Before I Let Go (21 page)

“Well, it’s no sense in you sitting in the house moping around and contemplating over that shit.” Nate went on: “You got to keep on movin’. She’s the one that’s trying hard to win your ass back. You can’t shed no tears or waste no time on some booty that you’ve already had.”

“Believe me, I definitely haven’t been moping at all,” Brendan said, with a self-assured attitude that aroused Nate’s curiosity.

“Oh yeah, what, you got yourself a new bunny?” Nate asked.

“Not really new, but I guess…” Brendan paused. “Nah, never mind. I ain’t saying anything to your ass. You can’t keep a damned thing to yourself.” Brendan was right. Nate could do a lot of things, but keeping a secret, or rather someone else’s secret, wasn’t one of them.

“What, nigga? Who am I gonna tell?” Nate asked, trying to gain Brendan’s confidence.

“For starters, Cory. Then you’ll probably tell both India and Sahleen, maybe Kim if you bump into her, and of course she’ll tell Trina whenever she does her hair. Let me see who else.”

Nate huffed, “Aw man, cut that shit out. You know you are being petty, man.” Nate wasn’t finished. “C’mon now, what is it?”

“Okay, okay. Stop whining. But I’m telling you, Nate, if this shit comes back to me, that’s your ass,” Brendan shot out.

“All right, all right,” Nate said, as if Brendan was killing him. He knew why, and he knew he deserved it. Nate had carelessly and sometimes purposely let a few of Brendan’s confidences slip down the drain.

“Well, just listen then,” Brendan started off. “You remember that night when I was over your crib and Laney called me, and I told her to come over to your spot.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, I knew that she was going to call me that night. We had spoken earlier in the day and I agreed to get together with her. I just didn’t want to do it over here.”

“Why not?”

“Because I couldn’t,” Brendan offered, waiting for Nate to figure it out.

“What the hell do you mean, you couldn’t? Was Laney banned from over there or something?”

“Well.” Brendan breathed in deep. “Let me just say that, due to changes in the situation over here it wouldn’t have been cool for me to bring any other ladies to the house.”

Nate paused, and so did Brendan. Then Nate blurted out, “What? Are you fucking Renee or something?”

“Why do you got to say it like that?” Brendan asked, sounding slightly offended.

“Are you for real, B? Say honest to God!” Nate burst into laughter. “My nigga. You finally hit that ass,” Nate screamed. He kept saying it over and over, as if Brendan had hit the lottery. “You finally hit that ass. You finally hit that ass.”

Brendan interrupted. “Man, chill with that shit.”

“I’ll be damned. You finally hit that ass.”

“Bye, man.”

“Nah, I’m straight. So what’s up? How was it? Wasn’t it like incest, though?” He added, “You two are super tight. I know that shit had to be weird.”

“Kind of,” Brendan said.

“Hell, I know. I fucked one of my cousins at a family reunion one time. That shit was wild. She was like a third or fourth cousin, though.”

“You know, you got issues,” Brendan said.

Nate changed the subject back. “So when did this thing with Renee go down?”

“On my birthday, that night after I left you all.”

“So it just happened that one night?” Nate asked excitedly.

“Nah. It happened like every night for a few, and when she was on her period…but even on those nights…never mind.” Brendan caught himself.

“She gave you some head? Damn. I know she broke you off some head.”

“Anyway.
This
is going to be the first night that I’m going to be sleeping in my own bed.”

“Why
tonight
?” Nate asked.

“We had a little falling-out. Laney messed around and popped up over here unannounced and brought me a package. We had just finished getting our groove on. Renee was mad because I didn’t go off on Laney for coming over. Plus, she didn’t know that me and Laney had started speaking again.”

“So are you and Renee supposed to be
together
or what?”

“We haven’t discussed all of that. But we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately. Much more than usual. Plus, like I said, we’ve been sleeping in her bed together every night. I guess she just assumed that we were doing something.”

“Well, did you ever tell her that…you know…that she was your girl or something?”

“We never actually discussed it, but any decent woman will assume that if you are you coming home to their house and sleeping in their bed, you know, and having sex with them every night.”

“Not necessarily,” Nate checked him. “Not necessarily. Some women don’t want the relationship. Did you have ‘the talk’?”

“We had it today after Laney left,” Brendan said, sounding dejected.

“And now your ass is sleeping in your own bed,” Nate laughed out. “Enough said.”

Nate laughed some more. “That’s why you have to avoid ‘the talk,’ my man, at all cost. At all cost. Never discuss with them today what you can put off indefinitely. That’s what my uncle Miles used to tell me.”

“Your uncle has been married for a while now, right?” Brendan asked.

“Yeah. Ten years to his third wife.” Nate laughed out. “But he says that the third is going to be the one that lasts.” After a brief silence, Nate added, “You know how he says he knows for sure?”

“How?”

“He said that he used to have ‘the talk’ all of the time with his first two wives, but he said he ain’t never having it with this one.”

“So what does he do when shit hits the fan and she wants to talk things out?” Brendan asked.

“He said that he just tells her that actions speak louder than words, which is true. Then, he said, he taps that ass.”

“Yeah, I guess that could be true.” Brendan thought about how he had been acting lately. He wondered what his actions had been telling Renee, by having sex with her almost every night. Had he in fact stooped so low as to use his best friend? If so, were he becoming more like Nate than he would have ever suspected possible? “I guess it definitely is,” Brendan repeated, referring to the actions-speaking-louder-than-words statement Nate had quoted from his uncle Miles.

Brendan tapped the remote in his hand and came to the heartfelt conclusion that he needed to go upstairs and have another talk with Renee and really set things straight. He needed to be honest with her about every feeling and emotion he’d been experiencing since they had first fallen into bed that night. He knew that if he approached Renee with honesty that the two of them would be able to work things out. They always had before. With that, he closed his conversation with Nate and headed upstairs. To talk.

T
here was a band playing and about half of the three hundred people in attendance were on the dance floor. Everyone was dressed spectacularly and seemed to be enjoying themselves. Chad’s first-year anniversary party was a big deal around PSC. They had rented out the West Ballroom of downtown Atlanta’s Peachtree Plaza Hotel. His wife’s family was from old Georgia money and had no doubt sprung for the affair. Her grandfather was in attendance, and he was the spitting image of the late Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame. I wondered how he felt to be in a room with such a mixed crowd. Not that the crowd was equally split, but it looked as if Chad and his wife, Gillian, had plenty of ethnic friends. Although he looked about eighty years old, he had a wife who looked to be in her late forties tending to his every whim. Most of the people there were coupled up, and I immediately thought about Nina and how she would have enjoyed the trip down. I felt a little guilty when I thought about how I had lied and told her I was in Atlanta for Chad’s wedding, which actually had taken place the previous year. There was no way that I would ever get caught, though. I knew that as long as you base your lies loosely on the truth, you could usually pull them off. Even though I had told her more than my fair share, I didn’t ever want to get into the habit of lying to Nina. The relationship that we were building was growing more important to me each day.

I sipped my glass of wine while I sat at a table with a few of my former coworkers. It had been more than five months since I had seen them all, and while I was enjoying their company, I still couldn’t truly say that I missed too many of them. Not that they weren’t good folks; it was just that the people I was currently working with were better folks, not to mention that when you’re running things, people really treat you well. I never took much time to analyze motives at HE. As long as people did what I asked, I couldn’t have cared less why they were attempting to kiss my butt. I did realize, though, that most of the people in my department knew I was responsible for doling out raises and bonuses.

I danced to
a couple of songs with Stacey from customer service after finishing my third glass of wine. When I told her I was about to leave, she asked where I was staying. I lied and told her I was staying at the Omni. I was actually staying right upstairs. I knew Stacey was probably trying to get freaky, but if so she had lost her mind. I didn’t want her when I was working there, so I don’t know why she would have thought she had a chance now.

“Maybe I’ll call you over there later,” she said, as she hugged me good-bye. “Mmm. You smell nice, Cory.”

“Okay, you do that.” As I walked away I thought,
Did I say the Omni? I meant the Peachtree.

I headed out
of the ballroom after giving Chad and Gillian my congratulations. Chad thanked me for coming and said he was ready to leave as well. They were taking a second honeymoon to Rio de Janeiro, and he said that they both needed some rest. We laughed for a minute about the Braves and their chances of getting back to the World Series. He walked me to the entrance of the ballroom and asked me to consider him for any openings that HE might have that he would be qualified for. I told him, sure. I was surprised at his request, but then, everyone longs for a change from time to time, as long as it is for the better. We shook hands a final time, and I headed for the front desk.

“Any messages for
Dandridge in 1718?” I asked the front-desk clerk.

“Yes sir, you have two messages.” She pulled two pink “while you were out” slips out of a drawer. “And a lady dropped this off for you.” She handed me an envelope. “You can ignore the message light on your phone now. The lady insisted that I make sure that you get this, so I left an urgent message flash on your phone.”

“Thanks,” I said, as I turned and walked toward the elevator.

I looked at the messages. “Call Nina if you get in before eleven. No emergency.” And “Darlene, call me at 770-555-1329 when you get in,” I read out loud. As I left the lobby my mind was filling with thoughts of the fun I had had with Darlene during the time I had lived in Atlanta. I thought back on the night she had picked me up from my apartment in her Falcons cheerleader uniform, ready to do some role playing in the back seat of my car. A man may not want to marry a freak, but he never forgets one.

I entered the
room and instinctively turned on the TV and called Nina back. “Hey, baby,” I said.

“This is Tory, not Nina.” My niece laughed into the line.

“I know who it is. You’re my baby too, right?” I asked.

She giggled some more. “I guess.”

“You guess nothing. You won’t be guessing when you want to hit those malls on your birthday next month,” I said sarcastically. “Where’s Nina?”

“She’s asleep. She said to tell you she waited up as long as she could, but she took some medicine for her allergies, and it made her drowsy.”

“Okay. What are you guys doing?”

“I’m watching
The Fast and the Furious
, and Kyle is in the other bedroom playing with his Xbox,” she said.

“Well, tell Nina I called and that I’ll call her tomorrow to let her know what time to pick me up from the airport.”

“All right. Good night, Uncle Cory.”

“Night, baby.”

I kicked my shoes off and settled onto the bed. I started to call Darlene back, but I decided to open the envelope. I suspected that it was from Paula, but she had been supposed to meet me here at ten-thirty. It was almost eleven. Why in the world had she come all the way over here to bring a damned letter and not wait to see me? I was about to find out. I ripped open the envelope and began to read.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” I said aloud. No one was listening except for Stuart Scott and Dan Patrick as they introduced the eleven o’clock edition of Sports Center on ESPN. “Ain’t that a bitch?” My head was shaking in disgust. I felt like trashing the letter, but I felt compelled to read it once more. “After all the things that she had told me over the years, all of it bullshit.” I walked to the thermostat because it was getting stuffy in the room.

She had gotten back with him. I know that I should have expected that she would. Paula never did seem to be the type to stand on her own two feet. She probably never really even knew what she wanted, just took whatever was convenient for the moment. “Stinking bitch,” I said out loud. I wondered what would’ve happened if I had come down here to ask her to be with me or to tell her that I still loved her and wanted her back? I’d have been shit out of luck, that’s what. Would she have been worried about my feelings? She sure didn’t hesitate to tell me how great things are going for her and her limp-dick husband. I know that she’s missing this sex, and I hope…I caught myself and spoke aloud. “Let me get ahold of myself. Why am I so pissed off? It’s not like I don’t have someone. And of course I did come down here only to be with her one last time.” I began talking to myself inside of my head to calm down.

I reasoned that everything was fine when I had dumped her, but now that Paula had picked up the pieces and moved on, I was upset.
Cory,
I said to myself,
that isn’t right
. I was right, as usual, and tried to change my entire train of thought. Good for her and her simple-assed husband. The hell with the both of them. I have something prettier, younger, and…I couldn’t actually say smarter. Paula was damn near a genius. I couldn’t say better in bed either. Paula was the bomb between the sheets, totally uninhibited. Nina was still learning, but then, she was only twenty-five. Why was I comparing my baby to some married chick, anyway? Nina had integrity, more than Paula probably ever would. Paula had probably decided to fuck around at the first hint of unhappiness. I doubt if I was the first, although I had never asked. She had never volunteered the information either. When I thought about all of the things I was feeling, I felt stupid. Why had I even allowed myself to get all worked up? Paula was back with Marvin. Fine. She wasn’t coming tonight. Fine. I had someone better any damned way.

I usually wasn’t one to use alcohol to calm my nerves, but I found myself craving a shot of something strong. I was still reeling a bit from the letter. I drank down the first of the miniatures I’d purchased on the plane in hopes of dulling the sting of my wounded pride.
I’m not in love with Paula; I’m in love with Nina,
I kept repeating, in hopes of putting my feelings into perspective. Then I prepared to do the only thing I imagined I could do in order to take my mind off Paula.

I picked up the phone and dialed Darlene’s cell number. She didn’t pick up, so I left a message. I flipped the channel to see what movies were on the hotel cable and got up to fix myself a drink. I reached into my garment bag and pulled out the rest of the whiskey and vodka miniatures I had purchased a on the plane. The four bucks a shot on the plane was still cheaper than what the hotel charged for the stuff they stocked in the cabinet. I hated popping the little plastic seal on the cabinet and paying two dollars for a bag of chips or three dollars for a bottle of Veryfine cranberry juice, but I did just that. I wasn’t about to drink the shots of Absolut straight, though I could have. If I left the room to go find a vending machine (which they probably didn’t have, so that they could force you to buy up everything in the cabinet during your stay), I might have missed Darlene returning my call.

I had just finished my first drink when the phone rang. “Hello,” I answered.

“Cory. What’s up, baby?” Darlene’s voice crackled through the line. She was on a cellphone.

“Not much. Thinking about you,” I offered, in my smoothest tone. “What are you getting into tonight?”