Beast (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #4) (The Righteous Outlaws) (10 page)

B
east’s words
sunk in and, other than that day at the docks when I watched him take a life, I realized just how dangerous this town was. Just how dangerous Beast’s life was. I didn’t think he showed remorse or regret, but the fact that he suffered from PTSD was enough for me to believe he couldn’t let himself feel anything. If he did, he’d go off the deep end.

Coming upon him, seeing him hugging his legs to his chest, and rocking back and forth, made my heart ache for him in a way I didn’t think was possible. He was no longer a criminal in my eyes. He was a man who was suffering with serious emotional scars that ran so deep I wasn’t sure if they’d ever heal.

Down the road, a tow truck pulled up the wreckage and lowered its bed. It hit the ground with an ear piercing bang. Beast grabbed me as he dove to the ground. His big frame covered me as he looked back and forth, as if he was in the middle of a warzone.

“Beast,” I said, resting my hand on his arm, hoping to pull him out of wherever he went.

“Annie, it’s okay. I’ll get us out of here.”

It was the second time he mentioned that name. I didn’t know who the hell Annie was, but his desire to protect her was palpable. It radiated off of him with each scan of his eyes across the dark sidewalk and each determined breath.

“Beast!”

His eyes that had been off in some faraway place came back into focus. He looked down at me beneath him, and quickly scurried up to his feet. “I’m sorry,” he said, running a hand over the short dark stubble on his face.

“Let’s get you out of here,” I said, taking his arm and guiding him toward my car.

“But my bike.”

“You can come back for it tomorrow.”

“I’m fine.”

“We’re not having this conversation again. Either you get in my car willingly, or I slap cuffs on you. It’s your choice.”

“Still trying to get me in cuffs there, darlin’?”

I let out a breath at his words. He might have been on another planet a few moments ago but, right now, he was back to his old self.

“Get in the car and shut up.”

I went around to the driver’s side, and Beast watched as I slid into my seat. “Don’t you have to finish the investigation?”

“My dad’s here. There’s nothing more I can do, so he sent me home right before I came upon you.”

“What about Reed?”

“He had a dentist appointment and left early today. I’d say that was a godsend. I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened if we pulled up, and he realized it was his uncle’s car.” Reed’s words to me about the Outlaws came back to me as I turned the car on. “Willie was against the Outlaws. He was trying to convince the town to find a way to get rid of you guys.”

“Say it already,” Beast demanded.

“I heard what you said about the cars. But the Outlaws wouldn’t have…”

I glanced over to him, and could see the tension spread through his jaw. The vein that ran along it ticked in tune with the clenching and unclenching of his fists. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, and don’t fucking ask me that again.”

“Okay, sorry. I just had to put it out there. I’m beginning to realize that anything is a possibility. And you have to remember, at the end of the day, I’m still a cop. I have to explore every possible scenario.”

“Cross the Outlaws off your fucking list right now because they had nothing to do with it.”

Beast’s cellphone rang. He fished beneath the leather vest and pulled it out. “Yeah?”

“Aubs, I’m fine. I was far enough away when the explosion went off. Your shop’s fine, too. Tell Cash there are things we need to discuss. No, nothing for you to worry about.” He laced his hand through his hair, and held it for a second, before letting go. “I wouldn’t lie to you. Promise. Okay, go take care of Cash, and then get some sleep. Yup. Bye.”

He hung up the phone, and slipped it back beneath the leather.

“Friend?” I asked, remembering him mentioning an Aubree before.

“The president’s old lady. She’s like a sister to me, if you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Sure you weren’t.”

“You said her shop is okay. Aubree is the one who owns the boutique.”

“Yup.”

“I had no idea she was the one who owned it. I keep meaning to stop in there.”

“She doesn’t sell tan uniforms.”

“You’re a first class comedian now, aren’t you? Besides, that’s not what I’m looking for anyway.”

“You mean to tell me you own something other than this?” he asked, yanking at the sleeve of my uniform top.

“Yes, but if you must know, I was hoping to pick up a few things and mix it up a bit. It could have to do with my mother who always has a comment about what I’m wearing. And I have no idea why I just said that out loud.”

“Do I make you nervous?”

“That’s ridiculous. Of course not.”

“Rambling is usually a sign of nervousness.”

“Don’t you go and psychoanalyze me.” I had enough of that from my family, and didn’t need Beast jumping on that bandwagon.

“Afraid what I might find out?”

“Not in the least.” I needed to change the subject, so I went with the most obvious. “How are you doing?”

“Like I said before, I’m fine.”

“Yeah, I didn’t believe you then, and I don’t believe you now.”

“Then, I don’t know what the fuck you want me to tell you.” His words were filled with irritation, and it was obvious the easygoing conversation we were having was no longer happening. He was so hot and cold, it was impossible to keep up. One minute, he was joking around with me and, the next, he looked like he wanted to rip someone’s head off.

I decided not to say anything else for the rest of the drive. This day was tough enough on him. He needed time to unwind and sort through whatever it was that was going on in his head. I didn’t want to push, even though I was curious about this Annie he spoke of.

I wanted to ask. I was almost desperate to spit the question out, but I didn’t think it was a good idea while the car was moving. If he didn’t want to answer, I could picture him jumping out the door to avoid the question.

The air was thick with tension, and I felt the need to diffuse it somehow. “Do you think you’ll be okay tonight?”

His lip curled up in amusement. “Why, you offering to stay with me?”

“Tempting, but no. I just thought that maybe there’s someone I can call for you. Maybe to just stay the night in case…you know.”

“I go fucking crazy again?”

“You’re not crazy.”

“Sure.”

“You’re not. Do you know how many people suffer from PTSD? How common it is, especially for people in the service?”

“Doesn’t mean we’re not all crazy.”

He clearly had his mind made up on the subject, and there was no use trying to convince him otherwise. Still, so many questions sat in my mind, begging me to come out with them already. They were just words. It’s not like I was holding a gun to his head and forcing him to answer me. If he didn’t want to, he didn’t have to. But I wouldn’t know unless I tried again. I just hoped my words wouldn’t trigger any more episodes.

“Were you in the war?”

He focused his attention on the passenger window. And I assumed his silence was the only answer I would get, when he shrugged. “If you’re asking if I went to Iraq, then yes. Afghanistan, too.”

“What was that like?”

“Hot.”

“That’s it?”

“Sandy.”

“I can only imagine. The farthest I’ve ever gotten to either of those places was watching it on a TV in my living room. Though, I’m sure what I saw was nothing like what you saw.”

“Be grateful for that,” he said, and the sudden roughness in his voice opened my eyes a little more to the man inside the monster.

“My Dad’s a vet. Did you know that?”

Beast shook his head. “I didn’t.”

“He was in the Army. Fought in Vietnam. But that’s all I know. Like you, he doesn’t talk about it. The only reason I know that much is because I found an old picture shoved in the bottom of a drawer of my Dad in his uniform with two other guys in the middle of a jungle. I was twelve when I found it. I still remember bringing him the picture and asking him about it. His face paled, and his Adam’s apple bobbed, as his jaw tightened. He told me it was a long time ago, then walked outside, and hid in his shed for the rest of the day. So, I did what any curious twelve-year-old would do. I asked my mom.”

“Of course you did.”

“What can I say? Not much has changed. Anyway, that’s when she told me he was in the Army many years ago and it was something we didn’t talk about.” I let out a puff of air as the memory came back completely. “I asked her why, of course. Aren’t soldiers supposed to be proud? Didn’t they like to tell war stories? It’s what I was taught by my teachers, TV, and the movies. And I’ll never forget what my mom said to me.”

Beast moved his head from the window and stared at me, waiting for me to finish. I wondered if my Dad’s story was similar to his. If there was an understanding that my words brought to him that I couldn’t decipher.

“She said not all stories have happy endings. Sometimes it’s better to just forget. The only thing I needed to know was that my daddy was a hero, whether he wanted to believe it or not. But I already knew that.”

“Your mom sounds like a smart woman.”

“She is. A pain in my ass, but very smart.”

“I’m sure she means well.”

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

He froze, but only for a quick second, if I blinked, I would have missed it. “Just a guess.”

I pulled up to his house, and put the car in park. I wished the ride were longer. For once, he wasn’t being hot or cold; he was at a perfect spot in the middle. It scared me, the need I felt growing inside me to find out more about him. To keep the conversation going. It went beyond my natural curiosity.

“Thanks for the ride,” he said, and got out of the car.

I wasn’t ready to leave, ready to turn my back on this conversation. Not after he opened up to me. It might have only been a few sentences, but it was a start, and if I left I didn’t know if we’d ever be here again.

So I got out of the car, too, and followed him up the lawn. I could hear Beauty barking excitedly from the inside, and knowing he had her made me feel a little better. He would never admit to it, but he loved that dog fiercely, and she probably helped keep him sane.

“Why are you following me?” he asked, without turning around.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay before I head out.”

He stopped walking and faced me. “I’m fine…but thanks.”

My teeth slid over my lip as the words pressed against my lips, begging to come out. Beast went back on his path to the door. I had one foot in front of the other, when I decided to spin back. I hurried up the lawn before Beast could get the key in the door.

“Who is Annie?” I asked, as I came up behind him.

His hand froze in midair, the key hovering just shy of the lock. The muscles in his neck tensed, his shoulders straightened and, even though I couldn’t see him, I imagined he looked just like my father did when I asked him about that picture.

I rested my hand on his shoulder, hoping to ease some of the tension. Beauty barked feverishly on the other side, but he didn’t move. “You called me Annie twice today. So, who is she?”

Instead of helping release tension, I only created more. He turned into solid rock, as he swatted my hand off of him. He turned, his face carved in stone, his eyes deathly black. “None of your fucking business.”

I crossed a line. Again. But, how could I not ask after he said her name not once but twice? She had to mean something to him. I didn’t even know why I cared so much, but I did, and I wanted to help him. And the only way I could was if he’d just talk to me.

“Is she an ex-girlfriend?”

His teeth gritted together, the vein in his neck bulging and pulsing in rhythm with his heavy breathing. “Stop talking.”

The patience and understanding I had slowly began to fade away, as his constant attempts to avoid any and all conversation started to grate heavy on me. “Did you ever think that’s why you can’t sleep? That you’re haunted by your past?”

“I said-” he gritted through clenched teeth, but I cut him off before he could finish.

“That maybe you’re bottling all this shit up inside of you and, if you just let someone in, and talked it out, you could finally let it go. Could move on with your life instead of spending your days closed off to the world in fear that something or someone will trigger something.”

A burning fire rose up his neck through his cheeks and into his ears. His chest heaved, as his breathing got even more erratic. His fists clenched at his side, causing the veins in his arms to swell. “Leave,” he growled.

“No!”

“I’m warning you.”

“Warning me? I’m not scared of you! You think just because you’re big and tall and dark and snarly, you can intimidate me. Well, I got news for you, buddy, you don’t. I’m not scared of you.”

“You should be.”

“Well I’m not, and another thing…” His lips cut off my words, crashing to my mouth in rough heat that knocked any and all thoughts completely out of my head. His large hand tightened around my waist, pulling me tight against him.

He tasted like a pungent mix of sin and desire that left me completely intoxicated and frantic for more. His kiss was a thirst I could not quench, giving me everything I wanted and needed, but never being enough.

A tiny moan rumbled up my throat as his fingers knotted my hair. He tilted my head and deepened the kiss, creating a trail of goosebumps up my spine, making my toes curl and my nipples harden into tight peaks.

My fingers dug into the hard muscle of his chest as our tongues swirled around each other in a hot passionate game of cat and mouse. The heat between us was almost too much to bear; all this built up tension fighting it out in a fit of passion.

I knew I should push away to stop it before it went too far, but my body was revolting against my head, refusing to step away. But this was wrong. So, so very wrong which made it that much hotter and made it seem like it was just right.

No. We couldn’t. I was a cop and, despite his military background, he was a criminal. I uncurled my fingers from his t-shirt, and laid my hands flat against his chest, pushing him away. My breaths came in short, rapid gasps, as I tried to bring myself back from an impossible high.