Bearly In Time (3 page)

She had driven yesterday until she was exhausted. From crying, from driving and from berating herself. She had pulled into a small motel and curled up on the hard bed in a fetal position and stared at the peeling, flowered wallpaper all night. She awoke in the morning to the sound of a semi-truck in the parking lot and rushed to the dirty bathroom to throw up again.

Rebecca sat in the car and stared at the steering wheel. Where could she go now? This wasn’t the ideal place but she didn’t have a whole lot of options.

Her phone buzzed. She had gotten a text from Grace:

Have fun! I want to hear all about it! :)

She turned the phone upside down and squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn’t going to tell Angie and Grace about this. How could she? Their guys were in love with them. Their guys weren’t just using them as a one night toy. Their guys didn’t make a fool of them.

Rebecca startled, her hand flying to her chest, when someone knocked on her window.

It was Mark.

She rolled down the window and looked up at his brown eyes. He had a new hairstyle. It was shorter and cleaner. It looked good.

“Becky,” he said in a soft voice. “What are you doing here?”

She squeezed the steering wheel and looked down at her lap. “I had nowhere else to go.”

“Are you okay?” He opened the car door and squatted down. “What’s wrong?”

Her body shook as a fresh wave of sobs came on. Mark wrapped his arms around her. “Come upstairs. I’ll make you some breakfast.”

He walked her upstairs to the apartment that she lived in for four years. She sat at the table that she had bought at Ikea when they first moved in, while Mark pulled out a pan and opened the fridge.

She glanced around. Nothing had changed. The large flower painting that Mark always hated was still hanging up over the couch. Her romance novels were still in the bookshelf. It felt familiar and familiar was what she desperately needed right now.

Their cat Lucky jumped up on her lap and rubbed her little orange head on Rebecca’s stomach. Rebecca dug her fingers into the cat’s soft fur and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m so happy that you came back,” Mark said, making a pot of coffee. “I’ve been wanting to explain to you what happened. It was all a misunderstanding.”

Rebecca watched Lucky as she purred in her lap.

“Those texts that you saw,” he said, shaking his head. “It wasn’t meant for Kathy.”

Rebecca closed her eyes. She was innocently looking on Mark’s phone for their wedding coordinator, Kathy’s, phone number when she came across the most lurid texts. He was saying what he was going to do to her. Sexually. That was when Rebecca canceled the wedding and left.

“They were sent to her,” Rebecca whispered.

“I mean they were meant for her,” he said, stumbling with his words. “I was telling her what to write in a card. A card for you.”

Rebecca looked up at her ex-fiancée. He was standing behind the kitchen island with his hands on the counter, palms up. “I swear to you,” he said, pleading. “I wanted to place a dirty card on the bed in the hotel on our wedding night. I was telling her what to write in it. I promise you,” he said, “it was all a misunderstanding.”

Rebecca didn’t respond. She was too tired. Too beaten to say anything back. She just stared at Lucky as she ran her fingers through her fur, not knowing what to believe anymore.

Mark walked over behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders and started massaging her tense body. She began to relax under his fingers.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered. She closed her eyes wanting to believe him. “I’m so happy you’re home. I love you. I would never do that to you.”

Rebecca’s chest was aching. She was exhausted. She didn’t know what to think or what to believe. All she wanted was to escape the sadness and sleep in her bed.

Mark’s fingers were providing the comfort that she desperately needed, his words giving her exactly what she wanted to hear.

They could be lies, and they probably were, but she was too crushed to refute them, too disheartened to argue. All she wanted was to sleep.

Mark guided her to the bedroom, with his arm helping to hold her up. He pulled out her favorite pajamas and closed the door while she put them on. He came back in and tucked her in, her bed feeling better and more comfier than ever.

Her head sank into her soft pillow as Mark pulled the comforter up to her neck. He kissed her on the temple. “Welcome home,” he whispered as she closed her eyes.

There was a faint smell of vanilla and honey on her pillow.
That’s strange
she thought as she drifted off to sleep.

five

Connor stood outside at the end of the driveway and stared down the empty dirt road. He glanced up at the sun. It would be setting soon.

She should have been here hours ago.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket for the eightieth time. He dialed Rebecca’s number. It went straight to a recorded message.

“This number has been blocked. Please contact the phone comp-”

Connor hung up and stared at it, shaking his head.
What’s going on?

He rubbed his sweaty palms together as he paced up and down the road. His chest felt so tight. Something was not right. His bear could sense it too. He was grumbling inside.

“Still not here boss?” Sidney asked, walking up the driveway.

Connor shook his head as he stared down the road, willing a car to drive up it.

“She’s probably just in traffic or something,” Sidney said.

Connor never took his eyes from down the road.

“Dinner is ready if you’re hungry,” Sidney said.

Connor shook his head. He had an uneasy fluttering in his stomach. He couldn’t eat even if he wanted to.

Sidney nodded knowingly. “I’ll bring some out for you.”

Connor finally walked back to his cabin at three twenty six in the morning. His phone had died from trying to call Rebecca so many times. He glanced back at the road one last time, desperate to see headlights lighting it up. There was nothing. Only a happy raccoon eating the dinner that Sidney had brought out and left on the side of the road, hours ago.

Two days later Connor was sitting by the river squeezing a rock in his hand as Edwin spoke on the phone with Grace. Against all odds, the feral, socially awkward shifter was the only one out of the three of them who was having any kind of success with their mate.

“She doesn’t want to see you,” Edwin said bluntly after he hung up the phone. “She isn’t interested anymore.”

“Thanks for breaking it to me easily,” Connor said.

Edwin jerked his head back and frowned. “Huh?”

Connor threw the rock into the river. That was exactly what he was worried about.
Why?
They had gotten along so well.
What happened?

“Did she say why?” Connor asked.

Edwin shook his head. “Grace doesn’t know. Becca won’t tell them. She has moved back in with her ex.”

Connor’s world started spinning and slowing down at those words.
With her ex?
“No,” he muttered over and over again as he struggled to breathe.
It can’t be true.

But it all made sense. Her not showing up. Her blocking his phone number. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe she was never interested in the first place.

“Are we eating lunch soon?” Edwin asked.

Connor looked up at him, his arms hanging slack by his sides. “Ask Sidney,” he mumbled.

Edwin ran off, leaving him alone. And alone was what he needed right now.

It was too hard to think. It was too painful to be human.

Connor slipped off his shirt and shorts and drew his bear to the surface. The pain of the phase felt good. It felt right. He’d take any physical pain over the emotional pain that he was feeling right now.

His bones snapped and his tendons stretched as his bear surged forward, rescuing him from this aching sadness. Connor sunk down inside his animal, his thoughts muted and dulled as his bear took over, bearing the brunt of the pain.

This is what it felt like to be spurned by your mate. This is what he would have to live with for the rest of his miserable life.

six

Rebecca laid on the couch and flipped aimlessly through the TV channels. She clicked through them faster than she could see what was playing. She stared at the screen with glossy eyes, stopping when something caught her eye. She turned back to the channel. A muscular man with brown hair and an easy smile. It reminded her of Connor.

She smiled for a second and then all of the sadness and hurt came rushing back to her. She shut off the TV and then rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

Lucky jumped onto the couch and climbed onto her stomach, looking for some love. Rebecca pet the cat and closed her eyes.

Mark had been the perfect gentleman to her over the past two days, just like when they first started dating. He was sweet, thoughtful and listened to her attentively when she talked. He was just what she needed right now.

Maybe he had learned his lesson. Maybe this was a new Mark that would finally make her happy. But how could he ever really make her happy? How could he make her happy when he wasn’t Connor?

She had decided to give him a second chance. What choice did she have, really?

Maybe he did have an affair. But so did she. They were even now.

It wasn’t quite the same since they were broken up when she had her fun but she was willing to put all of that behind her and sink back into her old life. Now all she had to do was figure out how to stop thinking of Connor all of the time.

Lucky stretched out on her chest and purred as Rebecca scratched her belly. A picture beside the TV caught her eye. Mark and her at the top of Machu Picchu in Peru. It had been her dream trip since she was a kid. She convinced Mark to go three years ago. He complained the whole hike up.
Connor would have loved it
. She sighed
. You have to stop this fantasizing. He’s just a player.

Lucky scattered away as Rebecca sat up on the couch. All of this sitting around was not helping. School didn’t start until September. She needed something to occupy her mind, something to plan and look forward to.

The wedding catalogs were still on the coffee table in front of her. She sat up and flipped through them, looking at all of the happy brides with their dream men.
Just models who don’t know each other
, she reminded herself.

Mark had hinted that he wanted to continue with the wedding next month. He told her that he didn’t cancel anything. The deposits were still down on the hall, the DJ, the photographer and the flowers.

Rebecca wasn’t sold on the idea but a wedding would offer a good distraction from thinking about Connor all of the time. It might make her feel better. And she was already in her thirties. If she didn’t get married now than it might never happen.

By the time Mark got home from work two hours later she had went through all of the catalogs and picked out which centerpieces she wanted and the color of the flowers. It was a nice distraction and she didn’t think of Connor once. Well, maybe just once. Or twice.

Mark sat beside her and smiled. “I’m so happy that you want to go ahead with the wedding,” he said.

“I didn’t say that,” Rebecca said. “I just like looking and planning.”

“It’s going to be wonderful,” he said. “I’ll go call my parents and tell them that the wedding is back on.”

He jumped off the couch and headed into the kitchen to get the phone.

“Maybe we can talk about it fi-” she said, turning on the couch. She stopped talking when something hard in the couch dug into her thigh. She reached in between the couch cushions and pulled out a lip balm.
Nature’s Secret
. She looked at it and frowned. She had never bought that brand before.

“Oh that’s mine,” Mark said, rushing over and snatching it from her hands. It disappeared into his pocket as quickly as it appeared. He grabbed the phone and dialed.

“Mark wait,” she said.

“It’s ringing.” He hit the speaker phone and walked over. “We’ll tell my mother together. She’s going to be so happy.”

“Can we just-”

“
Hello?
” the sweet voice on the phone said. Rebecca always loved Mark’s mom. She would be thrilled that they were back together. She was the kindest lady that she had ever met. His Dad on the other hand…

“Mom,” Mark said. “The wedding is back on!”

And just like that, it was.

seven

Connor sat on the terrace of the coffee shop across the street from Rebecca’s apartment and waited.

And waited.

The pretty, young girl working at the Starbucks came by for the tenth time and wiped his already clean table, giving him a huge smile as she bent over. He nodded to her quickly and then craned his neck to see around her to the entrance of Rebecca’s apartment building.