Because We Are (5 page)

The next morning Emma slept late. On awakening, her first impulse was to stay in bed all day, but she knew she should get up and help with the Saturday morning chores. She hurriedly dressed in faded jeans and an old shirt and went through the silent house. Her mother was already out grocery shopping. On the kitchen counter she found waffle batter, a container of frozen strawberries, and a bowl of whipped cream. She was not that hungry, so she put it all in the refrigerator and went back to her room.

Outside her window the fog was losing the battle with the sun. Emma felt it would be a sunny but sad day. She wished Marvin would call. She remembered the first time she met him. It was the summer before she went to Marlborough. They both were enrolled in Camp Brotherhood USA.

That trip to camp was her first time away from home since her father remarried. One morning she was feeling sad and a little guilty about having left her mother alone, so she slipped out of the cabin and walked on a trail nearby, not noticing where she was going. Suddenly she found herself on the ground with this boy sprawled alongside her.

“Why don't you look where you're going?” He pulled Emma to her feet.

“I'm sorry. But I could say the same for you.”

“I'm sorry, too,” he said. “I wasn't expecting anyone. I run this trail early every morning and there's never anyone here.” He awkwardly brushed the dirt off her, then extended his gritty hand. “I'm Marvin Richard.”

Emma told him her name and he said, “Does anybody call you Em?”

“No.”

He grinned and said, “Hi, Em.”

After that she noticed him everyday, but he seemed oblivious of her. He towered over almost everybody there, and all the girls were mad about him, made him the main attraction.

At camp he settled for a girl named Kali with long, brown, straight hair and green eyes. Kali always wore stark white or blazing colors to complement her deep tan. Before the session ended, she and Marvin were constant companions. They had breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. They sat together at the fireside vesper; they held hands during the films; and he walked her to her cabin door.

Then Emma met him again at Marlborough.

“Hey, Em? You're the tall, tan lady that knocked me off my feet at Brotherhood USA, aren't you?”

Then, to her surprise, he asked her to the Heart-to-Heart valentine party on campus.

Now she rummaged through her chest of “symbols of cherished memories” and found the valentine he had given her that day. She recalled the sweet turbulence when he kissed her at that dance, and her heart pounded. She felt a longing, a hunger that could not be appeased with food. She wondered why he had not called.

The doorbell rang. Who could it be? She rushed to the peephole and saw her friends, Cheryl and Dee.

“Where you guys going so early? Come on in,” she exclaimed.

“It's not early. We're going shopping,” Cheryl said. “Wanta come?”

“Can't, Mama's not home. Come on back. You guys had breakfast?”

“It's lunchtime, girl. We're going to the new mall out on the peninsula for lunch.”

“You can have lunch with me.”

As she heated the waffle iron, she prepared the strawberries and rewhipped the cream. “What happened at Marlborough after the game yesterday?” she asked.

“It was sad, girl. We didn't stay there long, and Marvin didn't stay as long as we did. Did he come by?” Dee asked.

“No.”

“Girl, you better come on back to Marlborough. Marvin is losing his cool. Those white chicks are all over him, and it's turning his head,” Cheryl said.

“Emma, who was that fine dude you walked into the stadium with?” Dee asked. “He was with you and Marvin for a while.”

“Yeah, he was fine,” Cheryl said.

“That's Allan Page Davis.” Emma poured batter on the waffle iron.

“Is he nice?” Dee asked.

“Super.”

“With a guy like that, I would forget Marvin,” Dee said.

“Allan and me? We're not like
that
. No way. Marvin's it.”

“Say, I'm having a party during the holidays. I want Allan to come. OK, Emma?” Cheryl asked.

“I'll ask him.”

“And I'm having a slumber party next weekend. You'll have to come, Emma,” Dee said. “I bet there're a lot of fine dudes over there at Manning. Must be heaven.”

“I wouldn't say that. There're the Lizes and the Brendas, too. You saw what happened.”

“Aw,
them
. They just wanted to be noticed,” Dee said.

“That's what I tried to tell my mother.”

“Mothers don't understand nothing,” Cheryl said.

“Oh, yes, they do: how to make you miserable. Like I didn't want to ask Melanie to my slumber party. Well, Mother insisted. Just because Melanie's mother is president of Golden Slippers this year, everybody is treating her like she's the first wife of Haile Selassie. I don't want Melanie there,” Dee said.

“I'm not sure I should come to your party, Dee,” Emma said. “All you guys going to talk about is the deb ball, and I may not be a deb.”

“Aw, Emma, don't say that. You gotta be one, and you better come,” Dee said.

When they finished lunch, Emma's mother still had not returned. Emma reluctantly said good-bye to her friends. But she had to cut the parting conversation and rush to the ringing telephone.

It was Marvin. He wanted to pick her up that evening for a movie. Would she like to go?

She held her breath to stifle the squeal of delight. She finally composed herself to say softly, “I'd love that. Yes, that will be nice.” The day that she had thought would be a total disaster had suddenly become one with the most promising possibilities. Marvin was coming at six-thirty. Maybe she would give her mother a huge surprise: clean her room. Just maybe.

Six

The late fall darkness was descending early. In Emma's living room, the pale-green velvety carpet, vacuumed to perfection, showed streaks of silver in the glow of the lamplight. Pale-green drapes closing in pale-green walls lent a luxurious comfort to the room. How glad Emma was her father had agreed to a settlement that left her and her mother in this nice house.

She tossed her mink-brown leather jacket over a chair and sat, wiggling, trying to settle more comfortably in her tight jeans as she waited for Marvin. She adjusted her belt. “Oh, darn!” She had broken a fingernail. “My longest one,” she muttered.

She rushed to her room to try to save it with Nail-Fix-It. Just as she opened the bottle, Marvin blared his car horn. Startled, she spilled the glue and her fingers all stuck together. “Mama, bring the alcohol, quick. I need it.”

“Why doesn't Marvin come in?” her mother asked as she cleaned Emma's fingers with a swab of cotton. “If he had any respect for you, he'd ring the doorbell so you'd know who's calling. Anybody could be out there blowing.”

“I know Marvin's horn,” Emma said. “Hurry. I'm late.”

“If he'd come in, you'd have time to compose yourself.”

“Aw, Mama, you must know there're a thousand girls out there who would die for the chance to ring Marvin's doorbell, take him out, and pay his way anywhere. He's picking me up and taking me out. That's respect enough for me.”

“Watch it, now. Don't let yourself become accustomed to being so grateful for nothing. You have money in your purse? Change for a phone call?” her mother asked, following Emma.

“Yes.” Emma grabbed her jacket and purse, blew her mother a kiss, and dashed out still putting on her jacket.

“Have fun and be in here by midnight,” her mother called after her.

The little Scirocco, though more than seven years old, was shining at the curb. Emma was often amused at the amazed look on faces as Marvin's six-foot-six frame unfolded out of the little car. Though Marvin was a bit cramped in it, Emma loved having all the room she needed to stretch her long legs.

“I thought one time there I'd have to go on without you,” Marvin said as she scrambled into the car.

“I wasn't
that
long.”

“Next time be waiting on the curb.”

“No, next time you ring my doorbell.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. The car screeched away from the curb.

“I'm glad you called,” she said.

“Did you think I wouldn't?”

“The way you deserted me yesterday, yes.”

“I was disappointed in you yesterday. But to show you're forgiven for deserting me, I'm going to let you choose what we'll see tonight—
Superman, Star Wars
, or
Fame.
”

“Suppose I say
Grease
?”

“No, one of those three.”

“OK,
Fame.
”

“Aw, Em.”

“Well, what did you want to see?”

“
Fame
. Ha, ha, ha. Now, if you're nice, I might take you to a party I'm invited to after the movie.”

They were silent as they drove through busy streets to the freeway. Emma glanced at Marvin. His light-blue shirt was open at the collar under a navy cashmere V-neck pullover. His thin gold-chain bracelet shone in the light of the dashboard as he kept his hand steady on the wheel.

Emma let her hand touch his knee. He looked at her and smiled. Her heart pounded and she gave in to the sweet turbulence. With her head resting on the back of the seat, she closed her eyes and let the sheer bliss of being with Marvin course through every inch of her.

They left the movie huddled together, singing in off-key harmony,

I'm gonna live forever
.

I'm gonna learn how to fly
.

I'm gonna make it to heaven …

“You want to learn how to fly?” Marvin asked. “I'll teach you how to fly at this party.”

“Oh, so you think I'm nice, eh?”

He looked at her and grinned.

It was not yet nine-thirty, so they had almost three hours before midnight. Marvin drove the winding road up into the New Highland Hills. In the distance the city was aglow. After she had discovered the wonders of heaven at camp, she had often wondered why stars were so hard to see in the city. Now, as she looked upon that dazzling view, she thought, The stars with all their glory are paled by those lights. If only one could have both.

The view ended abruptly and the car dove into a sheltered area of a private parking space made of heavy planks. The house was almost hidden in tangled vines beyond a flight of steps that led down into a ravine. Marvin held Emma's hand as they walked below, singing, “I'm gonna learn how to fly.”

The place, although lighted outside, appeared dark and lifeless inside. “You sure there's a party here?” Emma asked.

“I'm sure. And don't flake out now when we get in there, OK?” Marvin rang the doorbell and they waited.

“Try again,” Emma said.

“Patience, it'll happen.”

When they had waited for what seemed to Emma a long time, Marvin gave two quick rings. Immediately, they were let in. Dim lights softened the all-white room. There still was no sign of a party as a tall young man guided them through to a stairway that led below.

They entered a room and Emma felt as though she had entered a storm. Black, purple, and pink strobe lights distorted images and gave Emma a sensation like that of moving under water.

As her eyes adjusted, she saw two stereos going simultaneously so that at no time would the room be without sound. Even though there was a monitor at the mixer to synchronize light and sound, the lights and music seemed at war.

People stood in small knots around the room, inhaling deeply, then sharing the joint. Some seemed to float and jerk toward her and Marvin with squeals of delight. She suddenly realized that Marvin was being mobbed by his white friends. The odors, the noise, and Marvin's frenzied welcome all heightened her uneasiness, so she sought out a room where she could reassure herself that she looked all right. She took off her fitted jacket and adjusted her silk blouse in her jeans, then stood before a mirror and checked her makeup. Her long, straightened hair, slightly flipped on the end, with bangs across her forehead, was neatly in place. Her brown eyes sparkled. She was pleased with the way she looked, but unhappy with the quivering of her insides. If only there were some other Blacks out there.

“Marvin, I thought you'd never get here. What took you so long?”

Emma heard the soft demanding voice when she reentered the room.

“Maybe the jive-turkey got lost.” Emma recognized Danny. Who but Danny, that showoff from Marlborough, would be spouting such outdated talk, Emma thought and laughed.

“He couldn't get lost. He could find my house in his sleep,” the girl said.

Who is this girl, holding Marvin around the waist, looking into his face as though she has found answers to all of her questions? Emma wondered. Seeing them, Emma at first felt anger, then she sensed a peculiar shame. She waited.

It was Danny who first noticed Emma in the room. “Well, if it isn't our Emma,” he said with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Hey, man,” he shouted to Marvin, “how do you rate a chick like this?”

“She's not a
chick
,” Marvin said, pulling Emma into the circle that had mobbed him. Enfolding her, he drew her backward into his arms. “I want you to meet
my lady
,” he said in his quiet, calm way. There was silence. For a moment, Emma lost her anger, the uneasiness, and felt secure.

“Come to the table.” The girl who had been so close to Marvin took Marvin and Emma by the hand. Emma suddenly recognized the girl. Kali.

The bright red blouse Kali wore made her dark-tanned skin look almost bronze. Her long hair, now blonde streaked, also had a perm with tensive rings that gave a wild but attractive look. She was taller and thinner than Emma remembered, and she was no longer the demure girl who had held Marvin's hand at vesper.

“I'm so glad Marv brought you along,” Kali said to Emma. “This is my last fling before my mother returns from Europe. Stick around.”