Beautifully Unbroken (14 page)

“Casey’s not here,” I said quietly, not taking my eyes from the TV.

“I’m not here to see Casey,” he replied in a harsh tone before snatching the remote from me and tossing it to the floor.

I sighed and stood as I headed to the kitchen, knowing exactly why he was here. I opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. When I closed the fridge door, Alex stood waiting for me, arms crossed again.

“What can I do for you, Alex?” I said in annoyance as I walked past him and went back to my position on the couch. I opened the water and took a long gulp.

“I think you know,” he said harshly.

“No, I don’t,” I sighed.

“When are you going to stop being such a bitch and take Blake back?”

“Excuse me?” I asked in shock.

“You’re sitting here miserable, he’s sitting at home miserable,” he snapped. “You both love each other – like,
really
love each other. He has gone out of his way to prove his feelings for you, and we all know that you’re not coping without him.” He sighed and perched himself on the coffee table in front of me. “Casey told me what happened to you four years ago,” he said sadly.

“Oh,” I replied.

“You know, I didn’t realize until Casey told me that we’re not too dissimilar, me and you.” He smiled gently.

“How?” I answered, confused.

“When I walked into my home and found Angela – she was my fiancée before I met Casey – in bed with someone else” – he rubbed his chin roughly – “it felt as though my world had come crashing to an end. I loved her. Well, I had thought I did.” He laughed once. “We were supposed to marry only a few months later. It was all booked; she had gone all out. Nothing we did was cheap; that was how she liked it. I closed myself in, wouldn’t talk to anyone, I had no interest in anything except for getting my clubs up and running and on the map. I had no interest in women whatsoever.

“Then one night Casey walked into my life. Her smile, that laugh.” He smiled fondly. “I fell for her instantly. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. I fell in love with her almost immediately. I was petrified, Jo; scared to death that history would repeat itself. I had trust issues, just like you; I saw all women the same – no one could ever be trusted in my eyes.”

“So how do you know when you meet that one person? The one who is different to anyone else you have ever met?”

Alex laughed once. “You just know. In here” – he tapped his head – “and in here,” he said, moving his hands to cover his heart. “I had never felt so frightened in my life, Jo; I’ll be honest. But now I look back and I know that Casey is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I cannot wait until that day that I place a ring on her finger and she becomes MRS Alex Taylor.”

My eyes filled with tears both happy and sad.

“I know that your past relationship had a more dramatic ending, and if I hadn’t known, I could never have guessed. You do a good job of hiding your emotions, which is why I know you’re hiding them now too. But I know that Blake would never, ever, do anything to hurt you. Not only that, but he loves you with every single bone in his body, Jo. I have never seen him like this. He needs you, and I believe that you need him too. And if he had killed Cooper last week, I don’t think he would have cared what the consequences were, as long as he knew that you were safe.”

I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m so scared, Alex.”

“I know,” he said, softly placing his hands on my knees.

“But you have to face your fears head-on if you are ever going to get over that hurdle that has been taking away your happiness for so long.”

“Do you still think I’m a bitch?” I joked as I wiped my tears.

He smiled. “No, I just needed to get you to listen to me. I think you feel alone, vulnerable, and very afraid. Let him help you get over those hurdles, Jo. Just like Casey helped me. Go tell him how much you love him, please.” With that said, he stood and walked out of the apartment, leaving me alone to think about what I needed to do next.

I had been standing outside Blake’s apartment for over thirty minutes. I knew he was in there; I had heard movement more than once. All I needed to do was knock at the door. Just knock at the door. But my hands felt weighed down by my sides. No matter how much my brain tried to tell me to lift them, they wouldn’t budge; they wouldn’t move even one inch. What if I knocked at the door and Blake slammed it in my face? What if he had got so fed up of my stupid running that he didn’t even want me anymore? But what if I walked away and none of that was true?

“Just knock at the damn door, Jo,” I repeated over and over to myself. “Stop being such a baby and knock at the damn door.”

I knocked. Four sharp raps on the door. I waited. My heart rate picked up at the thought of seeing him again. Suddenly I realized that I hadn’t thought about what I was going to say to him. Would I say hi, or would I just throw myself into his arms? I suppose I would know as soon as he was stood in front of me. It was time to let fate decide what the right thing to do was.

The door opened slowly, and standing in front of me was not who I expected.

“Hi, can I help you?” A blonde, maybe in her early thirties, stood in front of me with a smile plastered widely across her face. She was stunning. Her hair was cut into a short bob, and she had the most amazing jawline – it rivalled Blake’s. She stared back at me with her big blue eyes, waiting for me to speak.

I looked down the hallway. There were no other doors; this was definitely Blake’s apartment.

“I’m looking for Blake,” I said. “This is his apartment, isn’t it?”

“It is, yes,” she said, her smile not faltering.

“Is he here?” What sort of stupid question was that? Of course he was here, and standing in front of me was the woman I had told him to go out and find; someone who could love him, look after him, and care for him. And judging by the fact that little Miss Blondie with her stupid smile stood in front of me wearing an apron with the smell of cooking floating from the kitchen, that’s exactly what he had gone and done. “He’s due back any minute; do you want to come in?” She held the door open for me to enter, her smile still stuck widely on her face.

She was offering me in? Did she even know who I was to Blake?

“No,” I said in defeat. “No, it’s okay, I’m gonna … I’m going to just go,” I said as I stumbled backwards towards the lift.

“Shall I tell him who called?” she called out.

“No” was my only reply as I entered the lift and fell to the floor in tears. He had moved on; I was too late. Me and my stupid fear of getting close to someone had now caused me even more heartache than I was already experiencing. I couldn’t be mad with Blake; he deserved to be happy. He deserved to be with someone who could give him everything that I couldn’t, and little Miss Blondie seemed to fit the criteria perfectly. This time I had well and truly messed up, and there was nothing that I could possibly do about it.

I walked the long distance back to the apartment in a daze.

The rain was lashing down hard, bouncing on the pavements. Thunder angrily rumbled above as the sky would light up with each flash of lightning, but I didn’t care. None of it mattered. My clothes clung to me, soaked right through, but it didn’t matter. None of it mattered any more.

I couldn’t remember crossing a single road or even looking where I was going. Maybe the pain would ease if I got hit by a car; that would at least take the focus off the feeling of the last piece of my heart breaking.

What now? What was I possibly going to do now? I had told Blake to forget me, and he had; he had moved on. I should have felt some sort of relief from seeing her standing there making him happy, cooking for him and caring for him, but I didn’t. All I felt was hurt, and the crushing pain that had been slowly killing me for the past three weeks was back, only now it felt as if the lightning had struck and was slowly zapping everything out of me that I had left.

It served me right. I had pushed and pushed and pushed at him until I could push no more. I had run every time things got tough. I ran from him, and now I was paying for my mistake.

He was going to be happy now; I needed to accept that. It was what I had wanted. It was exactly what I had told him to do, and he had gone along and done it. I should have felt happy that he had finally moved on. But I didn’t, and I didn’t think I ever would.

By the time I arrived home, every inch of me was drenched with rain. After stripping off, I stood under the hot shower and let the water run off me as I cried the last tears that I would for Blake.

It was time to move on. New York had been good, but I couldn’t stay here without Blake by my side.

I sat on my bed dressed in fresh, clean clothes and called the airline. My flight would leave in four hours. That would be the end of my time here in New York.

“I’m sorry, Daddy; I tried. I tried my hardest, but I have to go. I hope you can forgive me. I know you wanted me to stay, but there’s only so many knocks I can take before I fall so hard that I’m incapable of getting back up.” I smiled sadly before placing the photo of us both in my bag.

I was grateful that Casey wasn’t home; I wanted to go without the hassle of anyone trying to stop me. I was weak, and I wanted to go. I was an emotional wreck, and I loved Casey like a sister; I couldn’t stand hearing her begging me to stay for fear that I would cave.

I wrote her a letter along with one for Marcus and left them both on the coffee table.

Calling my mum was the last thing I needed to do before leaving for the airport. It was early evening, and I knew that Mum didn’t sleep all that well; I didn’t want to wake her, but I needed to hear her voice.

“Hi, Mum,” I said quietly.

“Josephine, what is it? Are you okay?” The sound of her voice felt like such a comfort to me, and even though she sounded concerned, her voice soothed me immensely.

“I just needed to hear your voice, Mum,” I said shakily as I scrunched my eyes shut in preparation.

“What is it, darling? What’s happened?” Her voice was etched with concern.

“I’m coming home.”

I heard my mum exhale a short laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous, darling; you have your show coming up in a few weeks. You can’t just up and leave now; what on earth will they think?”

“I need to come home, Mum; I don’t care any more about work. I don’t care about New York or anything that came with it. I’ve had enough; my life here is over. I miss you, and you’re the only person who I need.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Blake has moved on; he’s met someone else.” I swallowed hard, trying not to waste another tear. “I went over there to tell him that I love him. I never even told him that I loved him.” I heard Mum sniff; was she crying? A single tear fell onto my bed. “She’s beautiful, Mum. She’s everything that he needs, and I can’t stay here and see him with her. It’s tearing me apart, and I hate myself for letting it happen. I need to come home.”

“I’m so sorry, darling. But are you sure that she was his girlfriend? I can’t imagine he moved on that quickly; he loved you.”

“She answered the door.” I wiped my tears on my sleeve. “He wasn’t there, but she was cooking for him. They have been together two minutes, and she was cooking his dinner. I never even did that for him,” I sobbed.

“So she introduced herself as his girlfriend?”

“She didn’t have to; I know what I saw. God, Mum, it hurts so much.”

The line went silent. Mum was all out of words.

“My flight leaves in ninety minutes, Mum. I need to get to the airport.”

“Are you sure that you are doing the right thing?”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “I’ll see you in about nine hours, Mum. I love you.”

I turned off my phone and left it next to the letters that I had left for Casey and Marcus before writing my third and final letter, this one for Blake. I explained how sorry I was that I had waited this long to realize how much I loved him and that I would never forget him no matter how hard I tried. I took one last look around the apartment and placed my keys on the breakfast bar.

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the apartment.

“Jo.”

My attention was immediately pulled to Cooper, who had just stepped out of the lift. Panicking, I stepped back into the apartment, but Cooper was there holding the door open before I had a chance to shut him out.

“Move,” I said through gritted teeth.

“We need to talk,” he said desperately.

“I have nothing to say to you. You either move right now or I call the police.”

“Jo, please, let me explain. I didn’t know what I had given you; I didn’t know what would happen to you after taking it. Please, you have to listen to me,” he pleaded.

“You look a mess,” I said, observing the numerous cuts and bruises that graced his face.

“Yeah, well, I deserved worse; I got off lightly.”

“How far would you have gone if Blake hadn’t shown up?”

“I never meant to hurt you, Jo; you have to believe me. I would never, ever hurt you. Please can we talk?”

“How far?” I asked again firmly.

“I don’t know what happened, Jo; I got lost in the moment. You were there grinding your ass against me; I just … I just lost it. Look, I just need to know that we’re okay. Please, Jo.”