Because This Is Forever (2 page)

“Nate?”

“Hmm?”
he murmured lazily, rubbing his hands over her lower back. It felt nice.

She
took a steadying breath. “Where do you see us five years from now?”

His
slow movements stopped and his muscles tensed beneath her. After a short pause,
he asked, “What do you mean?”

“I
mean
us
, as a couple. Are we still
together? Are we friends?” She hesitated before adding, “Are we married?”

He went
rigid. The silence in the room was deafening. She pulled away from him and sat
up to look at him. She wished she hadn’t. That cold, distant look was back in
his eyes.

Her
heart sank.

“Why
are you asking me that?” he probed in a low voice.

The sudden
change in him was alarming and for a minute she didn’t know how to respond.

“I…I was
just curious. You know I love you, and I want to have a future with you.”

He
leaned forward and ran his hand through his dark hair. He didn’t look at her
when he said, “I’m not marrying you.”

For a
moment Mia didn’t realize what she’d heard. Then his words sank in and a sharp
pain pierced through her heart. He turned to look back at her and he must have
seen the hurt in her eyes because his face softened slightly.

“It’s
not that I won’t marry
you
,” he said.
“I’m not marrying anyone. I’m just not the marrying type.”

“But I
thought you…don’t you care about me?” She couldn’t ask him if he loved her. She
refused to. If he did, it was up to him to tell her.

“You
know I do. And I’m happy with how things are between us. Marriage will only
mess things up. It certainly didn’t do any good for my parents.”

Mia
looked at him searchingly, trying to understand the source of his bitterness. She
didn’t know much about his family because he kept a lot of that to himself.
From what Mia had gathered, his parents’ marriage had been one of convenience.
Had they not grown to love each other? Nate had developed into a good man, with
both his parents in his life, and she couldn’t understand why that wouldn’t be
something good, something to vie for.

Besides,
she loved him, and he had to love her too, so it would be different for them.
Wouldn’t it?

“Don’t
you want children?” she finally asked quietly.

“No,”
he said without hesitation.

Mia
looked away, her hopes and dreams shattering with that single word. How could
they be so right for each other in every way but this? Tears gathered in her
eyes but she blinked them away.

“But
what if I got pregnant?” she whispered, turning back to him.

Nate
regarded her with flinty dark eyes. “I won’t be forced into marriage.”

She winced
at his curt tone then looked away. Mia took a deep breath and clenched her
hands together to stop the trembling. Gathering her strength, she forced a strained
smile on her quivering lips. “I would never force you to do anything you didn’t
want to, Nate,” she whispered. “And I certainly wouldn’t trick you into
marrying me.”

She
glanced over at him. His eyes were intense and fierce but she held his hard gaze.

“So
where does that leave us?” he asked quietly.

Mia
stood up and went to grab his jacket. She was moving without feeling and
grateful for the numbness that now encased her. She walked back to where he sat
and held it out to him.

“Maybe
we should take a break and think about what we want from this relationship.”

Nate
looked at the jacket in her hand then back up at her. “So that’s how you’re
playing it,” he said with a dry laugh. “I either promise to marry you or we’re
through?”

“I’m
not giving you an ultimatum, Nate. I’m giving you a choice.”

He
bounded to his feet so fast she was startled into taking a step back. He
grabbed her arm and drew her so close to him a pin couldn’t pass between them.

“Life’s
not a fairytale, Mia,” he bit out inches from her face. “I’m not your Prince
Charming and there’s no such thing as forever after. There’s only here and now.”

“It’s
happily ever after,” she murmured absently.

He
cursed then released her. He snatched the jacket from her limp hand and jerked it
on. “Mia, do yourself a favor and get your head out of the clouds,” he snapped.
“I know what I want, but I won’t be manipulated into having you.”

His
words hurt because if he thought she would resort to such tactics just to keep
him, he would be sadly mistaken. Obviously he didn’t know her as well as she’d
hoped.

“Trust
me,” she whispered, “you won’t have to worry about that.”

He
stared down at her long and hard. Without another word, he slammed out of her tiny
apartment.

Chapter Two

Nate
had arrived in California in a bad mood and would leave it with a splitting
headache.

He
sat at the hotel bar, cradling his third drink between his palms. His trip to
California had been a waste. The distribution company he had come to check out
in the hopes of financing had turned out to be a bust. They were less
structured and efficient than they presented themselves to be. Nate had
canceled their final meeting and made arrangements to fly back to Chicago first
thing tomorrow morning then meet with his father that afternoon.

Nate
clenched his jaw tight. He hated being summoned and his father knew it. The
first half of his life had been spent with a father who seemed to take pleasure
in undermining him—when he wasn’t ignoring him—and with a mother who, when she was
around, treated him like a burden. Nate eventually learned to keep his distance
until his father demanded his presence or found some use for him.

Normally
he would prolong his father’s request for a meeting, but since he was leaving
California early anyway, Nate decided to get their meeting over with. But if he
was completely honest with himself, Nate would admit that he craved to see
her
, which was really why he wanted to
be back in Chicago.

Tonight,
however, he wasn’t in the mood for honesty’s company.

She
was the one who had given him the ultimatum, had suggested they ‘take a break’.
Now she would have to be the one to come to him if she wanted them to be
together.

He
downed the rest of his drink and ordered another. His pathetic attempt to
forget about Mia for just one night was not working. The more he drank, the
more he thought about her.

So
tonight, he would indulge.

“I
won’t be responsible for what happens to you if you keep that up,” Fred Carlson
said, staring pointedly at his drink.

Nate
turned to his lawyer and longtime family friend with a smirk. “I thought I told
you to take the night off, Fred.”

Fred
sat on the stool beside him. “I haven’t taken a night off since I started
working for you and your father. Why start now.”

Nate
grunted. “Then in that case, have a drink with me.” Nate ordered two shots and
slid one to the older man.

When
Fred continued to stare at him in a way that made him feel like a defiant
little boy, Nate raised his glass in salute and tossed back his drink.

Fred’s
graying brows furrowed. “Nate, I’ve known you long enough to know you only
drink like this after an argument with your father. But since you’ve been with
me all day, there’s something else making you act like an ass.”

Nate
turned away from Fred’s concerned face. Fred was the only man in his life that
he had been able to count and rely on. At twelve years old, Fred had come into
his life and shown him what it was like to have someone pay attention to him.
He hadn’t looked through him or ignored him as his parents had. As Nate grew
into manhood with his own dreams and ambitions, Fred had become his close friend
and advisor and an integral part in helping him establish himself as an angel investor.

Fred
had understood his need for independence from his father and the ‘family business’,
and with Fred’s help Nate had gone on to make some lucrative investments. During
this wasted trip, Fred had learned about a technology company that showed promise
and could potentially be another profitable opportunity. An informal lunch meeting
with the founder of Mercury Horizon was already scheduled for early next week.

But
tonight, Nate didn’t want any advisement and he certainly didn’t need Fred to
make him feel even more stupid then he already did. Stupid for thinking he
could actually be happy.

“Are
you and Mia having problems?” Fred asked. “I’ve been with you for two days and
you haven’t mentioned her once.”

Nate
didn’t want to talk about Mia. He couldn’t remember the last time another woman
other than his mother made him feel…abandoned. He was hurt and the alcohol was
a soothing, numbing balm.

“Good
night, Fred,” he said, reaching for the untouched glass that sat between them.

Fred pulled
it away. “It’s a wonder you and Charles don’t get along,” he snapped. “You’re
as bullheaded as he is but more pathetic.”

Nate’s
jaw clenched. Fred knew all the right buttons to push. Nate flashed his friend a
smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “And like him, I pay you for your legal
advice. Nothing else. Certainly not any of your
fatherly
advice.”

Fred
stared at him blankly and said nothing. Nate cursed. Even in his alcohol-induced
state, he knew he had crossed the line. Fred and his wife had spent years
trying to have a baby until they had eventually stopped trying. There had been
a time long ago where Nate had secretly wished he’d been Fred’s son. Now
because of his stupidity and careless tongue, he had unintentionally opened old
wounds.

“Listen,
Fred—”

“No,
you listen,” he interrupted. “Want some legal advice? Here it is. Man-up and
get over yourself. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, which I’m guessing is
your girlfriend, you need to deal with it and quick. Either call her or get
over her. Turning into a drunken ass isn’t doing you any favors, and it would
be a damn shame to see what little you’ve built up go to shit because you
couldn’t practice some self-control.”

Fred
got up and slid the shot glass to him, the content sloshing dangerously close
to the edge. “And that little
legal
advice is on the house,” Fred retorted as he walked past him.

Nate
looked down at the brown liquid then pushed the glass aside as Fred’s parting
words ran through his muddled brain. Fred was right. He had to deal with this
or end up drinking himself into a stupor each night.

It
had only been two days yet he missed her greatly. A part of him wanted nothing
more than to call her, to hear her voice. Mia had been like no other woman he’d
dated before. She was sweetness and sass all wrapped into a sexy, feminine frame.
Despite her flair for the romantic, which he had found endearing on occasion,
she had been his dream girl.

Obviously,
what they had wasn’t enough for her though. He should have known she would
eventually expect the white dress and diamond ring, but he had hoped she’d be
more practical and sensible. They were happier than any married couple he knew
of and she knew far more single and divorced people than he did, which should
have been enough to show her the insignificance of marriage.

Her
irrationality aggravated him. If she thought he’d agree to marriage and enter
into the kind of arrangement his parents had been in for thirty years, she
would be greatly disappointed.

In a way,
it was a good thing that this all had come out now before he had gotten in any
deeper than he already was, he reminded himself.

The
numbness of the alcohol was wearing off, but he wanted nothing more than to
rest his fuzzy yet crowded mind.

Nate
paid his tab, leaving the still full shot glass untouched. He managed to make it
back to his room without faltering, though it took effort. He and Fred had to
be up early for their flight tomorrow, and he would have to think of the
apology he owed his friend. But first, he needed to work on burying images of
large chocolate brown eyes and soft, full lips to the deepest part of his mind.

*
* * *

Mia bit
down on her lower lip as she lay on the vinyl clinic bed, wearing nothing but
the thin, pink gown the nurse had handed her. She waited for her doctor to
probe her with the uncomfortable looking instrument. She looked away and her
eyes fell on the illustrated poster of a woman in various stages of her
pregnancy. The drawing had an image of what a fetus looked like as it developed
each month. The image of the barely developed fetuses, with the underdeveloped
features, held her captivated.

Was that
how their baby looked right now? She unconsciously placed her hand over her
belly. If she had to guess, she would say she was about six to eight weeks
pregnant. It must have happened sometime during the week she and Nate had spent
in Galena for his birthday. They had rented a vacation home and sometime during
that week, they had made this baby. But Mia couldn’t regret that moment. It had
been an unforgettable time that had resulted in an unexpected gift.

“This
is an ultrasound transducer,” Dr. Erica Ellis explained, drawing her attention
back to the long, white narrow device she held. “It’s used for transvaginal
ultrasound, which is going to help us determine your due date and make sure
everything’s in working order for you and the baby.”

Mia
flinched when the doctor inserted the cold object inside her. She looked away,
wanting more than anything for Nate to be by her side. Instead, he was two time
zones away. Seeing as their relationship was coming to an end, what she wanted
didn’t matter. A small part of her had hoped he would realize his mistake and come
running back to her. Or at least call. He did neither. It was Thursday, three
days since he’d left her apartment, and she was fast losing her illusion that he
was interested in having a future with her.

Her
throat tightened as sadness washed over her. What should have been a joyful
occasion in her life only left her feeling miserable and alone. She had always
dreamed of sharing this moment with her husband. To have him hold her hand,
smiling with joy as they looked at their new baby forming. Instead, at
twenty-four, she was facing motherhood on her own. No husband…no Nate. She
couldn’t stop the sheen of tears that filled her eyes. Her mother had struggled
to raise her and her sister alone and Mia had not wanted the same thing to
happen to her.

“Mia?
Are you okay?”

Mia
nodded, smiling through her tears. “Yes. I think it’s just the hormones.”

Dr.
Ellis nodded in understanding. The older, black woman was serene and graceful,
her movements unhurried. Her black hair was pulled into a severe bun at her
nape, but her smile was relaxed and gentle, which helped ease some of Mia’s discomfort.

“You
hear that?” she asked in a whisper. “That’s the baby’s heart beating.”

Mia
looked at the black-and-white grainy movement on the screen beside her. She
held her breath and listened. At the sound of the soft, pulsing beat, her
sadness and misery immediately fell away.

As
Dr. Ellis walked her through every little movement, Mia stared at the small
life form budding inside her. A life she and Nate had created. Though her heart
ached for the man she loved, it also filled with a love so strong, a protection
so fierce, it literally took her breath away. She would do whatever she needed
to do for this baby.

Thankfully
the invasive exam didn’t take as long as she’d expected and soon Dr. Ellis was
done with her probing. Mia sat up, tugging the thin gown down. As she’d
suspected, Nate had gotten her pregnant during their week together in Galena.
She was about eight weeks pregnant and if everything went well, she would be
holding her baby in her arms in January.

“You and
the baby look to be in good health,” Dr. Ellis began. “But the first trimester
can be the most vulnerable for new mothers so I want you to be careful.” The
doctor ran off a list of foods and exercises she would need to begin doing then
handed her a list of recommended prenatal vitamins. “If you have any questions,
call me. Even if you start to worry or wonder about something, just call me.”

Mia
nodded but at Dr. Ellis’ words, anxiety started to plant itself in her.
Scenarios of all the things that could go wrong invaded her thoughts, and they
all scared her.

Dr.
Ellis must have sensed her fear because she patted her shoulder reassuringly.
“I’m sure everything will be fine. You’re young and healthy. And you have a
great doctor,” she said with a wink.

Mia
returned her smile but it was halfhearted as the reality of her situation came
crashing down on her. She was alone in this city and about to raise a baby on
her own. Her only family, which consisted of her mother and little sister, were
states away, and in no position to help her. She didn’t even think she would be
able to continue working for Charles McArthur yet she couldn’t afford to leave
her job, not now. And then there were her classes… A dull headache began to
form and she closed her suddenly teary eyes.

“It’s
too early to tell the sex,” Dr. Ellis said, trying to distract her. “But around
your twelfth to fourteenth week, you should be able to know.”

“So I
have to wait another month to find out,” Mia said, a little dejected.

Dr.
Ellis laughed. “Believe me, the time will fly,” she said. “Are you hoping for a
boy or girl?”

Mia
thought about it for a moment and realized it didn’t make a difference to her.
She was already fiercely in love with her baby.

“No,
not really,” Mia replied. “But I did grow up with a family of women so I wouldn’t
mind a little boy.”

“You
may change your mind,” Dr. Ellis said with a grin. “I have three of my own and
with my husband, it’s a wonder I haven’t pulled all my hair out.”