Beauty (19 page)

Wishing the fat away wouldn’t work anymore, but a few more days at this pace, plus not eating, there was no way I wouldn’t lose something.
The witch would never have me. I wasn’t going back to being fat…ever.

I jogged with my mind empty and my body numb. The more I sweated the faster I ran, my heart pounding so quickly that it started to skip a beat, hindering my breathing. When my sides finally pinched I was
back to
within two blocks of my dorm room and I slowed, exhausted and drenched.

I recognized the black car before it hit brakes and slowed
as well
, waiting for me for me to catch up at the intersection. I didn’t want to see her
.
I was still pissed about the night before.
She should have asked me before just calling him over
;
my body was not hers to give.

It was hard not to smile back as I stopped on the driver’s side, taking the yellow dress she handed me.

“Look at you…” she giggled at the sweat dripping from my hair and face. “Getting in shape I take it…”

“Yeah…something like that…” I kicked my toe through the loose gravel
coating the pavement
, working up my nerve.

“About last night…” she started and then stopped, guilt in her features now.

“Yeah…who was that guy?” I asked, meeting her stare. “Did he even use protection? Why didn’t you ask me first? After Jeremy and the party…I thought you of all people…”

“Eve…I’m sorry. Darius…my connect…he comes to collect every day…I told you that. I have to pay him, no excuses. I couldn’t front you, so he…did me a favor…”

“Did
you
a favor…?! Yeah…by fucking
me
…” I forced a laugh, my head shaking in disbelief.

“You got what you wanted didn’t you… I was just looking out…” Becca defended, slamming the gear into park.

“Look I’m not trying to argue. What’s done is done…”

“But I don’t want to lose a friend…” Becca interrupted, grabbing for my hand.

“I’m just in my feelings today. Last night…before the guy…Darius I mean. It was…”

“Like nothing you’ve ever felt before?” she grinned, nodding in understanding. “
You should try Heroin.”

I
s she serious?!

“Uh…no thanks,” I answered quickly, pushing the twinge of intrigue out of my mind
before it took root
.

“Well let me make it up to you…last night… You remember Molly and Madison…”

“The strippers…?”

“They’re not just strippers Eve… They both go here actually….stripping is paying their way through school.”

“Okay…sorry. What about them?”
I asked, not really caring for a history lesson on the two lesbian airheads I’d met my first night at The Sweet Spot.

“They’ve got tickets to this killer rave happening tonight…pretty exclusive, some hot band is performing live and I want you to go with us. It’s usually not my thing,” she shrugged at the doubtful expression I already wore. “But I can unlo
ad what Darius brought me this morning
, and be set until fall semester. These things don’t happen often, and I don’t want to go alone…”

“I thought you just said…”

“Yeah they’re going too…they have the tickets. But you saw them in the car…all over each other,” she giggled in embarrassment, my face probably matching the crimson in her cheeks as I thought about our night together. “I just hate being the third wheel and all that…”

“I know how that feels,” I muttered, wiping the sweat from my brow with the top of my shirt.

“Just a few hours and then we can go…” Becca pleaded, her hands cla
sped together as if she were praying.

“Becca…” I sighed thinking about the tiny bit of coke I had left in my room.

I hadn’t done so well at the first party I went to. A rave sounded like even more trouble, not to mention riding across town in a car carrying illegal drugs. I couldn’t do it when I was fat, and I couldn’t do it now. I felt better about myself just having a friend as hot as Becca was.
I didn’t want to lose her by saying no
.

“Okay…”
I agreed
hesitantly, back
ing
away from the car as she threw the gear in drive again.

“My place at ten!” she called with her hand thrown out the window in a wave.

“Sure thing,” I muttered to myself, trudging the rest of the way up the hill towards my dorm.

The ball was tonight…I’d forgotten about that. Abbey and Buster would be there, and so would Michael. Panic and guilt mingled together as my stomach tightened at the thought of being in the same room as the three of them. Abbey and Buster hadn’t bothered to text, call or email me again after their last visit and once Michael told them about what happened this morning… I just couldn’t face him again…not yet. George
would be sad, but I’d make him understand when I visited tomorrow.

Chapter 18*

My mood had lightened considerably by the time I got to Becca’s apartment complex. The slinky black dress I wore had something to do with it, but my new weight on the scale was the reason my smile was so wide when we finally climbed in her car. I’d lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself, my stomach shrinking to more of a pooch again instead of a gelatinous roll. Not eating in the last three days probably had more to do with that than my jog
earlier
, but I honestly wasn’t hungry.
I hadn’t been for days.
I was down to two Adderall pills and enough coke to last me another four lines, but I had a plan now, and I wouldn’t be low for long.

“Try this…” Molly offered, holding her cupped hand over the passenger seat just in front of my face.

In the dark I could see nothing more than a small black lump, and I shook my head remembering all the horrific side effects of the pills Becca had showed me.

“No seriously…try it…” Madison encourage
d
, handing one to Becca. “You can’t do a rave without one.”

“Shrooms,” Becca shrugged, swallowing hers whole before pulling out the blunt she’d rolled before we left.

I took the one Molly still offered, sniffing it before placing it on my tongue. The flesh was smooth with a hint of bitterness to it. I swallowed hard once and almost gagged as it caught in my throat, sliding slowly down my wind pipe.

“Now thi
s…” Becca held the lit blunt for
me to take, her concentration on dodging in and out of traffic.

“I don’t know if mixing is such a good idea…” I protested, holding
the blunt in my pinched finger
tips.

“
It’ll dull the effects of the shrooms until we get to the rave. You don’t want to start tripping while we’re driving. Things already get crazy in your head, but with moving traffic all around you…”

“Yeah…not a good idea,” Molly giggled, pushing my hand so that the blunt was in front of my face.

I felt nothing. No rush, no high, just slightly buzzed from the line of coke I’d snorted before leaving my dorm. My lips pulled hard on the end of the blunt, hot smoke sing
e
ing the back of my already dry throat
,
sending me into a fit of coughs. The smell of the bud suddenly reminded me of Jeremy’s party and I turned my head towards the window so that none of them could see my face. I pulled hard on the blunt again before passing it to the back, holding the smoke
in
this time until the burn became too much.

We drove in silence until we reached our exit, the blunt passing between the four of us until it was down to a nub so tiny I couldn’t hold it without burning the tips of my fingers. Becca finished it off, tossing it out the window ju
st before we pulled alongside
of what loo
ked like an abandoned warehouse. I would have questioned if we
were
at the right place, but there were cars everywhere, arranged in neat little rows as if there were an actual parking lot instead of the field we drove through looking for a space.

“If we get separated, we meet back here at the car at two a.m., no excuses. Don’t take your phone or anything you don’t want to lose. Stay away from anything that looks like a fight, and don’t ask anyone if they’re looking…if they are they’ll find me.”

Becca continued to rattle off rules as she parked the car, checking her lipstick and hair before climbing out. I was barely listening. A glow was starting from the inside of my body out and it was all I could do to hold still, my feet tipping over grass that felt softer than clouds looked.

The weed was good. So good in fact that I was starting to feel horny, happy and excited all at once and for no reason
at all
. I’d checked my appearance a million and one times before leaving, but I suddenly felt prettier, skinnier, and ready to dance. I followed behind Becca, Molly and Madison in front of us as we made our way to a sliding metal door that l
ooked like it was rusted shut.
There was definitely a party going on here. The blare of the band was so loud that I co
vered my ears when the door cranked
open, a giant of a man
–dressed in all black—
towering over all of us. I couldn’t hear the short exchange that took place between Molly and Madison, but four
blank
yellow cards were handed over and we were in.

Lights, colors, music and just plain noise assaulted my senses all at once and I was suddenly skidding along a bonafide rainbow, the floor beneath me even joining in the constantly changing scheme.
My body moved with the crush of the crowd we fought against, neon lit drinks appearing in our hands as if by magic. The place was huge, and Becca wasted no time, skillfully trading pills for cash every few feet. I couldn’t tell how they knew that she had goods on her, but it seemed like after the first few people, there was a line following us, pushing me aside to get to her.

It was dizzying trying to keep up with the flashes of her red hair in the crowd, while admiring all the pretty colors that enveloped me. My body was being bumped further and further in, my hands pinned at my sides until I lifted them high in the air. Warm breath was suddenly on my bare shoulders and arms, hands sliding up to mine, pressing something there. My fists closed and I was spun around, my eyes locking with dark black ones staring back at me.

He hadn’t asked to dance, he just moved me, his hands on my waist, gripping my butt pulling me to him. I was instantly loose, practically limp as I waved the neon green light wands he’d given me in front of my face. It was all too funny, and I laughed, the sound swallowed up by the thump of the music assaulting us. So this was tripping…

It was different than coke, and way dif
ferent than Adderall. I wanted
to cry with joy because life was suddenly so beautiful, but I was also on the brink of weeping at the fact that I was for once just like everybody els
e. Skinny bitches, I’d called those girl
s
when I saw them leaving the dorm on a Friday night, scantily clad and looking absolutely perfect. But I was proud to be a skinny bitch tonight, my hips swinging, and legs dipping so that my mouth hovered seductively at the stranger
’
s crotch for a second before I pushed myself back up.

Tw
o warm bodies pressed against me
now, and I turned, shocked to see that another man was vying for my attention. Somewhere in my mind I knew it was the trip making their faces turn blue, then purple,
then green, but it was suddenly an epidemic
,
everyone around me contaminated with ever changing colors. I marveled in wonder
,
my eyes closed and my head
throw
n
back so that my
own
fac
e could catch the same disease.

The man behind me shouted something in my ear and I shrugged, shaking my head to let him know that I couldn’t hear him. I was jumping now, bouncing in time to the music, the light wands in my fists flinging wildly about when his hand closed on my shoulders, pressing. My eyes followed his downward point and I would have stumbled back if
the second guy hadn’t been still plastered to my back. He had exposed himself, a stiff erection standing between us boasting its own color.

I was tripping, but I wasn’t dumb.
If
Becca
had come here to make money, then
so was I. I resisted his push
,
rubbing my thumb quickly against the rest of my fingers to indicate that it would cost him. The color of his face instantly changed from teal to red and I smiled wide when he produced a wad of cash from his back pocket. I didn’t bother to count it, I was on my knees, swallowed by the crowd around me, sucking on beautifulness.

*********

Selling my body again had not been in the plan. After the first guy there was another wanting the same thing, and then another. After four I lost count, my little black dress becoming tighter up top from the cash I stuffed between my breasts, but like a second skin from my ribs down
,
from the weight that seemed to expand me as I was passed around. By the time Becca found me again I was slumped over on the floor, my head in some guy
’
s lap that hadn’t paid me yet.