Barefoot and Lost (17 page)

     The past three days have been fun,
the girls are being taught country dancing, by a lady from St Gab’s. Coach and
Mr.
Simmons
have split the boys into two groups. We have been having tug of war, horse vaulting and nine, of us have been selected for a display of gymnastics, and this involves us in building a human pyramid. We spend most of our time as a giggling heap on the ground, as we collapse.

     The afternoons I have spent on my own, reading ‘The Talisman’ it is very hard to read many words I don’t understand some, I have looked up in the dictionary, but a lot of them aren’t there so I guess what they mean.
Peter
plays chess with himself, the other three play cricket. I am a bit fed up with the school holidays, I can’t wait to go to school and start swimming training. I really do hope Coach can arrange it.     

     The meals seem to have improved, with larger portions and better quality. I suspect that is because the war is over but I still go to bed hungry.

     Two bangs on the microphone, The Reverend coughs to clear his throat, ‘Silence.’ The babble drops to a murmur, ‘I said silence.’ A chair scrapes, some one coughs. ‘The funeral of
Lionel
Bates
will take place at eleven, Monday morning, the third of September,
in the village at the Parish church.
Lionel
is then to be laid to rest i
n the village graveyard. Mam,
I
and the five boys from Lionel’s dormitory, will represent Saint Stephen’s at the church and the graveside. Our morning service this Sunday will be a memorial service to
Lionel
, giving all of you the opportunity to pay your respects. The five boys from Lionel’s dormitory will need to see Mam, after this meal, to learn the
arrangements for Monday;
that
is all, go about your business.

    
Mam puts her head
around the door calling, ‘Peter.’

     ‘He’s not in here Mam.’

     ‘Where is he then?’

     ‘He has his head down the toilet next door Mam.’

     ‘Why, is he ill, what is wrong with him?’

     ‘Nothing wrong with him Mam, he is just cleaning, it’s his job’

     ‘
Phillip
Snell
you will be the death of me, why didn’t you say that in the first place?’

     ‘Just teasing Mam, I’m sorry.’ Mam leaves then within a minute
Peter
comes in

     ‘
Peter
did you see Mam?’

     ‘Yeah
, she wants me in the Reverends office right away; I’ve finished both toilets so I’ll see you later.’

     ‘Didn’t she say why he wants you?’

     ‘No, can’t think of anything I might have done wrong, but then, you don’t have to, to get into trouble here, do you.’ Half an hour passes, we have finished our Saturday cleaning, we have decided to go and play cricket but thought we would wait for
Peter
.

    
Peter
pushes open the door, his head is down on his chest, and his hands are deep in his pockets, his shoulders hunched.
Brian
asks, ‘For
Christ
sake
Peter
what the hell has happened.’ With his head down,
Peter
replies.

     ‘The Reverend kept me waiting outside for fifteen minutes then he called me into his office, he stood there, towering over me, I was racking my brains about what I had done wrong; and then he told me.’

     ‘Told you what?’ I ask.

     ‘That tomorrow I have to go and live with bloody Auntie Mavis, they are fostering me.’

      ‘Then why are you so miserable?’

      I’m not. Whoopee it’s fantastic!! I
was just teasing, that’s all.” He skips around the room
to a tune that sounds a bit like ‘Coming around the mountain when she comes’ he sings, ‘I’m going to bloody Auntie Mavis; yes I am. I’m going to bloody Auntie Mavis, because I can. I’m going to Auntie Mavis; I’m going to Auntie-----‘

     ‘Shut up!! Do you know what you are? You’re a pain in the neck I think I might be pleased when you’re gone.’

      ‘I’m sorry; you don’t mean that
Brian
.’

      ‘No, suppose not, I’m just jealous you lucky bugger. It won’t happen to
Jack
or me we are too old, if you don’t leave here before you’re thirteen you’re here until you’re fifteen. That’s when they kick you out, with a new set of clothes, a couple of quid in your pocket and tell you to find a job.’

     ‘Brian and me thought we could get away from here next year, when we are fourteen, but they are about to raise the school leaving age to fifteen, that means we will have another year at this dump.’

      ‘How much older was Lion than you two?’

      ‘Eight months older than
Brian
and, ten months older than me.’

      ‘Do you think that is why Lion ran away now, because he had another year here and
Flynn
of course?’

     ‘Almost certain I’d say, but we will never really know, not now.’  

     ‘It’s not fair, I miss him a lot he was good to me.’

     ‘We knew him a lot longer. Lion was like a brother to us, how do you think we feel
Phil
?’

     ‘Yeah
sorry; look, I have something I must tell you; I saw Lion get into the boot of the car.’

     ‘What, when, how, why didn’t you say before?’

     ‘I wish I had
Brian
, but at first I thought that, if no one else knew, Lion would have a better chance of getting away. I’m not saying any of you would have said anything, but I thought, if you didn’t know, then nothing could slip out by mistake.’

     ‘Bloody cheek, you have only been here a few weeks and you have already decided what we will or not say, or what might slip out, what do you think we are, bloody idiots?’

     ‘No, it wasn’t like that I didn’t mean to upset any of you, you’re the best friends I have ever had.’

      ‘Okay Phil, Brian is just a bit upset; tell us how it was then.’ The whole story pours out, except the bit about the driver locking the boot. I’m talking so fast nobody has a chance to interrupt.

     ‘Why didn’t you speak up in the Reverend’s office?’

     ‘Come on Toby, if I had said he went in the car they would have known where to look for him and he may have got caught.’

     ‘But he is dead.’

     ‘I didn’t know that, if I had known he was going to die I’d have jumped out in front of the car and stopped it. I didn’t know did I? I feel so guilty; I could have saved his life if only I knew.’ My throat is drying up, I feel like I am going to cry, running from the room I don’t know where I’m going, but I have to be on my own. Running blindly I find myself in the library, huddled in the corner where I watched
Peter
thrash
Flynn
at chess. I still feel that I want to cry but the tears won’t come, there is only this pricking burning sensation in my eyes, I feel sick, my stomach aches with being tensed up.

     I wish I hadn’t told them, I only told them because I thought it would make me feel better. Gran used to say,
‘
A pro
blem shared is a problem halved’
just shows she didn’t know every
thing because now I feel worse.
I thought my friends should know, I didn’t expect them to blame me for Lion dying; well, I don’t care, I know I couldn’t have done anything how could I have chased a moving car, undone the boot handle without giving Lion away? I couldn’t; anyway, with the boot open the fumes would have got in the boot quicker he would have died anyway
.
That’s it it’s not my fault, I didn’t kill him, it was that bloody Humber, not very, Super Snipe with it’s leaking exhaust, that’s what di
d it.
It was an
accident; Lion wouldn’t have
climbed
in the boot if he had known it was going to kill him, would he? I can feel my stomach relax and saliva return to my mouth as the guilt goes from me. Perhaps Gran was right after all, if I hadn’t told them I wouldn’t have thought it through
and would have still felt guilty; Thank you Gran
,
you’re a star, I love you and miss you so much.  

      Although I feel better I still want to be on my own, I’m not supposed to be in the Library in the mornings so, until I get caught, I’ll hide here and read my book. I have moved the high back armchair, slightly on an angle, so I can see in the mirror, anyone coming up the stairs. No one can see me unless they look over the back of the chair.

     My piece of wool is marking my place at chapter twelve.
Sir
Kenneth
the Scottish Knight, and his dog Roswal, are guarding the English Standard from attack by the Saracens, all alone, while everyone else is asleep. Nectabanus the dwarf,
(I
wish
these names were easier to pronounce)
sneaks up the hill and tries to persuade Sir Kenneth to leave his post to go and see Lady Edith---- A creak on the stairs makes me look up, I glance in the mirror to see Toby’s head just above the top step, he stops, hesitates, then ducks back down, the steps creak as he retraces his steps. That’s good, he didn’t see me, I want to be here on
my own; now, where was I? Oh yeah
, ------ the dwarf has brought with him a ruby ring he recognizes as belonging to her. The dwarf tells
Sir
Kenneth
she needs him to go and see her now, I can’t leave my post it, would be treason. The dwarf says
(I find it easier to say the dwarf instead of trying to pronounce his name)
It would be more than treason if you did not go----, the stairs creak again. Looking up, this time it is
Brian
’s head, followed by
Jack
’s, then Toby’s, they walk straight to where I am hiding.
Brian
speaks, ‘So there you are we have come to say sorry.’

     ‘How did you find me?’

     ‘Because this is your bolt hole
you always come here.’
     ‘Yeah
I suppose I do, but how did you know I was in this chair?’

     ‘It’s not difficult; didn’t you think that, if you could see us in the mirror, we could see you.’

     ‘Sugar, and I thought I was being clever, why do you want to say sorry; what have you done?’
Jack
speaks,

     ‘Don’t be bloody smart
Phil
, you know what
Brian
means.’

     ‘Yeah
I know, just a bit embarrassed, that’s all’

     ‘You embarrassed, it’s us that should be; blaming you for Lion’s death when we know it was an accident. Not one of us could have prevented it, except Lion. Would he have done what he did if he knew it would kill him? Of course not, so we are all sorry.’

      ‘That’s okay, I’m sorry too, I should have told you, where’s
Peter
is he not sorry?’

      ‘He is too excited about Bloody Auntie Mavis.’ We all laugh.

     The stairs creak loudly and
Flynn
’s head appe
ars, ‘What are you doing here?
Get back downstairs this minute’ Brian turns to face Flynn, 

     ‘Not until we are ready to go Flynn, we are looking up something we can say at Lion’s Funeral; so far, all we can think of is that it was you that killed him, you didn’t succeed in choking him with your dick when you put it in his mouth, so you had to get him gassed instead; now, fuck off you pervert.’ Not only Flynn is taken back by Brian’s out burst, we all are and stare, not believing what we have just heard. Flynn’s face has gone purple, his eyes are bulging, he makes a lunge at Brian who steps aside easily and taunts him to try a
gain, ‘Come on pervert how will
you explain this. Hit me you bloody pervert.’ There is a silence,
Flynn
checks himself, he opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Toby breaks the silence by shouting, ‘PT IN THE LIBRARY, PT IN THE LIBRARY.’ We all join in at the tops of our voices.
Flynn
turns and runs nearly falling down the stairs in his haste. We continue shouting, and then burst into uncontrollable laughter.

     ‘What the devil is going on here?’ We turn to find Mam, standing at the top of the stairs, her hands on her hips, breathing heavy she repeats ‘What is going on?’

     ‘Sorry Mam but we are looking for a book that can tell us what words to say at Lion’s funeral.’

     ‘Now that is a nice thought Phillip, if you want to say something it would be a nice tribute to Lionel, have you any idea what sort of things you would want to say?’

     ‘We don’t know Mam, that’s why we are up here in the library.’

     ‘Why were you shouting and laughing?’
Jack
answers, until now he hasn’t said a lot

     ‘
Mr.
Flynn
was here but he left in a hurry, we were trying to get him to come back and give us a HAND Mam but he just ran away and that made us laugh.’
Brian
gives a giggle, Mam says nothing, standing there looking at us. I think I can see a glimmer of understanding in her eyes.

     None of us speaks; after what seems an eternity she says, ‘I will speak to the Reverend with regard to you speaking at the funeral or the memorial service, if he agrees, we will find something appropriate. Now it is nearly time for lunch, be off with you.’ I put my marker into the Talisman, noticing I’m up to chapter thirteen, hope that doesn’t mean bad luck placing it on the shelf I follow the others back to our dorm.

    
Peter
has his suitcase on his bed, sorting through his things. ‘My, you lot look happy, what’s happened?’

     ‘It’s the thought of you buggering off to Bloody Auntie Mary that’s why.’
Peter
’s face drops as he turns away from
Brian
.

     ‘
Peter
,
Brian
is only teasing, we’ve had a row with
Flynn
, and
Brian
told him to Efff off.’

     ‘Wow, did you just say Ef or did you use the whole word?’

     ‘The bloody whole word, did you see the look on
Flynn
’s face? I can’t believe I said that to him, I never use that word. I know it, but don’t think I have ever said it before?’