Beast (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #4) (The Righteous Outlaws) (14 page)

“Agreed,” I said ready to get up from the table and go take care of business right then and there. Put an end to this fucking bullshit, and show those pieces of shit what it meant to mess with the Righteous Outlaws.

“Wait a minute,” Phil said, his voice cutting through the visions of me putting a bullet between Matias eyes and watching the life drain out of him. “We kill him and they’ll just regroup just like last time. Gordita’s death didn’t stop them. If anything it fueled them to strive for a bigger army and more domination. If we want to take down Matias and the rest of those fucks, we need to get the authorities involved.”

“No!” The word was out of my mouth before I even had a second to think about it. “The authorities would fuck shit up. They wouldn’t have enough evidence, and they’d never be able to lock Matias and the rest of them up. And, if we worked with the authorities, once they fucked it up, there’d be no going back, which meant we would never be able to take Matias and the army down because all fingers would point to us. And, besides all that bullshit, I didn’t want Ryan anywhere near that slimy fuck.

“It’s either that or we go to war. And I don’t think the people of Black Hills would appreciate dead bodies showing up outside town lines again,” Phil said. “And I honestly don’t want to risk losing any more of my brothers, but it’s not my decision to make. If we take it to a vote, you know my answer.”

I hated when Phil made sense, and I hated it even more when I agreed with him. He was a thinker, unlike me who acted now and thought later. If this was my decision, I’d be on my bike half way to Matias’s house, ready to end his life. But it wasn’t my decision. We were a club, a group of brothers, who didn’t act without complete and total consent from each other. There was only one way to know how this would play out.

“Take it to a vote,” I said.

“Alright.” Cash straightened at the head of the table. He nodded his head at Kade. “What do you say we take our info to the authorities, and let them handle it?”

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I have a kid to watch out for. Let the authorities deal with it.”

Cash went around the table, taking each person’s vote into account. Kade and Phil were the only ones who voted authorities.

“What do you say, Beast?”

I pined over Phil’s words. Thought about what he said in regards to losing more brothers. I’d lost enough people in my damn life, and I wasn’t ready to lose any more, even if it meant agreeing to something I normally would never agree to. The only thing that kept me from spitting out my vote was Ryan. But, she was a local cop. This was bigger than her. And if I were lucky, she’d have no part in taking down Matias and the army. Then, again, she had a tendency to get herself involved where she didn’t need to be involved. And, if the authorities fucked it up, then Matias would still be roaming the streets free to do what he pleased.

The memory of the sneaky bastard sitting behind Ryan’s car at the cemetery still taunted me. He might not have been there for her, but he was way too close for comfort, and I was going to make sure that would not happen again. I was well aware of her training and capabilities. I saw how independent and stubborn she was, but as much as she thought she could deal with these low life’s on her own, I knew better. She had never dealt with anything even near to what Gordita’s Army was capable of. So, even though I didn’t want to lose any of my brothers, I knew what had to be done. We had to be the ones to bring them down, and we had to do it right the first time. There would be no second chances.

A plan formed in my head, and I knew what I needed to do. We could take Matias down, and be assured that the army went with him. The authorities might need to be involved, but there was no way in hell they’d go in first. “I vote against. This situation is above them, and we’re the only ones who will be able to make sure nothing goes wrong.”

“That settles that. We deal with it in our own way.” Cash hit the gavel on the table, sealing our decision.

A
fter speaking with Tiff
, I thought maybe I’d finally be capable of falling asleep at a decent hour, but my insomnia was still controlling my nights. The memory of the day Chris died slowly started to fade, only to be replaced by the destruction of that car bomb. I shivered at the memory of Beast cowering on the ground, hugging his legs to his chest. He was terrified, and the need to console and bring the broken soldier back from the brink of falling into that dark web was so strong that day.

I don’t know what happened to him, but it had to have been devastating to be able to bring such a strong powerful man to his knees so easily. I felt his pain that day, but more than that, I felt a strong connection to him. He was a criminal, but there was so much more to him than that. He tried to hide his good side, but I could see it. It was there in the way he looked out for the other Outlaws and their wives. It was also evident in his love for Beauty. I knew he acted like the dog was the biggest pain in the ass, but the way he carried her when she was tired from running said otherwise. And then there was me, the cop who should be his nemesis, yet he was always looking out for me. This man was a total conundrum, but I felt like I was figuring him out a little more each day.

I had a job to do, and Beast’s revelation that the bomb was not meant for Willie’s car, but for one of his brothers, had my mind going in ten different directions.

An innocent man had died and it was horrific, but what would have happened to Beast if the bomber got it right and Cash was the one who met an untimely death? Or worse, Beast was there that day. What happened if it was Cash’s car, and he got in it with him?

The thoughts had me break out into a cold sweat. I sat up in my bed, and kicked off the down comforter Mom bought me for my birthday. I padded across the floor to my laundry basket, and pulled out a pair of yoga pants and a sports bra. I slipped them on, and then stepped into my sneakers.

I took off at a good pace, putting a few blocks behind me in the matter of minutes. I searched the road for Beast’s large frame and Beauty’s tiny one, but they were nowhere in sight. Maybe he was able to sleep tonight.

I followed the curve of the road onto the next block, coming upon Beast’s house. It was a quaint one-story home with green siding and black shutters. A porch that stretched the length of the house was lined with big rocks along the bottom and up the two beams that framed the front door. The grass was never overgrown, but the house lacked color and life. I couldn’t help but imagine how much life would be brought to the house if he added flowerbeds around the perimeter, and perhaps a couple rocking chairs on the porch to relax in at the end of the day and relish in the company of each other. The thoughts smacked me across the face as the reality sunk in. I wasn’t just imagining Beast’s life; I was imagining our lives together.

It was insane and completely irrational, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. We were part of two very different worlds, so why was it when I was with him that those walls that kept us apart didn’t seem to exist? The lines that were so clear and distinct in the daylight didn’t appear in the dark nights we spent side by side, running through the streets.

A light turned on, illuminating one of his windows. He was awake, and maybe he was on his way to find me. Or maybe he was just getting up for a glass of water. I had no idea what he was doing on the other side of the door, but that light drew me there. I rapped lightly on the dark wood and stepped back, questioning my sanity, and debating whether or not I should take off and forget about this man when the door flung open.

Beast was shirtless in a pair of boxer briefs that molded to his body in perfection. I swallowed down the rising desire, and managed to bring me eyes away from the glorious sight.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and Beauty ran up behind him, jumping to her hind legs and whining in excitement.

“N-Nothing.” I pointed over my shoulder, as I tried to regain my composure, and get the words back that seeing his bare body sucked out of me. “I couldn’t sleep. Rough day. I was out for a run, and saw your light on.”

He crossed his arms over his broad chest, causing his biceps to flex to massive mounds. “And?”

“And I don’t know. I thought maybe you’d be up for a run. You know what. It was stupid. I should go. You were probably sleeping. I’ll see you later.”

I took off down the porch steps when his large hand wrapped around my arm, preventing me from moving any farther. So much for my quick exit. “Ryan.”

“Yeah?” I turned toward him, trying not to look as pathetic as I felt.

“Can you wait for me to put some clothes on?”

I bit my lip as the mention of his clothes had my eyes swiping across his body again. Rendered speechless, I nodded.

“Give me a minute.” He disappeared into the house, leaving the door open.

I wasn’t comfortable just walking in without an invitation, so I sat down on the porch step. Beauty pounced on me, as soon as I was at her height. She rolled around in my lap, turning her stomach up.

“You’re a girl who knows what she wants,” I said, running a hand across her tummy. She responded with a wild shake of her leg. “Did I find your sweet spot?” I asked, as her leg continued to wave back and forth in exhilaration.

I heard Beast’s footsteps and then they stopped. I glanced up to find him staring down at me with hunger in his gaze. I’d had guys look at me before with desire, but this was like nothing I had ever experienced before. My entire body was on alert, as he continued to ogle me.

“You ready?” I said, pushing up from the stairs, perfectly aware that if I sat there for a second more looking into his eyes, I wouldn’t be able to look away.

“Yeah.” That one word, so deep and brash, clued me in that he felt it, too. For once, I wasn’t alone.

He jogged off the steps, and Beauty jumped out of my lap, following him down the yard to the street. He turned around and nodded toward me, as I sat dumfounded in a puddle on the steps.

“Comin’?”

I pushed up and jogged to his side, letting him set the pace as I tried to sort through the million thoughts running through my mind. We ran in silence, neither saying anything, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It just felt right, and it scared me a little.

I avoided relationships my entire life. I was too absorbed in my career and being the best cop I could be. And now, when I needed to focus, needed to find a way to get the town, my partner, and the rest of the Black Hills Police Department on my side, I was falling for the one man who could destroy everything I ever worked for.

Lost in thought, my mind everywhere except on the road in front of me, my foot hit the ground at a weird angle, and my body lost all control. My arms flew out in front of me, as my knee smacked hard into the ground. Pain shot through me as the impact sent me skidding to my side.

“Son of a bitch!” I yelled, as I grabbed my knee, only to flinch at the sting it blasted up my leg.

Beast came to an abrupt halt and dropped beside me. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said, brushing it off as no big deal as I tried to hide my embarrassment. I went to stand up when a sharp ache exploded in my knee, making me stumble. Beast caught me before I went down again.

My head rested against the warm hardness of his chest. I needed to put distance between us, and tried to walk away, but he scooped me up into his arms.

“What are you doing? I’m fine. Put me down.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, and I rolled my eyes.

Beauty ran in front of us, leading the way back to the house. I figured there was no use fighting, so I rested my head against his chest and held on for the ride.

When we got to his house, he kicked the door open and brought me to the bathroom, placing me on the counter. He got down on his knees and looked at my knee. He wrapped his hand around my calf, and I tried to ignore how good his touch felt. He lifted my leg, bending it and extending it. I flinched slightly, and held onto the counter as he put it down.

“Got yourself pretty good, but you should be okay.” He went into the cabinet, pulling out some peroxide, cotton balls and a bandage. Gently, he dabbed the scrape, and I bit my lip as the liquid fizzed against my raw skin. He leaned forward, blowing on the sensitive spot.

“Better?” he asked, and I nodded. He plucked out some gravel that had embedded in my knee, and applied more peroxide, before covering the wound with a bandage. He discarded everything in the wastebasket beside the sink and got to his feet, holding his hand out to me.

I took it, instant heat erupting in my arm, inching its way through the rest of my body. “You’re good at taking care of people,” I said, and took it as an opportunity to try and get him to open up to me. “Did you learn that in the Marines?”

“You don’t give up,” he said with a loud sigh, before letting go of my hand and walking out of the bathroom. I immediately felt the loss, the connection that we shared severed.

I followed him out into the hallway and decided to go for broke. If I wanted him to confide in me, maybe it was time I was truthful with him.

“I know what it’s like.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“I might not know exactly what you went through. But I know what it’s like to cheat death. To hear the whiz of a bullet flying past your head, to dodge a car coming right at you. I know what it’s like to hold someone in your arms as they take their last breath, and then going to their home and telling their mother or wife that they’ll never see them again. I know what it’s like when that person in your arms is someone you know, someone you love, someone who you promised to protect and you failed them.”

“What would you know about that?”

“I turned away for a second, and my partner took a bullet right in the back. I had to make a choice, then. Go after the person who did it, or stay with my partner so he didn’t die alone. I chose to stay. They never caught the guy, and it haunts me, but then I remember those last minutes I got with Chris, and all the things I was able to say. It eases the pain a little.”

“Not everybody gets that. Sometimes, you don’t get to say those things. Sometimes, there’s nothing for you to ease the pain.”

“Who is Annie?”

“It’s not important.”

“But it is, isn’t it? She’s the reason you’re so closed off, the reason for the darkness in your eyes, and why you’re so angry.”

“I’ve seen a lot of fucked up shit, so how do you know that one person is what defines it all?”

“A guess. I saw a lot of fucked up shit, too. More than what I assumed a cop in a small town like my father would have seen. I was wrong about that. But the night my partner died, that moment…there’s nothing that can compare to that. I’m jaded by it all now. Death, destruction, pointless killings, tortures… do nothing to me. I feel nothing because watching someone you care about die ruins you. When you killed that guy, I was more upset at the fact that I couldn’t do my job and report it.”

“Were you fucking him?”

“Excuse me?”

“Was he your fucktoy? Is that why it ruined you?”

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that? He was married. His wife was pregnant with their first child and, yes, I cared for him, but not because we were fucking— because we never did— but because he was one of my best friends. He was there with me through the academy, and there with me every goddamned day for six fucking years. And I’m not going to stand here and let you try to make light of it. There is no fucking light. It’s bullshit, and it never should have happened, but it did and it’s my fault, my goddamned guilt. So, do me a favor and go to hell, you bastard!”

I pushed past him, unable to look at him for another second. Unable to be in the same room with him. I tried to open up to him, to lay it all out on the line to show him that he wasn’t alone in the murky waters of life, and, instead of embracing the gesture, he turned into a complete and total asshole. I wasn’t going to sit around, and let him taint the relationship Chris and I had. I wasn’t going to stand there, and let him say those horrible things.

“Ryan.” I ignored him, moving through his house, and going straight to the front door. “Ryan, please.”

His hand wrapped around my wrist, and I yanked my arm away. Anger spewed from every pore on my body. “Fuck off!”

I reached for the door, but his hand came around my waist, spinning me around and pinning me up against the door. I met his gaze, filled with heated intensity, and watched as his resolve weakened. He rested his forehead against mine. I could feel his chest rising and falling with each heavy breath he took.

Pain etched the corners of his eyes, and he shut them tightly. He pulled his head away from mine, and replacing it with a gentle kiss, before resting his forehead back against mine. “Annie,” he said, so much heartache in that one word that I felt my own clench.

“Who was she?”

He took a deep breath, his chest pressing against mine, as he pounded his fist against the doorframe. The pain was more than emotional; it looked as if it physically hurt him to think about it. I hated to see him suffer, and I almost pressed my finger to his lip to keep him from having to go through with it, but my damn curiosity held me back.

He swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing. His jaw ticked, and his breathing picked up even more. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked directly into my own. “She was my fiancé.”

“What happened to her? Did she leave you?”

His eyes turned completely black with emotion. Tears formed a glassy wall, and everything I thought I knew about this man fell with that first tear. “She died, and I couldn’t save her.”

His words were hauntingly similar to my own, making me think of Chris and how I couldn’t save him. How I let him down in the worst possible way. It was a burden that you couldn’t forget and you definitely couldn’t forgive. It was something you lived with, day in and day out. It was something that no one else understood; yet, he knew. He knew exactly what it felt like to fail someone you love.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, our foreheads still touching, I held him close to me, needing to feel his warmth and smell that familiar scent of cedar. “How’d she die?”