Bayview Heights Trilogy (76 page)

“Was it worth it?”

“Yep. We had a blast.”

“I heard Kurt almost fell. Cassie got really
upset when she was telling me about it.”

“He was so cool, so blasé about it.”

“I’ll bet Zoe almost freaked when she saw
it.”

Shondra scowled. “They’re not dating
anymore.”

Johnny stood. “Yeah, I know. Well, I gotta
split. I still need to do a couple of hours of studying tonight.”
He watched her. “Want some advice?”

“Uh-huh?”

“Work it out with your ma. Mine’s in Florida
now, living with her sister. She drove me nuts in high school, but
I miss her.”

“Thanks. I’ll try.”

“Oh, and Shondra?”

“Yeah?”

He nodded to Kurt’s office. “Go easy on the
doctor. He’s a great guy. Relationships, you know, between men and
women—they’re funny. Full of ups and downs. People hurt each other
all the time, and it’s nobody’s fault.”

“You speaking from experience, Romeo?”

“Me? Nah. I’m too busy with school.” He
winked at her and headed out the door.

She sighed heavily again, staring after him.
Only this time, it had nothing to do with her mother.

o0o

ASHLEY GRABBED the colorful brochure from the
stacks in Dr. Johnson’s office reception area and ducked into the
hallway. She’d waited until almost everyone was gone. Leaning up
against the wall, she put on her glasses and read the front of the
leaflet, “All about Abortion.” She hadn’t been able to do what Evan
wanted, and last night he’d literally screamed at her to get her
ass in gear.

Swallowing the bile in her throat, she
promised herself again, as she had in the middle of the night, to
deal with this pregnancy thing first, then to make a decision about
her relationship with Evan.

He wasn’t the man she thought he was.

Slowly she opened the brochure. Her eyes
devoured the print until she came upon what she wanted. “NY State
law requires no parental notification/approval of abortion for
minors.”

She could do it, and no one would be the
wiser.

Except God. And yourself.

For a moment she leaned her forehead against
the wall and moaned. It was cool against her cheek. Oh, Lord, how
had she gotten into this?

“Ashley? Is that you?”

She stuffed the brochure into her pocketbook
and looked up into Dr Lansing’s face. “Um, yeah.”

“What are you doing here? It’s late.” He came
closer. “Are you all right?”

Suddenly it was all too much. The secrecy.
The shame. The fact that she hated what she was going to do. She
opened her mouth to speak when her stomach lurched. Oh, no, not
again.

She dropped her purse and bolted for the
bathroom. The door slammed shut and she made it to the toilet just
in time.

She was violently ill.

Wishing Dr. Lansing would just disappear, she
washed out her mouth, threw water on her face and headed out to
find her purse.

He was holding it in one hand. In the other
hand was the brochure. His eyes were kind as he asked, “How far
along are you, Ashley?”

o0o

KURT PULLED some tissues out of the box on
the low table in front of his couch and handed them to the girl
next to him. Her emotional distress was heart-wrenching.

“Cry it out, Ashley,” he’d said as he helped
her to his office. So far she’d done nothing but; it wasn’t easy to
watch, but he knew such a catharsis was the best antidote to her
despair.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that nobody else...I
don’t have anybody...just Rachel, and she’s so mad at Evan...”

Sympathetically Kurt nodded.

When Ashley quieted she told him, “I’m two
months pregnant.”

He glanced at her purse. “And you’re
considering an abortion.”

“Evan says I have no choice.”

Ah, the plot thickens
. “And what do
you think?”

“Ms. Caufield says there’s always a
choice.”

“You probably know that’s true.”

The girl slapped her hands on her pink jeans.
She looked ludicrously young in them and the matching blouse she
wore. “I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do.”

“Then you should take your time in
deciding.”

“Evan says I gotta do it soon, before it’s
too late.”

Be neutral
. “An early abortion is
safer than one in the second trimester.”

“I just never expected him to be so
mad
, you know, like it’s my fault. Like
I
did
something wrong.”

“That should tell you something about him,
Ashley.”

“I don’t like to think about that.”

“Denial won’t make it any different.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then tell me.”

“Evan’s the first real boyfriend I’ve ever
had. He’s the only...” She broke off, flushing furiously.

“The only boy you’ve ever been with.”
The
bastard
. Though he’d learned long ago to remain objective,
Kurt allowed himself to feel anger at the irresponsible boy.

“I’ll deal with our relationship afterward.
First I gotta deal with
this
.”

“Aren’t they related?”

“How?”

“If you decide to have the baby, you should
consider the state of your relationship with its father.”

The phone rang and Kurt ignored it. Elizabeth
had called earlier and sounded as if she’d been drinking, so he
didn’t want to talk to her, especially in front of Ashley.

“You can answer that.”

“No, it’s my private line. I’ll get it
later.” He glanced at the clock behind her as he heard a woman’s
voice on the machine.

Ashley lay her head back against the couch
and said, “Do you think it’s a sin?”

“What?”

“Abortion.”

“As a doctor, I think it’s a right all women
should have. As a man, I think I might feel differently if it was
my child.” He gave her a small smile. “How about you? Why don’t you
tell me your beliefs, and we’ll see if that helps you figure this
all out.”

“Okay.” She checked the clock. “I was
supposed to call Evan for a ride.”

“We won’t worry about Evan now.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked.
“I’ve been rotten to you.”

Again he smiled. The child in all these kids
peeped out regularly. “I like you, Ashley, and I’m here to help.
Let’s put the past behind us.”

And so the girl talked, about her values,
about her beliefs, about her hopes and plans. Where appropriate, he
made comments and answered direct questions, but he tried just to
let her articulate her thoughts.

An hour later he stood in front of Zoe’s
condominium door, Ashley by his side.

“She’ll be disappointed in me.” In the dim
light of the porch, he could see Ashley’s eyes tear up.

“No, she’ll help you sort this out.” As he
smiled down at the girl, he said, “You need adult guidance in your
life now, Ashley. We’re here to give it to you.” During their talk,
he’d advised her more than once to tell her parents, but she
absolutely refused.

The door opened.

Zoe stood before them in jeans and a plain
white cotton top. Over which she’d thrown a flannel shirt he
recognized. It was one of his that he must have left here last
year. Seeing it on her stunned him for a minute. Finally, he found
his voice.

“Sorry to bother you so late, but I think
this is something you’ll want to deal with tonight.”

Zoe transferred her gaze to Ashley. “Are you
all right, honey?”

The young girl threw herself in Zoe’s arms,
sobbing. “No.”

Zoe stared at Kurt over Ashley’s head with
questions in her eyes.

“She needs to talk to you.” He reached out
and squeezed Ashley’s shoulder. “Take care,” he said.

The girl turned. Still holding on to Zoe, she
grabbed Kurt’s hand. “Thanks, Dr. Lansing.”

“We’re here for you, Ashley. Don’t ever
forget it.”

He heard the door close as he hustled down
the sidewalk. He tried to ignore the fact that he never thought
he’d be at Zoe’s place again, never thought his life would entwine
with hers like this.

Being at her house was hard, though, harder
than he thought.

He stopped at his car and turned to face the
condo on the bay. What the hell had she been doing, wearing his
shirt?

o0o

AT MIDNIGHT Zoe rang Kurt’s doorbell. She’d
just dropped Ashley off at home, and the Lansings’ old condo was
only a few blocks from the Emersons, so she’d driven here.

Poor excuse, girl.

Damn it, she was tired. And upset. Right now
she wanted to shake Ashley for being so stupid. And she wanted to
wring Evan Michaels’s neck. Since she could do neither, she gave in
to the urge to see Kurt, to talk to him, to let him help her deal
with this, just as he’d helped her sort out so many problems in the
past.

She rang again. When the door opened, Zoe’s
mouth went dry. Kurt stood before her in his glasses, forest-green
sweatpants and nothing else. He looked so sexy, so male, she told
herself to turn and run for her life.

But she had few emotional reserves left. She
looked around at the porch. “I’m upset. I need to talk. Since you
know about Ashley...” She shrugged. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” He stepped aside. “I was just
reading in bed. Come on into the den.” He led the way to the back
of the house. Zoe had spent countless hours here with the Lansings,
and the familiar surroundings made her feel safe. Comfortable.

The fact that Mitch and Cassie had left their
leather couch and chair put her even more at ease. “Cassie didn’t
want this furniture?” she asked inanely.

“No, not yet. They’re going to take it once
they’ve finished their basement.”

“Did you bring any of your own things?”

His eyebrow arched at her query. She’d
avoided any personal talk for weeks. “Yeah, sure. My living-room
furniture and kitchen set.” He cleared his throat. “My bed.”

Zoe nodded.

He sank onto one end of the couch. “You
didn’t come here to talk about decorating, Zoe. Sit.”

She gave him a once-over. “Could you put on a
shirt?”

Looking surprised, he stood and shrugged into
the cotton shirt he’d thrown on the couch. “That better?”

She nodded, thinking of the shirt she’d had
on when he came to the door. After her workout and shower, in a
moment of weakness, she’d donned it. She’d also been looking at the
photo album he’d given her of the trip they’d taken to the Bahamas.
She didn’t often allow herself to wallow in her self-pity over what
she’d lost, but she’d been weepy tonight, about him. Her only hope
was that he hadn’t noticed the shirt.

“I wanted to thank you for helping
Ashley.”

“Is that why you came?”

“Partly. The other part is I’m furious about
this whole thing, and I need to talk about it. Nobody else knows,
and I can’t betray a confidence, so…”

“You came to me.” He smiled. “It’s okay. I’m
glad you’re here.” She stared at him. The darkness outside was
broken by a sliver of moon, which sneaked in through the blinds.
The room itself was dimly lit by two sconces in the corners. “How
is she?”

“Better, now that she cried it out. She said
you were wonderful.”

“I did what I could for her. What will she
do, do you think?”

“I don’t know.” Zoe sighed heavily, toed off
her shoes and curled her legs under her. “I don’t know how to
advise her.”

He stared off out the window. “I don’t know
what I’d want Lauren to do if she was in this situation.”

“How is Lauren?”

“Good. I saw her last week for dinner. I
drove up to Binghamton.” When Zoe didn’t comment, he added, “She
asked about you.”

“She’s a nice kid.” Zoe felt her insides
tighten. When she was dating Kurt, she and the girl had shared some
fun shopping trips.

“Evan Michaels is not pulling his weight
here, is he?” Kurt said.

“No. I’d like to kick his butt for it,
too.”

“Guys do stupid things, Zoe, especially when
they’re under pressure.” He looked at her sadly. “I should
know.”

“Is that how you rationalize what you did to
me?” She didn’t know why she’d responded this way. The look on his
face, the photo album, the shirt, a guy you couldn’t count on.

“No, I never rationalized it.” His voice was
hoarse. “I was simply wrong.”

Closing her eyes, she threw her head back for
a moment. “I couldn’t believe it, you know? I just couldn’t believe
you’d do that to me.”

He said only, “I’m sorry.”

“I was in love with you.”

A muscle leaped in his jaw. He waited a long
time before he said, “I loved you, too.”

That drove her from her seat. “Don’t tell me
that! Don’t you
dare
tell me that now. You don’t hurt
someone you love like you hurt me.” She stalked to the window.

He rose and followed her. “I was going to
tell you that night,” he said achingly. “I was going to ask you to
marry me.”

A ball of pain formed inside Zoe. She turned
and stared at him, allowing the feeling to surface, ignoring the
rapid rise and fall of his chest. “How can you say that? If you’d
loved me, you wouldn’t have torn my life apart. If you’d wanted to
marry me, you could never have gone back to Elizabeth.”

His eyes darkened with pain. “I made a
mistake.”

“Stop saying that! It’s as if you think that
makes it all right.”

He grasped her upper arms, and his hands
clenched on her as if he was trying to control himself. “No, no
sweetheart, it doesn’t. I know what I did was unforgivable. So I’m
not making excuses for myself.”

His candor took the wind out of her sails.
She went limp and stepped back. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t it?” His hands fisted at his sides.
“Then why are you here?”

“To talk about Ashley.”

His expression was skeptical. “All right,
then why did you almost faint when I was dangling on that harness
last weekend? You were terrified for me. You still care about
me.”