Barbie World (Baby Doll Series) (21 page)

Chapter 32.
Barbie

I knock on Kai’s door, chewing on the inside of my cheek until I taste blood. I should have told Dylan what was going on with me, but for some reason I want to talk to Kai. Maybe it is because I know my pain will not affect Kai the way it does Dylan. He takes it as his own and I need to work this out without worrying about how he is processing it.

Kai opens the door in no shirt, his jeans low on his hips, exposing the rim of his boxers and the deep V between his hips. His tattoos look bright and fresh like he drew them on with a sharpie instead of having them inked into his skin. “Hey,” he says, casually leaning against the door frame.

“What, you’re not going to invite me in?” I flirt. He looks at me for a moment, debating if he really wants to allow me to continue to play this game with him. I would not blame him if he sent me away, got in his car and left us stranded here, but he is not that type of guy. I know that he is going to ride this thing through. He finally steps aside and lets me in. “Thanks.” I step around him and enter the shabby motel room.

There are two full sized beds next to each other with brown and yellow flowers on a thin bed spread. Kai claimed the one farthest away from the door as his. Funny. I would have chosen the bed closest to the door, a faster get away if needed.
What am I still running from?

I sit down on the bed next to the door and Kai sits down on his bed, putting his elbows on his knees while he stares at his hands. Suddenly, I am not sure that I made the right choice coming over here; maybe I should have gone to Dylan. It is too late now, though, I am already here,

“So,” I say.

“So?” he repeats me.

“Crazy day.” I smile at him.

“Yeah, you can say that.” He looks up at me now with a grin threatening to come through.

“Look I am sorry for everything. If I knew that they would come out here and then… “ I shake my head, thinking about how Dylan looked truly like a knight riding to the rescue. If he hadn’t come, who knows if we would have ever got the car fixed with enough time to go to Savannah.

“Yeah, it’s cool. I just wish he would back off and realize that you are not his,” he says. I can hear the question behind it; you are not his, right? I have been trying to fight it for so long. I know not being with him would be for the best. How long will I be able to deny myself of him, though?

“I am not sure,” I say, looking down at my hands. He nods his head in understanding. “There is just so much happening and I am confused. I thought I knew what I wanted, what I needed to do… I am just not sure now.” Tears begin to burn at the back of my throat; I don’t fight them. I let them fall.

“I am not asking you to choose now, mostly because I am afraid if I asked you, you wouldn’t choose me. He might be your past, but I am hoping to be your future.” He scoots closer to me on the bed. “I will be here now and I will be here after, even if it is not me. I want to be in your life, even if it is just as a friend.” I look up at him, the tears blurring him into a fuzzy mess. It seems like all I ever do lately is cry or get angry.

I hate that in the end someone is going to end up hurt. Why does anyone want to be in my life anyway? All I do is hurt and break people. Kai wipes at the tears on my cheek with his thumb.

“You are worth it.” He leans in and kisses my wet lips. It is not a desperately hot kiss; it’s more like a soft, comforting kiss. I do not feel numb and, yet, I feel strangely soothed from it. “I bet your boy is pacing in front of the door, ready to break it down if you don’t get out of here soon.” I take his hand and press it to my cheek and kiss his palm.

“You are a good friend.” He cringes at my words, however he still holds onto his smile.

Chapter 33.
Dylan

I sit on an old, rusty lounge chair, staring up at the motel room that Barbie went into. She has been in there a long time and it is taking every ounce of strength I have to stay right where I am at. I grip onto the chair, willing myself to stay. About fifteen minutes of fighting the Hulk inside of me, I begin to debate if I should pull the fire alarm when the motel door opens and she steps out. I can tell she has been crying; her black make-up is running down her cheeks in streaks. I watch as she heads down the stairs, taking them carefully. When she gets to the bottom, she glances over at her room door, hesitating to go in, after a moment she shakes her head and turns and begins to walk towards me.

She opens the squeaky pool gate, letting it slam behind her, walks over to the pool and stares into it. The lights from the pool send shadows dancing over her. She doesn’t see me. I am hidden in a shadow so I just watch her, seeing what she is going to do. She kicks her shoes off to the side and dips one of her toes into the water testing it.

“Going in?” I ask her, letting my presence be known.

Her head snaps up in my direction before she bends over and submerges her hand in the water. “I was debating, but I didn’t bring a bathing suit.” She stands up, putting her wet hand on her hip. That feisty girl I love makes an appearance and I realize how much I missed her.

“That has never stopped you before.” I remember the girl on the cliff.

She gives me a shrewd smile. “I bet you think of that moment all the time,” she repartees.

“Only every other second. Actually, I switch between two memories, you on that cliff and you punching me in the nose.” I rub at my nose for emphasis while she shakes her head, smiling. “I dare you to jump in right now.” I taunt her.

“What are you, five?” she says, but I can tell that she is toying with the idea.

“I will tell you what; I will jump in first.” I start to pull off my sneakers.

“Oh, no, if you are going to do it, it has to be fully dressed,” she says with a gleam to her eyes.

“Fine.” I back up to the fence and take a running start. I don’t know if she is going to follow, but I hope to God she is. I take a leap of faith into the pool and water fills my shoes, making them heavy as I sink to the bottom.

I open my eyes, looking to see if my faith was rewarded, but I am in a world of silence, just me and the water. There is a sudden sinking feeling in my chest before the water suddenly cuts around me and I can see her; she is surrounded by tiny bubbles and her dress billows up around her.

I swim towards her and her to me. My heart takes off in tiny flutters and I am filled with happiness. We stop in the middle, just looking at each other, before she kicks off to the surface and I follow her. When I break the surface, she is laughing; a sound I have not heard in so long. A sound that I would do anything to hear. It is like hearing your favorite song on the radio, one that you have not heard in so long, so you turn it up and belt out the lyrics as loud as you can only to feel emptiness when it’s gone; not sad, just missing it and wishing you’d bought the CD so you could listen to it again. She swims towards the wall and I follow her. We grip onto the wall, just grinning at each other.

“I like it when you laugh,” I say.

“Yeah, well, I am laughing because you look like a drowned rat.” She laughs again, splashing me in the face with water.

“Yeah, well, you don’t look so hot yourself,” I lie and splash her back.

“Hey,” she complains.

I grab her and kick away from the wall, bringing her with me. She struggles against me, but doesn’t leave my arms. When I have her in the middle of the pool, everything feels all right again. I have her in my arms and she is smiling, happy. I lean in to kiss her, but she splashes me and pushes my head down under the water. I swallow a mouth full of water.

“Hey.” I choke and see her climbing out of the pool, still laughing. I swim after her and grab onto her foot to pull her back in, but she kicks free. I chase after her. Isn’t this fitting? I am
always metaphorically chasing her and now I literally am. I grab her right before she gets to the gate. I scoop her up in my arms and walk back to the pool.

“Don’t you dare, Dylan Knight.” She clutches onto my shirt.

“Do what? This.” I hang her dangerously over the water.

“Dylan!”

“What? I wouldn’t throw you into the pool like that.” I say innocently and then I jump into the pool with her in my arms. We carry on like this for some time; her trying to swim away from me and me pulling her back with her splashing or dunking me.

We walk back together to the rooms, soaking wet. I have my shirt and shoes in my hand when we stop at her door.

“I had fun,” she says.

“Yeah, me, too.”

She looks down at our bare feet. “I want to thank you for coming out to get us, even though it was purely selfish,” she says teasingly.

“What can I say, I know what I want and I am not about to lose it to some punk rocker.” I say cockily. “Yeah and how do you know I am not going to choose that punk rocker?” I groan as I walk towards her, backing her up against the brick wall, I place my hands on the wall around her. “Because you are mine, and you always will be.” I smile at her. I Take in the beautiful sight of her. Her hair is clumped together and her dress clings to her body from the pool, leaving little to the imagination. “I am not.” She say breathless.

“Yes you are, or you wouldn’t be here with me, like this, backed up against a wall, waiting on me to kiss you.” She smiles at me, tilting her head in my direction. I want to make sure she remembers how she feels when we are together. I am going to make her see that I am the right choice for her. I am going to prove to her that no one will love her as much as I will. That I will do anything in this world for her. “I am not waiting on you to kiss me.”

I take her hand in mine and she closes her eyes as I brush my fingers up to her wrist. I make small circles before traveling up the rest of her arm to brush her shoulder and then spread my fingers across her neck.

She bites down on her bottom lip. It takes everything I have to not say something to screw this up and beg her to be with me. No. If this is to be our last kiss, I want to make sure it is the one she will never forget.

I take her face in my hands, rubbing my thumb across the soft skin of her cheek. Her breath hitches, her eyes flutter shut as she tilts her head towards me and I part her mouth slightly by gently grazing my thumb across her bottom lip. I bring her forehead to my lips, kissing the spot right between her eyebrows. She sighs and brings her hands to my shoulders, holding me in place. I linger on her forehead, loving the sensation of her.

“You are the one thing I want more than anything. I have never wanted someone as bad as I want you,” I whisper. I kiss her on her lips now, lightly, letting our breaths intermingle together. Her lips taste slightly salty from the pool and the rain that lingers in the air. I pick her up, she wraps her legs around me and I push into her, thrusting her back up against the wall as I cup her bottom. I bite gently on her bottom lip, sucking it in slightly before our tongues meet.

Chapter 34.
Barbie

His eyes are crystals in the dark. We walk bare footed back to our rooms. Dylan made me forget about all that is happening even if it is only for a moment. “I want to thank you for coming out to get us, even though it was purely selfish,” I say teasingly.

“What can I say, I know what I want and I am not about to lose it to some punk rocker.” he says, licking his lips. Please, I roll my eyes. “Yeah and how do you know I am not going to choose that punk rocker?” He lets out a groan and walks towards me until I am backed up against the building behind me. He takes another slow, painful step towards me. I bite at my bottom lip, wanting this so badly that my body aches. He is wet and beautiful. He drops his shirt and shoes on the ground next to him. How did we ever come undone? Why did I ever let him go? He takes another step towards me as the clouds rumble over our heads. “Because you are mine, and you always will be.” His eyes darken with something that I am not used to seeing behind those smoky brown eyes. I am beginning to get used to seeing Dylan like this, he is no longer the boy who I first meet. I am his; I have been since the first day I walked into the auditorium. “I am not.” I say a little breathlessly.

“Yes you are, or you wouldn’t be here with me, like this, backed up against a wall, waiting on me to kiss you.” I can’t help but smile at that because that is exactly what I am doing. I am practically begging for him to kiss me. “I am not waiting on you to kiss me.” He begins a slow painful journey down my arm, I don’t move. I am not even sure how I am standing. I cannot feel my legs under me. Keeping one hand against the wall above my head, he lets his other drop to his side. I feel the touch of his fingers on mine. I close my eyes as his fingers brush slowly, painfully, up my hand lingering on my wrist. He circles it between his fingers before traveling up the rest of my arm. They brush across my shoulder and then splay across my neck. My skin is seared where his hands touch my skin and a heat has blossomed in my stomach. I want to scream out loud. I want to call out his name, yet I can’t. He has me frozen with his touch.

I suck in a breath and bite onto the corner of my lip, willing my hands to be still and not touch the shirtless chest in front of me. My fingers ache to paint the fine lines of his chest. My eyes continue down to the deep patterns in his stomach, my gaze following it to where it disappears into the waistband of his jeans. I close my eyes once again. He kisses my forehead softly. Then he places his hands on both sides of my head and leans in towards mine. My heart is beating widely in my chest. Has anyone ever died from a look before? Because I feel like I am about to have a heart attack. His thick lashes shadow his eyes, but I know where they travel. Wherever he looks, my body sparks to life. He might as well be touching every part of my exposed skin. For the first time in my life, I don’t have control over the situation. My mouth will not work and my throat feels swollen. I can barely breathe as I suck in the air that is filled with Dylan’s scent of fresh cut grass and soap, filling me, waking me up from the inside out. He is everywhere. All my senses are alive and filled with him all from a look.

He runs his thumb across my jaw line, causing my head to tilt up in his direction. There is a heat burning behind his eyes. Dylan has touched me before and we have shared more than one hot make out session, but this is different. It is like he wants me to memorize every touch. His thumb traces my bottom lip, pulling it open slightly. “You are the one thing I want more than anything. I have never wanted someone as bad as I want you,” he says in a gravelly voice and then his mouth is on mine. The heat in my stomach explodes, setting every cell in my being on fire. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, pulling him deeper. I need him. I need him desperately to wake this sleeping dragon inside me. To make me feel feelings I have tried for so long to numb. They are defrosting and coming alive with a fierceness that jolts me awake.

I splay my hands thru his wavy hair and before I know it, I am off the ground and my legs are wrapped around his hips. He cups me from behind while I drown in him and I cannot breathe. He pushes up against me, releasing something deep inside of me. I need him closer and, as if he can sense what I need, he leans harder into me his weight presses against me and I cry out his name. His tongue flicks inside my mouth, meeting mine. I break away, tilting my head back and he nips at my neck. Each tender bite triggering a moan to escape from deep inside of me. I whimper, calling out his name. I don’t want this to end, but he stops and brushes his nose below my ear while still clutching onto me, my back still pressed into the wall behind me.

“God, you smell so good. It is making me crazy.” He says. My heart drops to my stomach and flitters before it rests back into my chest. I lean my head back. The sky is velvet, dusted with glittering stars. The air blows, sending a chill down my spine. I am so awake and aware now that my mouth is not on Dylan’s and the fog is beginning to clear. A muddle of emotions stir inside me, awakened, long buried demons begin to lurk in the chasms of my mind. I can feel their sharp claws dragging on my mind’s surface and I fight the tears that burn at the back of my throat.

I am struck by a sudden loss as what I went through this year begins to weigh heavily on me. He has done it once again, exposed me, opening up wounds I’ve tried to forget. How can I sit in a room with a trained therapist and nothing, however with one touch of his, I am flustered. I am scared of the whirlwind of emotions that are pouring out of me.

Dylan clutches at my leg; my inner thigh is tingling from the touch of his bare skin against mine. My cheeks burn slightly from the heat that travels up from my feet.

I am not used to feeling embarrassed, but being so emotionally exposed, I feel like I am standing in front of him naked. He rubs his nose against the soft skin under my chin and sets my feet gently on the ground. Feelings about Dylan that I wanted to forget-that I tried to forget-are back, within the hurricane that is brewing inside me. Spinning around with my heart as a victim. However, each time feelings for him swim to the surface, I feel safe, warm, yet confused.

I smooth down my wet dress, trying to grip onto something solid, afraid to leave the wall that is offering me support. Dylan leans his head against mine. “Angel, I am not going anywhere, I am going to help you get through this. Whatever it is that is happening, I know you can make it through this. You are the strongest person I know. I wish I had one ounce of the strength in me that you do,” he says.

He might not realize it, but he is strong. He is strong enough to pillage the fortress that I have built around myself; a once unbreakable fort and now pieces of me lay about in a pile of rubble,.

My lips throb from where his once lingered. I touch them, lost for words. “Okay, well, this is a little awkward.” He laughs as he stares at me. “In my mind, it went totally different.” He pushes off the wall and runs his hand through his already adorably messy hair, messing it up more.

“How did you think it would go?” I croak. He shrugs his shoulders. My eyes follow the bare rise and fall of his chest, lingering there before my eyes find his mouth.

“I don’t know. Maybe I thought you would break and take me back. Admit that you really miss me?” he confesses. I do. I have been trying to ignore that I miss him so much that it is almost debilitating. I miss him so badly that I want to scream and fall to the ground, curling into myself.

“I am not strong,” I say, barely above a whisper.

He stops running his hands through his hair. His hands still on his head as he looks at me. Really looking at me and I am ashamed at what he sees before him. He drops his hands and steps to me, pulling me into his arms. I feel the strength in them that was not there before.

“You are strong. You are strong when others are not.”

I swallow the thick saliva that has developed in my mouth. “What if it is a mistake finding her? She has stayed gone for a reason.” There, what I am truly fearful of has finally come out. I slide down the wall and grip my knees. “I need her to tell me why she left my mother. I need to know why my mother is the way she is… I need to know that it is not because of me,” I tell him.

He sits down next to me, pulling me into a hug. “No matter what happens when you find her, nothing is your fault. I will be there with you the entire time,” he says.

The problem is I don’t know if he’s right.

###

Three hours and we are in Savannah. Savannah is like nothing I have seen before; there is a mixture of old and new. The cobblestone streets are lined with brick buildings. We turn down one of the tree lined streets.

“Over there.” I point to a bar.

I am nervous, my hands are horribly sweaty and I feel like puking. The Purple Dragon blends in with its surrounding buildings, but it looks different from the rest of them to me.

“It looks closed,” Third points out. We take a detour down a side street and Kai parallel parks against the building.

“What should we do?” Roxie asks and everyone looks at me for direction.

“We wait.”

After we get something to eat, we find a small festival going on in the town center. Third and Roxie run off to ride some of the rickety rides.

“Want to go ride the Zipper,” Dylan asks.

“No. I think I just need a moment by myself,” I say.

I leave Kai and Dylan to themselves and I walk off. I have no place in mind, I just walk, letting my mind wander. Tonight is the night I find out the truth. The truth that can heal my broken family.

I make my way past the festival and down to a dock that sits looking over a salt marsh. I sit until the sun begins to set I watch the sun that is glowing orange. I sit there until the sun turns pink. Eventually, I hear footsteps approaching. I don’t glance up, knowing it is Third by the sound of his feet and the heavy sound of his breathing. He sits down next to me with a thud, his sandaled feet dangling next to mine.

“Here” He hands me a pink cotton candy while he holds another one in his other hand. His lips are tinged blue from the sugar.

“Thanks.” I take it from him and pull a small piece off, popping it into my mouth, letting it melt on my tongue. “Where is Roxie?” I ask. With all that has been going on with me, I have not even bothered to see how Third has been doing.

“She is back at the fair, riding the zipper with your men.” He smiles.

“They are not my ‘men’.” I roll my eyes at him.

“I know. So, shit, you must be freaking out.”

I cock my eyebrows at him. “Yeah, I am.” I lay my head on his shoulder and look out at the pink sun setting against the blue water. “Third?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.” I take another piece of cotton candy.

###

I look at the faded gold letters above the door. “Josephine Starr.” I can barely make out her name in the dim light of the hall. A light flickers above, threatening to go out while music pulsates around me, vibrating the walls. I knock on the door, waiting for the answers I need.

“Who you looking for, honey?” a waitress not much older than me asks. She wears black shorts and a tight, red tank top that matches her blood red lips. She flicks her cigarette butt out a door that is propped open with a rusty, industrial sized can.

My throat goes dry before I answer her. “Josephine Starr. She is my grandmother,” I add. I don’t want her to get sketched out about me poking around back here. I was not exactly invited.

“Yeah, well, don’t bother knocking. She is probably passed out drunk.” She looks me up and down before shaking her head and leaving the hall.

I take a deep breath and push open the door, stumbling in. The room is not very big, maybe the size of a glorified closet. Red silk scarves hang from a lamp, casting a soft glow around the room. Old posters of unknown bands, their edges peeling away from the wall, sit behind a ratty purple couch. Clothes spill out of a dingy, broken trunk and little trinkets of perfume and costume jewelry sit amongst the makeup that litters a broken vanity. A lit cigarette burns in an ashtray on a coffee table next to a glass of amber liquid.

In the distance a toilet flushes before a woman stumbles out. She has on a silk black robe with red roses climbing up the fabric. Not noticing me, she stumbles pass me to the purple couch in the corner, falling down on the ripped seat, its foam guts protruding with each movement. She reaches for the liquid, putting the glass to her lips. She stops. My eyes go up to hers and all the air is sucked out of the room.

The room begins to spin rapidly as her lips move, but I don’t hear anything except for the sound of the air rushing back into the room. I inhale a mixture of cheap perfume and cigarettes.

“If you are looking for Reed honey, he doesn’t show up until last minute, if he even bothers to show up at all, that son of a bitch. As soon as I find a new guitarist, he is out. You can tell him that if you see him.” She downs the contents of her glass, placing it back onto the water ringed table.

I smooth down the front of my dress, my other hand smoothing down any hair that might have escaped from my ponytail. “I am not looking for Reed.” I say, clearing my throat from the heavy perfume in the air.

She looks me up and down with a glare before she stands up. Her feet are steadier under her now as she walks over to a rack of clothes that stands in the center of the room. “Well, who you looking for then, sweetheart. I hope it isn’t Liam because, I tell you, a nice innocent girl like yourself has no business getting mixed up with a bad boy like him.”