Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1) (11 page)

Chapter 19

Ren

“You never asked me
yesterday.”

I stood behind Seth
as he battled with the steamer on the coffee machine. He promised to ask me out
again yesterday, but he hadn’t uttered a word to me all morning. Today was
panning out to be much the same and I wondered if I’d hurt his feelings the
first time round.

I was finally ready
to take matters into my own hands - matters being my life. I was no longer
resigning myself to being slave to Ash Fuller and whatever that thing that
sparked the air between us. Obviously, I was the only one who felt it. Time to
cut the weeds out of my life and do what I wanted for a change.

Seth shrugged,
glancing over his shoulder at me. “Okay, so I’m asking now then.”

I didn’t have to
think very hard about it. “Sure.”

Seth's entire face
lit up. “How's tonight? Dinner.”

Without hesitation, I
replied, “I can meet you at Beat at six? Is that cool?”

He nodded. “What’s
with that place anyway?”

“Beat?”

“Yeah.”

“My Dad owns it, I
thought you knew?”

“No…I mean I thought
that might be it, but nobody ever mentioned it.” He seemed a little put off.

I tossed my dirty
cloth at him. “Well then, tonight you can ask me whatever you want. As long as
I get to ask you the same.”

He deflected the rag
with his shoulder and laughed. “You got it, Ren.”

After I left the
coffee shop, the last thing I wanted to do was go back to Beat, so in
preparation for our date that night, I caught a tram into the city. I spent the
rest of the day exploring the place I’d neglected for so long, Melbourne. I
went into every dress shop along Bourke and Swanston Street until I found something
that I could see the tomboy in me wearing out to a nice dinner.

I was a jeans and
T-shirt kind of girl through and through, but at the thought of going out with
Seth, I found myself wanting to make an effort. I squashed down the knowledge
that Ash would see me leaving later that night wearing it and swung the bag
back and forth as I weaved through the afternoon crowd. I picked out a pair of
shoes that would bring a tear to Josie’s eyes and tried not to dwell on the
money I’d spent. The money that was my ticket out of Beat and to a place far,
far away from Ash and Monica.

I stole into Beat at
five thirty and got changed in my closet, putting on some makeup and leaving my
hair out because I had no idea what to do with it other than my usual ponytail.
Without a mirror to look in, I decided to take a chance and wing it.

My dress was a tight
grey number with black leatherish panels down the sides. It hit mid thigh,
leaving my long toned legs bare. I shoved my feet in the black patent three
inch heels I'd gotten on sale at Target. I guess it suited me, I hoped so
because it'd been the only thing that I'd liked. No flowers or frills for this
woman.

I paced back and
forth, heels tapping on the polished concrete. How the hell was I going to get
out without anyone seeing me? Monica wasn't here, thank god, but the Twins and
Ash would still be downstairs until six. I should've told Seth six thirty.
Shit
.

By the time I emerged
from my closet and snuck down the stairs like I was a naughty teenager cutting
curfew, I realized I was right when I thought I hadn’t left it late enough. Ash
was hovering in the middle of the studio, Lincoln and Dean beside him. They
were all dressed and on their way home, or in Ash’s case, off to fuck my
sister, for the night.

I groaned as the
Twins elbowed each other, but Ash stared at me like I was something to eat and
suddenly I wished I hadn’t bought the stupid dress.

“Lookin’ good, Ren,”
Dean called out.

“Who’s the lucky
guy?” Lincoln added, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

I flipped them the
bird and kept walking, shoving open the outside door, my entire body zapping
with electricity. I could feel his eyes on me, burning into my skin. I was
going on a date with another guy, I shouldn’t be feeling this…
aroused
.
Seriously, my lady bits were clenching so tight it was a wonder I could walk
straight.

I spied Seth down the
street, walking toward me and I sighed in relief. I went to walk away, but the
door opened behind me and a big paw of a hand wrapped around my bicep. By the
way my body began to explode, I knew it was Ash and I twisted out of his grasp,
not even bothering to look up. I didn’t want to hear it. I’d heard enough from
that guy to last me a lifetime.

Ash grabbed my arm
again, forcing me to turn and I smacked hard into his chest.

“Who’s the guy?” he
asked, the anger plain in his voice.

Wrenching my arm
away, I hissed, “None of your business, Ash. You had your chance. Seth wants to
take me out. He knows what he wants and he doesn't have to play any games.”

He glanced up at
Seth, who was getting closer by the second. “Him?”

He said it like it
was no competition. Like I was stupid for going out with some other guy who
wasn’t a fighter…or wasn’t
him
.

“It’s none of your
business, Ash.”

He swallowed hard, letting
his gaze rake up and down my body and my stupid nipples began to tighten like
traitors. I had to remind myself that he’d never bothered to touch them in the
first place. That threw a proverbial bucket of ice water over my head.

“You look-” He hesitated
like he didn’t know how to give a woman a compliment.

“You look like shit,”
I spat back at him. Turning on my heel, I almost ran to meet Seth, who’d
finally spotted me waiting for him.

“Hey, Ren,” he said.
“You look-” He hesitated, but it was the good kind. “Stunning.”

We hugged and I shook
the feeling that something was missing. I just didn't know him that well yet,
that was all. Not every relationship had to have that
tingle
, did it?

“Everything okay?”
Seth asked, glancing back at Ash, who was still standing on the footpath
glaring daggers at him.

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Sure didn’t look
like it.”

“You gunna defend my
honor?” I asked with a grin.

“Against that guy?”
His eyebrows rose in mock surprise.

We started walking
down the street, leaving Ash and his toxic bullshit behind, and I shoved a
shoulder into his. “You and I both know I can do that on my own.”

“Point.”

We laughed as we
walked down the lane toward Sydney Road to catch a tram to the city, my hopes
rising to unbelievably high levels.

Chapter 20

Ash

I watched her walk
down the street away from me and hug the skinny douche who, I suddenly
recognized, worked at the cafe with her.

The thought of
another man with his hands on my Ren drove me insane.

But that was the
problem. I thought of her as
my
Ren, but she wasn't that at all. We
trained together at night. It was something that had felt almost sacred,
something that was hers and mine, and I took it and made it into something
completely selfish.

I kissed her, I slept
with her, but I never touched her. I'd have to be a fucking idiot not to notice
that she was aroused every single one of those times. She was sporting the
female equivalent of blue balls and she was walking away from me with another
dude.

To make things worse,
she thought I was fucking Monica. Like hell.

Fuck, I was such an
asshole.

I didn't have the
right to stop her. She wasn't mine.

I walked away from
her.

Maybe I should stay
away.

Chapter 21

Ren

After we left Beat,
Seth and I caught a tram down to Lygon Street.

It was the Italian
part of Melbourne and the street was lined with all kinds of pizzerias,
restaurants and gelato shops. It was mild out, so there were people jammed into
tables on the footpaths, waiters calling out at customers walking by, cars
driving slowly on the road. Fairy lights twinkled in the trees along the median
strip as noise and laughter washed over us. The air smelt like pasta and
cheese, totally mouth watering.

“I know a place just
over Faraday Street,” Seth said, guiding me through the chaos.

“Yeah?”

“It’s not that
crowded, they have nice seated areas inside. They don’t do straight up Italian,
so they’re a little quieter than everywhere else.”

“Sounds great.” It
did sound like a nice place to eat, since the noise was bordering on deafening
outside. Friday night was one of the busiest for this part of town.

I let Seth lead the
way and he pointed out the restaurant as it came into view. Rushing forward, he
opened the door and held it for me. “After you.”

Shit, a guy opening a
door for me? What the hell did I do to deserve that? Suddenly, I found myself
wondering if Ash would do something so chivalrous. A beefcake fighter throwing
his jacket over a puddle seemed the most outrageous thing ever.

The place was a seat
yourself kind of deal and Seth slid his hand on the small of my back and guided
me toward a table at the back. It was a little booth in a dark secluded corner
and my heart skipped a beat. All quiet and intimate. I wondered what it would
be like to go out to dinner like this with Ash.

“Here okay?” Seth
asked.

“Sure.” I slid in one
side and he took the other, handing me a menu.

“It’s pretty informal
here,” he said. “But the food is good.”

I flipped open the
menu and did a quick scan. It was traditional pub food, all fish, chicken and
steak. At least he wasn’t trying to impress me with something fancy - fancy
kind of scared me with all the artfully placed food in tiny portions. I’d never
been to one of those places and it didn’t really do anything to float my boat.

“Looks good,” I
replied with a small smile.

“So, where were you
living before Melbourne?” Seth asked, trying to get some conversation going.

“Um, before here I
lived with my Mum out in Deer Park.”

“Oh, that far out of
the city?”

“It’s not that far,”
I said, kicking him under the table.

He laughed. “The
trains don’t even go that far.”

“Yeah, they do!”

“So, why’d you move
to the city then? Got too boring out there?”

I flushed, realizing
Seth didn’t know about my Mum and the real reasons I came to the city. “Oh, no,
nothing like that.”

“Oh,” he exclaimed
realizing he’d hit on an exposed nerve. “Did I ask the wrong thing?”

“No, it’s just I
moved here because my Mum died.”

“Oh, shit, Ren. I
didn’t-”

I waved a hand at
him. “It’s fine.”

Thankfully a waiter
came along and interrupted our awkward conversation to take our order.

“I came to find my
Dad,” I explained once we were alone again.

“You only just met
your Dad?” Seth asked.

“Yeah, about three
months or so ago now.”

“How’s that going? I
mean, it must be tough.” The waiter came back and dumped a plate of rolls
between us.

“Well, he left us
when I was five, so I knew him a little.”

Seth picked at his
roll. “That’s a long time for someone to change, though.”

“Yeah, I know.” I
stared at the plate, feeling awkward.

We fell into an
uneasy silence for a while before our food arrived. We talked a little about
our favorite music, which Seth seemed to be quite passionate about, our
favorite movies, all the simple getting to know you things. I found myself
staring at him, wondering what wasn’t clicking. I took in his features, which
were quite handsome, but his eyes were a steely grey where Ash’s were a
brilliant green. They seemed to change all the time. Dark, light, flecked with
shards of hazel, but ultimately green. I liked green, it was a very earthy
color.

“Ren?”

I blinked hard.
“Sorry, what?”

Seth chuckled. “You
still with me? Where’d you go?”

Shit,
I was off fantasizing about another man
. I didn’t tell him about that, though. What kind
of person would that make me?

“Um,” I stuttered.
“Sorry?”

“S’okay,” he said,
peering at me. “How’s the food?”

I piled up a fork and
shoved it in my mouth like a horse and his eyes widened. I gave him the thumbs
up. All he did was grimace and glance away.
Way to go Ren, total lady
.

Groaning internally,
I stared at my plate, mentally bashing my head against a brick wall. This had
to be the most awkward date in the history of the world. I had such high hopes
all afternoon. I bought this dress and shoes…and I spent the whole time
thinking about a man who didn’t want me, a man who kept playing me for a fool.
Yet here I was seated across from a sweet guy who genuinely wanted to get to
know me.

What the hell was
wrong with me?

We ate in silence
until the waiter came back for our empty plates.

“So, you train at
Beat?” Seth asked.

Thankful for
something solid to talk about, I replied, “Yeah. Not for anything special. I
like learning.”

“Fighting?”

“Yeah, MMA.”

“Mixed Martial Arts?”
Seth’s eyebrows rose.

I nodded. “It’s
tough, but it’s really quite artful in a way.”

“Remind me never to
cross you, then.”

“Duly noted.”

Seth glanced at his
watch before shuffling nervously. I was having a tough time trying to read what
was going through his head. Was he nervous because he wanted to ditch me? I’d
want to ditch me. I had baggage up to the eyeballs, a dead mother, an asshole
father, another man in my thoughts…

“Do you want to go?”
I asked, wringing my hands underneath the table so he couldn’t see.

He shrugged. “If you
want.”

Trying to disguise
the hurt at the date falling flat, I smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

I went to pay for my
dinner, but Seth waved me away and handed over the cash for us both. As we
walked out to the tram stop, my traitorous thoughts started to wonder if Ash
would pay, or if he’d try and wrangle a way for me to shell out for us both.

We rode the tram
squished together in a corner, Seth’s arm around my waist to steady me against
the movement of the rickety old number eight tram. It took us all the way up
the residential end of Lygon Street and back towards Brunswick. His palm
settled on my waist and my shoulder pressed into his chest. It was all a little
boyfriend girlfriend and I should’ve felt something at the fact he was being
all protective and holding me in such an intimate way, but there was nothing.

I squashed down my
disappointment as the tram rumbled along, stopping at intervals to let people
off. When our stop came, we jumped back down to earth and walked down toward
Sydney Road.

“I didn’t realize you
lived near the coffee shop,” I said to break the silence.

Seth went to take my
hand, a subtle move, but I saw it coming and casually wrapped my arms around my
stomach.

“Yeah,” he replied,
shoving his hand in his jeans pocket. “I share with a couple of guys a few
blocks away.”

“Oh, nice. I live
right near Beat, so you’re in my neighborhood.” I laughed, but it came out
sounding a little thin.

Soon, we were walking
down Sydney Road and passing the coffee shop and relief washed over me.
Hesitating at the corner, I said, “I go this way.”

“I’ll walk you,” Seth
declared. “It’s no problem.”

Suddenly, I didn’t
want him to know where I really lived. He’d ask questions and living in a
closet wasn’t the answer I wanted to give him.

“Oh, it’s okay. It’s
like a minute away.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

I wasn’t quite sure
if I was meant to walk away or say something else, so I stood awkwardly,
waiting to see what Seth would do. Maybe I should’ve walked away because he
stepped forward, sliding a hand over my waist. He moved in, going for a kiss
and my heart started to jackhammer. It was more panic than lust and at the last
second, I turned away, his lips connecting with my cheek.

Awkward
.

“Okay, so goodnight,”
Seth said, his brow furrowed. He stood back, breaking contact and I didn’t have
to be a rocket scientist to understand that I’d just hurt his feelings pretty
bloody bad.

“Thanks for dinner,”
I offered lamely.

“No problems.” He
gave me a little wave, taking a few steps back before turning on his heel and
striding down the street.

Shit
.

Beat was dark when I stuck
my key into the lock. After Seth left, I practically ran down the lane to
distance myself from…that thing…that almost kiss that didn’t do anything to
excite me.

It felt nothing like
the times Ash had kissed me. No fireworks, no moisture or pussy clenching. No
nothing.

I locked the door
behind me and punched in the alarm code. God, I was such an idiot.

I found another kind
of disappointment rising at the fact that Beat was empty. I wandered across the
studio toward the stairs, trying to decide if I wanted to train or just call it
a night and sleep it all way. Maybe I’d wake up and realize that that terrible
date was all a really silly dream. Yeah, I’d sleep it away.

Stopping half way
between the door and the stairs, I finally noticed Ash sitting on the bench,
the sweat on his back sparkling in the moonlight. My heart skipped a beat and I
felt like banging my head against the wall. He’d been here training without me,
that much was obvious, but lurking in the dark?

He was peering around
his arm, watching my every movement like he was waiting to pounce unawares.
When I stopped, he sat up straight.

“What are you doing
here in the dark?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I suddenly felt
exposed in my dress and fancy shoes. More exposed than I did in a pair of
shorts and sports bra which showed off way more skin. Work that one out.

“I wanted to train,”
he said, his deep voice booming in the silent studio.

“In the dark?”

The space stretched
open between us, the distance amplified by the blackness.

Ash grunted,
standing. Despite being so angry at him, I kicked off my shoes and padded
across the mats toward him. He stepped into a pool of light shining in from the
skylight and that’s when I realized his face was messed up. Like, really messed
up. Blood had trailed from his eyebrow down his face and onto his chest and had
been smeared into his hair.

“Ash,” I hissed.
“What the fuck? You’re bleeding.”

He shrugged.

God, he was so
annoying. I thought I’d had a taste of self destruction in the days directly
after Mum passed away, but this was a whole new level. He wouldn't have gone
out and gotten into a fight because I went out with another guy, would he? The
idea seemed ridiculous. Like I deserved the honor.

“Sit down,” I
ordered, shoving him back toward the bench. I slid into the kitchen and pulled
the first aid kit off the wall. I’d known some stupid men, but Ash took the
cake.

When I came out, he
was sitting on the bench, elbows on his knees, head sagging. With a sigh, I
flipped on the back row of lights and went to join him. Sitting beside the
idiot, I cracked open the kit and fished out a couple of antiseptic wipes.