Barefoot and Lost (26 page)

     ‘No, nothing at all like that
,
s
ince you were taken away from us, we, that is Reg and I, have been desperately trying to foster you, with a view, if you were willing, to adopt you as our son.’ My heart leaps,

     ‘Wow that would be fantastic.’

     ‘I’m afraid it is not as simple as that, the authorities believe we are not suitable because we are too old and Reg is disabled. The mere fact that we could give you the best education even university later, all this, and that we love you doesn’t seem to count. We have tried so hard I’m exhausted from the whole thing, I just feel as though I want to bang all of their heads together to knock some sense into them and, as for that pompous woman Miss Penelope Peabody, I could quite easily strangle her.’

    
Pop says
‘June and Reg have tried so hard, even using John Langdon as a character witness, but all without success.
Tess
and I have tried but met a brick wall as soon as we started the procedure because we are Jewish.

     ‘But, you looked after
Michael
, now you can’t, can I not just take his place?’

     ‘It is not like that and you know it.
Michael
was with us because his parents are friends and they wanted him away from the bombing, but you already know t
hat. You are a ward of the court
; they are your parents now and, quite rightly so, are looking after your interests.’

      ‘
But
Pop
if they cared, they would let me go where I would be happy, with
June
or you.
’

     ‘
Phillip
, they have a set of guidelines and no one is going to step outside those lines; they would lose their jobs if things were to go wrong, so we must leave it there.”

     ‘
Phillip
, it is not all doom and gloom,
Reg,
and I are trying a different approach. Reg is a
Mason
; it’s a sort of- a – club that has branches all over the world. We are trying to find a younger couple, in the Hastings area, that would be prepared to foster you, with us financing them if need be; so just hang on, we are doing all we can to get you away from this institution.’

     ‘June, I don’t want to go to anyone else, I want to be with you, so I can take Jet for walks, go to the swimming club and do all the things I used to do.’

     ‘That is possible, if we can find someone in
Hastings
you will be able to do all those things, just be patient, we are doing all we can.’

     ‘
Phillip
, please be patient,
June
and Reg are really doing all they can: now, I think we should find
Olive
and Orville and take you back to
Saint
Stephens
.’

     ‘What about if you kidnapped me and changed my name, no one would ever know?’

     ‘
Phillip
, be sensible, whatever we do it must be within the law. You know as well as we do, there is no other way. Come on; let us see if we can find those two love birds.’

      ‘How can they be love birds? Awful has a wife in
America
, he told me, he said she would get a gun and come after him if she found out he had a girlfriend.’

     ‘That may well be, but these are strange times we are living in, so anything can happen.’

     ‘But that’s not fair.’

     ‘Nothing is fair these days but it is their business, so you do not make any comment, don’t even mention it, is that understood. Anyway, I could be mistaken and then they would be embarrassed, so please don’t say anything; me and my big mouth.’

       ‘It’s okay Pop, I wont say anything, I hope you’re wrong because Olive is beautiful and Awful is ugly, I like him but he is still ugly.’

     ‘
Phillip
, that is a terrible thing to say, the first thing when, if you come to live with us I will have to teach you some manners.’
     ‘Sorry
June
didn’t mean to be rude.’

     ‘Okay, let us go and find
Olive
and Orville, and stop calling him Awful.’

     ‘Yes
June
, I’m sorry.’
June
is trying to look stern and Pop’s eyes are laughing. It is hard to tell what his mouth is doing; his beard hides his lips unless he is talking.

     It is raining I heard it start well over hour ago, I do wish I had a watch even that alarm clock that ticked so loud,  would be better than not knowing. The sky was just starting to lighten, a breeze clattered through the branches of the oak tree, the curta
ins on our open window billowed
into the room then there was the pitter patter of the rain on the window. I got up to close it and now cannot get back to sleep. I have been lying here wide awake; listening to the others sleeping.

     All the things from yesterday are going through my mind. I have mixed feelings about being fostered; if it was
June
or Pop I would be excited but, to go to someone I don’t know, I’m not so sure. It is not that bad here now that
Flynn
has gone; I have good friends and would miss them if I went away. I wonder if I have a say in where I go, or will it be like when I was sent here? I wish I knew.

     When I arrived back from Tonbridge it was almost like they had been waiting for me because, no sooner had Awful stopped the car; they were there, wanting to know where I had been and what I had been doing. I told them about the tea shop and making a statement and that Pop had written it in Hebrew. Toby asked why, and the only reason I could think of was that it was quicker, but I don’t think Toby is convinced. I didn’t like to tell them about what
June
was doing to get me fostered, it didn’t seem fair, and they have no one looking out for them. I’m sure
Brian
and
Jack
wouldn’t want to be fostered, they only have a year and a bit to go before they can leave to go to work. Toby is different, I don’t know what he would want, he has never spoken about his past or his family, or how he became an orphan, so it wouldn’t be fair for me to go on about being fostered. So I have said nothing and I am itching to tell somebody. I think I will tell
Rachel
, tomorrow on the school van, she will understand how I feel.

     Chapel this morning is very quick, instead of the
Reverend
Harrison
the service is taken by Spectacles. He introduced himself as
Morton
Cranbury
and told us to call him Sir. He never mentioned why the Reverend was not here, but it felt like he was, as the sermon must have been written by him. It was as always about respect and obedience. I can’t help thinking, how can you respect anyone that abuses children sexually like
Flynn
, or physically, like the Reverend did to Lion. I have decided the only thing I would miss here is
Brian
,
Jack
, and Toby and, of course
Rachel
; I can’t wait to be fostered.                    

     The rain has now turned to a drizzle, the others hav
e gone to play football. I don’
t like football at the best of times but can see no sense in playing in the rain. I’m in my favourite chair in the library trying to read about Sir Kenneth, but my mind keeps wandering, I’m feeling very sad and feel like I want to cry but I don’t know why, probably because I was awake so early. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy, I relax and start to drift off; what’s wrong, the lights are flashing, I can hear water like a waterfall, and the smell of smoke is preventing me from breathing. I can hear Gran calling me, her voice sounds miles away. I try to answer but the words won’t come. I can see my face, as though I am looking in a mirror, my mouth is wide open, I am shouting, but all I can hear is the water rushing. It is now, as though I am standing outside my body, looking at me. Mum has appeared beside me, she is holding my arm as though she is urging me to go forward. I can see her mouth speaking but I can’t hear her but I can make out the words, ‘Go on
Phillip
help your Gran.’

     I’m
shouting, ‘Gran where are you?’
I can now see, on the other side of me is my Dad, he has bare legs and no shoes, his blue shirt is torn
,
and he looks dirty and unshaven,

     ‘Dad, is that you are you alright?’

     ‘Don’t worry about me, let go of that bloody teddy bear and help.’ He grabs my shoulder and shakes me very hard.

     ‘
Phillip
, are you okay, you were shouting.’ Mum and Dad fade away, I can’t hear Gran anymore. I open my eyes to see
Mr
Simmons
standing over me; I stare at him, not quite believing what I see. I start to get out of the chair but he gently pushes me back down,   

     ‘Take it steady old man; you’ve had a bad dream.’ My face is wet and I feel cold, my mouth is dry.
Mr.
Simmons
is mopping my forehead with his handkerchief; gradually I become wide awake and realize I’m in the library.

     ‘Sorry, what was I shouting?’

     ‘I have no idea it didn’t make sense, would you like to tell me about your dream?’     

     ‘There is nothing to tell, I can’t really remember it. I think it was about my Mum and Dad and my Gran, sorry, I can’t remember.’

     ‘That’s alright, some dreams are best forgotten. Anyway I am here to leave you my newspaper, you do still want them?’

     ‘Yes please, thank you; I think I’m okay now.’

     ‘That’s good, I’ll leave you, I have a few things to do with Mr Flynn and the Reverend Harrison gone we are a bit stretched; by the way you were superb today and what a lucky fellow you are to have such lovely friends, I found Mr. Cohen to be a perfect gentleman.’

     ‘He is, he is the nicest man I know, he wants to foster me, bu
t they won’t let him because he
is a Jew and too old, how unfair is that?’

     ‘I’m afraid that is
part of life, nothing is fair.
I must go it’s nearly lunch time the bell will sound in ten minutes.’

     ‘What did you mean when you said the Reverend had gone?’

     ‘I think they are calling it leave of absence; seems quite popular don’t you think?’

     ‘Do you think we have them scared?’

     ‘It may not be us, but some one has; my God Phillip, there’s the bell and I‘m not at my station in the dining hall come on, hurry up.’

      I feel so tired; not the same dream, but something has woken me. It is still dark my blanket is on the floor and the sheet is wound around me, I must have been tossing and turning, my mouth is so dry I have to go to the bathroom. It feels good to be roaming the corridor without the fear of meeting
Flynn
. The stairs to the library seem tempting but, when I put my foot on the first stair it creaks loudly, the noise, and the dark suddenly make me shiver, I change my mind and run back to the dorm, as
I
scramble into bed, Brian’s deep voice startles me, ‘You alright Phil.’

     ‘Yeah
fine, I just needed
a drink. I must have been dreaming my mouth was so dry’

     ‘Okay but if you can’t sleep, do you mind giving us that can a chance to sleep’

     ‘Sorry’ I snuggle down
and
in no time at all Mr.
Simmons
is shouting, wakey, wakey.

     Spectacles, is taking chapel, this time without a sermon. He recites the Lord’s Prayer and then asks us to say a prayer for the speedy recovery of the
Reverend
Harrison
, who has suddenly been taken ill. I mumble my way through the first but can’t bring myself to say anything for the second.

     The van is waiting;
Rachel
with her nose pressed up against the window gives me her special smile
the one that makes me tingle.
I slump down beside her, eager to tell her about my fostering but, before I can start she goes off into a very long story, about an argument
about Mir, she has had with another girl at St Gab’s. Before I know it we are at school I think I only managed to say two words, both were yes, I will just have to wait until tonight.