Bedrock (17 page)

Over time, Mr. X learned not to show any emotion during the
beatings. Otherwise, the intensity was far more severe and longer in duration.
When asked where his mother was, Mr. X replied only that it was the time of her
daily massage. When questioned whether or not she knew about the beatings he
endured at the hands of his stepfather, Mr. X commented that he wasn’t sure,
but that he thought she had suspected.

At the age of eleven, his mother divorced the abuser and
remarried. Mr. X has implied that with the new stepfather there was a short
reprieve and that eventually the abuse continued, though the physical beatings
were less intense while the verbal assaults held the same, if not increased,
intensity.

Mr. X has made significant progress during his time as my
client. In the beginning, he was unable to show any sign of emotion and had a
difficult time performing as a submissive. Although over time he has shown
improvement, his capability to feel and/or exhibit emotion still remains
severely limited.

It is my personal opinion that Mr. X suffers from Reactive
Attachment Disorder (RAD) marked by emotional detachment in the second sense: a
decision to avoid engaging emotional connections, rather than an inability or
difficulty in doing so, typically for personal, social, or other reasons. In
this sense, it can allow people to maintain boundaries, psychic integrity, and
avoid undesired impact by or upon others, related to emotional demands. As such,
it is a deliberate mental attitude, which avoids engaging the emotions of
others.

Addie set the file down, unable to read any further. Wiping the
tears from her eyes, she forced herself to breathe. Her mind wandered to
William and memories of the time they’d spent together. Suddenly, there was
clarity where there had been none. There were little things that at the time
she had thought were odd which now made perfect sense.

Reading his profile had been too much to bear. William, who had never
been able to emotionally connect with anyone, had fallen in love with her. And
the realization that she’d hurt him to cover her own ass was more than she
could handle. Knowing that she lied to him to keep from getting hurt herself,
never once considering what she might be doing to him, was excruciating. Due to
his playboy reputation, Addie always figured that he wasn’t the type who wanted
anything more than casual sex. And she was ok with that. But she never once
considered that his reputation had more to do with the fact that he
couldn’t
give more, not even if he’d wanted to. Addie now understood that her acceptance
of his playboy lifestyle, the fact that she never demanded more from him on an
emotional level, which was easy because she was married, in addition to
remaining emotionally unattached herself, gave William the freedom to explore
his emotions.

All at once it became clear why their connection was so intense,
why he drove her insane, and why she couldn’t stay away from him. Addie
understood how it could be that she was in love with him but unable to admit
it, even to herself. She and William were one and the same: both broken, both
confined by their past, both adding fuel to the other’s flames.

Sixteen

The following morning, Addie had originally planned on
calling in sick. She hadn’t slept. She was emotionally and physically spent. It
wasn’t until Andre showed up and coached her through one of his signature
grueling workouts that she surprisingly found her second wind and decided that
wouldn’t hurt her to go into the office for a little while. She needed to have
a few words with Sondra, anyway.

Addie showered and dressed in a long t-shirt dress and sandals;
she was going casual today. Her days of caring what Sondra or anyone else
thought were over.

Once downstairs, she sat sipping her coffee and watched the boys
enjoying their breakfast carefully prepared by the chef that her lies were
paying for. She watched them eat, listened to their laughter, and wondered how
anything could be more perfect. She didn’t have any work scheduled at Seven
this weekend. Maybe they’d get away, just the three of them.

Addie heard her driver pull up, and as she kissed and hugged the
boys, she lingered. “You know how much I love you guys, right?”

“Yes, Mama.” The boys replied in unison.

Addie laughed and threw open her arms, extending them as wide as
she could. “THIS much!”

Parker climbed down from his chair and ran to Addie, hugging her
knee. “I wuv you this much, Mama.”

Her heart slowly melted into a million tiny pieces. Being a
mother was hard, painfully hard sometimes, but moments like these were what
made it all worth it. Addie bent down and wrapped Parker in the biggest bear
hug she could muster, considering how sore she was, until he begged for mercy.
Before long, the other boys joined in, and the four of them tickled each other
and laughed like lunatics in a pile on the kitchen floor. Addie had no idea
that it would be this lasting memory that would hold her together over the next
forty-eight hours. That she would conjure up thoughts of this very moment as
she begged for her life and tried to survive the most horrific, excruciating
situation one could possibly imagine.

Sondra was, not surprisingly, waiting in Addie’s office
when she arrived. Addie walked to her desk and sat down without saying a word,
pretending she wasn’t there.

Sondra eyed her up and down, blatantly displeased. “What in the
hell are you wearing?”

Addie shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever I damn well please.”

Sondra tried another direction. “Why haven’t you taken my calls?
Are you trying to break contract?” She hissed.

Addie held her phone to her face, scanning her emails. “I’ve been
busy. But then again
you
of all people should know that.”

“Look, Addison, I understand that I put you in a difficult
position. But in this line of work one has to be capable of handling her emotions
and putting them aside when the situation calls for it.”

“And?”

“And . . . act like an adult about it.”

Addie dropped her phone and looked Sondra dead in the eye. “Look.
I completed the session. I did what you wanted. I followed
your
rules.
I’m not sure why you’re here. Am I missing something?”

Sondra folded her arms and thought carefully about what to say
next. “I’m here because you wouldn’t take my calls. You were fantastic,
Addison. You pulled it off. He wants to see you again. Tonight.”

Addie’s eyes grew wide. She clenched her jaw. She was
this
close to losing her shit. “Fuck you, Sondra. I agreed to six clients. Not seven.
So tell me, are YOU trying to break contract? Because I dare you. Hell I
beg
you. Just try me.

“Addison, he asked to see you from here on out. Said he felt a
connection that he’d never felt before. This is HUGE! Don’t you have anything
to say? Aren’t there any questions you want to ask?”

“No.” Addie replied.

She stood, suddenly changing her mind, and walked towards Sondra,
her face growing hot. “Well, actually, there is. How could you?” Addie stuck
her finger in Sondra’s face, forcing her backward. “I have bent over backward
for you . . . for this agency. And you throw me under the bus? Just like that?
You could’ve told me. You could’ve warned me! Months ago! You know—said
something along the lines of stay away from that one. He’s trouble. You’ll fall
in love. Only he won’t love you back. BECAUSE HE CAN”T!” She had Sondra backed
into a corner. Addie wiped the angry tears from her eyes and looked Sondra up
and down with disgust.

A smile played at Sondra’s lips. Addie realized she wasn’t worth
it. Clearly, she enjoyed the sick games she played.

“I didn’t need to warn you, Addison. You weren’t the one I was
worried about, because you’re stronger than you think. And you were seeing my
star client. You were helping him. That’s why I chose you for Seven. You have
the ability to connect with people on a level I’ve never seen. You draw them in
and hold them captive. You helped William on both a personal level and as his
Mistress. Look, I know I fucked up by not telling you beforehand, but I needed
you to understand. I needed you to see for yourself.”

Addie cocked her head to the side, her face twisted in disgust.
“What is there to understand?”

Sondra sighed, wondering whether she should tell Addie the truth.
In the end, figuring it was
now or never.
“Fifteen years ago, William
Hartman became my first client. It didn’t start out that way. We were . . . together
. . . sexually. He was different then, Addison. A different man than the
William you know. He was strictly dominant. He wouldn’t even allow me to touch
him . . . during the act. He couldn’t make eye contact or speak so long as he
was undressed. He was rough, abusive even. And I had been dominant my whole
life, so, as you can imagine, the two didn’t go over too well. Things were . .
. pretty intense. At the time, I had just started to get into BSDM. Anyway, to
make a long story short, you could say that I made it my personal mission to ‘turn’
him. The surprising thing was that my forcing him to submit opened him up. He
enjoyed it and eventually it helped him talk about what had happened to him as
a child. We decided that since I’d helped him, maybe I could help others. And
that’s how Seven was born. William is the financial backer and part owner. But
if he knew—had any inkling at all that you were involved—well it would be the
end of it. Probably the end of me, too. He loves you, Addison. He told me as
much. And he’s lost without you. It wasn’t fair to either of you, really. You
needed to know. You needed to see the truth. The truth is that it is possible for
people like William to love, but it’s
because
of Seven. It’s because of
the work that we do there.”

Addie felt sick. “What is it that you’re asking me, Sondra?
Because I’m not going to keep lying to him.”

“I understand. But what I’m saying is that if you’re going to cut
William out of your personal life, then fine. But don’t cut him out as your
submissive. He’s too weak right now. He has come so far and he’s still fragile.
William is a dear friend. And I care about him.”

Addie was furious. The worst part was that she wasn’t sure
whether it had to do with what Sondra was asking her or whether it was
picturing the two of them together that infuriated her the most.

She stood, walked to the door, and opened it. “I have nothing
left to say. Please leave.”

Sondra didn’t budge. “Addison, I understand that you’re upset.
And this is probably a lot for you to take in. But please do consider what I’ve
said. Just take some time and let it sink in, ok?”

Addie didn’t need time. She already knew what she had to do. She
motioned Sondra towards the door with a wry smile. “Tell Mr. Hartman his
Mistress will see him this evening.”

Sondra looked stunned. “So we agree? Are you sure, Addison? I
need you to be sure because you cannot mess this up. It’ll only set him back in
his treatment.”

Addie looked her straight in the eye. “I’ve never been more
certain in my life.”

Knowing she had a lot to do between now and the time
she saw William later that evening, Addie hurried from one interview to next.
She was anxious but excited, too. Having finally made a decision about the
direction her life was taking, she felt good about moving forward.

With a few minutes to spare before her last interview of the day,
Addie dialed Patrick’s cellphone. When he didn’t pick up, she left a message
explaining that she was taking the boys to the beach for a few days,
specifically that they were leaving this evening, and that she would call him
when they got back. The last thing she wanted was for him to fly home once he’d
received the paperwork: the paperwork that would legally separate the two of
them. Addie hadn’t yet decided whether or not she’d file for divorce, but
filing for legal separation wouldn’t hurt, given the fact that he was already
halfway across the world. If Patrick didn’t want to be a husband or a father,
it was high time he admitted it. Addie knew exactly what she was doing. She was
giving him an out.

Thankfully, understanding why Addie needed to get away, Jessica
had been than more than happy to loan Addie her family’s beach house located on
South Padre Island.
God, she was so grateful for Jessica, especially, these
past few weeks
. Jessica had always been an amazingly loyal friend. Addie
could tell her anything and Jessica would listen, usually offering advice that
made Addie laugh. She was always there for her no matter what. And while
Jessica threatened to write it all down, swearing that it made great material for
her first bestseller, Addie knew her secrets were safe. Because if nothing
else, Jessica would at least give Addie the courtesy of changing her name.

Addie made a few stops for supplies before heading to her final
interview of the day. It was located on a rural route, and even though she’d
checked her map and the directions several times, she couldn’t find the
location of the estate. Not knowing the area, she quickly found herself lost.
She pulled up Google Maps on her phone, but being out in the middle of nowhere,
her Internet wasn’t loading. Frustrated that she was going to be late, she
called her assistant. When her assistant failed to pick up, Addie left her a
message explaining that she was lost, gave her the address she needed to find,
and asked her to call her back ASAP. Finally, out of options and running late,
Addie called her potential client and explained that she was lost.
Here’s to
hoping they’d appreciate her honesty and forgive her tardiness and bad sense of
direction
. And although Addie was embarrassed, she was incredibly grateful
when the man insisted on to coming to get her, allowing her to follow him back
to the estate.

Addie checked her appearance in the review mirror and suddenly
regretted having dressed so casually. She ran her fingers through her hair and
was reapplying her lipstick as the black truck pulled up beside her. She smiled
at the driver and he smiled back. The man in the driver seat looked familiar.
Addie was certain she’d met him before. As she rolled down her window, she
racked her brain trying to a put a name to his face. The man extended his hand.
It was as Addie reached out to shake it that she noticed the look in his eye
and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She attempted to recoil her
hand, but her attempt was a just few seconds too late. She felt the jab as
something cold and sharp pierced her skin. Unfortunately, that would be the
last conscious thought Addie would have over the next forty-eight hours.