Beauty in Disguise (19 page)

“I would enjoy sitting out the dance with you, but you know if I sit down, that spoiled charge of yours will come grab me with a pretext of some sort that starts with, ‘Oh, my lord...’”

She smiled at his observation, wishing things could be different. He had certainly lost his antagonism toward her, but she knew he was not enjoying the party. She was probably the least objectionable person he could find. “That will be nothing to what you will hear should you stand up with her companion! I daresay she will swoon, too vexed to be so embarrassed.”

“Kathryn, I do not tease you. The music is beginning, and I would like you to dance with me.” He reached for her hand, but she shook her head no. He gently coaxed her from her seat, and Kathryn was caught in his eyes. Before she knew it, he was placing one hand on her waist. It was a waltz!

“Lord Dalton, I cannot. You do not understand. I am clumsy. I will embarrass you. Please...”

“Hush! You are doing admirably.” Kathryn did not know what to do. All she dreamed about lately was being in his strong arms as she had been after the attack, sitting on a tree branch, safe from all harm. Now she was in his arms, and safe was the last thing she felt. She kept her head lowered, physically willing the big awkward shoes to move in the steps.

“Now, had I wished for a silent partner, I suppose that octogenarian across the room—I cannot recall her name—would have been happy to oblige me.”

Kathryn could not credit the change in his manner. “
Mrs. Henry
would have been a far better choice, I assure you, and for more reasons than one.”

She said the last a little more seriously. Charity would certainly ring a peal over her on the morrow. She looked down again, concentrating carefully on her steps. The waltz was her favorite dance, and she had not forgotten it. The shoes she wore, however, did not allow for graceful spinning around the dance floor.

He lifted her chin with their clasped hands. “Do you fear repercussions from your employer for dancing with me? Great guns! Why must everyone walk on eggshells around that girl?”

Kathryn actually did trip listening to the vehemence in his voice, but he quickly righted her in the steps without thought. “My lord, I am sorry if I led you to believe that. Charity will no doubt recount the tale for the next few days and continually mention that she had never been more embarrassed in her life.” She smiled as she lowered her gaze, but only to his chest. “Charity’s diatribes quite roll off my back.”

“That relieves my mind excessively,” he said, attempting to avoid another couple twirling by. Kathryn stumbled again.

They danced in silence for a few moments, but it was not awkward. At least not on her part. Outside of the shoes that made dancing almost impossible, it was too easy to remember their dances of such a long time ago. He may be merely acting polite, but for this moment she did not care.

“Kathryn,” he said, and even her name on his lips felt completely familiar. “I suppose we should leave following breakfast in the morning?”

“Oh, dear, I had not thought about that. I must be sure to be gone before Charity and Lady Dinsmore are awake. They cannot know I am leaving the house the same time as you.” She thought of something else. “I think no one must know it. The servants will surely talk about such things, and Lady Dinsmore’s maid could tell her.”

“How do you usually travel on your day off?”

“I do
not
travel, my lord, unless I wish to take Lacey and Jacob with me on an adventure. Sir John allows me the use of the pony cart or his carriage if he has no need of it. Otherwise, I walk and visit some of the tenants.”

She saw a tic in his jaw and wondered if she had angered him again. “I suspect the ladies will sleep late after tonight. Do you suppose you would be able to eat breakfast at the least?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Then why do you not leave on foot in the direction you normally go, and I shall meet you where you tell me in my carriage.”

“Very well.” She would not look at him. “I am sorry if it will put you out.”

“Shall we say nine of the clock, then?”

“Yes, thank you.”

He seemed as intent on silence for the remainder of the dance as she. He appeared angry, but she was not sure if it was directed toward her. She had little time to think on it as her own thoughts crowded in.

Tomorrow was the day she would see her father. But even before that, she had to be sure she left the house unobtrusively. She would be mortified if anyone thought she was to spend her day off with Lord Dalton.

And what would they talk of during the drive? She feared a return of his antagonism or worse, awkward silence. But whatever the journey, her father waited at the end of it. Had she believed God heard her prayers, she would definitely have asked Him to allow a softening in her father’s heart that might one day lead to a reconciliation.

As Lord Dalton returned her to her chair, his proper manners returned and he thanked her prettily for the dance and bowed low over her hand. She thought she heard him whisper that he looked forward to the morrow, but as Charity arrived to whisk him away, she could not be sure.

* * *

“Oh, Lord Dalton!” she interrupted with barely contained anger. “I knew you would never have left me a wallflower when it was you who specifically asked for this dance.”

The self-centered chit sneered at Kathryn, as if saying she would be dealt with later. But she smiled adoringly up at him as she put her hand in his arm and curtsied.

The derision in her voice was patently obvious, and that she assumed the woman did not hear it or understand it infuriated Dalton. He was very close to ending his stay by telling the spoiled brat exactly what he thought of her! But he simply bowed to Kathryn and walked away on Charity’s arm.

He had just learned she never left the manor, even on her half days. A pony cart, indeed! Lady Kathryn was
allowed
the pony cart! He was furious and afraid he had been curt with her at their parting.

Much later, Dalton sat in the darkened library nursing a glass of brandy and envisioning a bleak future. The brandy had barely been touched; he could not say the same for his heart. The party had been a dismal affair. To own the truth, he had been in no mood to put a false smile on his lips and be introduced as one of Charity’s “dearest friends.” He desired nothing more than to cut the girl directly, but he was a gentleman in
her
house so he kept a quiet tongue in his head and prayed for the evening to be over.

He was glad of Kathryn’s presence there. He felt their connection and was saddened that the only time he was able to converse with her was the one time they danced.

So when the last guest departed and the family had taken to their beds, he remained in the library sipping his brandy as he paced in front of the fire. The movement allowed him to release nervous energy rising in him. He would take Kathryn to see her father, but he could not see clearly beyond that.

He was not even sure he wanted to see beyond that. They had silently and mutually declared a truce this evening. But was it only for
this
evening? He thought not, at least on his part. His mother had begged him not to become bitter, and he realized she was right. He only hurt himself each time he said something to crush Kathryn’s spirit. Scripture said it best in Ephesians:
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another...”

Tomorrow he must ask for her forgiveness. He imagined it would be a day they would not soon forget.

* * *

The next morning he picked up Kathryn, cloaked and hooded, in the lane in front of neat cottages. He got down to hand her into the carriage, climbed in after her and seated himself across from her.

She seemed reticent, almost
shy!

She slowly lowered the hood of her cloak, and he felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. She did not wear her disguise! He had never forgotten how beautiful she was, but she was a woman now. She took his breath away.

He could not imagine how all of the hardship she had lived through did not show on her face. But the sun that came through the windows to shine on her showed nothing but radiance. Her black hair fell in curls from a ribbon atop her head, and her skin was flawless. But her eyes—those remarkable sapphire eyes—were the windows into her soul. He saw the uncertainty in them, the fear of being exposed to him as herself.

He must not succumb to the desire to pull her into his arms and hold her as he had after her attack, before his world turned upside down and he recognized her. She must be made comfortable and allowed to savor the time with her father.

“Good morning, Kathryn. I am sorry you had to walk so far before I could take you up. Indeed, it makes me quite angry that you are not free to do as you please.”

“My lord, if I am not angry about it, why should you be?”

“Because you will not be angry for yourself.”

“It is of little import to me. I hereby free you from being angry
for
me!” She smiled. “What a silly conversation.”

“It is not silly. I should be permitted to escort you somewhere on your day off. Openly! If others do not understand it, so be it.”

She became very quiet. “It is not about you or me. It is about perception. How quickly you forget. If I were not already ruined, I would now be so. The only difference from the first time is that I am in your carriage.”

He did not hear any sarcasm or anger, only the truth that he knew as well as she did, and its impact struck home. Had he not turned away in disgust only days ago when she told him she had eloped with Salford? That she had spent days in the carriage alone with him?
Lord, I have much to answer for
.

“I am sorry, Lord Dalton. I did not intend that the trip start out on such a note. I spoke without thinking.”

“You must not apologize, Kathryn. I am so sorry for my words and actions on discovering your identity that night on the bridge. I am sorry for the circumstance that brought you to this place in your life.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I have been too angry to see the woman who took the hardships life dealt you. And you not only survived, but became stronger because of them.”

He saw the tears well in her eyes and thought of all the times they must have been there throughout her life, hidden by a pair of blue spectacles.

“I thank you for the kind words, my lord, but they are unnecessary.”

“I assure you they are long overdue. I apologize for my behavior to you when I returned to Trotton. I have no excuse except for excessive pride.”

“You said nothing I did not deserve. I do not hold that against you.”

“No. What right have I to judge you or anyone else? That was only the most recent event in my life that I am not proud of. Had you known of the others, you might have planted me a facer for the way I treated you.” He stared into her intense blue eyes, trying to emphasize his feelings. “I have asked for God’s forgiveness, and now I seek yours.”

“You have it, Lord Dalton. I think we need not discuss it any further.”

She turned to view the passing landscape, but he could not look away from her. How could he have been so blind as to let a wig and spectacles hide her face from him? It was the face that haunted his dreams during battle. His anger and hurt had kept him from trusting, nay, loving another woman. Though the dreams had been nightmares, he remembered every inch of her face.

Two lives and nine years wasted in hurt and anger.

He let several miles pass in silence, but he finally had to ask her what tortured his heart. It might be the only opportunity he ever received. “Kathryn?”

She turned to him with a question in her eyes.

“May I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“You may tell me if you do not wish to talk about it.”

She looked a little more wary, but answered, “Very well, my lord.”

“Must we remain so formal?” He was stalling; he did not want to break the thin layer of their new relationship.

“I think so, sir. I go back to life as a companion. It took me long enough to lose the habit—I must not start it again.”

He realized he did not have the slightest idea what that one decision on her part cost her. He would wait no longer.

“I wonder if you would tell me about...why Salford over me?”

Chapter Fourteen

S
he closed her eyes for one second, then opened them and turned back to the window. Of course he would want to know. Somehow it always came down to reliving the past, never moving on, and never settled. She would tell him, then she would never think on it again.

“It is not so...straightforward. Indeed, I did not choose him
over
you. Sometimes I think I did not
choose
him at all.” She rubbed her furrowed brow. “No, that makes it sound as if I had no culpability. I chose to go with him of my own accord.” She could not look at him as she relived this.

“Lord Dalton, I was young and stupid.” She held up her hand to stop his denial. “That is not my defense. There is no defense for what I did. I only use my age as a sign of...inexperience.” She realized she could not tell this story without explaining her feelings for him at that time, and she became embarrassed.

“Kathryn, I am sorry. I am being a boor, and you need not explain anything to me.”

“I think it will be best if everything is out in the open. I know my father will certainly want explanations, so we will finish this.

“You were every girl’s dream. You made me feel safe, and you made me feel important. But I never felt that you loved me. In truth, I sometimes felt I was the little sister you never had.” She heard him groan. “I do not know how many times I may use inexperience as an excuse, but I thought two people just...knew.” Her eyes welled up with tears again, but she hoped he could not see them.

“I know now that you must have been protecting my name from being bandied about. I felt you were feeding me sugar cubes as you did Jezebel, until I trusted you.” The tears fell now. “I only knew I loved you.”