Beautiful to Me. (3 page)

             
“Well, it’s gym class, and since I think I “Know it all,” I got served doing laps out here. No problem I thought. Personally I think we are too old to play dodge ball.” He muttered through a strange face he made, making me laugh.” “What? Are you kidding? It’s been forever since I played dodge ball. I used to be good.” I told him. Dominic walked over. “May I?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he just sat down next to me, facing the opposite direction, but side by side. His legs crossed Indian style, he took a deep breath. “So was it your boyfriend talking?” He asked, making me grin and just started laughing again. “Um, no it was actually my older brother. His name is Mitchell.” I told him, as I quickly lost the laughter saying his name. Dominic nodded his head up and down. “That’s cool, so is he older or younger?” I looked down, pulling my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around the I leaned my cheek against my knees. “Mitch was five years older than me. He died 3 years ago, from Leukemia. He was away at college and… and…” I couldn’t go on I started crying again, I turned my head away from Dominic. “This phone he gave me for my birthday, it was the last thing he gave me and he left me a message I listen to on my birthday every year. I was just missing him, so I decided last minute to ditch school today.” Before I knew what was happening, Dominic pulled me up and placed me across his lap, and quickly wrapped his hands around me in a hug. I cried even harder. I started to fight to move, mostly because I was embarrassed and nervous to be this close to him. I felt like a child crying like an idiot by myself. How much more pathetic could I be? “I’m fine really.” I chocked out as I wiggled around to get off his lap. Dominic was very strong, he didn’t budge. Kept me in his arms and wouldn’t let me go. “You’re really not fine Ivy.” He said, and I calmed down and just stayed for another minute with his arms around me. It was nice to actually feel someone touching me in a nice way. A hug, so simple to most people. And to me, it felt like weeks since anyone gave me even a hand shake. So of course, I cried even more.

“
Happy Hatch Day Ivy.” He whispered with me on his lap and him rubbing my back holding me close to his chest.

“
I need to go, I have taken up too much of your time already. Thanks for checking on me.” I sputtered out between sniffling my half stuffy nose and wiping the constant warm tears running down my face leaving mascara tracks on my cheeks.

             
Dominic continued to hold me, and I felt like a complete loser. Don’t get me wrong, it felt so, so good to be held like this. I miss being held. Especially from Mitchell. Maybe that’s why this felt so good. I missed him and my life back then when we were all happy. Dominic wouldn’t let me go, and didn’t talk either. He rocked me, he shushed me, he rubbed my back… He was soothing me, and I felt actually cared for  and I hadn’t felt this way since before Mitchell passed away. My body didn’t want him to let me go, I didn’t feel so alone for this one moment. I knew I didn’t really mean anything, and the pity things makes me feel worse, but just this one time. Just once I wanted to feel cared for, loved. Even though this wasn’t that at all, I just wanted to pretend while I was actually in someone’s arms.

             
Dominic pulled back and ran his thumbs across my cheeks, drying my tears. His smile looked sincere. Real. He studied my face, looking back at forth between my eyes, I forgot I was still crushing him by still sitting on his lap. “Here, let me get off of you, before I hurt you.” I told him and as I started to move myself, Dominic kept a tight hold on my hips. “You are fine sitting right where you are Ivy.” He said softly however I got the impression that when he decided something, the decision has been made. So I felt strange. I mean what do I do? I took a deep breath, and felt myself relaxing again. Actually, for the first time since coming to this hell school. “I guess I just had a lot of built up frustrations or energy or something. Thanks for the pity hug.” I said fake laughing again. Dominic wasn’t laughing. He just kept an unreadable look on his face, and shook his head. “It’s not a pity hug Ivy. Why do you think that?”

I am in blissful shock at first. Then reality hits me.
“Because you don’t talk to me in school. Your friends make fun of me, making me feel bad. I just figure that if I was even someone you would consider a friend, you would I don’t know…” I shrug. “Look, its doesn’t matter. You made me feel better. I really appreciate it. And before you ask, don’t worry, I will keep this a secret.” I fake laugh. “I don’t want to give you a bad reputation, besides everyone will know you just felt sorry for the homely girl.” I say with a fake smile. I pull myself off of him and this time he let’s me. I pull myself together and step out of the bleachers. I look back to Dominic and he still is facing the school, sitting in the same place. “Thanks again for giving me some time to feel… to feel like I matter to someone.” I stay for a minute, and nod and walk away. Well, at least I have some good memories of Dominic. Those should get me through until we pick up and move again.

Dominic

In Memory of Mitchell’s Date Night.

             
I stayed under the bleachers for awhile after Ivy left. I can’t believe what an ass I look like to her. I try brushing it off, like it’s her problem but really, it’s not. It’s me, playing the game everyone else always does. It’s not right, I should know better and I feel like a complete jerk.

             
I keep thinking back to the message Ivy kept playing over and over. I feel so bad for her. Her birthday, celebrating under the bleachers with a voice mail from her dead brother. She’s been her a few weeks and all everyone does is makes her feel bad. I don’t know. I mean, maybe it is just pity. Maybe I don’t feel anything more than sorry for her. But I didn’t need to add to her misery. Yeah, I have seen Lena being all bitchy to her. I just let things roll off and don’t give a fuck what people think. I just figured most teens now a days probably think the same way. I let out a deep sigh. Well, I guess I am contradicting myself. If I really didn’t give two shits what people think or say, why then haven’t I stepped in to help Ivy out. I mean I am sure I could said something, but I suppose it’s easier to just walk away and keep out of the problems people deal with. You know, it doesn’t effect me, why get myself involved. I apparently have a much different upbringing that Ivy has. I can’t imagine loosing one of my brothers at such a young age. Yeah, I hate them from time to time, but even though they can act like a bunch of uncivilized human beings, I still wouldn’t want to see one die. Fuck, now what…

             
I’ve got it! I jumped up and started making plans for Ivy immediately. It’s been a few days, and Ivy has just made off that nothing ever happened and she goes on her merry way, and pretends everything is fine. I know it’s not fine. I told Lena to back off a bit for a while. I told her about how Ivy lost her brother and was sort of down over it. After she bitched awhile, I yelled at her, telling her to drop this shit or I was going to make waves with her and she wouldn’t like it. She swore she would keep her trap shut with what I told her. I didn’t tell her how, when or why I found out about Ivy’s brother, but I just needed to do something to show Ivy I’m not always a complete dick. Now that I have a plan, I hope I can pull it off without looking like a lunatic. I got back from getting my mustang

cleaned. Got dressed into some dark distressed jeans, a black dress shirt, open collar, sleeves rolled up and black boots. Well, mine are Doc. Martin
’s and not those cute cowgirl boots Ivy wears. I slip in the family room to fill in my parents of me going out. Explaining to them about a new girl that recently came to our school. Nothing really important, just a movie, something eat. After my parents gave me the details of curfew and their usual speech on no drinking and driving and text and calling… Ugh, same song and dance every freakin time. Yeah, yeah.. Grabbed my Kenneth Cole Black leather jacket,  and I took off to get my other plans taken care of.

             
I pull up to Ivy’s apartment. I asked her friend, what’s her face… Anyway, I asked this girl I seen Ivy hang out, Becca, yeah, that girl. Anyways, I told her I wanted to go see if Ivy was ok, I said she wasn’t feeling too hot the day, just wanted to check in on her. After a few moments of studying me with narrowed eyes, she finally gave it to me. I thanked her and told her I wanted to surprise her. I swore on a pretend bible (Rolling my eyes) that I wasn’t going over to see her to be mean or play a joke on her. So with my guarantee, I took off, telling her I owed her one. Now I am sitting in the parking lot, I see her light is on in the front room I think. I slide out of my car, grab the flowers, clear my throat and walked up towards her door. I peeked in the window and seen Ivy sitting on the couch writing in a book. What is that like a diary or something? She had her TV on, but it didn’t look like she was watching it. I took a deep breath, slowly letting it out I went over and knocked on her door. I have no clue why I am nervous, I mean this isn’t like a real date or anything… Right? No, no its just being nice, making up for me being a dick.

             
Ivy opens the door, looks to the left of me, then the right, looks behind me and then to me finally. Her mouth, gaping open she was wearing some cute sexy secretary black rim glasses and her hair was piled up on top of her head in some sort of knot I think. I found myself twitching my lips back and forth, and some stupid bog ass smile slapped across my face.

             
“Are you lost?” Ivy asked me looking confused making me laugh at how cute she sounded. Her eye brows scrunched up looking like I am speaking a foreign language.

             
“No, I’m definitely not lost. I wanted to ask you to go out with me tonight. I realize I didn’t give you any time to prepare, I wanted to keep it a surprise. I said as a matter of fact. And gauging the look from Ivy, she didn’t believe me. She crossed her arms over her chest and lowering her head to look up over her glasses at me, she tucked her chin back to her chest.

             
“I don’t think so. Nice try. Tell your friends I said thanks but no thanks. Hopefully you didn’t loose a lot of money in this bet your involved in.” She said, almost spit back at me.

             
“I deserve that, look, may I please come in and talk to you a minute. I promise if you don’t like what I say, I will leave. Ok? Just give me two minutes. Please.” I asked her looking up into her hazel eyes with little specks of gold.

             
Ivy finally opened the door, wearing some huge 3 sizes too big at least sweats rolled at the waist and a sweat shirt. She turned around and has Yale smack on the middle of her ass. I coughed and she looked back at me right as I looked away from staring at her perky little ass with Yale across it.

             
“Are you ok?” Ivy asked looking concerned. I just waved my hand in the air like I was motioning a smelly fart or something. “Yeah, no I’m good. Just swallowed the wrong way. So, your parents home?” I asked after getting my shit back together. Ivy held her hand out for me to have a seat on the couch, and she sat across from me in a chair. She stared at me for awhile. “Well, the meter running, do you want to just stare at each other for two minutes or did you want to say something?” Ivy put me back on track. I completely went blank there for a minute.

             
“Right, ok so are your parents home?” I asked her first looking around. “Ah, no. Do I need to worry I am alone now?” She crossed her arms over her chest again.

             
“No, no, no really, I wanted to just introduce myself is all.” I explained, running my hand through my hair. “Look, first of all, these are for you.” I said holding out a boutique of spider mums and pink roses with babies breath. She took the flowers, almost looking like something might jump out of them and bite her nose.

             
“Ok, thanks?” She made it sound like a question because she was confused. I stood up and walked back and forth a couple times in front of the couch, ran my hands through my hair and looked back down to Ivy. I sat back down, leaning over my knees, with my elbows on them. “Look, I know this is going to sound really strange. So, please just let me get the whole thing out. Ok?” I asked watching for her reaction. She sat back in the chair, rolled her eyes and nodded. “Fine.” She stated.

             
I looked back and forth between her eyes. “Ok, so I heard what your brother said to you on your phone. I am sorry I heard it once or four times, in any case, I heard him tell you that he wanted to take you out for your “date night.” He said you always did it the weekend after your birthday. I just thought, well maybe if its ok with you, I wanted to honor your brothers tradition and ask if I could fill in for him. I know I don’t hold a candle next to your brother, but I feel like such an asshole for how I have treated you these last few weeks. I wanted to take you out, to apologize for my behavior. Maybe we could be friends?” I took a deep breath and let it all out. I don’t know if I said that all in one breath or not. I only remember watching Ivy’s face. She showed about 5 different emotions when I was talking. So not I am nervous not knowing what she is thinking.

             
“You… You want to take me out? Where?” Ivy asked, trying to not look emotional bringing up the thought of her brothers tradition.

             
“Dinner and a movie. Like you used to do with Mitchell. Look, I am not trying to freak you out, and I will leave if you tell me to. I don’t know, I just thought you might want to you know… hang out. Just us, not with my stupid friends. What do you think?”