Barefoot and Lost (42 page)

     Reg is sitting in an arm
chair in front of a big bay window. When he sees us he raises his left hand to wave. June gives him a kiss, he looks at me then picks up his right
hand with his left
for me to shake,
and it
feels cold to touch, with no grip. ‘Lelo Flip’ the rest is jumbled.

     ‘Hello Reg, do you like it here?’

     ‘Okay.’

     It is sad to see him like this, ‘
June
, will Reg always be like this?’ Reg touches me with his left foot and nods towards his lap, I’m wondering what he wants me to see and then I notice he is moving his fingers.

     ‘Fantastic, you’ll be running before you know it.’ I cannot understand his reply but his
good side i
s smiling, his other side is certainly
trying too.

     ‘It will be, long time yet Phillip but it is a good sign
,
with the right therapy he will make a recovery
,
let us keep our fingers crossed, Reg attempts to cross the fingers on his bad side but doesn’t quite make it.

    
June
has now taken to working full time at the convalescent home, on shift work. This means that some of her days off I am at school, some days she is going to work just as I am coming home, I hardly ever see her except when she is not working Saturday, but then we still go to see Reg. She is spending nearly as much time there as Reg, I’m fed up with it and I think Pop and Tess are not too happy with the arrangement because I seem to be at their house permanently, this causes problems at meal times because some meals are rituals and they do not know whether to include me or not, so I think they compromise. At times they behave as though I am
Michael
, which is awkward, so I go along with it, not wanting to upset them. I feel like I am a burden to
June
because of Reg, also a burden to Pop and
Tess
because I am not Jewish. I do not want to go to a home. Yesterday I wrote to Awful again, he hasn’t answered my first letter. Maybe he has and
June
has hidden it from me. This
time I have given P
op’s address, s
o maybe I’ll be lucky
. 

       The man who wants to t
urn the house into flats now has
permission, so the sale is going ahead, but when I asked June when we will be mov
ing, she said that there were
hold ups with the searches and the surveyors. I didn’t know what she meant, she told me the searches were to make sure
they owned the house, and the S
urveyor
,
to make sure the building wasn’t about to fall down. It could all take up to twelve weeks, which means it will be a
fter the school summer holidays. W
hat am I supposed to do everyday, when she is working, I can’t go swimming all day everyday can I. When I asked,
June
said we will work something out, I’m sure
Peabody
won’t be happy with that, I just know it.

     It’s s
wimming with the school this afternoon, so on Tuesdays I’m home a bit earlier because we live closer to the baths than the school.
Tess
calls me, ‘
Phillip
you are to go to your house now,
June
is waiting for you.’

     ‘Why, what is wrong, is she ill?’

     ‘No, she is not ill but she needs you to go right away.’ Turning the corner I can see the little black
Hillman
with its gas bag on the roof, my stomach sinks I want to run away and hide.

     June and Miss Peabody are seated at the table, Peabody gets up as I walk in, holds out her chubby hand, I almost refuse it but change my mind, best to stay on her good side. ‘Hello
Phillip
, my how you have grown, must be this good sea air.’

     ‘Hello
Miss
Peabody
, why are you here?’

     ‘
Miss
Peabody
is unhappy with our arrangement and has come here to discuss it.’

     ‘Thank you
Mrs.
Milligan
, let me explain
Phillip------
’  

     ‘You’re going to take me away, I knew it, I knew this would happen, why didn’t that bloody bomb kill me as well, at least I’d be with a mum that wanted me?’

     ‘
Phillip
that is unfair, of course I want you if you were my own son I wouldn’t have--, couldn’t have done it differently.’

     ‘That is the issue here, commitment to a foster child is controlled by the courts, you are bound by certain rules, and those rules have been broken.’

     ‘There you go again, accusing me of not being a good parent, what more could I do? 

I provide for him, I give him l
ove.’

     ‘But
Mrs.
Milligan
you do not give him stability.’

     ‘And uprooting him into some home, with two hundred other kids, will?’

     ‘
Mrs.
Milligan
, I know you have had the best of intentions but your track record doesn’t reflect that.’

     ‘I have done my best but, what with Reg being taken ill, things have been very difficult; we have a plan don’t we Phil? As soon as this place is sold things will be different, we will live in a nice little house, with roses around the door if you want, just give us a chance to complete our plan.’

     ‘Mrs.
Milligan
, your selection as foster parents was out of compassion on our part, you do not fit our profile for a stable home, we were willing to see how it would turn out, that is why we gave you and your husband a six month probation period. That time has extended into almost nine, because of the police protection.’

     ‘That wasn’t of my making it was yours, if you had vetted
Saint
Stephen
’s more closely it wouldn’t have happened.’

     ‘As maybe, but w
e have made allowances for that.

    
G
oing back to your profile
Mrs Milligan
, you are too old, not you so much, but Mr.
Milligan
is, being several years older than you.

     ‘What has age got to do with it, I am fit and healthy and have more energy than some half my age’

     ‘
Your husband’s condition at present is one of the reasons; we do not select older couples
, p
referring
instead to find younger couples that can provide a stable home for a child, until they are at least working age, and still be young enough to enjoy the grandchildren from their foster son or daughter, that is unlikely in Phillip’s case.’

     ‘But doesn’t the fact that we love each other override all that?’

     ‘I’m sorry to say the courts do not view it like that, at Phillip’s age he needs a male hand to guide him, and you
r husband is not now and may
n
ever be able to perform that duty.’

     ‘Yes I know, but
Sam
Cohen
has stepped in and is doing an excellent job.’

     ‘Well that’s as maybe. At the time of selection for fostering Mr. Cohen also applied  but he was rejected on religious grounds and that he is also co-habiting, therefore is clearly not a suitable candidate, and here I find that Phillip, is not only being guided by this man, but is living in his house.’

    ‘But Mrs. Pea,’ sorry, Miss Peabody, this is only a temporary arrangement, only until I move into my new house, where the three of us will be able to play happy families, Phillip and I have it all worked out haven’t we son?’

     ‘That’s right, I love being here, I love
June
and I love Pop and
Tess
, please don’t send me to a home, if you do I’ll run away.’

     ‘Supposing you did run away, where would you go? Back here, I’d be bound, we would soon find you. Sorry but next Sunday, the twenty fifth of June, you will be collected and taken to Dr Barnardos at Parkside, please have everything you think you will need until Christmas, then we will review your position again Mrs. Milligan.’

     ‘So this is not permanent then; where exactly is this Parkside?’

     ‘Near Ilford in
Essex
, as I said
Mrs.
Milligan
, we will review it at Christmas.’

     ‘
W
ill I be able to visit
Philip
?’

     ‘Only at the discretion of the directors, and application must be made in writing, but Mrs. Milligan, it is only a for six months, it would be best if you allowed Ph
illip to settle in and you spend
the time putting your house in order so that Phillip can return.’

     Miss Peabody gets to her feet, shakes hands with June, offers her hand to me, this time I turn my back on her,
bloody
fat cow
.
June is leading the way up the stairs to the front, door I’m following behind, looking up all I can see is her fat thighs and stocking tops, I step back a step to see if I can see her knickers, but I can’t.
Why did I do that?
June
holds the door open for her and slams it almost before she has time to pass through.
June
and I look at each other, she takes both my hands.  

      ‘
Phillip
, it will not be that bad six months that gives us a lot of time, to make everything perfect.’

     “Yeah
, I suppose it may not be that bad, do you think I would be allowed to take my bike?’

     ‘I very much doubt it but don’t worry, I will look after it, may even use it if you don’t mind.’

     ‘Can you ride it with a cross bar?’

     ‘Probably not, but I’ll wear slacks and your bicycle clips.’

     The last four days have dragged, I have been in trouble at school twice, once for not paying attention in maths, for which I got extra homework. No point in worrying about that, I don’t intend doing it as I won’t be here next week. The other t
ime was for hitting
one of Michael’s new friends; he
called me Phyllis and went on by
telling the others how I was called that at Primary school. I wasn’t in the mood, so I hit him, making his nose bleed, but I was seen, so was quickly marched to the principals office where, after a half an hour wait, I was given six strokes of the cane across my bum. That is hard to understand, why is it an adult can hit you, because you have hit someone? I wonder if he goes home and his wife beats him, then she kicks the dog, the dog then bite
s the cat, where does it stop.
I’m quietly laughing to myself, perhaps I should find out the Principals address so I can go and apologise to his cat.

     I haven’t seen
June
since Tuesday, she is on nights, she sleeps whilst I’m at school,
and I
sleep at Pop’s. Today is Saturday, he is at
the
synagogue, so while June is sleeping, I have taken Jet for his last walk until Christmas. It is almost as though she is happy for me to be going away, so she doesn’t have me to worry about. I’d have thought that she would have made an effort to be with me as much as possible this week but she hasn’t. I asked Pop about it, I think he agrees with me but is too much of a gentleman to criticize
June
to me, he just said, ask her.

     I can hear her coming down the stairs; I’m going to ask her at the first opportunity. ‘Hello stranger, where have you been all my life?’ She says as she burst into the kitchen, beaming all over her face, looking really pleased to see me. She gives me a hug, ‘
Phillip
, what am I going to do without you for a whole six months? I will miss you so much.’ I don’t know what to say, maybe she really does care about me, I don’t want to upset her so say,

     ‘I will miss you too.’

     ‘I know you will; okay, a quick lunch then we will go and see Reg for an hour, so you can say goodbye to him, then we will go to the pictures to see Bambi and then we will have our tea at that new café on the seafront, Demarco’s I think they call it. 

     Phillip, I am sorry I haven’t seen much of you this week, but they are so short staffed at the home, I couldn’t leave them in the lurch, so this is my little treat to make it up to you
, do
you forgive me?’