Beautifully Awake (36 page)

I gave my dad a sheepish smile while Chase excused us and tugged me in the direction of our dinner. I flashed back again to our first night. The table in front of me was much the same, covered in a colorful display of sushi rolls, sashimi, seaweed salads and even some steak and chicken teriyaki skewers I’m sure he planned for my dad, just in case. No detail was left unturned when it came to Chase.
Surgeons and their details.

“I figured if we had an assortment everyone could just dig in, family style.” It was perfect. He was perfect. It was exactly what I would have wished for. Simple, casual and
family style.
Because this was my family. Surrounded by everyone I loved. I was over the moon happy.

“Before everyone starts eating, I would like to make a toast.” Everyone quieted and looked toward Chase and me. He snaked his fingers between mine. “First, I would like to thank everyone for coming to celebrate Lili’s birthday with us. I know everyone in this room has a special place in her heart, and she loves you all to pieces.” Shit, he was totally going to make me cry. “And next, I want to thank Lili for finding me and waking me up in more ways than one. I love you, Blue, so much.” He ran his hand along my cheek.

My heart swelled at the double meaning of his words. This man held my fragile heart in his hands and he knew it. And I reveled in the idea that he would do everything in his power to keep it safe.

“And last, I would like to raise our glasses and toast to Lili’s birthday with years of health, happiness and triple digits...”

Oh my god!

My face turned seventeen shades of red
again
and no one had any idea what he was talking about except me. Damn him, making my swollen heart flip out with his double meanings. And damn my dad for my sucky poker face. Sierra’s eyebrows rose. Yeah, she would definitely be questioning my color change later. Damn, everyone around me knew exactly how to push my buttons. The eye daggers I shot at Chase got me a tight squeeze.

“Whaaat?” he whispered in my ear. “I want us to live to be one hundred.”

“Mm-hmm,” I sarcastically hissed. “I’m sure that’s exactly what you were thinking.” But hell, if I hadn’t wished for at least that many years with this man myself.

“Oh baby, you love me and you
love
when I do stuff like that.”

I couldn’t argue because he was damn right. He loved to tease me and I freaking loved every second of it, even if I got embarrassed every time.

“Happy Birthday, Blue.” He lightly kissed my lips before releasing me to sip my sake. “What? No wine glass tonight, baby?”
Sexy bastard and his play on words.

“Cheers” and “Happy Birthday, Lili” rang throughout the restaurant as everyone clinked glasses and sipped their drinks. I smiled for my loved ones and then turned to look at Chase.

“You looked starved, Dr. Tease.” I could play too. The promise of triple digits radiated from his pores into mine. I raised my voice several octaves. “Let’s eat, everyone.”

Chase’s sexy grin told me he knew exactly what I meant.

At a little after eleven, the party began to wind down. We said goodbye to my guests and finished loading two of the three tiers of my birthday cake into the back of Chase’s car. I had giggled when the chef at the restaurant wheeled in front of me a completely over the top three layered, for all intents and purposes, wedding cake.

The first words out of Sierra’s mouth were, “Holy hell, Chase, that’s the size of a freaking wedding cake, um ... you’re a brain surgeon right? Think you miscalculated.”

Everyone laughed at my ridiculously enormous cake. I thought it was fabulous because he picked it out.

“Did you have a fun party, baby?”

“So much fun, thank you for everything. You’re always so generous.”

He leaned me against his car—Pete was driving, of course—and ran his soft lips over my mouth.

“Ready to go? We have one stop to make before your birthday is over, I want to take you somewhere.”

“Okay.” I was dead on my feet and ready to crawl into bed, but I would go anywhere with this man. We slid in the back, he buckled me and we took off to our unknown destination. I rested my head against his shoulder; I was exhausted. “Why did you and Asher leave the party after cake?”

“Oh, just some business.”

“Hmmm.” I didn’t push him further because I probably didn’t want to know. I closed my eyes and was easily lulled to sleep by the motion of the car.

“Baby, we’re here.”

I opened my eyes to pitch black.

“Where are we?”

“At the river. Come, we drove a little further because I wanted to bring you to the area where they hold many of the rowing regattas. More grass here than in City Center.”

I stretched a little and got out of the car. I wasn’t really sure what he was talking about, but whatever. When my eyes adjusted to the dark, I focused on an illumination coming from the bank far ahead.

“What’s going on?”

He smiled, saying nothing. He encircled my hand with his, coaxing me forward.

“Kick your shoes off, baby.”

I stepped on the grass and did as I was told.

“Mmm.” It felt great to get those shoes off. I wiggled my toes in the grass and continued to follow Chase’s lead. I had no idea what was going on, but I wasn’t surprised that Chase had planned something else.

“I want you to feel the sand between your toes.”

“Sand?” I questioned. It was dark, which made it difficult to see, but the coarse grass almost immediately turned into cool, silky sand. “Chase, why is there sand?” I was so confused.

At the river’s edge, a row of small lanterns encircled a small beach blanket in the middle of this giant patch of sand. The only light was from the lanterns and the crescent moon shining in the clear summer sky. The moon reflected off the water, creating streams of light that mixed with the flickering and twinkling of the candles.

“I wanted you to feel like you were at the beach.” I looked up into his eyes. Just the glow from the small lantern was illuminating his face. He was stunning. “Sit, baby, I have one more gift for you.”

“You made this beach. You’re crazy.” I looked around. It was like we were on our own tiny island. He kissed my lips and laid me back so we were facing each other propped up on our elbows. “Chase, you don’t need to give me anything else. You’ve already given me so much. This bracelet, my outfit, the party, and most importantly,
you
… you are everything I need. Ever. I love you so much.”

“Well, this is a present for us. I know I’ve been a little off this past week, and I could tell you noticed.”

“Does this have something to do with why you kept leaving the room on
business
phone calls and rushing around the hospital acting weird? Why you left the party tonight with Asher?” His small smile was smug. “It is, huh?”

There was a small basket at the edge of our blanket with a bottle of champagne and two flutes. The yummy champagne. He handed me a glass before he reached deeper into the basket. He placed an irregularly shaped stone into the palm of my hand. It was smooth and in the dim light it resembled a larger piece of blue sea glass from my bracelet. Attached was a small silver chain and ring that held a single vintage key.

I gave him a questioning look. “What’s this?”

“It’s
ours,
” he said quietly.

I sat up a little bit, trying to absorb what he was telling me. “You want to live together?”

Chase made a throaty noise, a seriously sexy noise, and lifted the corners of his mouth. “That goes without saying, that’s already a done deal. Wherever we’re waking up together is where
we
live, as far as I’m concerned. Yeah, it would definitely be more convenient if all of our shit was at one place, but that’s your call, baby. If you want to keep your apartment or get a new one altogether or sleep in a different place every night, it doesn’t matter to me. It’s just an address, a technicality. The spot where your head is laying against my chest is where
we
live. Got me, Blue?”

What was I to say to that? I said nothing. I just stared in amazement.

“So I guess the answer to your question is
yes
, we live together, but this is something else.” He rubbed the key in my hand. “This is
our
peaceful place.”

I was confused. “I don’t understand?”

“I know how much you love Cape Cod and how it holds so many
special
memories for you, special memories for
us
.”

I knew exactly what he meant. We both laid a piece of our heartache to rest at that beach and found peace. For me, I buried the heartache from the loss of an unborn child and the loss of control over my life after it was stolen from me during that one stormy night. For Chase, he scattered his sister’s ashes and buried the guilt of one night’s choices that led to tragic events beyond his control.

“It’s our peaceful place and the place where you told me you love me. I want us to keep creating memories there ... I saw it behind us that morning on the beach when you went running. It’s perfect ... it’s ours. And I think you’re gonna love it.”

“A house?” I barely squeaked out past my swelling emotion. This was all too much to take in.

“Yeah, baby, a beach house. For us to go anytime we want to get away. And whenever you’re ready, because that’s your call too, I want us to get married on that beach, our spot. Truth, baby ... I will love you. Forever. Not a fucking second less. You with me, Blue?” That wasn’t really a question.

“Oh my god, Chase, I really don’t know what to say. This is ... you are ... amazing,” I cried. Hard.

“M
orning, Dad, it’s me.”

“I know, babydoll.” He chuckled.

“Did I wake you? I know it’s early.”

“Nah, just having coffee.” Like father, like daughter. “Why are
you
up? Aren’t you off for Labor Day?”

“No, not anymore, the case manager on Chase’s team called in sick and my supervisor called to see if I could go in this morning for a little bit and help out.”

“Oh, okay, no big deal. Sharon and I can find our way to the airport later.”

“No chance, Dad, I’m still bringing you. There’s no way I’m letting you leave without one more big hug.”

“All right, babydoll. Sounds good.”

“I’ll call you when I’m leaving the hospital. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I took my seat next to our mildly sedated patient and squeezed his hand. I smiled under my mask, remembering what a complete nightmare I was the first time I stepped foot in the operating room. I had been queasy and sweating, staring at the sexiest grey eyes I’d ever seen. And now that sexy neurosurgeon was mine and reminded me often. Just a mere two months ago I was fading and hiding underneath everything bad that ever happened to me. It was my existence. Then one man came along and crushed the only existence I had known for three years and dug deep to see beneath my beautiful.

“Lili ... Lili.”

I snapped my head up. “Oh, sorry ... I didn’t hear you.”

The circulating nurse was standing right over me. “I could tell. You looked a million miles away. Dr. Colton said you should pick out the music ... and just so ya know, happy to have you back. It’s been real quiet since you switched services.”

“Really?” I smiled and walked over to turn on the iPod.

“Doll!” Guy called out, sounding genuinely happy to see me. He finished donning his gloves and did that spinny thing with the scrub nurse. Somehow it tied the gown up, but it looked more like a cheesy dance move.

“Hey Guy,” I said, relieved there was nothing awkward lingering between us. It was starting to feel like old times. Jack backed through the door at the same time.

“No wonder Colton’s in a great mood.” Guy approached the head of the table and started prepping the patient’s freshly shaved head. “Missed you on our service this month, doll.”

Damn mask, it was a crime to hide those dimples.

“Ditto, Kiddo.”

“Hey, Jack.” I chuckled at his stupid humor. I missed the boys. Too bad Sam had the day off. Hopefully catering to his pregnant wife.

“What do you think the chances are I can talk her into permanently joining my team?” Chase’s voice was matter of fact, his usual professional self, but his eyes kissed mine from across the room. Talk about a one eighty from the last time I sat in his OR hoping no one caught on to what was between us. There was not a scrub mask big enough to hide what I felt for this man.
Bring on the eye kisses.

Jackson pelted Chase with a dude-are-you-high look. “No offense, Colton, but fat chance.” Only he could get away with that.

Guy seconded the notion. “Yeah, Colton, good luck with that.”

“Hmmm, we’ll see.”

I loved Chase’s confident resolve, but I agreed with the boys.
Fat chance.
His seductive wink told me he knew it, too. Couldn’t blame the man for trying though. Then just like that Chase was all business, head down with those brilliant focused eyes. Dr. Intensity commanded the room.

“Okay, let’s get started.”

The case went smooth as butter. It was amazing to see how the three of them had morphed into a well-oiled machine over the past two months, reading each other’s moves and anticipating every step. Chase would never admit it, but he was seriously unhappy about losing Guy next rotation. On more than one occasion he slipped about what an asset Guy had been and how impressed he was with his surgical skill. Guy was definitely getting a kickass recommendation for his neurosurgery fellowship. I’d make sure of it.

I handled my part like a pro; I was proud of myself. Mid-case, anesthesia briefly woke the patient up so they could do their brain mapping/tumor removing business, while I kept him calm and talking. He was a forty-five year old father of two, ironically from Massachusetts and had the coolest job. Lobster fisherman. I quietly gushed that I’d probably be spending a good amount of time at the Cape next summer, and he promised to hook me up if he made it out of this surgery in one piece. Needless to say, lobsters were in my future. Even before anesthesia put him back to sleep, the surgical team agreed the procedure was a success. No surprise there, Chase had it covered.

Oddly enough, I liked the operating room. Not enough to commit to the neuro service and abandon pediatrics, but enough that I could skip the nervous stomach routine next time the rotation rolled back in my direction. Good thing too, since Chase wasn’t kidding about making up for lost
girl coffees.
And my delivery
girl
made sure to leave her cell number, on the off chance I ever wanted a little breakfast with my morning latte. There were worse ways to wake up; a monotone traffic report was one of them. Thankfully, we were past that. In any case, as much as I loved Chase and trusted him with my deepest and darkest secrets—hell, make that with my life—I’d rather skip the “Don’t waste your money on coffee delivery this week because I’m having a bout of irritable bowel” conversation. Yep, could definitely skip that conversation.

“We’re just about done here. Blue, why don’t you get going? Go get your dad and Sharon to the airport.”

“You sure?” Not like I was doing anything at this point other than listening to Guy and Jackson bullshit while they closed. Still not sure what “closing” entailed exactly, but it always seemed to take forever. Then again, a poor man’s skull was just sawed open. Taking time closing it back up sounded like a solid idea. But I still felt guilty cutting out early.

“Go, we got this.”

He didn’t need to tell me twice. If I hurried, I could spend an extra hour with my dad before he and Sharon took off. I was biting at the bit to share my crazy news from last night. Although I wasn’t quite sure how my dad would respond to that conversation.
Um, Dad, Chase bought me a mini-beach mansion, and
we’re probably going to get married there
.
Isn’t that amazing?
Yeah, I needed to work on my delivery a little more before I picked them up for the airport. Good thing Chase dazzled them this weekend. And not with his money.

I said a quick goodbye to the room and made my way out to wash my hands at the tiny scrub sink area. This operating room had no windows, so I couldn’t see back in, but I heard Chase mumble something about being right back. I smirked. Ten seconds later, warm arms wrapped around my waist as Chase nuzzled deep into my neck.

Mmmm. He smelled crisp, all man. “H-e-y ... you just wasted a surgical gown. They cost a fortune you know.” I giggled. Like I cared about a wasted gown. All I cared about at this very moment were the warm lips brushing against my neck, igniting my fire. Pure heaven.

“Fuck it, I’ll buy the hospital a year’s worth of gowns.” Huh. He probably would. “One more kiss, baby.” Kiss. “Drive safe.” Kiss. “I’ll call when I’m done here.” Kiss. “I love you.”

My lips were suddenly jealous of my neck, so I turned and snaked my arms around him. He was so much bigger than me, but we fit perfectly. “Love you too.” Kiss. “See you later.” Kiss.

His hands automatically found a comfortable resting spot on my ass. I squealed. Not an attractive sound, but it slipped out. “I’m going to be late if I don’t leave soon. I have to stop back at my office first.”

“I just love this ass.”

“It’s all yours ... but later!” I gripped his chiseled cheeks and gave him one last hard kiss. And with that I turned and wiggled my ass all the way down the long corridor. Leanne would have been so proud. Chase chuckled. Best sound ever.

I pit stopped by the recovery room to say a quick hello to Kate. I felt bad she missed my birthday party. She never gave Chase a reason for bailing last minute, but it had to be CJ bullshit, I was sure. She looked awful, like she hadn’t slept all night. And if I had a minute to spare, I would have tried harder to get her to talk to me, but now I really, really had to go. Like now. I gave her a super tight hug and she finally cracked. “I’m sorry, Lil, it’s so screwed up. Can we talk later?”

Damn that sounded cryptic, but then again her whole relationship with the loser was cryptic. Kate needed a LiliSierra-vention stat. Maybe she finally had enough. Good for her, she was too amazing to waste another minute. She deserved her Chase.

I did a quick change out of my (yes, I was still wearing them) hideous brown scrubs and crocs (yes, I caved and got a pair) and back into my solid black pencil skirt (yep, still wearing that too) and heels (ok, those were new).

The elevator was up on eleven. Push. Push. Push. Evidently pushing the button repeatedly didn’t affect the speed of anything. My dad hadn’t called or texted yet. He obviously wasn’t as stressed about missing his flight as I was. Anyway, what was the worst that could happen? They’d miss their flight and have to take the next one, giving us a little extra time together. Time I could use to share my big news.
The love of my life wants to marry me ... at our beach house.
The more I said it, the less crazy it sounded.
Dr. Crazy!

I took a step back from the elevator and smiled. Huge. What was I going to do with my crazy, sweet, possessive, jealous, bossy, sexy, intense, playful, brilliant doctor? No brainer. Marry him one day and live our HEA. My cheeks hurt I was smiling so big. I backed up a little further. Heels and stairs weren’t so bad. Who needed an elevator? And since I’d taken a running hiatus, my calves and ass could benefit from a little toning.

Were his ears burning? His ringtone echoed in the silent stairwell.

“Hi, Dr. Sexy.”
Good choice, right?

“Hey, baby.”

“What, you missed me already? I just left you, what twenty minutes ago?” He laughed at me. “Guess where I am, you’ll be so proud.” Four flights to go, ouch. “I’m only doing it for my ass though.”

“You’re taking the stairs, in those fucking heels. Baby, you trying to kill me?”

“What, before you take me to see our new beach house this weekend? No chance.”

“You say the word, baby, I’ll fly us up there tonight, as long as you promise to keep those fucking shoes on when we christen every damn room. Don’t tempt me. I’m a man of my word.”

I loved how aroused he sounded and that I was the reason.

“Mmm. Sounds tempting. Too bad we have these pesky jobs and all.”

“Who said anything about taking off? I’ll have us back by sunrise tomorrow. That gives you enough time to test the acoustics of half the rooms, depending how loud you scream my name, that is.”

“You’re crazy! We can’t do that!”

“Which part? Getting us back in time tomorrow, or making you come ten times? Because,
yes, I can
.”

Now who was aroused? “Uhh…” For some reason I couldn’t find anything witty to say, my mind was a little preoccupied playing the NC-17 trailer of Chase’s fantasy. Freaking Oscar worthy if you asked me.

“Tell you what, Blue, since you can’t function without sleep the way I can—and don’t even try and deny it, baby—let’s stick with the original plan for this weekend. Better yet, I’ll get us out of here early on Friday, if you promise me one thing?”

“Name it?”

“When I get home tonight, I want you in nothing but those heels and a crotchless thong.”

“Dr. Crazy, that’s two things.” I felt sassy.

Chase made a throaty sound, that seriously sexy noise that shot that delicious ache straight between my legs. “I love that fucking sassy mouth of yours. I’m going to…”

“CJ ... CJ!” Kate’s shrill voice cut Chase off and echoed like nails on a chalkboard through the stairwell. My stomach plummeted. She kept screaming. “Please, please don’t do this ... you need help ... where the hell are you going? CJ ... no!” Her voice was laced with pure fear.

Chase’s voice deepened with the panic I felt. “Blue, what the fuck is going on? Who’s screaming?”

I paused as the sick feeling in my stomach rose.

“Answer me, Blue.”

“I ... I don’t know. I think it’s ... Oh FUCK...”

Kate’s screaming intensified. The heavy steel door crashed against the tile.

My cell slipped from my hand. “Blue!! What the fuck is going on!” Chase’s voice sounded so distant when the glass face shattered in a million pieces. I needed a pause, a fast-forward, a stop. An extra second to process.

What the hell?

His familiar eyes were bloodshot, completely glazed over and about to pop out of his head. They were colorless and frantic. He was so close, too close. His wretched trench mouth mixed with drenching sweat churned the bile rising in my chest. The smell, his stench, was vile. Vomit mixed with body odor. I gagged. Dry heaved. I was so confused. I involuntarily strained my ears, attempting to decipher the mumbling crazed gibberish coming from his mouth.

Oh my god!

Wet noodle. Useless.

Dr. Jennings ... Carl Jennings ... Fucking CJ. It all made sense. Horrible sense.

Pearl size sweat beaded across his forehead. His skin was pale, a putrid shade of green. He looked rabid, like a sick animal. Crazed and high.

As quickly as the door slammed shut, his body slammed into mine, but with a force ten-fold that of steel. It all happened in slow motion.

I closed my eyes. Tight. I imagined stepping onto one of those amusement park rides where I strapped myself to the wall. The lights would go out, the music would start blaring and I would spin. And spin and spin. Faster and faster. No time to feel nauseous. It was too fast. My head cracked against the cold tile. Then the music stopped. Everything stopped.