.
I knew it would be tonight! I gasp, clutching my leather tunic tighter to my body so no one sees my boobs jiggling except my mate. My chest continues to vibrate, and as it does, the noise grows louder. I’m resonating.

I’m motherfucking
resonating
!

I want to scream with joy. I look around with excitement, trying to see who it is that set my cootie off. Who did I forget? Who did I walk past that made my cootie pay attention? Did someone trigger me on a second chance? Or—

I turn around and Haeden’s standing right behind me, frozen in place.

My eyes widen and I clutch my vibrating boobs.

No.

Hell to the no.

“It’s not you,” I whisper.

He looks down at his chest, and then at me.

Then, I hear it. A matching thrum, a low purr.

He’s resonating. I’m resonating.

For a moment, I hope that he’s somehow decided to resonate to someone else. That there’s another woman somewhere nearby and she’s going to spring from the shadows and yell ‘surprise’! That this is all just a bad joke.

But then Haeden takes a step toward me.

My cootie gets even louder. My chest is vibrating so hard with the force of the resonance that it’s making my nipples ache. I hold my breasts down and look up to see Haeden’s reaction.

He’s staring at me. There’s a look of such anger and agony on his face. He doesn’t want this.

I don’t either. I’m devastated. This is my worst nightmare. All I’ve ever wanted is a family. Someone that loves me. A happy ever after.

Resonating to Haeden?

My dream is completely destroyed.

I
t’s happening
.

Oh God.

I never thought it would be like this. This intense. This immediate.

And I never thought it would be to
him
.

I…don’t know what to do. I stare blankly at him, holding my boobs like if I can get them to stop, I’ll somehow stop resonating to him.

I wanted resonance. I wanted it so badly. I want a mate and babies. I should have been more specific.
Anyone but him, cootie. Let’s take it back. I’ll go with anyone else but him. Please.

But the stupid cootie in my chest only purrs even louder.

Haeden’s eyes narrow at me and he takes another step forward. His fist presses to his chest as if he’s trying the same bargaining tactic with his own.

“This isn’t happening,” I blurt out. “This isn’t us.”

He scowls and grabs my hand. “We need to talk.” He drags me toward his cave, the one he shares with Salukh and Taushen.

I try to pull my hand out of his grip, mostly because his touch is…okay, it’s making my hormones go wild. I’m freaking out. Touching Haeden’s hand - no matter how warm or strong or callused it is - should not make my non-existent leather panties go damp, but that’s exactly what’s happening. “I’m not going anywhere with you!” I hiss at him.

He stops and turns to look back at me like I’m the crazy one. “You want to do this out here?”

“I don’t want to do anything with you!”

“You don’t have a choice. This,” he says, and thumps his chest hard with his free hand, “has made our choices for us.”

He’s not wrong about that.

Haeden moves in closer to me. “So unless you want to resonate in public and all the things that entails, come with me so we can talk.”

He’s so close to me that I can feel the heat of his big body. How did I never notice that Haeden’s enormous? That he towers over me, all brawny blue muscle and smoky scented skin? Dammit, cootie, your timing is shit. Your taste is shit, too. “Fine,” I say faintly. “I’m coming.”

Because if I don’t go with him, I worry that I’m going to, you know, come if he steps any closer. And the thought makes me blush.

To my relief, he doesn’t grab my hand again, but puts his on my back, guiding me toward his cave. If anyone notices us departing together, no one says anything or stops us. I’m guessing everyone’s either drunk or not paying attention. It’s a small cave and sometimes there’s nothing to do but gossip. If someone sees me going to Haeden’s bunk with him? It’ll be all over the caves in the morning.

Then again, so will our resonance.

Shit. Shit shit. I don’t know what to do. I’m in a haze of worry and hormones and doubt as he leads me into his cave. Salukh isn’t there - he’s busy nailing Tiffany in
my
cave - but Taushen is. He’s seated on his furs, sharpening his blade.

He looks up at the sight of us entering together. My cootie’s purring a mile a minute at Haeden’s closeness, and I’m sure I have a deer-in-headlights look on my face. “What’s going on?” Taushen asks, getting to his feet.

“Get out,” Haeden tells him bluntly. “Jo-see and I need to talk.”

“But—“

“Out,” Haeden snarls, moving forward and looming over the smaller male.

I clutch at the neck of my tunic. I should be appalled at how ferocious Haeden’s being, but I’m kind of…aroused by it. He’s so decisive.
Oh, you jerk of a cootie. How could you do this to me? I thought we were friends!

So far? Not loving this whole resonance thing. I give Taushen a mute look of apology as he frowns at both of us and scurries out of the cave. Then it’s just me and Haeden.

My new mate, if my cootie has anything to do with it.

He turns slowly, rubbing a big hand over his face. And then he looks at me. “This…is not what I wanted.”

I’m a little stung by his words. Hearing that you’re someone’s last choice on earth - or Not-Hoth - stings, no matter who’s saying it. “Like I wanted this? I
hate
you.”

“That does not matter any longer,” he says bluntly, beginning to pace. It’s like he’s twitchy and can’t stay still. I know how that feels - I’m ready to crawl out of my own skin. “Our khuis have chosen. We are mates.”

I shake my head. It’s like my entire world is crashing down around me. This is a nightmare I can’t wake up from. “I don’t want to be your mate.”

He turns on me, and his face is filled with anger. “We do not choose, Jo-see. The khui chooses!”

“Yeah? Well, our cooties are assholes! I don’t want this! I don’t want you!”

He just rubs a hand down his face again.

“I don’t even get how this is possible,” I say brokenly. “I thought you had a mate.”

His eyes narrow at me. He stalks away a few feet, and then his hands go to his hips. His tail is lashing wildly, and I watch it with a kind of horrified fascination. It’s clear Haeden doesn’t have a mate, or else I wouldn’t be stuck with him. You can only resonate to one person, ever. Once a cootie makes its mind up, there’s no changing it.

I sink to my knees. I feel utterly helpless and alone. I don’t know what to do. All I know is that my symbiont has arranged a marriage with the person I hate most in this world, and I’m completely at its mercy. Hot tears spill down my cheeks and I swipe at them.

I’ll allow myself to cry over this for one night, and then I need a plan.

I thought you had a mate.

Jo-see’s simple, brutal words cut to my heart, dredging up terrible memories. I’ve never had a mate, but I did resonate to another female. But she died, along with my khui and along with any hope I had. I never imagined in all the long, lonely years since that the new khui in my chest would also select a mate for me. I have never hoped to have a mate or a family, or a warm body curled against mine in the furs.

And yet, I look at Jo-see’s round human face and realize I still will never have those things. It is a cruel, cruel khui that has chosen her as my mate, and me as hers. I watch as she sinks to the floor in the cave and tears spill from her eyes down her cheeks.

She is weeping at the thought of being mated to me. She hates the idea so much that she cries. The thought fills me with helpless frustration and self-loathing. I watch her, unable to offer comforting words. I have nothing to say to her that will ease her pain and misery. Already my body reacts to her nearness, stiffening with excitement at the thought of a mate. My cock aches under my loincloth. This aching need to claim a female to the point of mindlessness? I’ve felt this before, with Zalah, and hated every moment of it.

I gaze down at her misery. I have seen that before, too. Zalah had been devastated at the thought of resonating to me. Jo-see is no happier.

And me?

I am filled with utter terror. Humans are fragile creatures, ill-suited to live here amidst the snows. They must be carefully watched, guarded at all times, and kept warm with fire. They shiver at a stiff breeze and must have their food burned over a fire. Some are a bit more hardy, like Raahosh’s Leezh, but Jo-see? She is smaller than the others, and when I look at her, I see the tiny size of her wrists, her small hands, her delicate shoulders.

I…do not know what I will do if I resonate to another female only to have her die. It will destroy me.

I turn toward the wall of the cave and clench my hand against a rocky outcrop. It is taking all of my willpower not to grab Jo-see and pull her to my furs where I can protect her from anything and everything. To drag her under me and claim her. I reach out to touch a lock of Jo-see’s brownish-yellow hair, and she flinches away.

I am the only male to have two mates and yet have never touched a woman.

“This is awful,” she sobs, struggling to her feet. “You hate me and I hate you.”

She hates me. The words cause an ache in my chest that outweighs the ache in my groin. She thinks I hate her. I deserve that. I have pushed her away with every opportunity.

The truth is that I do not hate her. I could not. She is sunlight and warm smiles. She is laughter and happiness, and those things are lost to me. I have not been happy since Zalah died cursing my name.

And every time I look at Jo-see’s face…I have known this day would happen. I have known there was a connection between us from the day I picked up the small, broken human female out of the strange cave they arrived in and carried her back to the tribal caves. I knew then there was something between us, and I have fought it ever since.

Not because she is not worthy, but because humans are fragile and I am terrified at the thought of losing a mate…again. I frown at the thought, and that is when Jo-see looks up. Her jaw stiffens at the sight of my frustration and she glares at me. “Don’t look at me like that. I would have picked anyone but you. I can’t believe I’ve wanted this for so long and now this…” Her lip wobbles and the tears start to fall again.

Each teardrop is like a knife in my chest. “Stop crying,” I tell her, and it comes out more harshly than it should.

She dashes a hand over her cheeks and finds the strength to glare at me again. I will take her glares. I will take anything but her tears.

“We must be sensible about this,” I tell her and step closer. My entire being reacts to her nearness. The khui in my chest hums its song so loudly I think the entire cave can hear it.

Jo-see gives me another irritated look and sniffs. “Of course we’re going to be sensible.”

Good. Then we are thinking along the same path. My cock surges against my leathers, desperate to bury inside her and fulfill the bond that resonance has brought between us. My entire being aches with the need to possess her, and the resonance is quickly taking over my thoughts. I can see nothing but Jo-see, smell nothing but her delicate scent, imagine nothing but running my fingers through her soft mane and pressing it to my lips. I cannot help myself - I reach out and touch her soft hair. “I will be gentle, Jo-see.”

She skitters away from me as if burned, her eyes going wide. “Wh-what?”

Does she not grasp how a kit is created? “We will go slow if this is your first time.” I do not tell her it is mine as well.

The look on her face changes to one of disbelief. Her jaw drops and she clenches her fists at her sides. “Are you
men-tahl
?” She hisses the words at me and then looks around as if to make sure no one else has seen. “I’m not sleeping with you!”

Sleeping? She truly does not know how a kit is made. “We will not be sleeping. When a male takes a female—“

She presses her small fists to her forehead. “
Ohmigahd
. I know how babies are made, you
twit
!”

I frown at her anger. There is no point in getting frustrated. “This is not my choice either, Jo-see, but resonance cannot be denied—“

“I. Don’t.
Care
!” She slices a hand through the air, as if cutting something. “We are
not
mates. I am
not
sleeping with you.”

Irritation is flooding through me, a potent mixture with the ache of desire and the onset of resonance. I am a mix of emotions, all of them strong, and my patience is nearly gone. I cross my arms over my chest. “Then what would you have us do?”

“We’re not going to do anything!”

I give her a skeptical look. I have seen too many resonances to think that this plan will work. There are some pairings that fight the inevitable, but they always give in. Then there is my unfulfilled resonance with Zalah, which haunts me to this day. But if she thinks we can just ignore the call of our khuis, she is mad. “That will not work.”

She presses a hand to her forehead again, and strangely enough, I want to pull her against my chest and comfort her. Jo-see’s frustration and unhappiness is distressing to me, even more so because I am causing it. “I need time,” she says after a moment. “I can’t handle this tonight. I can’t.”

Her words chill me. It reminds me of Zalah, and Zalah’s refusal to answer the call of resonance. But that was many, many turns of the seasons ago, and Zalah is long dead. Jo-see is here, and Jo-see is now my mate. It will not turn out the same.

It cannot.

I will not survive it.

But Jo-see’s pain eats at me. Even though my every instinct is demanding that I pull her into my furs and touch her until her ‘no’ becomes ‘yes’, then she would hate me.

And I could not bear to have my mate’s hatred. Already the desire to please her floods through my body and my mind, the need to care for her and make her happy foremost in my thoughts.

I nod slowly. “It will be as you say. I will not touch you until you ask me.”

She bares her teeth at me, furious. “You think I’m going to come to you begging for you to touch me? You have another think coming to you, buddy.”

I tilt my head. Why does everything I say enrage her? “You say you want to wait. I will leave it in your hands.”

“Don’t throw this all on me! You mean to tell me that if I said ‘go ahead’, you’d toss me down on your furs right this moment? Me?”

“Of course.” I am puzzled by the question. Why does she think there is a choice? “The khui has decided. It does not matter what I want.” Nor does it matter that the thought of touching her makes my cock ache, or even the sight of her makes my blood pound in my veins. Already I cannot separate my need for Jo-see from the resonance. She is my mate, therefore she is mine.

Nothing else matters.

She throws her hands in the air. “I’m done here.” She turns to walk away.

“Where are you going?” Her soft mane brushes over her shoulders and my fingers itch to grab a handful of it, to pull her back against my body and bury my face against her soft skin. Everything I am rebels against the thought of her walking away without fulfilling resonance. I clutch at the wall again for support.

“Away,” she says, and there’s desperation in her voice. She hugs her small body and doesn’t turn to look at me. “Say nothing of this, all right? I’m sure it’ll come out eventually but…I just need time.”

And because she is already my mate, I can refuse her nothing. “Very well.”

Jo-see leaves my den and it feels as if a fire has gone out the moment she disappears from sight. I am filled with a keen sense of loss so great that it staggers me. The ache in my body has not decreased, and my khui’s song seems to have a lonely sound to it before it stills in my chest. It is as if it misses its mate as well. I stagger to my furs and drop to my knees, tearing at the ties to my loincloth and leggings.