Becoming Death (8 page)

I sunked back into my computer chair and flipped open the screen. Elizabeth’s profile picture stared back at me. I held my forehead. How was I supposed to keep this a secret?

The next day Clarissa came with me to kill Elizabeth Daily. Armed with the Dead Head app, we trailed her to the gym she had mentioned on her profile page. I sat in the car for ages gripping the steering wheel and staring at the gym. Was I really ready for this? One night class and I’d become a murderer over night.

“Take your time,” Clarissa said, filing her nails in the seat next to me. “You need to be ready. There are no second chances.”

I held my stomach as I looked at my sister, who was cheery and completely stress free. How could we both be faced with the same terrible job? “I don’t know if I can actually do this.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” she said, blowing on her nails. “Everyone gets nervous their first time but it’s a piece of cake.” She carefully reached across the car and patted my knee. “No, mistakes, little sis.”

“I doubt she’ll feel like I did a good job when she’s lying on the floor with internal bleeding,” I snapped at her.

“Don’t be such a drama queen. She was always meant to die now. It’s her time, her destiny. You’re just the middle man between here and the afterlife.”

I reached into the back seat for my duffle bag and opened the car door. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“That’s the spirit. Believe me, you’ll feel so much better once this is all over with.”

We changed quickly in the locker room before walking into the equipment room and scanning the machines for Elizabeth.

“I don’t think she’s here,” I said.

“Only one way to find out. Check your app. Maybe she left?”

I pulled out my phone and traced her current location. A coffin on the screen showed she was still nearby.

“Let’s keep looking,” Clarissa said, directing me towards the juice bar.

I paused in the entrance when I saw a blonde with a high pony tail sitting at one of the tables with an amazingly buff guy across from her. That had to be her and hot gym guy. She was talking to him, finally. Good for her.

“Is that her?” Clarissa asked, motioning her head towards the table.

I lowered my head as I remembered why I was here.

“All you have to do is touch her skin and imagine a death for her. Your powers will do the rest. It’s easy,” Clarissa told me pushing me towards their table.

My legs felt like they were made of Jell-O as I made my way across the room. She laughed and touched the guy’s arm. Seriously? I had only just seen them together and I already shipped them. This situation was straight out of a Whedonesque plotline. She was happy and healthy, so why did she have to die now? The pit of my stomach ached and deep down I knew what I was about to do was wrong, possibly evil.

I glanced back towards the door but Clarissa saw me and stood in front of it. “Do it,” she mouthed from across the room.

The guy touched Elizabeth’s cheek, brushing a piece of hair from her eyes as he leaned towards her. Life really wasn’t fair, Death even less so.

I inched towards their table as I tried to obfuscate, but Elizabeth caught sight of me and looked me directly in the eye. “Can I help you?”

“Oh, hi,” I said, my voice cracking. She gave me an annoyed look and turned her attention back to her date. I continued looking down at the guy. “Sorry, but I think we went to high school together.”

“Really? You went to Fairfield?” he asked, examining my face. “I’m not good with faces. What’s your name?”

“That’s alright, I’m bad with names too,” I laughed. “I’m Julie. I think we had math class together senior year.”

He extended his hand. “Brad. Yeah, you do look really familiar. It’s nice to see someone else who knows the horrors of Mr. Roberts’ class. Do you come here often?”

Elizabeth coughed.

“Oh, sorry. Julie, this is Lizzy.” He pointed at the blonde with her arms crossed and her eyes set to disgust.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Just wanted to say hi. I’ll have to catch up with you another time.”

“No, it’s fine. Have a seat. I’ll get you a drink,” Brad said, standing up.

Elizabeth’s mouth hung open.

“Oh, thanks. I’d love a strawberry smoothie,” I said, playing with the end of my ponytail.

Brad smiled as he walked towards the counter. “Cool. Coming right up.”

I grabbed a chair and started to pull it over when Elizabeth stretched her leg out to stop me. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I—”

“No. I’ve been trying to get that guy to notice me for months. If you think I’m just going to sit back and let some old classmate swoop in to steal him, you’ve got another think coming.” She narrowed her eyes and leaned towards me. “You need to get out of my sight before I get even more pissed.”

“Woah, I’m so sorry. I’ll go, he’s yours, don’t worry.” I said, reaching my hand out to her. “Truce?”

“It’s fine, as long as we’re on the same page. Truce.”

She took my hand and shook it. I thought of a treadmill but was overwhelmed when I felt her soul leaving her body immediately. A building pressure shot down my back and I struggled to stay upright as images of her life flooded before my eyes. A birthday cake with a princess. Her dog dying. Her first kiss with the boy next door. Graduating from college. Her crying as she stood on her scale. Her running. Her lifting weights. Her staring longingly at a piece of cake. Her building up the courage to speak to Brad. I was her—I could feel her memories.

“Are you alright?” she asked, trying to pull her hand away from mine.

“Sorry, low blood sugar,” I said, letting go. “Good luck with Brad.” I wiped my eyes as I walked away from her table. Clarissa was wrong. I felt worse now.

I stood at the edge of the juice bar watching her. My mother had been right. She didn’t die right away. I chewed at my nails wishing for this day to just be over with.

“We can leave now, if you want,” Clarissa said.

“You can go. I want to stay. I want to see what happens.”

Clarissa clenched her jaw. “Fine, we’ll stay, but it might take hours and we have paperwork to do. Are you sure you want to see it? It isn’t going to be pretty, no matter what you imagined.”

“I owe it to her,” I said.

Clarissa rolled her eyes. “Stop being so obvious then. Let’s go use one of the machines. Try to get your mind off it for a few minutes at least.”

I followed Clarissa to a pair of step machines. My feet climbed the steps but my eyes stayed glued to the clock above us. It ticked away the seconds Elizabeth had left and with each minute I breathed a little faster.

“It’s weird knowing something tragic is going to happen to that girl.”

Clarissa shrugged. “The first time is always strange. You’ll always remembers it and compare the rest of your reaps to it.”

I let my eyes sink.

“It doesn’t get easier but you learn coping strategies. Someday, you won’t even have to speak to them. You’ll just bump into them at the store or the bus and that will be that,” Clarissa explained.

“What about the whole life-flashing-before-your-eyes thing? You still have to feel who they are and what they will be losing. That can’t be easy to ignore,” I whispered.

“Most of the time I imagine it’s just a short film.”

“Why?”

“I’m not heartless, Madison. I just know we have a job to do, and the less guilt I can feel doing it the better of a grim reaper I can be.”

Out of nowhere my attention turned to Elizabeth entering the equipment room and climbing onto a nearby treadmill. Deep inside of me I could feel it was her time. Her skin looked lighter than before, like the rosiness of her blood had been drained from it. My eyes were glued to her. Time seemed to slow down around me. She smiled as she set the monitor and started her stride.

She glanced in Brad’s direction and gave him a beckoning wave. He started towards her as she lost her footing, tripping over her shoelace. She fell forwards and slammed into the control panel. The belt sped up, twisting her backwards into the brick wall behind her. A crack echoed through the gym as her skull hit the wall. Blood ran down her face and hair, dyeing it a sickly shade of red. Brad rushed to her side, knelt down next to her and tried to stop the bleeding with his hands. My stomach felt hollow and I wanted to throw up. My mission was accomplished: Elizabeth Daily was dead.

The guilt of Elizabeth Daily’s death still weighed heavy on me when Clarissa dropped me off at my apartment. I stared at my feet as I climbed the stairs, each step feeling like my feet were cast in cement boots. I finally understood what Skye Hawke had felt in her origin issue, when she accidentally killed her sister's murder. Finding out you could kill someone with the flick of your wrist was a disturbing reality. If anyone ever found out what I could do, there would be scientists lining up at my door to study me. I was different, something alien. No one would ever trust me again if they found out. I paused at the landing to wipe my eyes. I could hide this, keep my identity a secret. For now, I needed to rest, enable myself to dream of a world where I wasn’t forced to murder innocent people and could just be normal again.

My hands shook as I placed the key into the lock and pushed open the heavy wooden door. Aaron glanced up from his video game. His eyes hovered on me for a moment before turning back to his screen. I could swear he knew something was the matter, that I had done something horrific.

I dipped my chin to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself as I passed him on my way to my bedroom. He hadn’t spoken to me since yesterday and his cold demeanor seemed to push me further towards breaking point. I slammed my bedroom door shut and blasted music from my laptop. I collapsed onto to my bed, shaking my hair loose from my ponytail like a fiery mane.

I made a cocoon with my blankets. I’d just live here. I could exist on takeaway food for weeks before someone came looking for me. I laid my head on my pillow as tears gathered at the edges of my eyes and wet the fabric beneath me.

I cried for myself, for Elizabeth and for anyone else on my future murder list. Because of me, a woman was dead. She would never fall in love, have children or get to retire. It was my fault. I was slowly turning into a monster, like the rest of my family. How was I supposed to control this? Or live with constant guilt? Everyone around me was a potential victim.

I was startled by a knock at my door.

Aaron opened the door. “Can you turn down the music? It’s giving me a headache,” Aaron said. His eyes locked on me and he asked, “Mads, are you okay?”

“Really bad day,” I whispered, turning over to stare at the wall. “Can you just leave me alone?”

“Is this about our fight?”

“Some of it,” I said.

Aaron tilted his head. “I’ll forgive you but you have to tell me what else is wrong.”

I sat up and blinked repeatedly. “I don’t want to talk about it. You won’t understand anyway.”

“Really? It’s me, Mads. I’ve been your best friend since we were five.” He sat down on the edge of the bed.

I held my forehead. I couldn’t keep it in anymore. “I saw someone die today,” I said.

“Again?” He smirked.