Because (Seven Year Itch #4) (14 page)

I wasn’t sure what that meant, but after seeing Shay again, I know I have to try.

Three days later I’m staring at a dating profile on the computer. Cara and Toby are behind me, both waiting for me to hit the button that will put me out there for all to see. They claim this has to be done before I can be sure I’m ready to commit to my marriage one-hundred percent. I think they’re being ridiculous. Just because I’ve looked in the past doesn’t mean I’ve ever touched. “Are you sure this is the best idea? What if Shay sees it?”

“Seriously? Just do it. You can delete it after one date.”

As stupid as the idea is, I hit the accept button and watch the screen fill with potential women I may be interested in.

I moved to the side and let Toby and Cara sit down to select the best candidate. “Okay, she has to be smoking hot,” Cara states.

“And like kids,” Toby adds.

“We don’t want slutty,” Cara deletes a few she passes.

I roll my eyes as I stand up and leave the room. If they think I’m going to talk to any of these strange women they’re mistaken. This won’t win back my wife.

They kept on the search for my date even after I leave their apartment. While on my way home to my parents’ place, I swing by the house I once shared with Shay and Ab. The light is on in the kitchen so I know she’s still awake. I pull the car over on the shoulder of the road and stare into the window to catch a glimpse.

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I step out and walk up the porch steps. I see her just as I knock two times lightly. Shay comes to the door and cracks it open. “Bran, is something wrong?”

“Do you think we can talk?” I ask.

“It’s not a good idea. I just put Ab to bed.”

“Come outside then. We can sit here on the porch.”

She contemplates it for a second and then finally gives in. She sits on the step next to me and places her hands on her knees. “What’s up? Is it about the other night at the bar? I just want you to know I never go there. It was a one-time thing. My friend suggested it.”

“It’s not about that, although seeing you made my night.”

“I’m sure there were other women more attractive.”

“I didn’t notice. Once I laid eyes on you the earth stopped spinning.”

It’s quiet for a second. I’ve rendered her speechless.

“Shay, I haven’t been able to get you off my mind since seeing you. I stopped by tonight to ask if you’d want to be my plus one for Toby’s wedding. It’s a month away, so I don’t need an answer now. I just thought I’d throw it out there.”

“It’s probably not a good idea, Bran. Your friends haven’t liked me for a long time.”

“You’re wrong.” She was spot on, but people can change. Shay was strong enough to leave me. She knows what she wants. I can tell she’s not the fragile woman I fought with every single night. Something is very different. “Will you at least think about it? The invite was addressed to both of us.” It really wasn’t, but only because we were already separated. “It’s just a wedding. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage.”

After I say it I sit there with my foot in my mouth. It’s uncomfortable to know I’ve taken the conversation and fucked it to hell that quickly. This is exactly the kind of changes I still need to make. Maybe Toby was right. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

“No. It’s fine.” She sort of laughs to herself. “Remember when you proposed? We were outside of that pawn shop after you finally paid off the ring you bought me.”

“I remember. You never let me forget it. You said I was the most unromantic man on the planet, but you’d still be my wife.”

She cackles and shakes her head. “Maybe that ring was cursed. It was probably pawned by some asshole who cheated all the time and took his wife for granted.”

I know she means this as a joke, but I take it as a kick to the balls.  “Yeah, probably.”

I stand, because lets face it, I’m down in the dumps. “Please consider joining me. No strings attached. My parents will be there and Ab of course. I’m sure she’d love it if you came.”

This time I get a smile. “Yeah, I guess it will be okay. Only for the wedding and reception though. As friends.”

“I can handle that. Scouts honor, I won’t try to pull anything funny on you.”

“Then it’s a date, well sort of. I’ll go with you and Aberdeen to the wedding. This changes nothing. I need to know that’s going to be okay with you.”

I stick my hands in my pockets to keep them busy. I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms, but I know it’s not feasible. “Thanks, Shay. I look forward to it.”

Before I can stick my foot further in my mouth, I spin around and head to my car. I hear the kitchen door shut and know she’s gone inside. I wouldn’t call this progress, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction.

Chapter 22

“I think I’ve made a big mistake,” I tell Char. I call her immediately following my visit from Brandon.

“Why, what did you do?”

“Well, Brandon stopped by and asked me to be his plus one for our high school friend’s wedding. Ab is going too, and his parents, so it’s not like we’ll be alone. Plus he’s in the wedding. He’ll have to sit at the head table and do wedding things.”

“You said you wanted to eventually do things as a family. Why not start with the wedding. It’s only a mistake if you make it one, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Look, if it’s bothering you this much you have time to back out.”

“True.”

“So, it’s probably the wrong time to tell you this, but I was on that dating site you want nothing to do with and I swear I just got matched to your husband.”

My heart drops. I feel like I’m going to throw up. “What?”

“It just popped up tonight. I’m thinking it’s a new profile. Trust me, I’ve gone through a ton of people who weren’t worth my time. Every now and again I get a new notification. It only works if he swipes to the right that he thinks I’m interesting.”

“Or attractive,” I cringe as I say it.

“Yeah, well I’m not telling you this to piss you off. If you’re considering going to a wedding as friends it will only help it stay that way. I’m going to ignore him, but I wanted you to know.”

Then it hits me. For over seven years I’ve been suspicious of Brandon cheating. Even with us not being together, he’s still giving me the impression he wants to fix things. If he’s on some dating site to meet women, this only proves he’s still the liar I assume he is. “Don’t ignore it.”

“Shay, I have a boyfriend now. It’s not super serious, but I don’t want him thinking I’m active on that site again.”

“I need a favor. That’s all it is. You can tell Shawn if you need to.”

“No. I already know what you’re going to say and you’re crazy. I’m not doing that.”

“Swipe right. See if he responds to you. Can’t you chat first?”

“You’re asking me to spy on your ex-husband. Why?”

“Let’s just say I need to know. It’s something that has bothered me for a very long time. I used to know his password to his social media accounts. I know he’s talked to other girls, but I could never prove it went further than that. Just see what he says to you.”

I hear her sigh. She’s not happy about this, but I won’t back down. “I have a better idea.”

“What could be better than finally knowing the truth?” I ask.

“Learning it yourself. I’ll give you my username and password. You talk to him and find out whatever your little twisted heart desires.” She snickers. “Have at it.”

I think about it for a few seconds. It’s actually not a terrible idea. I won’t have to share my pain when I discover the reality of what I’ve feared for so long. Sure, we’re separated. If he wants to date I can’t stop him, but at the same time it’s only been a month, and he’s still pushing me to reconcile. He can’t have both. “Okay.”

“I’ll text you my info when we hang up. Good luck with whatever you’re looking for. I’m here if you need to talk about it.”

“Thanks. I appreciate your help. I’ll talk to you soon.”

We hang up and I wait for her log on information. I’ve never been the type of person to trust online dating services, probably because I truly believed I’d met my forever husband early on. I never felt the need to look anywhere else. It scares me. I refuse to trust people on the other side of a screen, but in this circumstance I’m willing to go against everything I believe to find out what kind of person I’ve been married to all these years.

As soon as she provides me with the information I download the app to my phone and get on the site. Sure enough it’s him. Not only is it a picture I have around the house of him, but it clearly says his first name. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. I respect Char for being honest and telling me about it. She could have saved me from being miserable, although at the moment I’m more determined and annoyed than anything else.

I swipe right and it allows me to send him a private message. I wonder if he gets an immediate match notification since I said I liked his picture. While I wait, I type a short note to see if he bites.

You’re very attractive. Want to chat?

Truth be told, I’m terrible at this. I sit staring at the screen for the longest time before realizing he’s probably talking to his parents or checking on Aberdeen since it’s his night to have her. She enjoys spending time with her grandparents, so I don’t get overwhelmingly upset if he goes out for a few hours with his friends, or in this case, stops by to see me.

I should hate him.

But I don’t.

I’m not sure how long I lay on my bed waiting for a response. I fall asleep and wake to the sound of an alert. The confirmation that he’s written me back makes my stomach churn. I’m talking to my estranged husband as someone else. He thinks I’m Char.

This is crazy.

You’re very beautiful. Tell me more about yourself.

I promise myself I’m not going to get upset. This is one of the reasons we shouldn’t be together, but I need more proof than a compliment. I need to take this as far as it will go.

I moved here a few months ago for college. I just got out of a terrible relationship with my fiancé. I’m looking to meet new people and start over with my life.

Me too. I’m new to this site, so you’re the first person I’ve been in contact with.

Why that makes me feel better is beyond me. Brandon thinks he’s talking to a stranger. He’s doing this right after asking me to attend a wedding with him.

To be honest, these sites scare me.

Would it be better if I gave you my number?

Oh my god! He’s so forward. I can’t stand it, but I also know I can’t give him my cell phone number. He’d know it was me. Then I remember all the free texting apps that can be used for people without phones. I quickly sign up for the first one I can find on the app store. I send a message to my phone so I have the number. Then I respond to his message.

Yes, sure. I guess that makes it easier.

I’m shocked when a number pops on the screen I’m not familiar with. This is worse than I thought. He has a secret phone I know nothing about. I wonder how long he’s had it, and how many women he’s been in contact with during our marriage. I’m determined to get to know this side of Brandon, even if the truth destroys me.

Against my ill feelings, I send him the fake number and await a text.

It works. Nearly two minutes later I get a message.

Does this make you feel better?

I dive right in.
Yes! Thank you. So tell me more about you. Have you ever been married? Do you have kids? Do you like them? Pets? Am I getting ahead of myself?

Thankfully I haven’t scared him away.
No. Not at all. Yes, I’ve been married. I’m going through a divorce. I love kids. I have a seven year old daughter. No pets, but I’m not against them. How about you?

I want to see if he’ll be honest.
Wow, how long were you married? I’m newly single. No husband. No kids.

Seven years.

He’s very short with his answer. It could mean he doesn’t like talking about it, but that’s too bad because I’m not done.
You must have married young.

I met my wife in high school. When she got pregnant we married. Do you really want details?

Sure. I’m getting to know you.

What do you do for a living?

I make something up.
Aside from attending school I work in the fitness field. Do you work out?

Does typing work orders count as finger exercise? I’m too busy to join a gym. I share custody of my daughter and she keeps me in shape.

That’s sweet.

She means everything to me. She’ll always come first.

My heart flutters when I read it. I already know how much Brandon loves Aberdeen, but seeing he’s willing to share that part of him warms my soul. No matter what happens between us, or even anyone he might date in the future, she’ll be his number one.

According to your profile you live in the Easton area. Do you like it there?

I’ve lived here my whole life. I like the slower pace as opposed to city life. How about you?

I grew up on the Western Shore of Maryland. I’m used to traffic and congestion.

This must be a huge change for you.

Yes. So is online dating.

I agree. I better get back to my child. Can I message you tomorrow?

Sure.

Okay. It was great meeting you.

You too.

When I know the messages have stopped I sit on my bed and consider calling him and giving him a piece of my mind. He’s obvious lying to me, or trying to have his cake and eat it too. That’s not going to happen. My days of letting him between my legs are over.

The next morning I fill Char in on my conversation with Brandon. She doesn’t seem shocked that I went through with it. I can see she’s curious to see how far I’ll take this. I’m still tempted to call him out on what he’s doing, but refrain, because I know I’ll be able to use this against him later. The more dirt I’m able to dig on him, the better.

It’s afternoon when I get my first message of the day from him. It’s only a friendly hello, but he’s making the effort now. I’m furious. He’s sitting at work with nothing else to do than message strange women.

He asks me how I feel about talking for a while before we decide if we want to meet. Then he proceeds to give details about how his wife accused him of cheating for years. I ask if he was ever unfaithful to her and he replies with an answer I’m not sure I believe.

I’ve never had a physical relationship with another woman since before I started dating my wife. I’ve talked to women, but I never took it to the next level. I’m telling you this now because it’s one of the reasons my wife left me. I don’t want secrets, because I know how they can hurt people.

I’m about to call him out when my real phone vibrates with a message.

It’s from Bran, and it sends me off the deep end.

I’ve been thinking about you all day. I know it’s not a date, but I can’t wait for you to accompany me to the wedding.

PS: You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on. – Bran

I want to throw my phone out the window and watch it get run over by a truck. I’ve wanted him to talk to me like this for our entire relationship and now he’s going to pull this shit.

I don’t respond. I have nothing positive to say to him. If he showed up at my door I might punch him in the face.

He’s a liar. He’s a terrible person. I want nothing to do with him.

Yes, okay, I still love him, but it’s a lost cause.