Barefoot and Lost (19 page)

     Both
Jill
and
Peter
are kneeling on the back seat waving furiously; Auntie M is waving both her arms above her head. I heard Gran say once that she was both happy and sad and I thought, how could that be, but now I think I know what she meant. I have a lump in my throat
and I feel like I want to cry.
Is it happiness for
Peter
or sadness for me I don’t know?
Swallowing hard, I fight back the tears; I don’t want
anyone to see me like this.
I turn around to find I am all alone, not one member of staff has come to say goodbye to Peter, how rotten is that.

    
Rachel
is sitting on the bench under the oak tree, talking with two girls from St S’s, I’m not sure if I should go and speak to her but she notices me. That tingling smile lights up her face, I can feel my neck getting hot the heat creeping up to ears, ‘Hello Phil we were talking about you.’

     ‘Why, what have I done nothing bad I hope?’

     ‘No, don’t be silly. She – sorry, don’t know your name.

     ‘
Doris
and this is
Enid
.’
Doris
says pointing to her friend.

     ‘I’m
Rachel
;
Doris
was telling me you wrote that poem about
Lionel
.’

     ‘Yeah
, was it alright?’

     ‘It was beautiful, wish I could write things like that,’
Enid
looks at
Doris
then turns to me.

     ‘There was a message in there, wasn’t there, the bit about Mam and
Mr.
Flynn
?’

     ‘No, only about
Flynn
, he is the bad one.’

     ‘Then you don’t know about Mam, she’s doing the same sort of thing.’
Rachel
is looking bewildered,

     ‘What sort of thing what are you talking about?’

     ‘It’s complicated
Rachel
, I’ll tell you about later.’

     ‘
Phillip
Snell
do not treat me like a child, I want to know what you are talking about?’ I don’t know how to tell, her I can feel myself going red again, and then
Doris
comes to my rescue,

     ‘Interfering with children, I think it is called abuse, she did it to me and to Enid and a lot of others.’

     ‘Yes, if you are about eight when you come here, she pretends she is giving you a cuddle and a love because you don’t have a mum. She then puts her finger inside you it hurts a lot.’

     ‘She told me, while she was kissing me, that she was checking to see if I had any
nasties
up there. When I asked what she meant, she told me earwigs that would grow to a foot long and eat me from inside, so it was important for her to check at least once a week, but I should check myself every day and that I wasn’t to tell anybody because if, I did, I would get into serious trouble from the Reverend and be sent away to a very horrible place to die.’

     ‘That is really horrible, why didn’t you tell anyone; how long was she doing that to you?’

     ‘Two years for me and just over two for
Doris
. We couldn’t say anything, we were too scared, anyway in the beginning you believed her, and then later you felt too ashamed to say anything to anybody.’

     ‘She stops when you start your periods, or if you refuse and threaten to speak out.’

     ‘I feel sick; how can anybody do that to a child, I still can’t believe you didn’t tell someone?’

     ‘I know
Rachel
that is what I meant about being ashamed. What we do instead is to try to protect the young ones when they arrive. We try to explain, but some kids don’t believe us and miss love so much they get caught in the trap.’

      ‘When I wrote my poem Mam read it to the Reverend and said how true it was that she did love Lion, I can’t believe she is doing the same thing as Flynn.’

     ‘Well do; you don’t think we made it up do you? Did
Flynn
do anything to you?’

     ‘Sort of, he tried but Lion saved me?’

     ‘So there, and did you tell anyone?’

     ‘No; I know, like you said, you’re too scared and don’t know who to tell or if they will believe you.’

     ‘So, what are we going to do about it now it‘s sort of out in the open?’

     ‘Nothing
Doris
, I have already done it, I’ve written to a friend he is a school teacher. I gave the letter to
Peter
’s foster mum, she told me she posted it a week ago, so Pop should have it by now, and he will certainly do something about it. When he contacts me I’ll tell him about Mam Okay.’   

     ‘That is fantastic do you think he will tell the police?’

     ‘The police, I hadn’t thought of that, is what they are doing something you can go to prison for? Tell you what can you write down everything that happened to
you, and then I will write to P
op again?’

     ‘I think so, let’s hope so, can we talk about something else now?’

     ‘Okay
Rachel
, where is
Miriam
, a month ago she wouldn’t let you out of her sight?’

     ‘Oh, she’s back at St Gab’s, one of the house mothers seems to have taken her under her wing; my God Phil, do you think that sort of thing is happening to her?’

     ‘Could be, I don’t know nothing would surprise me now.’

     ‘
Rachel
I would ask her, but don’t frighten her, if it’s not happening it would be a shame to make her scared of all adults.’

     ‘How can I do that
Enid
, without scaring her?’

     ‘Just ask if she has found any earwigs, worms, or nasty’s then see what her reaction is.’

     ‘Yes, I’ll do that; when are we going to leave here? I want to go back to see if she is alright; I’m going to find someone to ask.’

     ‘I’ll come with you,
Marjorie
is probably the best and the easiest to find, she is so big and she’s got that stupid sun hat on again.’    

     ‘Oh
Phil
, now I am so worried, I never knew that sort of thing could happen.’ 

     Marjorie is harder to find than I thought, she is sitting
beside a rhododendron bush,
her floral dress bl
ends
in perfectly
, but
it is her hat that has given her away. ‘
Marjorie
, what time are we going back to
Saint
Gabriel
’s?’

      ‘Hello you two, in about fifteen minutes, you can help me round up the tribe; Phillip
I was
very impressed with your poem.’

     ‘Thank you
Marjorie
’

     ‘Now, if you two love birds will start looking over the other side I’ll look around here, we need fifteen, including you Rachel.’ Cupping her hand around her ear ‘I’m sure I can hear wedding bells.’

     ‘What the hell is she talking about; there is not a church for miles.’

     ‘Silly, she means you and me getting married.’

     ‘I see, I think I might like that.’

     ‘Me too’ she said, using that tingling smile, my neck and ears are on fire again.

    
Our after lights out pow wow is mostly me talking, telling the others what the girls told me about Mam. ‘Did you tell them we think we have
Flynn
scared now that we are shouting at him?’

     ‘No Toby I didn’t, I thought it best if we keep that as our plan, it might not work for us if they started doing it to Mam as well.’

     ‘Yeah
, s’pose you’re right.’

     ‘Auntie bloody Mavis said she posted the letter?’

     ‘Yeah
Jack, she said last Monday, he should have it by now and will certainly do something about
it. We both have a friend a
in the police  S
uperintendent
Langdon
,
he is also the captain of my swimming club, that’s how I know him,
I bet Pop has given it to him, you’ll see, next week there will be loads of Bobbies here taking Flynn and Mam to prison.’

     ‘I hope I’m here when they do it.’

     ‘Yeah
and I do too.’

     ‘And me, can’t wait to see them waving out of the back of a Black Maria.’ Toby is pulling a face and waving, we start to laugh, the door opens, Mr. Simmons puts his head around the door, ‘Come on now, get some shut eye, busy day tomorrow; oh yes, forgot to mention, you are all excused chapel in the morning, an extra half hour in bed then get ready for the funeral, wear your best suits and look smart. Also
Phillip
the director wants you to read your poem at the funeral so bring it with you, good night.’

     ‘The Reverend said he didn’t want me to.’

     ‘Well he does now, he’s been overruled by his boss, now, good night.’ 

     ‘Goodnight
Mr.
Simmons
.’

     ‘I think he is okay, he is not doing what
Flynn
and Mam are up to.

     ‘No, he’s a good bloke; I reckon that if Phil’s friend doesn’t s
ort it then we should tell him,
what do you think?’

     ‘I agree
Brian
.’

     ‘So do I
,
what about you Phil?’

     ‘Yeah
, I agree, but you’ll see, Pop will sort it.’

     As well as the
Humber
, the taxi that brought me from the train is in the drive. ‘Snell, you sit up front with the driver, Mam,
Herbert
and I will ride in the back.
Gerald
if you would be good enough to sit with the boys in the taxi I would be grateful.” I’ve never ridden in the front seat of a car before, how the driver can see where he is going with that long bonnet in front I do not know. ‘Are you okay son, bit of a novelty, sitting in the front, is it?’

     ‘Yes sir, riding in a car is a novelty, I’ve only done it once before.’

     ‘Well, sit back and enjoy the ride.’

     As we drive along the road I ask the driver ‘Were you the driver that found our friend in the boot?’

     ‘No son, that was
Charlie
, it really upset him, he’s not back to work yet. I spoke to him yesterday; he reckons he may never be able to come back. You see he has a son the same age as your mate, so ‘it’s really shaken him.’

     ‘It has upset us too, we were like brothers. Well he was more like our elder brother he was our leader. His name is
Lionel
, we called him Lion,
and things
won’t be the same without him.’

     ‘I’m sure it won’t son, but you’ll see, someone will step into his shoes, it might even be you.’

     ‘I don’t think so, I’m the youngest.’

     ‘It has nothing to do with age, its strength that counts. Can’t talk now son, I have to concentrate on these narrow lanes. 

     The journey only takes twenty minutes. The hearse is waiting for us, moving off very slowly as we fall, behind. With the taxi following we pass into the church yard of
Saint
Peter
; the church is very old the bottom half is made of lots of sharp pieces of rock which glint in the sunlight, the top half is made of a yellow stone. The driver gets out and opens the rear door Mam is first out, followed by the director and then the Reverend the others, from the taxi, join us. Waiting in the porch are two
clergymen, one very tall with thinning blond hair, the other much shorter and a lot younger with hardly any hair, they are both wearing white cassocks.

     The tall one unfolds his arms to greet us I can see his purple shirt and white collar. They shake hands with all of us saying welcome to
Saint
Peter
’s. The tall one then turns to face
Brian
, ‘Are you the young man reading the Tribute?’
Brian
looks blank, the Reverend chips in,

     ‘No young
Phillip
here,’ resting his hand on my head ‘Is reading a poem he has composed.
Brian
here’ he puts his hand on
Brian
’s shoulder, ‘Is reading the twenty third psalm is that in order?’

     ‘That will be absolutely
fine
Reverend, now you young man Phillip, is it; what is your relationship with the deceased?’

      ‘A friend sir, we are all his friends.’

      ‘I want you to sit at the front, on the end of a pew, so when I call your name you can come forward quickly. When you speak, speak loudly do not shout, there is a microphone that will relay your voices. Now please stand aside and allow the coffin to proceed. All of you follow me the boys, I think should walk behind me.’

      We
stand aside to allow two men
push
ing
a trolley with the coffin on
to pass us
. I have to look away, my mind running wild with the thought of Lion, laying inside that box, looking up at me trapped for the second time, in a locked box;
oh Lion
,
why didn’t I stop you
,
if I had undone that handle would you have been able to escape
,
I wish I knew, will this haunt me for the rest of my life?
The ministers hold their hands in prayer; side by side they follow Lion. Through my tears I look at Toby to see who is going first and notice he is weeping like me.

     A wheelchair is blocking half the aisle, in it is a soldier in full uniform, standing next to him is Auntie Mavis and
Peter
, and this makes me smile helping me to control my tears.

    The church is almost half full. I didn’t think Lion knew anyone other than us at St S’s, where have they all come from, I can see Marjorie; she has exchanged her sun hat for a smaller black one.
Anne
is standing beside her still looking like a figure one beside a naught;
why do I think of silly things at a sad time like this
.
Mr.
Simmons
and two lady house mothers, I do not know their names. Even
Mr.
Potts
is here, but there is no sign of
Flynn
. Two boys about Lion’s age,
wearing school blazers, are standing together. On either side of them are two adults they are probably their parents, I wonder are they from Lion’s school. The men with the coffin position it in front of the altar,
place three wreaths on top, and then slip out of a side door, shutting it with a bang that echoes around the church.   

     ‘I am the resurrection and the life, saith the Lord-----.’ The minister drones on, my thoughts are not with him but with Lion, how he attacked
Flynn
on my behalf even though he had only just met me, how he was prepared to risk everything to save me. ‘Now we will have a tribute to Lionel from---’ I start to get to my feet but the minister indicates
to me I should stay seated‘--
-
,
the Principal
,
of Lionel’s school
Mr. Lancer
.’ A man with greying hair, dressed in a black suit, walks from his seat
and climbs the three steps to the pulpit. Placing his notes on the lectern he looks around the congregation then turns his head away from the microphone and gives a little cough and begins

     ‘There are no relatives to mourn
Lionel
, only his friends and tutors;
Lionel
was born of a woman who we presume was on her own and felt she could not cope. In the early hours of an October morning, in 1931, she abandoned her baby in a shopping bag, wrapped in a blanket on the steps of
Saint Martins in the Fields, in
Trafalgar Square
. The story is told that the baby had a shock of red hair and was crying loudly, the curate who found him suggested
Martin
for a name, but the policeman called to the scene said, with hair like that and roaring like one of them lions, he should be called
Lionel
; so
Lionel
it was.

    
Lionel
came to our school almost three years ago and, in that time, proved himself to be a leader, a person that set himself high standards. He approached everything with a determination to get it right. Academically he struggled but tried hard, he captained our school cricket eleven with vigour. His leadership brought us success as county champions last season and this year we are on target to achieve the same success.
Lionel
will be missed by his team mates and by everyone that had the pleasure to know him; it is such a tragedy, that a life, with so much future, should be cut short; Rest in peace
Lionel
Bates.  

     I take the place of the headmaster. Although I have the piece of paper in my hand I do not need to read it when I reach the line, ‘Mam with a love so true.’ I am tempted to change it to not so true but think better of it. The hesitation
over the word true, with me looking directly at her, probably has the same effect.
Brian
is waiting for me at the bottom of the steps; I have never seen him look so stern, his deep voice booms around the church as he almost shouts the words of the psalm. After another prayer the two boys in blazers come forward, the minister walks over to
Brian
and
Jack
. I can’t hear what he is saying but both of them are nodding their heads. The two men from the hearse show them how to hold their arms and, with their assistance, Lionel is lifted on to their shoulders, Brian and a blazer in front, Jack and the other blazer taking the other end, walk through the side door, staggering the twenty yards to a freshly dug grave under a yew tree. Not every one has come to the graveside; I can’t see Mam or the director. The pall bearers place the coffin beside the grave and thread straps under it, Lion is lowered into the ground.

     ‘We therefore commit his body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust’  A wail comes from
Marjorie
, there are several with tears running down their cheeks.
Brian
and
Jack
both have tears in their eyes, their bottom lips trembling. Toby and I put our arms around each other and sob uncontrollably. This is the third funeral I have been to in the past year none has affected me like this one; why?

     At the front of the church everyone is shaking hands and offering kind words. Nobody comes to the four of us to offer nice words; it is almost as though we are invisible. Nobody will miss him like we will.

    
Peter
is holding the door of the
Gloria
open, while Auntie Bloody Mavis lifts her husband into the front seat. Making my way to them. ‘Can I Help?’

     ‘No thanks
Phil
, we have this down to a fine art haven’t, you Mavis?’

     ‘I certainly have and, what is more I’m getting muscles like a wrestler.’

     ‘You’ll be nice and trim by the time I get my new legs so look out, I like my women slim and athletic.’

     ‘Watch it
John
Cunningham
, any nonsense from you and I’ll hide one leg so you will have to hop, that should slow you down enough to give me a sporting chance.
John
now settled in the front passenger seat holds his hand out to me, ‘We are so pleased that
Peter
pestered us to come today, it has been a most moving experience,
and you
and
Brian
did very well.’