Beasts and Savages (The Beastly Series Book 1) (33 page)

“Locke is your father? How do you know?”

“Well, other than I look just like him, he has the scar Mom gave him. An X over his heart.”

“This doesn't prove she'll mate him without problems,” Torres pointed out.

Tanner took my hands and folded them into his. He asked very softly, “Lea, if I asked you to mate with me, would you?”

“Yes,” I blurted out, without thinking. Heat rushed to me cheeks and my heart skipped. I'd answered that way too quickly. I glanced to the men, now hanging on my every word. Locke wore a smug smile and Anderson had balled his fist. The others stared at me with unreadable expressions on their faces.

“If we did, would you kill me?”

My eyes snapped to his and for a moment I was lost in pools of green. “No.”

He looked away, toward Locke, when he asked his final question. “If I- If I told you to mate with someone else, would you?”

“What?” I breathed.

“Answer the question.” Tanner stood and began pacing again.

I looked at the men in the room. All of them watched me, waited with baited breaths. Locke's eyes bore into my skull. I felt nauseous and shaky. How could Locke and Tanner do this to me?

I coughed, and the men jumped at my action. Tanner held up his arm, signaling to wait.

“I would.” I knew that's what they wanted to hear, so that the council would vote in Tanner's favor, but it didn't make it any easier. For a moment, the world dropped away and I was alone with my thoughts. I didn't want these men to choose my fate; I wanted control over my life. If Tanner thought that he'd won me, like some prize, he wouldn't help me escape.  He'd have everything he wanted here, and wouldn't have a reason to leave.

A hand grasped my elbow and pulled me out of the chair. Tanner lead me through the living room and back up the stairs. I noticed he didn't bother locking the door when he shut it.

Tanner plopped himself on the bed and kicked off his boots. “You did good. Scared me there for a minute, but I think we got them.”

I sat in the chair, rigid, clasping the arms. Locke’s plan was to pair me with him, and he went along with it. “Tanner, if they pick you, you'll want to stay here, won't you? You won't help me escape.”

He sprang up. “Is that what you think? That I want to keep you locked up in a room forever? That's not a life, Lea. Neither is being the obedient son.” He yanked his boots off the floor and slammed the door behind him as he left.

“Oh,” I whispered into the empty room.

CHAPTER 20

~ Mating ~

“Tanner, I need you to get out. Lock the door and wait two full days before you come back. Can you do that?” I grabbed his hands and helped him to his feet.

“Hey! Calm down! Why are you kicking me out?” He pulled his hands out of mine roughly. “We leave in a week and we need to finish planning.” Tanner had placed his hands on my shoulders. I looked down at them, suddenly aware of how close we had become, how natural it was to touch each other. Immediately, I despised our physical closeness. The hunger deep inside me growled in response.

“Tanner, I'm changing. You need to get out. Before we-” I looked at the floor.

“Mate?” He pulled my face toward his and kissed me gently. “Why don't we? It’s inevitable anyway. Wouldn’t really change anything.” The hunger in his eyes reflected the feeling growing in my lower abdomen. My hearing sharpened so quickly it left a ringing in my ears. The room became too bright and my hands began to itch.

I stepped away. “No. Not like this. This isn't what I want.”

His eyes were steady. “Why not? I know you won't hurt me. And I want this. With you.” He leaned down and his whisper tickled my ear. “We’d still run away. Might even be easier.”

I shook my head.
Naive boy, it would make things harder.

“Because it’s what your father, and the clan, wants you to do? Because then you can keep me all to yourself? I'm not an object to be owned, Tanner. I want to make my own decisions, chose my own fate. And I say not right now.”

He took my face again, and gently stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. “I don't care about what my father thinks. And I know I don't own you.” He smiled. “No one could ever keep you like that…I want you because I love you. I love you in a way I don't understand. Deeper than anything I have ever felt before.”

His kiss started gentle and became stronger and more urgent as the seconds passed. I felt the pain pressure of my canines drop and tasted blood. Tanner pulled away quickly. “You bit me!”

I winced as I shook my head. “I'm changing faster than usual.” My voice had a growl to it. “Tanner, this is hard for me to say, but you need to leave. Right now.” The hurt that filled his eyes was unbearable. I took his hands. “If you love me, you’ll let me choose when we mate. This time isn't the right time. Please.”

Tanner leaned in, kissed the top of my head, and whispered, “Not this time, then.” He paused at the door and gave me a wistful look before he shut the door and locked it.

I stared at the door, trembling. If he’d waited any longer, I wasn’t sure I’d been able to control myself. Once I collected my thoughts, I went to the closet. I rifled through my jacket for the pair of pliers I had stolen from the bunker and the checked for the salve and bandages I’d hidden in the closet. The hunger had quieted to a dull ache, but the fog taking over my mind was thickening. I sat down on the closet floor and pulled the door shut. I didn't want to see what I was doing to myself.

The pain as the bristles broke through my skin was not nearly as agonizing as my first change, but I still felt small pangs as they broke free. Only a few bristles remained on my left hand; the ones I pulled out the night I got captured never grew back. I put the pliers up to a bristle, gripping it tightly, and yanked as hard as I could away from my hand. A deep burn seared up my arm and into my back. White stars flashed across my vision, and I let out an involuntary yelp.

Too loud
. I covered my mouth and listened. No one came running into the room. The pain had brought back the sharpness to my mind. I took a controlled breath and reminded myself that pain equaled clarity. After they were all removed, my hands would no longer be weapons. This time I bit down on a towel as I gripped the pliers and pulled another, and was able to keep my cry to a contained growl.

My hand was numbed to pain after a while, and the red fog ebbed and waned at the edge of my vision. When I was completely finished with my left hand, I spread cool salve over my wounds and wrapped bandages around it before starting on my right. This hand took much longer and torturous, as there were many more bristles and my left hand was clumsier. I smothered the back of my right hand with the salve, and the numbing agent in it eased away the throbbing. As the pain faded, the fog was closed in on me. Quickly, I filed down my nails as flat as possible. I’d made myself as least threatening as I could.

I kicked the door open and tried to guess the time. It was completely dark in the room. I listened intently. There was no commotion coming from downstairs. It was late night, maybe midnight. Tanner had left right after dinner, so I’d been changed for not quite six hours.

I put the pliers and my file back in my jacket pocket and tossed the bristles in the bucket on the closet floor. My shirt and pants were covered in blood. I took them off and mopped up the blood that had trickled onto the closet floor. It smeared, but wouldn’t come up, my clothes were too saturated.  The wanting and angry mist was overtaking me, and I didn't have the patience to clean any longer. I closed the door on the mess.

My primal instinct liked my new found nakedness and the haze I was fighting grew stronger. I walked to the window and looked out. The half-moon hung low in the sky, just over the woods behind the house. I longed to be running in those woods, hunting with my imaginary sisters. I placed my hand on the frosty window. The coldness made me shiver and cleared some of the fog. I took a shirt out of the dresser and pulled it over my head. I felt a little better. More human.

I paced, trying to keep the fog at bay. Every footstep echoed in the near empty room and pierced my eardrums. Finally, the fire died down, and I lay on the cool floor. I began to doze, fading in and out of awareness. The haze had taken over, but I was staying still.

Sometime later, there was a noise close to my bed. I sat up and looked out the window. The sky was morning gray. I heard the noise again, a scuffle on the wood floor, and turned toward the door. A boy had his back to me.

 “Tanner, I thought we had an agree-” I started, and then stopped. This boy wasn't Tanner. He smelled different, sour. I could tell from across the room.

“Please!” He turned to face me. “Please just kill me.” His eyes were watery and fearful, his entire body trembled. He slid Tanner's key around his neck and stepped closer. “Just do it quickly.”

I stood and stepped toward him. “Miller? Why are you here? Get out Miller! Now!”

He stood completely still, feigning bravery. “You know why I'm here.” His voice cracked. “Father sent me. Your stupid Tanner couldn't stop boo-hooing about how you don't love him. Sulked all evening. Dawning figured it out. He stole Tanner's key, told me to do what's expected of me, or die.”

“Miller. I can't. I won't. Get out!” I was growling now and my anger made the fog take over me faster.

He ran to me and yanked on my shirt. “You don't have a choice! I don't have a choice! I’d rather you kill me out of self-defense than in a public execution.”

I pushed him away with my bandaged hands. “Miller! You know I can't kill! Not even you!”

Miller grabbed my wrists and turned my wrapped hands. “What have you done to yourself?”

“Made myself less dangerous. I told you, I can’t kill. Now get out.”

He slapped me across the face and gritted his teeth. “You can and you will!”

Red took over my vision. I pushed him hard and tackled him, my growls indistinguishable. He pulled a knife, my knife, out and handed it to me handle first. “Use this.”

I snatched the knife from his hand and threw it. It clanged against the wall before hitting the floor. “I. Can’t. Kill.” I held his arms still and closed my eyes. I concentrated on my breathing, trying to slow it. I bit my lip, hard, and the fog began to recede. I took a deep breath. I needed to think. Miller began moving underneath me and I glared at him. “Keep still. I’m going to let you up and you will leave. Now.”

Miller began sobbing, shaking violently, “Please just kill me. Please.”

“Stop! Just stop moving!” The fog was closing in on my mind, so I jumped up. I needed to get away from him. I was losing control quickly.

He stood and knocked me to the floor. “I will fight you until you kill me!” I began to struggle and he put his face to mine. “That’s right. Fight back.” He hit me in the face again.