Beasts and Savages (The Beastly Series Book 1) (34 page)

“No. You don’t understand!” The raging hunger was taking over. I began chanting, “I can’t kill” over and over. The fog enveloped my mind. I overpowered Miller and rolled him over, pressing all of my weight on him. I leaned toward his face, taking in his pheromones, and whispered, “It’s too late. Too late now.” The words were indistinguishable growls. The back of my mind called out a warning, but it was just out of reach through the fog.

The hunger had taken me completely, just as I was about to take Miller.

***

I awoke lying face down on the floor. The hunger that had been raging in my core was gone. My first thought was that I had slept through the changing. I ran my tongue over my teeth; they were back in place. My body ached, my face swollen, and my limbs were stiff. I pushed myself up and tried to stretch. It was at least midday. Something felt wrong, off. I looked around the room. Miller was lying in a heap near the door.

Flashes of last night rushed back to me. He had snuck into my room, begged me to kill him. I refused. We struggled. He had a knife. I threw it. He wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t remember much after that. I remember chanting “I can’t kill” and fog. Red haze ebbed in and out of my memories. I ran over to him, hoping I hadn’t killed him. He stirred, pulling his trousers under his head for a pillow. A moment a relief washed over me, followed by an innate realization.

Panic rose in my throat. I ran to the bucket in the closet and vomited. We had mated. I couldn’t remember details, but I knew. My thoughts flew to Tanner. I had refused him, sent him away after he professed his love to me. He would never understand this. Hot tears pricked my eyes. Tanner wouldn’t, couldn’t love me after this.

Miller moved and sighed deeply. His presence infuriated me. I crouched next to him and pulled his head up by his hair shouting, “Get out! Get out! Get out!” He jumped, his face full of fearful panic. I let go of his hair and let his head drop onto the floor.

“You were supposed to kill me!” He choked back a sob.

I stood and turned away. “Stop crying, you coward. Go get Tanner. I need him.”

Miller cleared his throat. “He’s not here. They left for a hunting trip before dawn.”

I turned back to him, my eyes full of hatred. “You mean right before you snuck into my room?”

He stood. “I warned you! Why didn’t you run away? Now you have to kill me!”

I shook my head. “I can’t kill. Tanner and I – we were going to leave, together.”

He snorted, “Had to wait on Tanner.”

“I love Tanner!” As the shout rang through the room, I realized it was true. I had been denying that the feelings I had for him were real. Now that I understood them, it was too late. I had betrayed him in the worst way possible. A fresh wave of hatred for Miller filled me. I glared at him. His piercing blue eyes were full of disdain and uncertainty. His hair was disheveled and his shirt was yanked to one side, revealing a bite mark on his shoulder. He held his trousers in a ball in his hand. I hated everything about him.

“You have to kill me. My father-”

“Your father will be pleased! He got what he wanted. Now go!”

Miller looked at me questioningly. “He got what he wanted? You mean we-?” He couldn’t find the word.

I took his face roughly in my hands, squeezing under his jaw. “Mated? Yes. What did you think that was? A walk in the woods?” I sniffed. “Idiot.” I glanced at his shoulder. “Show him the bite mark on your shoulder. That should make him happy.”

“Did it work?”

I laughed and the sound created more tension in the air around us. “I don’t know, and I won’t for a while. These things take time.” He tried to move his head, get away. I pushed what was left of my thumbnail into the skin of his throat, regretting my decision to cut them so short. “And I hate you more now than I ever have. You’re a coward. I never want to see you again.”

He pulled away and stumbled for the door. “You know that we’ll have to be in each other’s presence often now.” He was back to the old Miller, the one full of bitterness and appearing confident. “Royalty remember? The prince and princess bringing their beacon of hope to the world.”

“I’m
not
your princess!”

Miller reached for the knob. “No. You’re the clan’s princess now. Much worse.” He ripped open the door and didn’t bother to close it.

***

I didn’t remember climbing in bed or falling asleep, but Locke was sitting in the chair when I woke. He leaned back, his feet propped up on the table, cleaning out his fingernails with a knife. It was dark out the window, and there was a fire in the small fireplace beside him. I wondered how long I had slept. I sat up and he studied me. I knew he knew about Miller. I sighed.

“Morning.” He flicked a piece of dirt from his finger.

I pushed hair out of my eyes and yawned. “Is it?”

He shrugged. “Close enough.” Locke lowered his feet and leaned forward. “So, I understand you and Miller had quite the….meeting…..this morning.”

“We did.” Though he seemed calm, I braced myself for him to get angry.

It didn’t happen. Instead, he leaned back in the chair and said, “Good. Being the daughter of one Head Elder kept you alive and well taken care of. Mating the other Head Elder’s son gives you influence, connections. It makes the other elders see you as a political thinker, not just an emotional beast. You’ll be seen as a leader. You’ll be able to walk freely, care for the other girls. Congratulations, Lea.”

“But I didn’t want this! I love Tanner, not Miller!” I cried, “Miller snuck into my room! This was a horrible mistake and when Tanner finds out-”
“He knows,” Locke interrupted me. “Told him myself while we were out hunting.”

“But Miller snuck in while you were gone. How-?” I stopped myself.

“How do you think Dawning got Tanner’s key? You refused Tanner. We had to do something; the council wasn’t going to give us more time.” Locke glanced at the door and sighed. I couldn’t tell if he was enjoying this talk or not.

“As far as what happened, you stick with the story of wanting to connect yourself to Dawning. Make sure that anyone who asks knows it was for the good of the clan. That includes Tanner.” He pointed a finger at me and gave me a stern, almost hateful look that I’ve seen him use on Tanner. “I mean it. There’s going to be enough animosity in this house between those boys. You tell Tanner it was your decision.”

“I can’t lie to Tanner. I won’t lie to him.” My voice was low, almost a growl. I stood, fist clenched.

Locke stood, towering over me. “You can and you will.” He turned to the door and called out, “Tanner! She’s awake!”

Tanner burst through the door and came straight at me. He grabbed my neck and pushed me to the wall, lifting me until we were face to face. His green eyes searched mine, looking for comfort I couldn’t provide. “Tell me it isn’t true.”

“Tanner, I’m sorry,” I gasped out. I could see the pain wash over his eyes, his face, all of his features. I wanted to hug him, kiss away his pain.

“I loved you!” Tears welled and he blinked them away. “I still love you!” He let me go and leaned down, bracing to wall for support.

“I know.” I knelt down so that I could see his face. “I love you too. This wasn’t about love, Tanner. I needed another connection, one to Dawning so that I could better help the girls.” A wave of guilt came over me and I looked at Locke.

He smiled at me approvingly. I held Locke’s gaze. “This was your father’s idea. He told me that if I provided the clan with what they needed, a natural born heir to more than one elder, that he’d let us leave freely. Together.”

Locke opened his mouth to interject and I mouthed, “I’ll tell him the truth.” He glared at me. He wasn’t the only person who could manipulate.

I tried to brush a strand of hair from Tanner’s eyes. He jerked away and turned to his father. “Is this true?” Locke’s face was stony. He didn’t speak, only nodded once.

I pulled Tanner’s face back to me and stroked his tears away. “After this whole ordeal is over, we can leave. Freely. Without running away.”

Tanner looked down. “With another boy’s, Miller’s, child?” He snorted.

I kissed his cheek. “No. This child is spawned with hatred.  It will have a father, an entire clan, to look after it.”

He straightened himself. “We could’ve run away. You didn’t have to do this.” He was angry. I didn’t blame his anger; I only wished that someday he would forgive me. He started for the door.

“Tanner!” He stopped, but didn’t turn. “Tanner!” I called again, “I love you.”

He didn’t respond, and the door shuddered after he stepped through.

“What was that?” Locke loomed over me.

I looked at him in with doe eyes and tilted my head to the side. “What?”

“You can’t promise him that! That wasn’t what I told you to do!”

“I just did. And you’re going to make it happen. Or would you rather Tanner know how cruel and manipulative his father can be?” I raised my eyebrow, waiting on his response.

Locke clenched his fists. “Watch yourself girl.”

“Or what?” I patted my abdomen. “I think Dawning would take special interest in any threats made to me now.”

He punched the wall and left the room. I waited for the click of the lock. It never came. I guessed they didn’t care who came or went now. No one was going to hurt me and I wasn’t going anywhere. I pulled the chair to the fire, wrapped my blanket around me and waited for Tanner. I had hoped he’d come back, that I’d have a chance to explain better, to tell him that I didn’t even know yet if there was a baby. I stared at the fire all night. He never came.

CHAPTER 21

~ Maddox ~

Days went on with nothing but silence from Tanner. Miller grudgingly escorted me to other houses to see girls. None of them were in the condition I had found Anderson’s girls. A few were still housed in a basement, but cots had been set up, a wood burner kept the dampness away, and the girls were well fed and dressed. I recognized most of the girls we came across, though there were notable faces I didn’t see. Rally was one of them.

Before I entered every house, I paused and swallowed my anxiety. A part of me hoped that she wasn’t one of the eighteen, that she was home safe with her mother. My selfishness wished she were here with me, helping me endure these terrible events. She would make me see a bright side to our bleak circumstances and assure me that we would be fine as long as we stayed together.