Because of You (2 page)

At least that’s what my shrink says. I have my doubts, but I want to believe she’s right. She’s the one who convinced me to get a tattoo. I was fourteen the first time. Yeah, she isn’t the typical therapist, but then I wasn’t the typical fourteen-year-old.

Tony rips more plastic and mixes the ink, placing different colors of purple, indigo, and yellow in ink caps. He gets a cup and fills it with distilled water, which will be used for cleaning the needles, and turns on the gun.

“Ready?” he asks, rubbing a little ointment over my skin. It’ll help the needle slide around more easily.

I stare into his face. “Yes,” I say, and mean it. I’m more than ready. My body is desperate.

“I guess I don’t need to tell you to hold still.” He stands above me, hovering like a gigantic apparition, his face intense with focus.

“I won’t move, Tony,” I grit out.

He looks at me when I say his name and a quiet tenderness softens his features. “Alright, here we go.”

The first seconds are white-hot pain so intense it takes my breath away. Which is exactly what I want. Because in the next second I close my eyes, inhale deeply, and sink into bliss.

Kyle

onight’s been full of surprises. First, two girls invite me to be the third body in their
ménage a trois
.

“
Ménage a
what?” I ask, forking some chicken and sticking it in my mouth.

Evan, who’s sitting next to me at the table, slaps me upside the head. “Don’t be an ass, Kyle.”

The one who introduced herself as Baby slides a hand under my t-shirt and says, “You, me, and Beth. You know. A threesome?”

I set down my fork. Lean back in the cafeteria chair. The room is animated with the excitement of new freshmen. The smell of coffee and garlic bread hangs in the air.

“Yeah, you know,” Evan utters, smacking my knee with his.

I’ve known Evan my whole life. He’s my cousin. After my father died his parents took me in, and we’ve been close ever since. He’s an asshole. Likes his own space. We live in side-by-side apartments instead of with each other or ten minutes away with his mom and dad. Which is cool by me, especially at times like these. Fresh meat. The whole reason we decided to have dinner on campus.

“Right.” Of course I’ve heard of threesomes. It’s not like I’ve been living under a rock. But contrary to what most people think, or at least Evan, it isn’t something I usually care about. Now that the opportunity has presented itself, I’m certainly interested.

Beth chimes in, “Baby is mine, but she likes guys and girls. We picked you together. You’re our number one choice.” She smiles, her eyes on Baby. Baby’s eyes and hands are all over me. I get the feeling Beth doesn’t want to be a part of this, but she’s doing it for Baby.

“You chose him because you haven’t feasted your eyes on this.” Evan raises his shirt and touches his rock hard abs.

A group of girls, each carrying a tray of food, walks by. They squeal their approval in unison for Evan’s nakedness.

I chuckle. Now he’ll be worse than unbearable. The fact is Evan and I look alike—same dark hair, same square jaw. It’s probably because our fathers were brothers and they looked alike.

Beth scoffs.

Baby laughs. “You’re cute, Evan, but I—we,” she quickly glances at Beth, “want Kyle.”

Evan leans back in his orange chair and snorts. “That’s because you don’t know what you’re missin’, ladies.” He proceeds to stand and make obscene gestures.

I can’t help but laugh. Evan’s an idiot, and he thinks way too highly of himself.

Baby and Beth get up from the table. They hadn’t picked up food so they didn’t have trays. “Later tonight? We’ll catch up with you at the Sigma Nu party?” Baby winks.

I can’t help but wonder why she calls herself Baby. She is nothing like one.

“We on?” Beth asks.

I clear my throat again. “Who am I to deny two pretty girls?” Shrug unapologetically.

“Cool,” Beth adds.

Baby squeals.

Beth puts her hand on Baby’s waist and they walk out of the cafeteria. It’s then that I really check out what they’re wearing: short skirts, socks that go to the middle of their thighs, and black shirts. They could almost be twins.

Evan whistles, following the girls with his eyes. “Holy shit, bro. You’re so lucky.”

I shrug and take another bite of chicken.

“Verge is bringing over party favors tonight. Care to partake before we hit the party?”

I shrug. “Nah. I’ll catch up with you after though.”

“Whatever, dude. You’re so squeaky clean. Makes me wonder if we’re actually related.” He chuckles. Slaps me upside the head again. “Have you seen Pudgy Mudgy?”

I drop my fork. Swallow the lump of chicken. It goes down hard. “Maddie,” I correct.

He snorts. “Yes. Maddie,” he says, his voice laced with sarcasm. “She’s registered. A UBS freshman.”

I calmly put my hands on my thighs, but I’m not feeling calm, not at all.

When we were younger, Evan and some other kids called Maddie “Pudgy Mudgy.” It annoyed the hell out of me then and it still does.

“I mean it. Don’t call her that.”

“Fine. It looks like she’s going to be taking English with Ms. Spears. How you gonna handle it?”

He’s smirking, and I want to punch him. I also want to ask him how he knows her schedule, but I’ve learned that with Evan, the less I know the better. Of course, he’s suggested many times that I go into business with him. The thing is, I know that whatever he’s into, it’s shady, and I have no desire to walk down that road.

“Great. That’s great,” I growl between gritted teeth.

Because it is great and frustrating and exciting and irritating. I knew she graduated this year, and I hoped she would choose to go to college here. It’s stupid, but I’ve thought about Maddie a lot. Especially lately. She was my best friend. We hung out every day, up until her parents were killed.

All of these feelings… Shock? Happiness? Anger? All three at once? I can’t even begin to come up with a word to describe what’s coursing through my body. I have so many questions. Like, why the hell did she stop talking to me? Why didn’t she respond to any of my letters? She’d listened to me moan about not having a mother, about what a prick my father was. All the shit he put me through. I stood up for her when other kids were assholes. How could she stop being my friend?

“I’ve got to go.” Without waiting for a response, I run to my Jeep. Head back to my apartment.

Inside I walk to the piano. It’s thirty minutes of endless playing before I’m able to calm down. I’ve decided to stay cool. It’s been seven years.

Maddie

have a thing for firsts. First day of school. First crush. First tattoo. Once, a long time ago, I made a promise to a boy that all of my firsts would be with him. But that was before…