Bayview Heights Trilogy (51 page)

It wasn’t until the next day that he realized
he wasn’t doing a very good job of dealing with his feelings.
First, he snapped at Sue. “Aren’t those memos for the board ready
yet?”

She’d looked at him with pity in her eyes.
“No, I’ll finish them now. I didn’t know there was any hurry.”

He’d stormed out of the office without
apologizing. Jerry Bosco caught him before he went ten feet.

“I was just coming to see you. I want you to
know I’ve filed a grievance for harassment and wrongful
supervision.” A few days before, Seth had told Bosco he wanted to
see weekly lesson plans that reflected some of the new teaching
methods they’d been trying to get him to implement.

Seth stared at the man before him. “File
away, Jerry.”

Bosco drew in a deep breath. “At least
someone is doing something about what’s happening around here.” He
held up Wednesday’s edition of the
Herald
. “Looks like you
aren’t going to get away with this one.”

Resisting the urge to tell Bosco to go to
hell—the union would love to have that on him—Seth walked away.

It was hours later, when he stopped three
girls and asked to see their hall passes—then raised his voice to
explain school policy—that he realized he was losing it. He
backtracked to his office and told Sue to cancel his afternoon
appointments. He couldn’t stay here any longer.

On the way out, he met the courier with a
letter from Family Services.
Wonderful timing
, Seth
muttered to himself as he headed for his car.

o0o

IT WAS EASIER if she just didn’t let herself
feel. Lacey sank back against her office chair at four o’clock on
Friday afternoon and tried to stay numb. But the images of the week
finally caught up with her and brought with them a primitive grief.
She could still see her grandfather’s hurt face after the encounter
at Pepper’s. She’d hurried home as soon as she could get
away...

He sat in a rocker, wrapped in a throw
blanket she’d given him last Christmas. The living room was dark
and only the moonlight slivering through the windows allowed her to
see him. She turned on a light...and wished she hadn’t.

His skin was pasty. His eyes were red-rimmed.
His face was bracketed with lines of stress.

She crossed to him. “Grandpa, are you
sick?”

He stared up at her a minute, looking old and
bereft. “I was right, wasn’t I?”

When she was younger, and had a problem, she
often came to him, knelt down and put her head on his knee. Without
analyzing it, she dropped to the floor and rested her head where
she had so many times before. After a moment, his hand came up and
smoothed down her hair. “You were partially right,” she said.

“What does that mean?”

“I...like and respect Seth. If things were
different, I could care more.” She looked up at him. “It hasn’t
gone that far.”

“Thank God.” She closed her eyes and he
continued the soothing action. “You have to stop seeing him. Even
professionally.”

She shuddered at the acute sense of loss that
shot through her. “I know.”

“I’d do anything for you, Lacey, anything but
that.”

“I know, Grandpa.”

“Maybe you should go back to California…”

Lacey remembered the utter desolation she’d
felt. But she hadn’t answered him. Tears had clogged her throat and
made talking impossible. She’d been so fearful she was going to
lose
everyone
she loved.

Then there’d been Darcy. The young girl had
come to the paper Thursday morning...

“Darcy, aren’t you supposed to be in
school?”

Darcy had shaken the snow off her combat
boots and unzipped her leather jacket. “Yeah.” The teenager just
stared at her with accusing eyes. “Why’d you do it, Ms.
Cartwright?”

Lacey swallowed back the emotion that
threatened. More than anything in the world, she wanted to tell
Darcy the truth. But she knew if she did, the girl would go
straight to Seth. And if Seth knew that she hadn’t written the
editorial, he’d find a way to keep seeing her. Lacey had tried
everything she could think of to stay away from him and he kept
seducing her back with his tender concern and gentle manner. No, it
had to be done this way.

So she faced Darcy and said simply,
“Sometimes we have to do things that are hard for others to
understand.”

“That’s adult bullshit.”

Lacey watched her, saying nothing more.

“You aren’t gonna explain this to me, are
you?”

Solemnly Lacey shook her head.

“Then, in my book, you’re just another
phony.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Yeah, me too…”

Now, holding on to her fragile control, Lacey
booted up her computer. She sent for her E-mail and found several
messages from Seth, all written before the
Herald
hit the
stands on Wednesday. “I know you’re hurting, Lace,” one note read.
“I can help. Don’t shut me out.”

He wouldn’t feel that way now. He’d never
feel that way again. He’d never call her
Lace
again. He’d
never kiss her hair, or look deeply into her eyes and say without
words what he felt.

How was she going to live without that, now
she’d had a taste of it?

She slapped her hand on the desk so hard that
her palm stung.
No
, she told herself vehemently.
You’ve only known him eight weeks. You can’t possibly feel that
strongly about him.

“I love him,” she said aloud. “Oh, God, no, I
love him.”

And, realizing the scope of what she’d given
up, she put her head down on the desk but refused to let the tears
come. She had to be strong.

A long time later, she heard from behind her,
“Lacey.”

Her head snapped up. Seth. When she turned to
him, her heart rammed against her chest. His face was ravaged.
There was a glazed despair in his eyes. “I just have one
question.”

She nodded.

“Why?”

Digging her fingernails into her palms, she
battled back her wretchedness. “The paper needed to be more
hard-hitting. It was getting watered down, and I needed to
resurrect the controversial stance it had taken before I took
over.

His eyes narrowed on her. “Those don’t sound
like your words.”

Lacey panicked. Oh, God, he couldn’t know the
truth. He
had
to believe this. He
had
to think
she’d betrayed him. She could see in his eyes that he was ready to
make excuses for her. If he even as much as suspected that Philip
had written the editorial, she’d cave in and tell him the truth.
Then he’d say there was a way to deal with the situation with her
grandfather. He’d tell her they could work it out. And she knew, if
he did that, she wasn’t strong enough to let him go. So she angled
her chin. “They
are
my words.”

A muscle in his neck knotted. “Did you plan
this all along?”

“I told you I’d report the goings-on
fairly.”

“You can’t mean you think that editorial is
fair.”

No, it’s an abomination
. “That
editorial presents another side.” She arched an eyebrow and tried
not to choke on the words. “I’ve given the school a lot of good
press. Even in this issue. Surely you can’t object to differing
view.”

“How can you say this to me?” He crossed
closer to her, and for a minute she drank in the sight of him in
the long tweed coat, navy scarf and leather gloves. Towering over
her, he asked harshly, “Don’t we mean anything to each other?”

She averted her gaze by swiveling her seat
and facing the computer. “I told you weeks ago, that was
impossible.”

The chair whipped around and she was yanked
out of it. He grasped her wrist roughly. “Look at me when you’re
stomping on my heart, Lacey.”

She almost gave in then. It was only her
grandfather’s face, just as haggard and just as anguished as
Seth’s, that kept her from throwing herself at him. Instead, she
glanced pointedly at his hand gripping her wrist. “You’re hurting
me.”

His eyes widened. He let go of her and
stepped back. “Well, I guess we’re even then.”

He gave her a long, studied look then handed
her a FedEx envelope. “This was going to be a Christmas present.
But I don’t expect to see you again. Stay out of my school and away
from my students. And me. You’ve done enough damage.”

With that, he turned and left.

Gripping the envelope he’d given her, Lacey
sank into her chair. She took in deep breaths and tried to steady
herself. But her eyes blurred and her hands trembled. Ultimately,
she became aware of the letter she held. She tore open the
seal.

Inside were official forms from Family
Services.

For foster care.

To be given by Lacey Cartwright.

For Joshua Cornwall.

There was a note from the director of foster
care stapled on the front.

Seth,

Thanks for recommending Ms. Cartwright.
Instead of just sending over the forms, I’ve taken the liberty of
partially filling them out. The papers could be signed by Mrs.
Cornwall very soon and take effect any time. We desperately need
people for foster care and we’re hoping our efforts to expedite the
process will be added incentive for your friend to agree to take
the boy.

There was a smiley face after the message
that was signed “George.”

It was all too much. Sobs erupted out of her
and racked her both. Seth had given her a chance at having a child
—the one thing she wanted more than anything in life. And he’d
followed through with it even though she’d hurt him badly. How
could he be so unselfish after what she’d done to him? She loved
him so much. She put her head down again and wept long and hard,
soaking the precious papers.

“Well,” she heard behind her. “This doesn’t
look like the manipulative bitch that everyone in school is griping
about.” Cassie’s voice was gruff. But through her haze of pain,
even Lacey could tell it was undercut with sympathy.

Slowly she faced her friend.

Cassie walked toward her. She squatted
awkwardly in front of Lacey, gripping the chair arms to steady
herself. “All right, let’s have it. And don’t give me any of the
garbage you’ve been giving everybody else, Lacey. I know you. I
know this isn’t what it seems.”

“It’s...it’s..” She saw before her Phillip’s
pale face etched with misery. Superimposed over that, she saw
Seth’s tortured expression. How could she possibly choose?

“It’s what, honey? Tell me.” Cassie’s coaxing
voice penetrated Lacey’s agony. “Lace, tell me the truth, I can
help.”

o0o

THERE WERE STARS in the sky; Seth remembered
how he’d loved to come out here to look at them on these crisp
winter evenings. He and Joey used to make wishes on them. Like now,
there’d be a bite in the air and he could see his breath, but both
of them would bundle up and they’d stay out a long time sharing
wishes. What would he wish for tonight?

He stopped staring at the sky and began to
skate. Up and down. Up and down. He skated faster, aware that this
wasn’t the best choice of activity tonight; it held too many
memories of what he’d lost. He’d tried staying in the house. He’d
built a fire and poured a scotch, hoping the liquor would soothe
him. But the flames only reminded him of the burnished honey color
of Lacey’s hair; the liquor only intensified the burning ache he
felt for her. The entire living room echoed with memories of the
night she’d brought Joey home—and Seth had kissed her for the first
time.

At his wit’s end, he’d thought about calling
Joey just to talk, but didn’t want to worry his son, who would know
from the sound of Seth’s voice that something was wrong. The boy
was astute and insightful. He was going to make a good
newspaperman.

Newspaper. Damn it. Everything led back to
her. He skated to the end of the pond and stared long and hard at
where he’d lain with Lacey just last week. He balled his hands into
fists, trying not to remember what it felt like to touch her.

Apparently it didn’t mean as much to her as
it had to him. She’d betrayed him without a qualm.

Not true.

The personal cost of her treachery had been
clearly etched on her face today. She’d been paler than the snow
that fell around him; underneath her bloodshot eyes were mauve
smudges.

Swearing, he skated the perimeter of the ice
fast and furious, searching for a way to dull the misery he felt.
Eventually he lost count of the laps he’d done, but his breathing
was coming in heavy pants and he was sweating.

He decided to go inside, and had just removed
his skates and donned his boots when he saw a figure making its way
down the hill. Again, he was reminded of Lacey on the night Mitch
had come here to get her. Curious, he watched the person descend.
It only took a few yards before he realized it was her. He’d
recognize that graceful sway of hips anywhere. She stepped into the
light, a few feet from the rink. His heart thrummed in his
chest.

Still, he stood where he was, watching
her.

She stopped when she must have realized he’d
seen her. His body tensed. She started walking. When she got about
three feet away, she stopped again. He stuffed his hands in his
parka to keep from reaching for her. He bit his tongue to keep from
talking.

She wore no hat and her hair flared around
her face. Her jacket was partially unbuttoned and her hands were
bare. Her eyes were huge, her shoulders stiff. Yet there was
something different about her, something...lighter than when he’d
seen her hours before.

But he didn’t ask. He didn’t speak.

Raising her chin, she looked at him squarely.
“I didn’t write the editorial. My grandfather did. I didn’t give
him the information. Leonard Small got it from our committee
report. I didn’t want to print it, wasn’t going to until Kevin got
hurt. Then Philip gave me an ultimatum. He’d guessed my feelings
for you. He said I had to choose. I chose him.” Her voice cracked
on the last words and something inside of Seth pulled tight, ready
to snap.