Becoming Alpha (31 page)

Imogene struggled under me. If she started to fight me again, I didn’t know what my wolf would do, and that scared me. My nails drew blood as they touched the soft part of her neck. If I relaxed my hand at all, they would tear right through her flesh.

“Once I tell Dastien what a freak you are, he won’t want anything to do with you. Look at your arm, caught between forms. It’s disgusting.”

Her comment pushed me over the edge. I growled and let my nails penetrate her neck.

“Tessa!” Dastien sprinted down the hall. “
Merde
.” He dropped down on the floor next to us. “Tessa. Let her go.” He pulled off his shirt and balled it up. “We’ve got to stop the bleeding.”

He picked her over me. That thought had the wolf whimpering.

He put the wadded up shirt next to my hand and looked me in the eyes. “Let her go. Now.”

Shock pulled me free of the last twinges of anger. All that was left was normal Tessa. Blood stained the front of Imogene’s shirt. Her eyes rolled back in her head.

Bile rose in my throat.

Oh my God. I’d never gotten in a fight. Until martial arts class, I’d never hit anyone. Never even pushed anyone. I could have killed her. I crawled backwards until I hit the opposite wall of lockers and pulled off my stained and shredded gloves. Each classroom door was open with the teachers guarding it.

Why hadn’t they stopped me?

“I need some help,” Dastien said. His hand was wet with blood as he put pressure on the wound.

The teachers finally moved into action. Mrs. Ramirez reached them first. “Adrian, go grab Mr. Dawson and Dr. Gonzales. Hurry.”

People poured out of the rooms, crowding the hallway. I couldn’t stand them staring at me. I did the only thing I could think of, I ran.

It was cowardly, but I’d hit my limit. Dastien called for me to stop. To wait for him. But I didn’t look back. He’d shown me time and again with his actions what he really wanted. Who he wanted. If he cared about me, he wouldn’t have run away all those times. He wouldn’t have been able to.

I flew out the front entryway of the school and followed the road to the main highway. I moved faster than I ever had before, my lungs barely registering the strain.

A sign led to town. I moved on autopilot, not caring where I went.

I slowly started to see familiar markers. And then I just ran faster.

I didn’t stop until I got to the yellow house with the big tree in front. “Mom!” I raced up the porch steps and banged on the door. “Mom!”

Her feet clattered on the stairs as she ran to the door. “Oh my God, Tessa. What happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

I looked down to see my shirt and my arm splattered with blood. “I don’t know.”

She pulled me inside. “Where’s your other flip-flop?”

My left foot was cut up and bloody from running. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost one. “I don’t know.”

“Okay. Wait right here. I’ll get the first aid kit.”

I dropped the flip-flop by the door and went into the kitchen. I grabbed milk out of the fridge and the Oreos from on top of the freezer. I’d just burned some major calories and couldn’t let my wolf get antsy from hunger while I was with Mom. I shoved two Oreos in my mouth and chewed quickly.

God. How had the day gone so wrong? I wasn’t a violent person. I didn’t attack people.

I hoped they weren’t kidding when they said we healed fast, but since I was kind of a werewolf—I wasn’t sure if she’d be okay. I didn’t like Imogene, but I hadn’t meant to hurt her.

Mom dug through drawers upstairs, and then water turned on, drowning out all the other sounds. She was a clean freak, probably washing her hands. I hopped up onto the kitchen counter to wait.

She came back carrying the first aid bin and a clean shirt of mine. We sat quietly as she cleaned my foot. I winced as she pulled out some gravel and poured peroxide over it. It bubbled white as it killed germs. I pulled on the fresh shirt as she worked.

She ripped open a bandage and then put it down. “Umm. The cuts have all healed.”

I grabbed my foot. She was right. Once the bits of gravel were gone, my feet healed completely. Not even a scar marred them. “Thanks, Mom.”

She moved away from me to throw away the dirty cotton balls. “You want to talk about what happened?”

“I hurt someone.” Tears streaked down my face. “I’m completely lost, Mom. I don’t know what to do.”

“Tessa—”

“Dastien…he…I can’t…And I can’t control my feelings. One minute, I’m fine. The next I’m nearly ripping some girl’s head off.” I covered my face with my hands.

“Tessa!”

“I’m not joking. I could have killed Imogene. I’m a monster.”

“Teresa Elizabeth McCaide.” She squeezed my knee. “I don’t care what happened. You’re no monster.”

I wanted to believe her. I wiped my hands down my face. “You don’t know that. Not anymore.”

“I do too. I’m the one who carried you for nine months. Who has taken care of you for the past seventeen—almost eighteen—years. I know my daughter. I don’t care what happened—you’re no monster. It makes me so mad that you’d think that. After all you’ve been through. You’re still the same girl.”

She was muttering under her breath about having a chat with Mr. Dawson when the doorbell rang.

I jolted down off the counter. “Who’s that?”

She held up her hands. “I’m sorry, baby. I had to call them.”

“You didn’t.” My own mother turned me in? That was so messed up.

I peeked around the corner to the front door. Through the window I could see Mr. Dawson and Dastien.

I flew out the back door, slamming it shut behind me.

I jumped off the back porch. Before I made it to the first tree, a hand grabbed my arm. I almost fell as I skidded to a stop. Dastien’s scent enveloped me.

Why wouldn’t he let me go?

I yanked my arm, trying to break free.

“Stop it,” he said.

I stayed very still and slowed my breathing. He let go of my arm, and I took off. I didn’t know why I was running, but if I stayed still, I would have to face him. Face what I had done. And what I was. Face our relationship or lack of it.

Screw that. Even if it made me a coward.

I hadn’t taken more than a couple of steps before his hand gripped my arm again. He spun me around until my back slammed against a tree.

“Stop running from me. Please,” he said.

“Let me go.” My voice rumbled with the demand.

“No.”

“I’m not going back.”

His eyes turned the color of melted gold. “Why not?”

“Is Imogene okay?”

He took a deep breath and his eyes faded back to their normal amber. “She’ll be fine. Because you’re a Were, the wound will heal slowly. Not as slow as if she were human. But slow enough that she’ll hate you.”

“Not like we were destined to be bosom buddies anyway.”

“I guess not.” He set his knuckle under my chin, guiding my gaze. “What happened back there?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

His eyes flashed bright again and he released me. “What did I do?”

“I saw you. With her. After everything you said, you kissed her.” I couldn’t keep the hurt from my voice, which was mortifying. I looked away.

“Who?”

I gave him a second to figure it out.

“Imogene?” He let out a long breath. “Christ. If you think that, then you didn’t stay long enough.”

“I stayed plenty long. You left with her yesterday. You kissed her today. You’ve dated her before. Look, I know I’m not the most experienced person when it comes to guys—let alone werewolf guys—but seriously it doesn’t take a ton of brainpower to know when your…whatever it is you are to me is cheating.”

He sputtered and I held up a hand.

“So look at it from my perspective and tell me if you saw my ex kissing me what you would do. I walked away. Go me. But then I come back and she’s throwing the contents of my locker all
over the hallway. Shouting crazy shit about me putting a spell on you and wanting me to give her the
gris-gris
. I’ve had enough. The past week and a half has been extraordinarily shitty. This is my breaking point. I’m done. With everything.”

His shoulders hunched as his gaze met the ground. “I have so royally fucked up everything and I really don’t know how to fix it. From the second I met you, I’ve messed it up.” His yellow eyes met mine. “I know you have no reason to believe this, but yesterday I was with the Cazadores. I didn’t ditch you to hang out with her. I think she’s covering up what her dad’s up to by saying she was leading us to some vampires’ den that turned out to be bullshit.” He blew out a hard breath. “For the record, I don’t want her. At all.”

Good. I stared unblinking at him.

“It probably doesn’t matter to you—the hurt is still the same—but I didn’t kiss her back. I pushed her away, and told her what I’ve been telling her for months—that it’s not going to work out. And now I can say the reason is because I’m mated to you. You’re it for me. And now I’ve hurt you again because I was trying to spare an old friend’s feelings.”

Tears welled, and I focused on not letting them fall.

“I am yours,” he said. “If you’ll have me.”

“You can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Say the right thing and then act like the opposite is true. One second everything is fine, and the next you disappear. What was that yesterday? You just run off. You disappear. You don’t call. You don’t text. I don’t see you or know if you’re okay until I see you kissing some other girl. I can’t do that. I can’t turn my emotions off and on like that. I’m either all in or all out. And if you can’t do that—if I don’t come first, then for God’s sake, leave me alone.”

He pulled me to him. “I will get this right. I swear. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Like I said on Saturday, I’m on shaky ground enough with this whole werewolf thing without adding a guy into the mix. Maybe we just need a break.”

He squeezed me tighter. “No. No break. We don’t need a break. I’m not perfect, but I get it. I can’t see you run away from me again. So we stop this. We’re all in, because there is no other option for me. You’re my mate. You’re it for me. You have to trust me.”

“Trust is earned.”

“Then I’ll earn it.”

I finally relaxed against his chest. “Promise.”

“I promise. You’re my mate. My other half.” He ran his fingers through my hair before tipping my chin up. “What happened in the hallway?”

God. He was going to say those nice things and then ask me that. Not cool at all. “It’s not important.”

He cupped my cheek. “Yes, it is. Please.”

“No.”

“Pretty please.”

I laughed. “Forget it.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s just me.”

“Exactly. It’s you.”

He gave me the saddest puppy dog eyes, and my will to stay silent wavered.

This was going to be embarrassing. “I was so angry after I saw…I couldn’t get control. I left class before I could humiliate myself—”

“Humiliate yourself?”

I rolled my eyes. “You know. Go furry.”

He ran his thumb down my face. “That’s not humiliating. That’s what werewolves do.”

“Yeah. But not in the middle of class.”

“Sometimes in the middle of class.”

I tried to shove him away. “Do you want me to tell you or what?”

He nodded.

“So I went into the hall and she was going through my locker. She started accusing me of some whacked out stuff. Demanded I give her my
gris-gris
, break whatever spell I put on you.” I couldn’t stop the snort. “She pushed me into the lockers and something inside me snapped.” I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of Imogene bleeding beneath me. “Why did she say my arm was so gross? I mean
I
think it’s seriously weird. But I thought all of you shifted.”

“Not everyone can do that. Only shift part of their body. Do you remember how you did it?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

The little bit of trust I’d built up for him just moments ago started to crack. Was he going to call me a freak too? I tried to take comfort in what he’d already said, but a lifetime of rejection had me holding my breath.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I broke away from his hold and sat on the ground, resting against the tree. “You’re making me nervous. Just say whatever it is and get it over with.”

He squatted down in front of me and cupped my face with his hands. His lips softly brushed mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. The fear melted and my body burned. When he pulled away, I was breathing hard.

“Stop thinking the worst.” He spoke as if I should understand words. My mind was utter mush with one kiss. He stood up and stepped toward my house. “Michael,” he shouted.

Mr. Dawson stepped onto the back porch. “How’s it going out here?”

Things were incredibly confusing.

“She doesn’t know how she did it,” Dastien said as Mr. Dawson walked toward us.

“Not surprising.” Mr. Dawson sat down in front of me. “What you did back there took a lot of power.”

Was he nuts? “Almost killing someone took a lot of power?”

“No. Half shifting your arm,” Mr. Dawson said.

“I doubt Imogene would agree with you.” I held his gaze. “Am I in trouble?”

He raised one eyebrow over his hazel eyes. “No. Imogene shouldn’t have taunted you, but she’s been trying to gain Dastien’s power since they were pups. She was dead set on becoming his mate, regardless of how he felt.”

A little growl slipped through me.

“Mate,” Dastien said softly to me.

I tried to breathe through the jealousy. Dastien placed his warm hand in mine and calm poured into me.

“She’s furious that you’re more powerful than her,” Mr. Dawson said.

I cleared my throat and tried to focus on what Mr. Dawson said. If I really was more powerful than her, why would she attack me?

“She was counting on you not realizing it,” Mr. Dawson said. “You’re dominant to Imogene.”

Right. Meredith had said that too.

I leaned away from Dastien. “See, this is where I’m having problems. Who the hell talks about people being dominant?” I waved my hand to stop Mr. Dawson. “I know. I know. I probably should’ve read that stupid book instead of going for a hike.”