Before I Wake (3 page)

The lawyer that Mr. Locklear sent me to was real smart. I told him I couldn’t let Michael go to that institution. He said I’d need permission from Michael’s legal guardians or permission from Michael himself since he was twenty-one. He said the hand squeezing was good, but in order for it to count Michael needed to be able to sign his name.

I knew Michael’s horrible parents wouldn’t let me take him. So that left Michael.

That night at work I told Sharon what the lawyer had said. She came in with me to see Michael.

“Michael, it’s Jonesy. The hospital wants to move you to an institution because you have no insurance. But I don’t think it’s a very nice place, and I thought you might like to come home with me instead.”

Squeeze.

“You’d like to come stay at my house? I’d take really good care of you, I promise.”

Squeeze.

Sharon spoke up. “Jonesy talked to a lawyer and he said that we need you to sign your name, pumpkin. Do you think you could do that?”

I felt bad that we had to ask him, because I didn’t want Michael to get upset if he couldn’t. But we had no choice. Michael finally squeezed my hand once.

“Okay. Do you want to try now?”

Squeeze.

“Bless your heart, pumpkin,” Sharon said with a sniffle. She came over with a pad. I raised Michael’s hand off the bed and put the pen in his fingers while she tried to hold the pad steady. Michael weakly gripped the pen. He managed two scribbles on the paper before his hand dropped, shaking.

“That’s real good for your first try!” Sharon said. “Don’t worry, we’ve got almost a week to practice, and God knows Jonesy here is as stubborn as they come.”

***

It was a Tuesday morning when they came in -- the hospital director, the hospital’s lawyer, Michael’s doctor, and my lawyer. Sharon had stayed past her own shift to support me, which was real nice of her.

The two lawyers talked and then the doctor took Michael’s hand and asked him if he wanted to live with me or go to a nice care facility with doctors. He must have asked him twenty times. I could count the squeezes and I knew Michael said me every time. I was getting worried that Michael would become exhausted and fall asleep before he could sign. Finally they brought out the form and Michael signed it, without ever opening his eyes, very slowly and very carefully.

I looked at the form before they took it away. You could read the word ‘Michael’ even if it was shaky. I was so proud of him I cried. The doctor looked annoyed, but I don’t think the director cared as long as he got Michael out of his hospital. My lawyer promised him there couldn’t be a lawsuit since Michael had signed the form.

After they left I hugged Michael and told him we were going home.

***

Sharon came over to help me get Michael settled. She kept looking around the house with wide eyes. “You’re a dark horse, aren’t you, Jonesy?”

I didn’t know what she meant so I shrugged.

“Why do you suppose Michael doesn’t open his eyes?” I asked. “I mean, if he’s awake enough to understand what we say and squeeze my hand?”

“I don’t know, Jonesy. Maybe he’s still trying to make up his mind if he really wants to come back or not. Sometimes people give up on life. They decide to let go.”

“But if Michael wanted to die he could have already.”

“I don’t know, Jonesy. But I tell you what, I didn’t much like the look of those parents of his, then the poor boy gets himself beaten nearly to death by some ignoramus. I’m not sure I’d be racing back to life, either.”

“Michael wants to live,” I said firmly.

“Jonesy.” Sharon put her arm around my shoulder, which was funny because she had to stand on tiptoe. “You know if that boy does wake up, he’s gonna want to go off and live his own life.”

“Sure.”

“So don’t you go getting too attached to him and letting that big, soft heart of yours get broken. Remember, he’s not yours, he’s his own person.”

“He’s not mine,” I said, knowing it was true no matter how much I wished it wasn’t.

~9~

Michael

I could see Jonesy now. I knew that in some other reality we were at Jonesy’s house. I couldn’t see it, but the dungeon felt warmer and the light was brighter. The big difference, though, was Jonesy himself.

He was tall and big and wore a suit of armor that looked like a Gondor knight. But he didn’t wear a helmet and I could see his face. His hair was short and he had brown eyes and a kind face, even though it was a bit lumpy and rough. He glowed and I could see through him, but he was there.

The weirdest thing was, the Jonesy I saw never opened his mouth, even though I could hear him talking and talking all the time. Still, he was beside me in the dungeon, and that made me feel
so
much better. The shadows hardly ever came out anymore.

I loved Jonesy. He was really funny and sweet. I didn’t understand where he came from, because I couldn’t remember knowing him before the hospital. But there was a period I’d forgotten, so maybe I met him then.

Maybe Jonesy was my boyfriend? That would be amazing.

When I felt his hand in mine, that was the best. My hand glowed bright when he held it. When I looked down at myself in the dungeon, more of me was glowing now -- my legs and feet where he massaged me. And even my dick. I think I got hard when he washed me and sometimes when he just held my hand, but nothing seemed to happen with it, more’s the pity. Anyway, my whole hip/dick area glowed now. The only part of me that wasn’t glowing was the area from just below my ribs up to my chin. I didn’t know why.

When Jonesy was with me in the dungeon, sometimes we entered a room I’d never seen before. There was a door in the wall, and it had a green light around the sides and top. Jonesy looked at me and at the door like he wanted me to do something. But I couldn’t, because the door was crawling with black snakes. God, I hated snakes. At first, I couldn’t even be in the same room as the door. But the snakes never came off of it, so after a while I was able to stand on the other side of the room at look at them.

The snakes were cold and slimy and they writhed all over each other. It was just disgusting. I had a weird idea that all the shadows that used to be in the dungeon turned into snakes and were now on this door.

I think Jonesy wanted me to open the door. And I thought maybe, if I did, I could find him for real.
But.
Snakes.

Why did it have to be snakes?

~10~

Michael was responsive for longer and longer periods. It was so great having him in the old pile. It was just me and him, and I felt so much more relaxed. I think Michael did too. How he could be more relaxed than laying in a bed with his eyes closed, I couldn’t really say. Maybe it was just a funny idea of mine.

“Sharon says maybe you haven’t fully woken up because you’re not sure if you want to live,” I told him. “I don’t blame you. It’s terrible that someone beat you up like that. You must have been so scared.”

“Maybe you don’t want to come back because you don’t want to be hurt again. Or maybe you don’t think it’s right that you like men. There’s nothing wrong with it. I like men, too, and my Aunt Dee told me I was born like that, and that if everyone were the same it would be like a diet of Twinkies.”

“I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you, so it’s safe to open your eyes. Besides, it’s almost March and soon it’ll be spring. It’s beautiful here then. There’s a big garden with all kinds of flowers. There’s a whole row of pink azaleas that bloom in April and in front of them are yellow daffodils. You’ll want to see that.”

“It’s a lot to take care of, but I don’t mind. If you’re better when spring comes, I can take you outside and you can sit in the sun and watch me work. You’d find that funny, wouldn’t you? Watching me sweat my behind off. It’d feel good sitting in the sun. I’ll make us cold lemonade. My Aunt Dee’s recipe is real good. It’s made with lots of lemons and brown sugar. Not too much sugar, though. You need to be able to taste the lemons.”

Michael squeezed my hand.

“Does that sound good? I tell you what, when you open your eyes I’ll make you a big pitcher of that lemonade. Even if it’s still winter. Even if it’s in the middle of the night!”

Squeeze.

“Okay, then. It’s a deal.”

~11~

One day when Michael had been living with me for almost a month, he got hard again while I washed him. I took his hand. I’d been thinking about it a lot, because it happened now more often than not. For a long time I ignored it, but then I started feeling sorry for Michael because he couldn’t touch himself. His hands could squeeze mine but his arms didn’t move much. I had to be sure.

“Do you want me to take care of that for you?” I asked nervously.

He squeezed my fingers real quick and as hard as he’d ever squeezed them. I dunno, it made me laugh.

“A big yes, huh? Are you sure? ‘Cause I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

He squeezed me hard again.
Yes.

“Maybe I should have you sign a form or something.” I was teasing him. I think he liked that. He squeezed my hand twice real fast, and I could swear I saw the corner of his mouth tilt up.

“Okay,” I said. My mouth was suddenly like cotton.

I used lotion and I stroked his dick until he came. It didn’t take long ‘cause it had been awhile for him. Just touching him like that was so hot. I nearly came when he did.

“That was real sexy. You’re beautiful, Michael.” My voice was shaky as I cleaned him up.

Then Michael did something he’d never done before. He reached up his fingers for me. I took his hand and he tapped my palm --
you
.

I stood there in shock. “You want to feel me too?” I whispered.

Squeeze.

“That’s not... Are you sure?”

Squeeze.

Maybe it was wrong. But by then I’d spent so much time with Michael. There was something between us, even if I wasn’t sure what it was. I loved him. But I knew it wasn’t fair to ask anything from him when he needed all his strength just to heal.

I pulled back the covers and took off my pants. I got on the bed. I pulled up Michael’s gown so he could feel me and I brought his hand over to rest on my hip. I put my face in his neck and touched myself, putting my hand and my dick against his side so he could feel me doing it. Michael squeezed my hip. I knew he understood what was going on.

It was amazing to be with him, even like that. I could burst for loving him. When I was done, I cleaned myself up and pulled him to me, holding him and taking his hand in mine. I felt something wet on my face. Michael was crying.

“I’m sorry. Are you upset that I did that?” I asked, feeling terrible.

Squeeze, squeeze.

I thought about it. “Are you crying because you wish we could do it more normal like?”

Squeeze.

“It’s okay, Michael. You’re getting better all the time. We will one day if you want. You’ll see.”

Michael let his head fall back on the pillow. I looked down at his face. He seemed to be waiting for something so I kissed him. He kissed me back, moving his tongue slowly and sucking a little. I thought my heart would pound itself to death from happiness. I broke away.

“You’re going to wake up soon,” I choked out. “And if you want to go live your own life, that’s okay. That’s what you should do, because you’re perfect and beautiful. But I love you, Michael. So, you know, you have a home here with me as long as you want one. And you don’t have to worry about anything, I promise.”

~12~

Michael

I stood in front of the door with the snakes and the green light. Jonesy was with me. I looked down and noticed that my chest was now glowing, just like the rest of me.

Jonesy loved me. I looked at him.

“If I go through that door, can I hold you? Really hold you?” I asked him.

He squeezed my hand once.
Yes.

“And you promise it’ll be all right?”

Squeeze.

“We’ll sit in the garden in the sun and have lemonade,” I said. “And when I’m better we’ll make love, and no one can tell us what to do because we’ll be safe at your house, right? And besides, you’ll get all big and bad ass if they try, won’t you?”

Squeeze.
Jonesy smiled. It was a beautiful smile.

“Do you really want me to come?”

Squeeze.

“Okay.”

I steeled myself. God, I hated snakes, but they didn’t look as real as they once had, or as big. I reached for the door handle and they slithered away.

***

Jonesy

I fell asleep in the chair next to Michael’s bed. When I opened my eyes, bright sunlight was coming in through the window. Outside, the ice on the branch of the big oak tree was melting
drip, drip
. I turned to look at Michael -- and stared into big gray eyes.

They were so beautiful, so clear and loving, that I felt my face crack trying to smile and cry at the sa
me time.

“Michael,” I said. It came out all funny sounding.

“Jonesy.” His voice was raspy.

Then Michael smiled.

END.

Before I Wake

Copyright © 2013 by Eli Easton

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Printed in the United States of America.

Torquere Press, Inc.: Sips electronic edition / April 2013

Torquere Press eBooks are published by Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680